Cole liked the guy. He didn’t want to harbor feelings of jealousy.
Honey cocked her head. “You wanted to talk?”
“Yeah, uh...” He didn’t have a clue how to broach the subject, so he blurted, “I want you for the children.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want you to be their nanny.”
Chapter Four
“What?” In her shock, Honey’s voice came out strident.
She had to have heard Cole wrong. He had not just asked her to be his nanny.
Not that there was anything wrong with the job. In other circumstances, it would be perfect for her, particularly because she loved children.
But she also loved her business, the bar she ran so well.
What on earth was the man thinking?
“You can’t be serious, Cole.”
“I am.”
He took on that expression of stubborn force she’d seen in the bar when he dealt with drunks. Cole was an easygoing guy until you crossed him. Then he wanted his way.
The guy could be so rigid. It made him a good sheriff. He kept the town in line even as everyone respected him. But now was not the time for obstinacy.
“There was absolutely nothing wrong with Maria Tripoli,” she argued.
Cole leaned an arm up high on the doorjamb and cocked a hip. The man sure knew how to look attractive, but his charms didn’t work on her when he was suggesting something so outrageous.
“Maria was good,” he said, as though making a big concession. “She’s a nice lady, but—”
He chewed on his lower lip, his frustration evident along with his exhaustion.
“But?” Honey prompted.
“Madeline won’t let her touch her.”
Ah. “So I’m deemed adequate because I could get her to let me wipe her hands clean?”
“She lets you hold her.”
“True, but that’s just because of my hair. You said that reminds her of her mother.”
Silent for so long Honey thought he wouldn’t answer, Cole finally responded with emotion thickening his voice. “It was the kiss.”
“Oh.” Honey considered that. “But why is that so important?”
“She let you wipe her hands and hold her, but she asked for the kiss.”
“Okay, so?” Honey’s frustration edged into her voice.
“So, not one single woman has been able to touch her except you. Not her grandmother or women who were friends with my sister and who Madeline knew well. Since the accident and all during the funeral, she wouldn’t let any other women hold her.”
Cole held her gaze, as though to get her to agree with him by sheer force of will. “She didn’t let you kiss her,” he repeated. “She asked for it.”
She pointed toward the floor, indicating the bar downstairs. “What about my business?”
“I don’t know, Honey. I guess my concern is the child. It’s a huge thing to ask, but it’s not for me. Madeline responded to you. It’s for the children. Both of them. Evan doesn’t show it, but he needs affection, too.”
Honey was drawn to little girls, but she had noticed Evan’s longing and made a note to give him more attention.
“I don’t know what to do with them, Honey.”
All his grief, all the weight of his dilemma and burden ravaged his face.
“Were you close to your sister?”
“She was my salvation.”
Salvation. Strong word. “What do you mean?”
His gaze slid away from her to the fist he pounded gently against the doorjamb. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She’d never heard a whisper about his past. Cole had a right to his privacy. She wouldn’t push it, but salvation signified huge feelings.
She could feel his pain, but she couldn’t see how she could take care of the children and still run the bar.
“Okay, listen, this is what we’ll do. Tomorrow you’ll have to interview more nannies until you find one. I can’t be it, Cole.”
In his expression disappointment transmuted into acceptance. He exhaled roughly. “Will you take care of them while I talk to more people?”
“I can’t. We have Rib Fest in front of the bar through lunch.”
Cole groaned. “I forgot about that. Do you have to do it?”
“It’s a fund-raiser for the revival of the fair and rodeo. I have a ton of ribs marinating downstairs. Chet’s coming in this evening to boil them.”
He knocked his fist against the doorjamb again. She could see his mind working.
“No.” She preempted him. “I will not leave Chet to take care of it alone. He’ll be cooking all morning and serving for two hours over lunch. We presold hundreds of tickets. It’s our biggest fund-raiser yet.”
He opened his mouth, closed it.
“You’re being unreasonable in your need and shock, Cole. Don’t ask me to cancel or abandon Chet.”
He hung his head. “You’re right, of course.”
“I can enlist my friends to help with them. While that’s happening, you interview more women to find someone who’s just right.”
“What if no one else can get through to Madeline? So far, it’s only you, Honey.”
“Don’t use guilt on me, Cole. I don’t appreciate it. I’ll spend as much spare time as I can with Madeline, but you have to find someone who can care for the children full-time. Okay?”
Cole nodded, but she wasn’t at all certain she’d gotten through to him.
“I mean it, Cole. I expect you to put in your best effort to find someone else.”
“I will,” he promised, and she believed him.
A tiny head peered around Cole’s legs—Madeline, her blue eyes a miniature version of her uncle’s, but large in her tiny face. Every bit as haunted as his, they softened Honey’s defenses, and that would not do.
She couldn’t offer everything Cole needed, but she would give as much as she could.
