by A. M. Brooks
“This is great!” Olivia announces when she sees us. We take pictures and three shots of vodka later I’m on their level.
“Dance time!” Lily yells. We follow her to the floor. Trent hangs back and talks with some of the guys he knows from class. I wave from the dance floor and he salutes me with his glass, smiling. I haven’t left him all night and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. Lily wraps her arms around my neck and brings her mouth to my ear.
“I hate him,” she says. It doesn’t take a lucky guess to know who she means. I search the room until I find Ethan in the opposite corner with Elijah and Tara. A group of girls surrounds him while he flirts with them all.
“He is Batman,” I tell her, the alcohol hitting my system gives me the giggles.
“Shut up!” She laughs with me. “I’m so sick of him.” She flicks a single tear from her cheek. I know she isn’t. I also know he’s not over her, but it’s not my place to berate him about why he’s doing this.
Behind Lily, I notice Jon, a guy in a couple of Lily’s classes. He hardly talks, but I’ve seen him looking at her with curiosity. I move her backward until she bumps into him. Hopefully she’ll thank me later. Ethan needs a wakeup call.
I watch as she apologizes to him. Their heads are bent toward each other before they start dancing. “Phase one complete,” I mutter to myself before weaving my way over to the corner by the twins. Ethan stops talking when I get closer. A real smile cracks his face and he pulls me into a hug. “No way.” He laughs. “Glad you made it, Sutton. Elijah said you were here, but I wouldn’t believe it ‘til I saw it.”
“Yup,” I smile, feeling shy for some reason. “I made it.”
“Nice.” I see him scan the crowd behind me with a quick flick of his eyes. His body goes rigid and I smirk. I look over my shoulder and see my other best friend dirty dancing with Jon. Phase two complete.
“She looks hot,” I tell Ethan and don’t miss the snicker from Elijah. Ethan doesn’t respond, just shakes his head. “Shot?” he offers before tipping the bottle in my direction. I take it from him and take a pull. “Easy, girl,” he laughs.
I dance some more, find Ethan and take a pull, then dance again. Sometimes I dance by myself and sometimes I dance with the girls. I’m relaxed and in an element I haven’t been in for a long time. I feel safe and comfortable. Logically I know it’s the booze causing the warm and fuzzies, but I don’t care. I lost Trent a while ago. I should look for him, but he knows where I am. I’ve literally been dancing since we arrived. I’m sandwiched between Lily and Olivia when I notice Ethan is on the phone across the room. We make eye contact. I know who he’s talking to. For once, I believed they would actually follow through with their promises. Dread fills my chest and my eyes swing around the room, seeking him out. I can’t find him which just makes me sad and angry at the same time. Irritated, I detach from the girls while I corner Ethan again.
“You okay? Nora?” he asks. I smirk. He knows why I’m over here.
“Where is he?” I question, looking around again. Usually I feel the change in the room when he’s around. The energy that pulls me to him isn’t present.
“I told you.” Ethan shakes his head, a concerned expression on his face. “He’s not in here.”
“Where is he, Ethan,” I demand this time. I’m buzzed and I want to see him. I’m ready to give him a piece of my mind for all his head games and fuck-ups. Liquid courage at its finest.
“He’s not in here.” Ethan’s head tilts to the side, clearly enjoying my puzzlement.
“Not in here,” I repeat back. “But he’s here.”
Ethan shrugs. “He’s working sort of.”
“Tell me where.” I catch his eyes as uncertainty passes over his face.
“What about Trent?” he asks and it’s my turn to look guilty. I grimace.
“Where?” I say one more time. My voice is lowered, but I know he heard me.
He lifts his cup to his mouth, taking a sip. “Outside.”
I plunge into the crowd before I can change my mind. Shouldering my way toward the side door, I find Trent in the kitchen playing beer pong. I stare at him for a few minutes, hoping he’ll feel me, look at me, and I won’t do what I’m about to. Trent doesn’t lift his head once or look away from the game. Guilt slams into me as I speed walk to the front door, but I shake it away. Maybe if I get closure, it will be easier to move on. Maybe if I can lay to bed all the torment in my heart, I can finally find peace in the chaos.
