Living to Suffer

by Tangstory

  “This fellow certainly did not lose any weight despite the rest of you.” Shen Liangsheng rested his head on one hand while touching the soft, hanging member between the doctor’s legs. With a quick tease, it began to react and lift its head. He stopped and continued, “What do you think should happen now, Ch’in-taifu?”

  “How about you give it a little kiss?” Ch’in Ching eased his growing erection to the man’s lips and whispered back, “It hasn’t gotten thinner, but it still missed you terribly.”

  After a quick glance upward, Shen Liangsheng indeed gave it a kiss as requested and proceeded to lick and suck. His tongue worked such wonders that Ch’in Ching’s hips began slowly gyrating in rhythm with the man’s sucking.

  The candlelight on the desk begat two shadows, one standing and one sitting. The flame made a tiny leap, and the shadows swayed along and seemed to entwine even more tightly.

  While he was servicing the doctor, Shen Liangsheng reached over for the balm. Flipping open the lid with one hand, he dipped in his index finger and then slid the digit down Ch’in Ching’s back and between the two cheeks. After massaging the opening a little, he pushed the finger in.

  “Say, is this ointment really safe?” Ch’in Ching had his eyes closed in enjoyment but when he felt the slickness of the finger entering him, he thought of the fact that the aphrodisiac was made of some unknown substance and quickly backed away with a frown, giving up the pleasure. “I really don’t think we should use it. Let’s just leave it.”

  “Ch’in Ching.” Shen Liangsheng hooked an arm about his hips and pulled him back. First he kissed the alert member and then commanded softly, “Behave.”

  It was the first time the taller man had spoken to Ch’in Ching so quietly and gently, and he instantly turned into jelly. Silently he exclaimed how beauty misleads the heart but swallowed his objection.

  Noting Ch’in Ching’s silent approval, Shen Liangsheng dug out a chunk of the balm and spread it inside the man with two fingers. While pumping the digits in and out, he continued sucking him off.

  It was not long before the hufa realized something was amiss. The member in his mouth actually had become soft and would not harden no matter what techniques he applied.

  “Is it really that uncomfortable?”

  Moving his mouth away, he looked up at Ch’in Ching to find him biting on his bottom lip with a frown, sweat beginning to drip down his temples.

  “Well, if you feel good, why is this guy so well-behaved?” Shen Liangsheng gently flicked the limp member while still fingering the man.

  “How should I know?” His legs beginning to fail him, Ch’in Ching was falling into the hufa’s arms, face already buried in the nook of his neck. After some panting, he mustered a quiet utterance. “But…it’s quite…in there…mhm…”

  “How is it in there?” With an earlobe between his teeth, Shen Liangsheng asked softly before increasing the speed of his fingers.

  Ch’in Ching remained speechless but soon reached his own hand down to overlap with that of Shen Liangsheng.

  The latter assumed Ch’in Ching did not like the velocity and expected to slow down, but it became apparent that the doctor was thirsty for more. He just would not verbalize it and only fumbled with the hufa’s fingers attempting to add another digit in.

  Although Shen Liangsheng understood his intentions, he feigned ignorance and even went as far as to stop his hand. He sat back and let Ch’in Ching manoeuvre another one of his fingers into himself after much toil. The man’s entrance was winking, sucking on his digits as though they were enticing him to resume his penetration.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  “You…” The hufa knew what was going on, so why was he asking? Ch’in Ching felt a prick of frustration, but he knew the man would refuse to resume if he didn’t say it aloud. He could only abandon what little shame he had and speak honestly, “It really itches…in there, so help me.”

  After shedding his humility, the rest came a lot easily, as nothing seemed too hard to utter now. Shen Liangsheng had just resumed his fingering when Ch’in Ching’s hands slid down to the hufa’s crotch and covered his manhood. Then came the doctor’s mumbled prompt. “Are you hard? Hurry up and stick it in…”

  “Impatient already?” Shen Liangsheng began undressing while fingering Ch’in Ching, pulling his pants down to reveal his swollen length. He was about to order the man to sit down, but the man could not wait another moment and held the shaft steady himself before finding the right position and impaling himself on it in one go. His entire manhood buried into the moist heat, and Shen Liangsheng could not suppress the soft gasp that escaped his mouth.

