by A. M. Brooks
“Darrian,” Nora says, pulling me back in.
“Hmm?” I murmur.
“Why are we here? Usually this means you want to talk,” she states.
I sigh, still scrambling about the best way to discuss this. I had all day to think of something and nope, still not a clue. “I’m sorry.” I decide to start with my new favorite words.
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Okay. Sorry for what?”
Shit. Fuck. I don’t want to do this. My jaw clenches hard, causing my teeth to grind. She deserves this though. I turn so I’m sitting across from her and lean in to be eye level. “I’m sorry for the dick move I pulled on you last year at the Snowball.” As I say the words, her face visibly falls. The smile turns down and she lowers her eyes so I can no longer tell what she is feeling
“Why are you saying this?” she whispers.
“Because I’m a selfish low life,” I tell her. “I’ve been wanting to really apologize for how I acted that night. I know last year I apologized, and you forgave me, but I know you haven’t forgotten. I was a dick that night. I didn’t deserve to be your date when you looked so beautiful and were so trusting of me. I wish I could go back and change it, but I can’t.”
“Darrian.” She shakes her head. “It’s over and done.”
“I know,” I tell her, using my fingers to cup her chin and raise her head up. I need to see her eyes, for her to see me. “I know. I want you to go with your friends this year. Laugh, dance, have fun. I know this is selfish of me, because I don’t want to ruin your night, but will you see me after the dance?”
She inhales roughly before exhaling. “Where?” she asks and I’m about ready to bow down to this woman with her perfect, forgiving, heart that I don’t deserve.
“I’ll pick you up,” I tell her, skimming my fingers across her cheek and pushing her hair back. She’s soft and warm and good.
“Okay,” she breathes out before leaning into my touch. She has no idea the hold she has on me.
“Thank you,” I say suddenly. Her eyes widen in question. “Thank you for letting your heart trust me again.” I lean in and rest my forehead on hers, breathing in the faint smell of her peach lotion and the sea salt air that clung to her hair.
“Darrian?” she asks.
“Hmm?” I pull back to look at her.
Her eyes mist over, my heart squeezes in response. “Don’t break me again.”
I shake my head and pull her onto my lap. “I won’t. I’m sorry.” I push down the lump in my throat before ripping my chest open and handing her the black and mangled organ inside. “I love you, Nora.”
Please heal me.
Keep me.
Fight for us with me.
Standing in front of the mirror in my room, getting ready for the Snowball with Lily was achingly familiar. No matter how much I try not to think about what happened last year, my anxiety spikes as the clock counts down. Different dress, different date, different me and I still anticipate something bad happening. It’s unbelievably frustrating. I meant everything I said to Darrian the other night. I’m willing to try one more time with him. I honestly believe if we don’t, we will be missing out on something incredible. He’s controlling and can be the biggest asshole, but he’s also caring, protective, and sexy as hell. I take a deep breath in and let it out, sliding my hands along the smooth red material of my dress. I remind myself I need to let the past go if I want to move forward. Not to forget but to learn from the experience. I chose forgiveness.
“Whoa,” Lily says, stepping out of my bathroom, her hair finally in the braid she was trying for. “Darrian is really going to hate himself now.”
“Shut it,” I tell her, fighting a grin. I am looking forward to a night with the girls, but a tiny size part of me does hope Darrian is suffering a little. “Hurry and put your dress on. I want to see what you ordered,” I tell her.
Lily walks excitedly to my bed and picks up the hanger her dress is on. “Hang on.” She turns and dives back into my bathroom. I pick up my phone and snap a quick selfie. Before I can overthink it, I send it to Darrian. It doesn’t take long before the three bubbles appear. My cheeks hurt from smiling as I wait.
Darrian: You’re beautiful
Two words send butterflies soaring through me. My heart flutters and I feel encouraged that I did make the right decision.
