by Trina Solet
"Her majesty wants a word," Lilly told him. "And don't let her eat my oatmeal cookies while I'm gone."
Feeling a little dazed, Phillip went over to Bernie. The sunlight seemed extra bright as he watched Ant scamper off while holding Lilly and Leon's hands. Turning to Bernie, Phillip hadn't recovered enough to know what to say.
Bernie wasn't tongue-tied. "You shouldn't be standing there so dumb-struck," she told him. "Ant deserves the best of everything in the world, and now Lilly has a way to give it to him in one big, suit wrapped package. You, Phillip Morton, are the answer to everything Lilly ever wanted for that child but couldn't give him."
"I'm glad you approve," Phillip told her.
"I may not look like it, but I know what's what. You are solid through and through, like a father should be. You're mister responsible. That's what little Ant needs. And you have that friend too, tall and good-looking with those smiling eyes."
Phillip looked at her and wondered if this was going to turn into another uncomfortable discussion of his sex life.
"I got eyes," Bernie said. "And I'm glad you didn't end up with some stick in the mud."
"Like me," Phillip guessed.
Bernie shrugged with her good shoulder. "You're all right, but two of you – I don't know."
"Thanks, Bernie," Phillip told her and he meant it. She was like family to Ant and Lilly, and she was becoming like family to him too.
That made him remember something. Hadn't Ken accused him of trying to reconstruct his lost family? Phillip didn't think he was doing that. It was pure luck that he found the people he cared about. At a time like this, he was so grateful to have them in his life, but he was also aware of what he lost.
He had spent years missing Tony even when he was alive. Then came that phone call he had been dreading for so long. It was like the news of Tony's death always existed out there, and it was only a matter of time before it reached him.
But that wasn't right. Tony was once a tiny devil full of life and mischief. He was a headstrong teenager. He was a thrill seeking young man. The one thing he didn't get to be was a real dad to Ant. Now Phillip would take his place.
Lilly, Leon and Ant came back loaded down with beverages. After everyone was together again, Phillip stood a little apart from the others. He was lost in thought when Leon came over and put a hand on his lower back.
"I heard you got good news. Why the solemn face?" Leon asked him.
"Just thinking about Tony," Phillip said. He and Leon strolled away from the others. The tree-lined path circled the clearing and they had it mostly to themselves. There they could talk more freely.
"Until Ant came along, I was afraid to even dream of having a family of my own. I just didn't think I was meant for that," Phillip said while Leon walked with an arm around his waist.
"You? You were born to be somebody's dad. That's why you're so caring and responsible," Leon told him.
"I'm just the uncle," Phillip said to remind both of them. "And I'm so lucky to have Ant. It seems greedy to want anything more than to know that he exists. When I first found out about him, I was so afraid it was all just a fairy tale some girl told Tony. And now, if everything goes right..." Phillip was too overcome to speak, and Leon put his other arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.
They stayed like that, embracing and looked over at where Bernie and Lilly were tossing the ball with Ant. That mostly involved Ant chasing after the ball when he failed to catch it.
"When I see him with Lilly and Bernie, I wish Franny and Moe were here to meet Ant in person." Phillip had introduced them to Ant on Skype, but that wasn't nearly as good as the real thing. "On my side of the family they are his only living grandparents, but we kind of drifted apart over the last few years. Knowing it was my fault that Tony left, I couldn't face them for a long time. Then they left the country."
"Did they really blame you?" Leon asked as they continued strolling.
"No. They blamed themselves. But Tony was on the verge of running, and I was the one who gave him that final push. They moved to Italy a few years ago. That was always their dream. I think they would have done it sooner if it wasn't for me and Tony." Phillip smiled thinking of the red roofed house and the rocky garden Franny and Moe had in Italy. The image gave him all sorts of ideas. "I can't wait for us take Ant over there for a visit. Maybe on our honeymoon. They could babysit while we go off to explore the Amalfi Coast."
"What?" Leon asked, shocked.
"Nothing," Phillip said innocently. "Just thinking out loud."
Leon stopped and glared at him with those pretty eyes, his hair glowing in the sun. He looked like an angel from a Renaissance painting. One who happened to be ranting at him. "Who the hell are you? All reserved and cautious, Mr. 'let's take it slow' then jumping ahead to a honeymoon in Italy. Who bodysnatched my Phillip?" Leon asked and gave him a light punch on the arm.
"You did," Phillip told him and leaned in for a soft kiss.
"This isn't on me. This is Ant's doing. He has made a new man out of you."
"It's not just Ant. It's you as well. I feel like my true life has arrived, like I have arrived," Phillip said.
Leon didn't say anything. He just smiled, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
Phillip needed to be in his arms right now. He was weightless and almost dizzy with happiness. It was all too much for him. With Ant and Leon, he had a life overflowing with joy even as sadness stayed underneath, attached to every precious memory of Tony and his parents.