Madeline stared at the bed, took one step forward, changed her mind and retreated to hide against Cole’s leg.
“You want to get up on it?” Cole asked.
The tiny head, face pressed against Cole’s knee, nodded.
The girl approached and touched the lace on Honey’s pillowcase.
* * *
COLE STEPPED FORWARD and lifted Madeline up onto all of Honey’s lace. A photo on the bedside table caught his eye.
Daniel, with the devil in his bright eyes and a cheeky grin. Still in her bedroom. Still in her heart?
Cole had lied to Honey about Daniel.
He frowned and tried to shake off the old guilt, but couldn’t.
Maddy snuggled into the middle of Honey’s five lace-covered pillows, stuck her thumb into her mouth and closed her eyes.
“Oh!” Honey exclaimed. “We need to get her settled into wherever she’ll be sleeping tonight.”
Cole realized the same thing. He picked up Madeline, whose eyes shot open. She stared wide-eyed at him and back at the bed, chin wobbling.
“Let’s go home,” he said then grimaced when Madeline looked hopeful.
“To your new home,” he qualified.
Expression settling into resignation, she rubbed her head against Cole’s shoulder.
Darling, you’re breaking my heart.
Honey swore under her breath. Cole felt the same way. No child should have to face such harsh reality.
Honey led them out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the living room.
“We’re going to take the children to Cole’s apartment and get them settled in,” she told Rachel, who sat on the sofa nursing Beth under a blanket. Evan and Tori played quietly in the cave.
“May I make a suggestion?” Rachel adjusted her daughter beneath the blanket.
“What’s that
?” Cole asked.
“Why don’t you and Honey go over and get everything set up first while I watch the children?”
“Good idea,” Cole said, so close behind Honey his breath ruffled her hair. He stepped away to lay Madeline down at the opposite end of the sofa and snagged an afghan to cover her.
“We’ll be back soon,” he said.
Honey headed downstairs, and Cole followed.
They stepped into sunshine painting Main Street bright and sharp. Families wandered the street toward the park at the far end or drove through town at a leisurely Sunday pace as though this were a normal day, as though Cole hadn’t brought home two children today.
Across the road and down a few stores, Cole unlocked the door to his apartment above the cop shop. They climbed a narrow staircase that opened into a living room.
Cole wandered the room turning on lamps, because, despite the sunny day, not a lot of sunshine leaked in through the small window.
He studied his place as though through Honey’s eyes.
She wasn’t judgmental, but would she note that he hadn’t done much to make it a home despite having been here for years?
Serviceable furniture lined the walls. One big slab of a coffee table dominated the center of the narrow room as a catchall for remote controls and magazines. The latest Jack Reacher novel lay open facedown. He’d started it a month ago.
A television mounted on the wall had a layer of dust on its surface.
No wonder he spent his weekends at Honey’s Place, where there was plenty of laughter and warmth, to get away from this nothingness that he couldn’t call home.
“Come here,” he said.
Bypassing his small, clean kitchen, Honey trailed him down a cramped hallway past a suitcase he’d dropped before bringing the children and their backpacks to the bar.
They passed his miniscule bathroom to arrive at his bedroom at the end of the hallway.
Apart from a king-size bed and a dresser, there wasn’t much space left for anything else.
The bed, unmade and littered with clothing, told the story of that awful phone call and his mad dash to Oregon for the funeral.
Hands on hips, Honey said, “This apartment is tiny. Where are you going to put the children?”
“In here. I’ll put on fresh sheets.”
“Where will you sleep?”
“On the sofa.”
Honey marched back to the living room and stared at the leather sofa, big and puffy and at least a dozen years out of date. He might not be able to stretch out full-length, but it would do until he could figure a better housing solution.
“You’re going to be uncomfortable,” Honey said.
“Yeah.”
“You know this isn’t the best spot for them.”
“I know. I’ll have to, I don’t know, buy a house, I guess.”
“But in the meantime...” Honey glanced around. “It’s so dim in here. Is it always like this?”
“Uh-huh. It’s not the greatest place, but the price is right as long as I’m sheriff.”
“I can’t believe you’ve stayed here all these years.”
“The town likes to have me close to the office.”
“I understand, but they should have done more to make it better. A larger window would have been a good idea.”
“I guess. I don’t spend a lot of time here, Honey. I’m in the bar or at the diner, or I visit friends. The rest of the time I’m at work or the gym.”
“I understand, Cole, but have you given a thought to how unsuitable this place is? It’s dark and depressing.”
Cole followed the arc of her outstretched arm. “I’ll buy a house. I’ll check out what’s available with the real estate office. In the meantime, they have to stay with me.”
“Now that we’re away from the children,” she said, “tell me the full story.”
He ground his teeth. He didn’t want to go through it all again.