“Ta-da,” Lily says, stepping out of the bathroom again. I do a slow clap for my best friend who looks stunning as usual. Both our dresses are designed to mold around us. Mine is blood red while hers is bridal white until below her knees where vibrant purple hues bleed down the material to the ground.
“Very nice,” I tell her.
“We do look fabulous,” she says, flinging her arm around my neck. She pulls out her phone and another round of pictures begins. Lily’s motto this year has been that every moment needs to be captured. “There,” she puts her phone away, finally satisfied. “And just think, these will look great in our dorm room next year!”
I laugh. “Definitely.”
A week after our Thanksgiving visit to UNC, we both received our letters of acceptance. I knew in my heart it was where I wanted to go. Lily surprised me a few days later when she told me she had decided to go with me to UNC over UCLA and NYU. She shrugged it off, but I knew what was guiding her. Ethan. Ethan had been talking about UCLA with Elijah all last year. He then made a quick decision to change to NYU this year. Not surprisingly he had made the change believing Lily was going there. Lily wanted to major in fashion with a business minor after talking with my dad over Thanksgiving. I know she’s avoiding him, and he pretends to avoid her while doing stupid things like switching his college choice to be on her same campus. She begged me not to mention she accepted UNC. It’s a secret I keep from everyone for her. I know what it’s like to want to protect your soul from the clutches of a King.
“Nora!” my dad yells from downstairs. “Liv and Shea are here!”
“Be right there!” I yell back. “Let’s go.” We start shoving all our necessities into a silver clutch. I follow Lily down the stairs. My dad and Jodi are waiting for us with their phones ready as well. Once the four of us are together, Jodi swoops in and admires our dresses and hair. I laugh at how uncomfortable my dad looks standing by himself. I sidestep around my friends and give him a side hug.
“You okay, old man?” I joke.
He rolls his eyes, but I swear they look a little wet. “You look great, kid,” he tells me and gives me a squeeze.
“Okay one group picture before you ladies have to leave,” Jodi calls and points us over to the fireplace. We take more than one group picture before my dad checks his watch. “I think it’s time,” he says.
We make sure we have all we need for the night. I’m looking for my keys since I’m driving when a honk sounds outside.
“What’s that?” my dad asks as confused as I am. I follow behind him when he steps outside. A long black limo waits in our driveway.
“Yes!” Lily says next to me. Olivia and Shea are also excited.
“Did you?” I ask Jodi and my dad. They both shake their heads no right as my phone beeps.
Darrian: Have fun ;)
“Sneaky,” Shea says next to me reading the text over my shoulder.
“King?” my dad asks. He sighs and rubs a hand over his forehead. I grin just like the fool in love I am. “Be safe,” my dad says, waving us toward the limo.
“It’s fine,” Jodi is telling him, rubbing his arm. My poor dad will probably never be okay with me dating Darrian. At least he has Jodi to help him through it. With a final wave to them both, the limo pulls out of the driveway and we’re on our way.
Five hours later, my hair is starting to loosen, and my heels have been ditched. I don’t even care that the bottom of my feet are starting to turn dark. The limo Darrian had hired dropped is off at an upscale Italian restaurant downtown. Our reservation was made and paid for, of course.
“That guy is starting to warm back into my good grac
es,” Olivia joked while munching on her cheese bread.
We were then picked up and brought to the dance. Darrian was my date without actually being there. It was the perfect night with no problems, no drama, and no fighting. The only time I cried was from laughing so hard when Elijah and Tara bumped into us.
“He’s so screwed,” Elijah says and the look on Lily’s face was priceless. Ethan had skipped the dance which surprised me the most. He was the most social guy I knew except for Trent who had also bailed for another classic further upstate. It hadn’t hit me until then how much he was missing these days. I felt a small pang in my heart, hoping he wasn’t avoiding me because of how things turned out. I will always be thankful for him and love him. My heart just wasn’t meant to be in love with him.