My boots thud against the pavement as I walk with a new purpose. Alcohol sings in my veins and it’s easier to ignore the slight chill outside. I don’t even reach the gates before his tall figure steps toward me out of the shadows. My eyes wander over him. Dressed all in black, Nike sweats and zip-up jacket Darrian King is a sight to see.
“Where’s your costume?” I ask once we’re toe-to-toe.
“I’m wearing it,” he replies.
“Bank robber?” I joke.
“Nope, broken-hearted boyfriend,” he answers without missing a beat.
“You’re hardly broken-hearted,” I respond without meeting his gaze.
“How would you know?” he asks, leaning down so we’re eye level.
“Because you don’t do the boyfriend thing,” I hiss his own words back at him. He grins like I just gave him the key to the holy land.
“I would if you’re volunteering,” he smirks, dragging his long finger from my temple, along my jaw until he reaches the small point of my chin.
“Not a chance,” I answer with a bravado I no longer feel. Actually I’m starting to feel very sober with Darrian in front of me.
“Where’s your date?” he asks. He knows I’m there with Trent, but I came outside to find him instead.
“Waiting for me,” I say anyway. I want him to hurt like he hurt me.
“Why are you out here then?” he asks me.
“Why are you?” Nice one, I mentally punish myself. He gave me the perfect opportunity and I chickened out. Inside, without him breathing the same air as me, I had pumped myself up. In front of him, his eyes staring me down, I feel inadequate. He keeps saying he’ll talk to me when I’m ready but what if it’s all lies.
“Trent text and said you thought you were being watched at the movie. When Elijah said you were at the party, I decided to do some surveillance.” He lifts his shoulders.
“No one followed us?” I ask. It made sense since he can’t actually be in the party.
“Not that I’ve seen,” he replies. Silence falls between us while I wrap my head around what he said.
“Nora,” he calls my name softly.
My head tilts back until my eyes meet his.
“Why are you out here?”
“I want to know why?” I respond, finally asking the question I’ve been dying inside to know since the day I left. The visions will forever be seared into my brain. Them naked together. Her smile because she thought she had what was mine. After all this time, I just want to know why. Why me? Why her? Why does it hurt so much when I knew from the beginning it wouldn’t end well? Darrian told me not to have any expectations and I didn’t listen. I let myself fall for the most unavailable guy out there.
Beneath his dark skin, his face pales. He knows what I’m asking. Pain flashes over his face. His thumb flicks over his lip ring while he studies me. “I needed the quickest, most efficient way to hurt you and drive you away,” he answers, not holding back. His voice like gravel, like he’s physically hurting. Each word is a physical hit my body takes.
“Well, it worked,” I reply. Tears are on the brim of spilling over, but I blink them back. “Why her?”
He sighs. “It didn’t really matter who it was. She was just there. I didn’t really think that through, what that would mean to you when she was your friend.”
“She’s not my friend,” I grit out between my teeth.
“Good,” he replies. “You didn’t deserve any of that, Nora. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t.
I’m sorry, baby.”
“I don’t understand why you did it all! Why? Because my father supposedly stole money from your father? Because he wanted to run us out of town? Where was my benefit of the doubt? You didn’t even talk to me! I had no idea what even happened ‘til I got home and all my things were being packed away.” My body shakes from the months of pent up anger I’ve been carrying around. The tears run down my face and I can’t find it in myself to give a fuck.
“I know,” he says, his eyes plead with mine to understand. “I know. I should have. I was being pressured by my dad, I was angry, I was resentful because I was giving up drugs for you. That’s what the problem was, Nora, not you. None of what happened was about you. It was me. I was fucked up and you were trying to help, and I hated you for being right. Finding my high was more important than you or us. My dad called during dinner and we set the plan into motion to drive you and your dad out of town. He told me to do whatever it took, and I didn’t care because I would finally get to use again. I finally had an excuse.”