Chapter 42
It was just a sunny Saturday at a nursing home, and Leon felt like a thousand things had happened to him and around him. All by itself, Phillip's talk of a honeymoon was enough to have his head spinning. Then Phillip and Lilly sat down with Ant and told him about the adoption.
Phillip was choked up and close to tears. Lilly did most of the talking while Ant was cheerfully oblivious to how momentous this news was. Leon wanted to laugh. Bernie did laugh. To celebrate the big event, Leon promised Ant a big adoption day party. That news had him cheering.
This was another night Leon slept over at Phillip's. Unlike last time, Leon actually did sleep, not straight through the night though. Another nightmare invaded his unconscious mind, threatening to drown him in fear and pain. Before it got too bad, Phillip shook him awake. With his guardian angel holding him in his arms, Leon went right back to sleep.
He woke up happy, his body entwined with Phillip's. It could have been a perfect, lazy Sunday morning in bed. But with Ant out there roaming the apartment, Phillip had to leave the bed and go shower.
Leon rolled out of bed. In boxers and a t-shirt, his hair a mess, he looked around for his pants. With the requirements of decency satisfied, he left the bedroom and went in search of Ant.
The gentle burbling of the aquarium drew him to the living room. Ant wasn't there, so Leon stood there, enjoying the show. Soon he heard the sound of small feet on the wood floor. He looked over to see Ant, still in his pajamas, coming over to join him.
Just as Ant arrived, the fish decided to swim behind the curtain of seaweed and coral. Ant peered into the aquarium, searching for them.
"Where are the fish? Did they escape," Leon asked, keeping a straight face.
"Fishes," Ant gasped and stared into the water anxiously. He called Bee and Ruby as if he expected them to come running when they heard their names.
"Cats and fish never come when you call them. But don't worry, they're in there," Leon reassured him. "They're just hiding. Let's see if we can find them."
"Hide and seek!"
After the fish were found, Leon spotted some flashcards of the alphabet on the side table. He grabbed them and took them along as he and Ant went into the kitchen for some juice. Sitting at the kitchen counter, they used the flashcards as playing cards in a game they made up as they went along.
That's where Phillip found them. Seeing what they were up to, he was amused by the non-educational way they were using the flashcards.
"You won't have to wait long. I was just going to make some bacon and eggs," he told them.
"I can help," Leon offered and started to get up.
'No, stay there. I want to pamper you," Phillip told him with a smile. "You go ahead and play with Ant."
"Yes, play with me," Ant said, agreeing with his uncle.
"How about if we both help?" Leon suggested. "We can't let your uncle do all the work."
They went over and Leon watched with distaste as Phillip pulled out the frying pan. The sight of it was already making him feel sick. "How about poached eggs instead and maybe we skip the bacon?"
"Poached?" Ant frowned.
"Poached means they'll be swimming around," Leon told him. He knew Ant would like the sound of that.
"Swimming like fishes. OK!"
Phillip went along with it, but he gave Leon an odd look.
After breakfast, they all cleared up the dishes. Hearing a burp from Ant, Leon congratulated him, "Good one."
"Don't do it on purpose," Phillip warned Ant, seeing that he was getting ready to do just that so he could get more of Leon's approval.
"And I was hoping we could have a burping contest," Leon said.
After Ant went to watch cartoons, Leon helped Phillip with the dishes.
"I think Ant still likes scrambled eggs better," Leon told him as he scraped half of his poached egg off the plate and into the garbage.
"It's good for him to try new things," Phillip said. "And you really do have a frying phobia." He must have noticed Leon's reaction when Phillip was about to start frying.
Leon took a deep breath then he told him about it. "I wouldn't call it a phobia, but I'd rather not have to look at a sizzling pan full of hot oil if I can help it. When I was a kid, Mom's boyfriend, Barry, held my hand over a frying pan and threatened to fry my fingers to a crisp. He thought I stole money out of his wallet. He wanted me to confess and give the money back, but I couldn't give him what I didn't have. Mom told him, 'Don't, Barry, that will leave a scar.' He decided a good old fashioned beating and kicking would teach me a lesson just as well." As Leon spoke, his voice sounded unnaturally flat and lifeless even to his own ears. "Afterward, while she was cleaning up my bloody face, my mom told me she was sorry. She said, 'Barry would have killed me for sure if he knew I took his money.'"
"Oh, my God," Phillip gasped. He looked horrified, but Leon just stared at him with a sad smile on his face.
"In the end, he didn't burn me," Leon said blandly. "But the smell of that oil heating up right under my hand, the sizzle of frying..."
"I'm sorry," Phillip said and pulled him into a hug.
To change the subject to something more cheerful, Leon told Phillip, "My birthday is coming up in two weeks. My mom and her hubby are throwing me a party."
"Your mother," Phillip said and his face became very grim. He probably couldn't understand why Leon hadn't turned his back on her.