  The candlelight swayed, just as Ch’in Ching was rocking wantonly on Shen Liangsheng’s lap. From the front he showed absolutely no signs of activity, but from behind he was receiving an incomparable level of stimulation, as though the pleasure that belonged in the front had all been trapped in the back by that questionable aphrodisiac. Every inch of his insides was at the height of sensitivity as if all his nerve endings were rerouted to that one place. At the same time he felt as though it were not enough; he would be hungry one moment but always hungrier in the next. It was all he could do to beg Shen Liangsheng, “Go to the bed…you on top…faster that way…”

  Hearing this, Shen Liangsheng took the man into his arms and walked them both to the bed. After setting down Ch’in Ching, he took the opportunity to strip himself, but he realized the man could not wait for even that long. As soon as the manhood left him, Ch’in Ching replaced it with three of his own digits and started fingering himself as he stared at Shen Liangsheng with a half aggrieved, half desperate gaze. The hufa felt the fires of lust within him roaring higher and hotter under those eyes, so he quickly rid himself of all garments and pounced on the bed pounding into the man. He buried himself in and did not move back and forth, instead stirring Ch’in Ching’s tight insides like a swimmer’s legs treading water. Meanwhile, he asked, “How’s this?”

  “Ah…yeah…yeah….” Ch’in Ching’s mind was in complete disarray when he caught a whiff of a phantom fragrance. Incidentally, the balm was scentless under normal conditions but released a warm scent only in the heat of desire. It had the effect of heightening arousal but also clarity.

  Called back to earth by the fragrance, Ch’in Ching felt his head clear and every bit of pleasure from below travel to the crown of his head, then to his four limbs and every one of his bones. This became an unbearable tingle that caused him to wind his arms around Shen Liangsheng’s neck and writhe uncontrollably. The sensation of their skin rubbing together gave him such ecstasy that he wished they could simply melt into one, their flesh and blood merged forever.

  Shen Liangsheng also smelled the fragrance. Ch’in Ching’s eyes burned with passion as he stuck out his chest to rub his alert nipples with those of Shen Liangsheng, evidently pursuing stimulation whichever way he could. Seeing this, the hufa swore his heart rate truly hastened. Although he knew it was because of the phantom fragrance, he still felt an indescribable emotion in his chest, almost like anxiety that arose from deep within urging him to devour this man whole, flesh and bone, so that his person would be his totally.

  “Look at me, Ch’in Ching,” he demanded before quickly straightening himself to a half-kneeling position. He pushed the doctor’s legs up then pressed them down, folding him in half like a piece of paper so that his butt was in the air. Even from Ch’in Ching’s angle, he could see the manhood penetrating him, entering fully before pulling out fully. The monstrous shaft was like an anaconda drilling its way time and again deeply into him and sending wave after wave of pleasure that threatened to eat up all of his vital organs.

  “What a slut you are. How else do you want me to fuck you? Hm?”

  Shen Liangsheng would never, ever, utter such vulgar expressions of lust, but at the time his heart was actually beating like a drum, the pace only gaining speed. Such a vivid sensation impelled him to abandon all self-restraint and
devote himself fully to this fleshly engagement.

  “Ah…hah…” Ch’in Ching hadn’t the slightest idea how else he could be fucked or how he should cope with this. Shen Liangsheng had tied his member last time preventing it from release, but he knew what the end would ultimately be. This time, however, his member would not harden no matter what. He was obviously in mind-blowing ecstasy now, but he did not know how he could achieve that final climax.

  Shen Liangsheng might have been in a rare state of total engagement, but he still held on to shreds of rationality. Concerned for Ch’in Ching’s stamina in this position, he eventually laid the man down flat after dozens of thrusts, tucked a pillow underneath his hips and resumed the forceful pounding in missionary position. He felt the slick, soft walls tightly wrapped around him as they kept squeezing and convulsing around his head as though trying to glue themselves onto it. With his member treated to such delights, even someone with exceptional self-control like Shen Liangsheng was unable to bear it much longer, and before a stick of incense could finish burning, he had reached his release.