“You lied to me over and over again. You said no secrets, that we would talk so there weren’t misunderstandings.” My throat starts to hurt from the sobs I’m barely containing. I swallow past the ache, continuing to purge the pain from within me. Darrian takes it all. He stands stoically allowing me to keep going.
“I’m sorry, Nora,” he pleads with me. “I would take it back if I could. I don’t like who I was when I was high. I don’t want to ever hurt you again.”
“This hurts me, Darrian!” I fire back at him. “Seeing you, listening to you, remembering you and her together, hurts me!” I push my clenched fist against my heart, trying to stop the painful thuds in my chest.
His hands rub across the sides of his head. He looks defeated. He looks like I’ve looked for the past six months. “I can’t breathe without you, I’m not me without you. You make me want to be a better person. I saw it,” he says.
“Saw what?” I demand.
“When I first got out of the hospital, I was going to say fuck it, she’s gone, she doesn’t care, and just keep going. You weren’t here and I couldn’t call you. I went to one meeting and hated it. Then the next day was graduation and…I saw it…” His words trail off.
“Saw what?” I ask again, completely lost, curiosity getting the best of me.
“You posted a picture of you and Nichols,” he answers. His gaze zones out like he’s right back there again. “It said People who make my heart whole. There was a real smile on your face. One I hadn’t seen in a long-ass time. Not since I made all my problems your problems. Since someone I thought was a friend slipped you laced drugs, since I ran you out of that room, out of the school… fuck, out of town. And some other guy put that smile on your face. It killed me. I wish I could say the accident turned me around, but it was you. It was that picture. I no longer wanted to be sober because I had to, but because I wanted to.”
Once again, Darrian King has left me speechless. His confession wraps around me, bringing another tidal wave of emotion I’m not ready to handle. It’s too much, he’s too much, the feelings between us haven’t died and that scares the shit out of me. I could get lost in him easily. Too bad I can’t trust him.
“I don’t know what to say.” My voice cracks with emotion and I try to rein it in.
“Can you forgive me?” he asks quietly. I shrug. Truthfully, I could forgive him. If I tried hard enough, I could take all his confessions and forgive him. All the Kings thought my father screwed them over until Anders was discovered. I can forgive that. I was there while Darrian used. I saw how he would change. I knew the allure drugs had over him. Addiction is a powerful disease and yet here he is, clean. He is sober and fighting like hell every day to stay that way. I could forgive that. I could forgive him.
“Yes,” I say. My answer hangs between us. Two heartbeats pass before his full lips part into a huge smile when he reaches for me. Instinctually I step back away from him. Confusion masks his face. “I can forgive you, but I don’t trust you, Darrian. Not with my heart. You smashed it to pieces, and I can’t figure out how to put it back together.”
“I’ll put it back together.” He reaches for me again, bringing my body back in closer this time. “Let me keep all the broken pieces. Let me build you something brand new, something that is you and me. I love you, Nora. I’m in love with every piece of you, especially the broken pieces.” He keeps pulling me closer and leans down until his forehead rests on mine.
My eyes close and I concentrate on breathing in and out, but when I do, his scent engulfs me. I can hear the blood rushing in my ears, my heart is beating so fast.
The first touch of his lips against mine is shocking. They’re warm as they gently push against my own. The Chapstick he wears allows them to glide smoothly against mine. His silver hoop digs in when he pulls me closer to him, deepening our kiss and forcing our bodies together. I can feel him everywhere against me, heat races up and down my spine and my mind goes blank. He groans when I push away, needing oxygen. My hand cups my mouth in surprise. I kissed him. I let him kiss me.
“Was I better than Hannah?” I spew the hurtful words at him while guilt prickles my conscience. I let myself down by allowing him to chip at my barriers.
The old Darrian would have thrown hurtful words back at me. I was prepared for the sting, I would even welcome it right now as punishment for letting him kiss me. This Darrian smiles a lopsided grin. “There is no one like you, Nora.”
I move farther away before I can throw myself at him again. He watches me like a hunter with his prey, a cat stalking its mouse, so I do the only thing the prey and the mouse should do…I turn and run back into the house as fast as I can.