“What happened to your sister and her husband?” He knew Honey wouldn’t let it go until he’d told. She should know it all anyway, so she would understand the children’s behavior.
“Car accident,” he said, folding his lips in tight. Don’t break down.
Honey said, “Thank God the children weren’t involved.”
Here came the worst part. Breathe. “They were there.”
Honey stilled. “What do you mean?”
“They were in the car. In the backseat.”
Her hand went to her throat. “Were either of them injured?”
“Not physically, but...” Cole shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the pain of the telling. “It was on a back road near where they lived. At night. Not a lot of traffic. It took a while for someone to come upon them and to call emergency services. When they arrived, it was already too late.”
In his mind’s eye, Cole saw it all—the children unable to rouse their parents, the silence, the darkness, the fear.
He would do anything to make up for the loss Evan and Madeline had suffered. He would do his best, but he worried.
He stared at Honey. Of course, his request that she be their nanny had been unreasonable, but he swore he’d use every persuasion in his arsenal for the children if he thought he could get away with it.
He huffed out a breath. “I need to bring those children here and get them settled in for bedtime.”
“It’s been a hellish week for you.” Honey rested her hand on Cole’s shoulder, startling him.
“Yeah.” Cole edged away to stare out the window. Honey’s touch did magical, forbidden things to him.
“They could stay with me for tonight. Would you object? I have a spare room. They can share a bed.”
Cole’s feelings shuttered faster than a home in tornado alley ahead of an oncoming twister. He’d like nothing better—not for the children, but for himself. He wanted to stay in that warm apartment suffused with Honey’s personality. He could let the children stay there, but he couldn’t bring himself to be away from them.
“Only for tonight and maybe tomorrow night, too,” she said. “Just until you find a better solution.”
“No.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Don’t ask me to be that far away from them. I don’t want that. I don’t think they would want it, either.”
“You can sleep on my sofa. It has to be more comfortable than this.” She pointed to his leather behemoth. “At least you can stretch out on mine.”
“They’re my responsibility now.” Cole turned to the window to tamp down the temptation running rampant through his veins. “When I got to town today, I walked in here with them and panicked. I didn’t want to be alone with them when I don’t have a clue what to do with them. That’s why I showed up at your place. You’re fun. Lighthearted. I thought they would get along with you and like you. They do.”
He hardened himself against his own desire to give in to weakness. “I’m their new guardian. This is their new life. I need to take care of them.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t move, but his gaze shifted around the apartment, to the hollowness of the place. To the lack of character and warmth.
Honey didn’t speak. She wasn’t here to make his decisions for him. That was his job.
“You know,” he said, chest hollow, “I really don’t want to stay here. I’ve stood on my own two feet since leaving home years ago, but tonight—”
Pain filled, anger rising, he picked up a book from a table and threw it across the room.
His rough impulse startled Honey.
“Sorry.” A heavy breath whooshed out of him. “Sorry. I’m angry. Those kids... They deserve better than this. Than me.”
“Better than you? What on earth do you mean?”
“They need someone who knows
how to be a father.”
“Cole, you’re about as dependable as anyone I’ve ever met. You need time to adjust to this huge change in your life and to learn how to be a parent. Don’t expect perfection from yourself right out of the gate.”
“They deserve better than this dark old place.” He tried not to hyperventilate. He should take what she offered, just to make his job easier for this one lousy night before more reality than he could handle came crashing down on him.
“Just for tonight,” he said. “We’ll stay for one night, okay?”
“Of course,” she said. “I want to help, Cole. You know that.”
He placed his hand on her arm with a tenderness in the touch his discipline seldom allowed him to feel.
He rarely touched her and yet, he sat in Honey’s Place every Friday and Saturday night, on the stool at the bar that the other patrons left empty and waiting for him no matter how crowded the place became.
Everyone knew that Cole would show up as soon as he’d finished work for the day.
He would sit on that stool and nurse two beers before ordering a bacon double cheeseburger with fries for dinner. When the beers were gone, he would switch to root beer for the rest of the night.
At the moment, his hand still rested on her arm.
It was only relief and gratitude, but his fingers tingled where he touched the skin of her arm.
A highway of nerve endings, of pure sensation, shot from her to him.
He dropped his hand and sat on the sofa, where he leaned his elbows on his knees and cradled his head.
“What a mess.” He laughed bitterly. “I never expected this in my life. I love those children, but I can’t believe they’re mine now.”
He swiped his hand across his mouth, where despair backed up in his throat. How the hell was he supposed to raise those two little beings? “I know how to track down criminals. I know how to keep the townspeople safe. I know how to testify in court to the best of my abilities, but how am I supposed to do this?”
“Buck up, Cole.” Honey’s stern voice stiffened his spine. “We’ll figure this out.”
He liked the sound of that we.
Rodeo Sheriff Page 5