  He looked at Ch’in Ching after catching his breath to find teary signs in the doctor’s eyes, so he pulled the man into his embrace, their nether regions still very much connected, and joined him at the lips launching into a passionate exchange.

  “Your buddy here is awfully well-behaved. Could it be that it doesn’t feel good enough?” After some kisses, Shen Liangsheng became hard again and began pumping himself slowly while stroking the man’s limp member. He leaned into his ear. “What should I do to make you feel good?”

  “I… well, I’m certainly never going to use that ever again…” Ch’in Ching grumbled and then whispered in the man’s ears secretively. “Not that it doesn’t feel good… It feels so good down there…so good I could die…”

  “See for yourself…” Shen Liangsheng led his hand down to the spot at which they were connected and returned more quiet words of passion. “You’re so hot and soft there, and so very tight, I just want to fuck it all night long.”

  “Good…” Ch’in Ching kissed him again and said through mumbles, “I love you so… One night goes without saying…I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you between the sheets…”

  Outside the hut, the long night grew cold, but on the inside, it was exploding with heat and passion.

  Holding Ch’in Ching close, Shen Liangsheng thrust himself in deeply as if he would only rest once his bloated balls entered the doctor as well. His pubic hair had become moist from the lewd fluids leaking from the man, and the imagery of black, shiny hairs slick against two fair butt cheeks was the epitome of eroticism.

  “Turn around and bend over,” Shen Liangsheng ordered a change in position after a while. The doctor bent over on his knees pushing his hips into the air. The hole between the cheeks was fucked so much it was open like a blooming bud. On the stigma hung pearls of milky white – the semen he had just shot in.

  Ch’in Ching waited with his butt in the air for the re-entry but felt the root of his ethereal pleasures only rubbing back and forth near his entrance, stubbornly rejecting his invitation. He could only reach back with his hands and spread his cheeks apart, begging wantonly, “I can’t stand it. Stick it in, quick…”

  Before he finished, he felt it enter him once more, this time with the company of two hands on his chest roughly playing with his nipples. He let his voice free, moaning and screaming, only for it to come to an abrupt halt – it felt so good he was crying.

  Although he could not reach release through his manhood, an endless stream of pleasure came from his behind and formed a dense web entrapping him more and more tightly. In the end, after countless positions and innumerable hours, the phantom fragrance could no longer keep him conscious, and his vision faded to black.

  But the last thing he registered before he lost awareness was not the infinitely deep trench of carnal desire but the soft touches of the man kissing away his tears and their streaks – again and again, stubbornly and impulsively on his closed eyes.

  * * * * *

  [1] In some situations, it is customary to give a “first meeting present.”

  [2] A line from Liu Yong’s poem, die lian hua (蝶戀花), about his longing for his love.

  Chapter XIV

  The sun was high overhead by the time Ch’in Ching awoke, and the man had long left his side leaving behind only cold bedding.

  He slept until midday but still felt sore all over because of the wild night. Ch’in Ching shook his head and chuckled before leaving his bed. After dressing and washing, he was about to open the windows to get some fresh air when he found a slip of paper weighed down on the desk.

  Will come find you for New Year’s if not busy in the sect.

  No greeting. No closing. His message was like his person, meticulous in content and strong and keen in shape.

  As he clutched the slip, it occurred to him that it was the first time the man had arranged the next rendezvous with him. Again he shook his head and chuckled. He crumpled it up to throw it away, but in the end he went to the secret compartment on the bed, took out the book full of his childhood daydreams and tucked the slip in.

  “I wonder why ‘love’ and ‘lust’ are always paired in people’s minds.” Ch’in Ching returned to the window and pushed it open, dispersing the traces of love and lust that remained. “Lust doesn’t necessarily occur with love.”