“The hell, man,” Ethan says, barging into my room. “When were you going to tell us you were leaving?” I glance up and notice Elijah is also here. He’s a little less worked up than his brother though.
I raise my brow. “Wasn’t aware you owned my dick and I had to tell you everything I do.”
“Give him a break, his panties are in a bind because his girlfriend also is leaving town without telling him,” Elijah answers before taking a drink of the Gatorade in his hand.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” Ethan glares at him. “And that’s not the point. We always spend Thanksgiving together. You should have told us you were leaving.”
“Why?” I ask. “Are you going to come with me?” I deadpan. Thanksgiving is one of Ethan’s favorite holidays, mostly for the Friendsgiving he hosts afterward.
“I don’t know,” he responds, rubbing his temples. “It would have at least been nice to know I had one less mouth to feed though.”
“Three actually,” Elijah reminds him. “Nora and Lily also won’t be there.”
Now it’s my turn to be surprised.
“Why won’t Nora be there?” I question both of them. Ethan’s mouth drops open while Elijah’s smile grows bigger.
“Nora and Lily are spending Thanksgiving in North Carolina with Nora’s family. They’re touring UNC together,” he replies. “You didn’t know?”
My eyes narrow. No, I didn’t know. I didn’t know a damn thing that was going on in her life personally. Nora’s been avoiding me since Halloween, which was almost four weeks ago. I spilled my feelings, she forgave me, I pushed too far, and then she backed off and is giving the ice queen a run for her money since.
“Nah,” I say before shoving more things into my bag.
“God, you both are pathetic,” Elijah scoffs.
“Fucker.” Ethan lobs my basketball at Elijah’s head. “Just because you decided to forgive Tara right away and now everything is picture-perfect for you guys, doesn’t mean the rest of us are okay with things!”
“Great,” Elijah mutters before sending the ball back to Ethan. “This again?”
“Screw you, bro.” Ethan slams the basketball down and sits in his chair.
“No,” Elijah retorts. “Screw you. You’re the only one making this more difficult
on yourself and Lily. That’s not on me or Tara. What happened between us is over and done with. I forgave her, and we moved on. Unless you’d rather be back in that dump? Back getting your ass handed to you every day for no reason, because you stole a Pop-Tart because you’re starving, and your brother’s ribs are showing?”
“Shut up, man,” Ethan eyes his twin. Pain, resentment, confusion passes between them.
“Why? You realize you sound like a whining little pussy? I had four broken ribs, E, when they found me. He used to stand over me and tell me he was going to make it so I couldn’t move while he drowned you because I stole ten dollars so we could eat. So no, I don’t hold it against Tara that she told her mother who called social services and I ended up here,” Elijah says before he gets up and leaves.
Awkward silence fills the room. I barely have a handle on my own issues, the truth about the twins always throws me.
“That’s not just it,” Ethan’s voice scrapes out his throat. “I don’t get how it’s so easy for him to pretend that we’re actually part of this family. We’re not real Kings.”
“E,” I tell him. “You are my family. Blood doesn’t always make you family. I share blood with my father, and I can’t stand him. You may not have been born with the King name, but it’s yours. Ten years have passed, E. If anyone was going to find out already about the adoption, they would have. And who gives a fuck if they do. If Lily really loves you, she won’t care either.”
“I’m scared to tell her,” he finally admits. “Scared for her to know about the people I come from.”
I close my eyes, a tiny piece of my heart breaks for my cousin.
“You’re eighteen, E.” Elijah slides against the door frame he left through previously. “If you need answers, no one can stop you for going back there to get some. I get not feeling whole. I just don’t need to go back there to find myself. If you do, then you should do it.”
“I feel like I’m betraying them then.” He scowls.
“E, they love your ugly ass. They may not be parents of the year, but they care. They aren’t going to feel betrayed. Do what you have to do, man,” I tell him. “But I agree with Elijah, I’m not sorry Tara tore you away from that situation.” He nods, knowing we’re right.