Lily keeps us dancing with all the songs she requested from the DJ. By now, he almost cringes when she approaches when he should be thankful. No one has left the dance floor for long and that’s a feat with a large group of high school kids. Halfway through PLVTINUM’s “Drunk Enough to Say That I Love You,” my phone vibrates against my chest where I had stashed it.
Darrian: Come outside?
My breath catches and I stop moving. He’s here. A huge grin pulls my lips.
“Be right back,” I tell Lily, pulling her close to me. She nods but doesn’t stop dancing. I make my way through the crowd until I get to the hallway and find the doors. At the top of the steps, the air leaves my lungs completely. Darrian is standing at the bottom waiting for me. He’s dressed in an all-black suit and tie that sends my heart racing.
“Hi,” I say once I’m standing in front of him.
“Hi,” he repeats, his voice low and he sounds winded. Darrian holds out his hand and I take it. Slowly he twirls me in a circle checking out my entire dress.
“You do clean up nice, Sutton,” he whistles and jokes. I laugh with him and it feels right.
“Not so bad yourself, King,” I say before wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning in.
His arms wrap around my back and he hugs me close. “Go somewhere with me?” he asks, his lips moving against my hair. I nod and he pulls back. I shiver as his warmth moves away. Without speaking, he takes my hand and leads me to a waiting town car. I drop Lily a text letting her know I am leaving with Darrian.
My first guess would be that he would take me to the yacht, but he doesn’t. We head out of town in the opposite direction. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise. Trust me,” he answers before picking my hand back up and lacing our fingers together. I relax a bit and sit back in my seat.
“Did you have fun tonight?” he asks, and I nod, smiling.
“Thank you for the limo, Darr, it was perfect,” I tell him.
“I’d do anything for you,” he says like it’s the most natural thing to him. I still blush when I see the seriousness on his face. He means it and deep in my bones, I know he would.
“Like stalking my house at night,” I taunt. It didn’t take me long to put the pieces together that all those feelings of being watched were before he started staying with me. Whenever he was around, I never felt the tingles and paranoia.
His face contorts in a grim line. “I wanted to protect you. We weren’t talking and you barely let me see you. I was worried.” He shrugs. I turn in my seat to face him.
“I get it. It was a crazy time not knowing what was happening with Roman and Zero-Thirteen. I knew I was being watched. It didn’t stop until you were with me,” I tell him.
“I know. I wasn’t the only one watching though, Nora,” he says, shocking me one more time tonight.
“What?” I ask, my face pales.
He rubs a hand over his jaw. The muscle leaps and my fingers twitch wanting to soothe it. “A couple of times, another car would drive by and stop. A couple times I saw a shadow and we would take off after them.”
“Them?” I repeat. “As in plural?”
He nods his head. “I know I come off crazy and yeah, I liked being as near to you as I could. I did stalk you but only because I knew something could happen. Once I was staying with you, Ethan and Elijah never saw anyone else.”
I shake my head, trying to register everything he tells me. “That’s scary,” I tell him. I hear the fear in my voice, and he must too. Darrian turns to me and cradles my face in both his hands. His thumb swipes away the tear that fell onto my red coated lips.
“It’s almost over,” he reassures me. His eyes are locked on mine. His face is ruthless, his eyes lending me strength and a promise. I will be safe. I can’t speak without letting a strangled sob out, so I nod. He pulls my head to his chest and holds me. I don’t know how long we sit like that for. The miles tick by until we reach our new destination. Only when the car stops do I untangle myself from Darrian. He pulls back reluctantly as well. The driver opens our door. Darrian reaches in and takes my hand, helping me out.
“Wow.” My voice sounds dry and choked. We’re standing on a hill overlooking the city below. White lights hang on the trees and large white lanterns hang down. The area looks enchanted. I shiver from the cold chill. The driver returns to the car and slowly backs down the gravel road we had driven up on.
“Do you like it?” Darrian asks, standing behind me, his arms wrap to my front.
“I love it,” I tell him. And I do. This is the most romantic moment of my eighteen-year-old life.