  In about another fortnight came New Year’s Eve. Ch’in Ching waited from sunrise till sunset but received no visitors even after the Hour of the Dog had passed. Thus, he assumed that the man was busy and would not come that day. He donned a thicker coat before locking the gates and heading to the gambling house in the nearby town to spend another New Year’s Eve alone.

  While Ch’in Ching’s shifu was certainly the disciple of a fabled recluse, he chose to hide himself in plain sight. He held the position of Grand Diviner in the imperial court, a true creature of the State. Currently the State was weak and lacked men of talent. The less able the Son of Heaven was, the more he believed in the auguries. Hence, Ch’in Ching’s shifu not only had to read the skies and consult the almanac, he was also responsible for the oracle bone divinations and all other ceremonies. Given the time of year, the man was not at liberty to visit his pupil.

  Every year Ch’in Ching spent the holidays by himself, but the mountains proved too lacking in liveliness, so he would sit and indulge his bad habits at the betting table. He felt fortunate that such a place as this, open every day of the year, existed. It was loud and energetic, and he even found it convivial to welcome the New Year with a bunch of strangers who enjoyed gambling as much as he did.

  “And where do you think you’re going, Ch’in-taifu?”

  Ch’in Ching had locked the gates and just slipped out of the valley when he heard someone questioning from behind. After a momentary pause, he turned around with a grin. “Timing really is everything. You would’ve missed me if you had come any later.”

  “I thought I told you to wait for me.” Shen Liangsheng began walking towards him. His expression appeared normal, but his tone contained a hint of discontent.

  “But I did,” Ch’in Ching hurriedly appealed as he saw the man approaching. “And you didn’t come.” Then, he added in a softer tone after a pause, “You must know, Shen-hufa, that waiting is the worst feeling. Your stomach just hangs in the air fluttering.” He reached out for the man’s hand and sighed. “In the end you become frightened of waiting, and you just give up.”

  “…” Shen Liangsheng gripped the doctor’s hand in return and answered, after a long silence, “Then I won’t make you wait again.”

  The wild wintery wind whistled through the mountains, and the two men standing hand in hand in the gloaming truly seemed to share a delicate bond of mutual reliance.

  Unfortunately, Shen Liangsheng did not know at all what Ch’in Ching knew too well, that the doctor would have to wait next time, that he was destined to wait for this man since the
day he was born.

  That he would have to wait for him to escort him to his death.

  “Shen Liangsheng, come to town with me.” After some time, it was Ch’in Ching who first retracted his hand and started walking. “I don’t have anything prepared at my place. If there’s a restaurant still open in town, we can eat a year-end supper there.”

  “You should eat regularly, as you’ve been losing weight.” Without warning, Shen Liangsheng drew the man into his arms and flitted down the mountain. “You shouldn’t have to be told that. And you call yourself a doctor.”

  “But I was waiting for you.” Ch’in Ching joked on tirelessly, leaning on the taller man’s chest, “I had the rice washed and was waiting for the hufa to start working in the kitchen making me congee again to warm my heart.

  “Do not be cheeky.” Without slowing down, Shen Liangsheng pulled the man closer into his embrace blocking the chilly air.

  After arriving in town, they could not find any restaurants still open. Ch’in Ching then thought of the noodle stand in front of the gambling house that was open year-round, so he led Shen Liangsheng to it. When he saw the gambling house, however, his dice hand began to itch, and he inveigled good-naturedly, “Well, seeing as I’m not hungry, would you care to accompany me for a few rounds?”

  Shen Liangsheng shot him a glance from the corner of his eye but did in fact enter the facility with him. He stood by the table watching Ch’in Ching playing sic bo with a horde of gamblers.

  Anyone who lingered at the gambling house on New Year’s Eve was bound to be an addict who wasn’t willing to part with the die even for a family reunion. With bloodshot eyes, they howled and screamed at the twists and turns of every roll.

  Now, Ch’in Ching may have been an addict too, but he at least wore the mask of a scholar. Standing in the crowd, he appeared rather calm and self-assured, although his hand belied his demeanour, as he lost more rounds than he won. Nevertheless, he did not seem down-hearted.