“Here.” He turns me around before helping me slip my arms into his jacket. The material is thick and warms my arms and torso immediately. The jacket smells like him, fresh air, a hint of mint and the body wash he uses. I may never return it.
His hand dives into his pocket and he pulls his cell phone out. A second later, my favorite Colouring song “The Wave” starts playing from the speaker. I smile when Darrian pulls me in closer. My body follows his to the rhythm. We dance under the white lights on our deserted hill. My heart burns with love for this confusing, sweet, dominating, sexy guy. I’m a complete fool for him again.
“I love you.” My voice is thick with emotion when I meet his eyes and see his love and need staring right back at me.
Darrian’s head dips down, taking my lips in a kiss that is soft and demanding at the same time. His mouth consumes mine. My hands grip his sides tighter, while he anchors me to him with one hand grabbing my hip and the other twisting itself into my hair, pulling tight by my scalp. I groan at the sensation, allowing his tongue to slip in and tangle with mine. There is no space between us, no room for breathing. I press my body into his so tightly I can feel his heart thundering inside his chest. When he pulls away, we’re both breathing hard. His lips are glossy and tinged red from my lip color. This makes me happy and slightly possessive feeling. I’m dizzy from the lack of oxygen and all the blood feels like it rushed to my head.
“I love you so goddamn much,” he tells me. His voice is hoarse, sending more chills over my body. I smile and his mouth touches mine slower this time. Gently pulling my lips with his. This. Him. Everything about this moment is perfect. I want to take this moment, shove it in a glass bottle and hold onto it forever against my heart. Our love is terrifying, exciting, and real. It may not always be story-book ending beautiful, but it’s us. It’s our story.
I was a nervous wreck. The whole day made me jumpy. I wanted to leap out of my skin and run as far as I could until my insides tightened and my mind found the inner calm I was missing. All morning and afternoon, I had been teetering on edge between losing my shit mad, to breaking down in tears. It was confusing why my heart and head warred over how they wanted the day to go. By the last bell, I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to go home, maybe wallow a little, ignore my phone, eat some tacos and slam a milkshake. Fuck Valentine’s Day. I’d never celebrate the stupid made-up holiday again after last year I promised myself.
After everything we’d all been through lately, I should not be caring as much as I do right now. I should be celebrating that Camilla was sent to juvie or that a month has passed and nothing e
ventful has happened. It’s the small victories we should be throwing a party for except I’m over here avoiding everyone because it’s Valentine’s Day.
“Nothing from your man yet?” Lily leans over my shoulder.
“What?” I ask, sputtering and pushing my phone back down into my pocket. No, I had not looked at it again for the fifth time in the hallway between classes.
“You heard me,” she scolds, slightly shoulder checking me. I wince, not because of her action but because of her words. She knew. Lily was all over my put off vibe and ‘don’t fuck with me’ looks today. “You look like you want to cry and yell at someone at the same time,” she says. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I wonder if I could unclog all the emotions from my vocal cords long enough to accomplish this.
“I’m just struggling a little to get through the day. And I keep checking because if he says anything about it, I might actually get the opportunity to blast him and I’m scared because I might like that,” I go off sucking in air after my rant.
“Girl, no one would blame you. I’d still like to give him a piece of my mind for what he did to you last year too,” she says, swinging her arm around my shoulders and pulling me in.
“What about you, are you still going on a date with the recruiter dude from USC ?” I ask. Judging by the wicked grin on her face I’d say I guess right.
“Yup,” she answers. “He’s taking me to the school’s theater performance tonight then out to dinner afterward.” I smile with her and it feels good that she is happy.
“I hope you have a great night, you deserve it,” I tell her. She nods silently and I know we’re thinking about the same person. A small pang in my chest for Ethan reminds me of Darrian’s earlier statement. I just hoped by the time he’s done figuring his shit out that Lily is still able to give him a chance. I’m lost in my thoughts and completely zoned out that I almost trip over my own feet when Lily pulls us both to a stop at the top of the stairs.