"Yes. After everything she did and didn't do, I'm still stuck with her as my one and only mother. I don't even know why she and Gary are doing this. I try never to visit them. Gary can be kind of a jerk, but he's hardly the worst of them." Compared to his mother's bad choices before now, Gary was a prize catch. "He's decent enough to my mom so that's something. They planned the party without asking me. Now that I'm going to be old enough to drink, it's an excuse for everyone to get shit-faced. They are going to all this trouble and inviting all the people who don't like me so I can't miss it," Leon said, trying to explain as best he could.
"Aren't your friends going?" Phillip asked.
"No way. They wouldn't mix well with that crowd. It won't be any fun so you don't have to come. You, me and Ant..."
Phillip cut him off. "It's your birthday party. Of course we're coming."
Leon was grateful. "If you're sure. There will be some kids there for Ant to play with so it won't be a total loss."
"We'll make the best of it. Maybe we'll meet some interesting people," Phillip said with a straight face.
Leon didn't buy it. "Don't pretend that you're a mingler. You would just stand back, nurse a cheap beer, and wait for it to be over," he predicted. "But I want to do the real celebrating on Sunday with you and Ant. This friend of mine is crazy for fishing. I'm hijacking his boat. We can take it up the river. I bet Ant would love it."
"I'm sure he would. I don't suppose your friend has a life vest in Ant's size," Phillip said.
Leon only made a face.
"I'll get him one," Phillip said.
"So that's a yes." To celebrate, Leon kissed him. "This will be good, and Ant will not fall overboard. I promise. He needs more nature in his life anyway."
"We have the fish." Phillip pointed toward the living room.
"Which are trapped behind glass."
"I'll buy a cactus."
Leon laughed then he got thoughtful. "God, I hope that was a joke," he said. Phillip kept a straight face so he couldn't be sure.
"About Ant and fishing," Phillip started to say.
"Ant likes live fish and he likes fish sticks. He doesn't need to know what happens in-between. Is that what you were thinking?" Leon asked.
"Pretty much. And another thing, if Ant is going on a boat, I want to give him some swimming lessons before we go. Just in case. There is a pool downstairs. We can..."
Leon had to interrupt him there. "Are you kidding me?"
"Which part?"
"About the pool downstairs," Leon said.
"It's not that big."
"Is it a pool?" Leon asked. Phillip gave up trying to downgrade the amenities of his apartment building, but Leon wasn't done with him. "I can't believe you have a pool in your building." Then he warned him, "Next time I come over, it won't be so easy to get rid of me."
"I was actually going to invite you over to help me teach Ant to swim."
"Didn't I just warn you?"
"I guess it didn't work," Phillip said with a smile.
"I need to check out this pool. I'm there." Then he started thinking of this as an opportunity. "We can have a little pool party. Can we invite a guest? I want Pavel to meet you. Meeting you by the pool would be even better."
"Sure. Invite him. I would like to meet him as well."
"Yes! You'll be down to your swim trunks. That's what I call the perfect opportunity to show you off properly."
Phillip didn't look thrilled but Leon was already off to find Ant and tell him the good news.
Chapter 43
Phillip was picking up Ant from daycare when he noticed that he looked somber. It turned out that he had some serious concerns about Leon's birthday. "I don't have a present for Leon and I don't have any money," Ant said and gave him a pitiful little pout.
"I have money," Phillip told him. "Do you know what you want to get him?"
Ant shook his head and looked distressed about it. It was clear how important Leon's birthday was to him.
Phillip thought about it for a second. "Leon likes things that are covered in chocolate," he reminded Ant. He figured Ant would be happier giving him something chocolate covered than any other kind of gift.
"He does! Pretzels and popcorn and potato chips," Ant listed.
"That's something you can get him. We'll go shopping now and hide the gift in the car," Phillip said since they were going out to dinner with Leon later.
On their shopping trip, they got a birthday card too. After coming home from dinner, Ant got to work on it. Leon was banned from the kitchen while the card sat open on the kitchen counter, and Ant sat down in front of it like it was homework.
"The card already has writing on it, so you don't have to worry. Look here, there's room for you to draw something." Phillip pointed out the blank space on the card.
Ant carefully chose an orange crayon and hunched over the open card. He only made one shy little line then he stopped.
"Go ahead.
Don't worry. Whatever you draw, I promise Leon will like it," Phillip assured him. It was sweet how much he wanted to give Leon the perfect card.
Done with the drawing, which was both painstaking and incomprehensible, Ant ran to the living room to act sneaky around Leon. Leon played along, pretending to be both suspicious and clueless about what Ant might have been up to.
"It's amazing how good you are with him," Phillip said later, when he and Leon were getting ready for bed. Ant had been asleep for a while, but Phillip had just stepped on an action figure in his bare feet so he was reminded of what a handful he could be.
"Considering how I was raised?" Leon said to finish the thought. "It's not hard. I just remember how I was treated and do the opposite." Leon then grew serious. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and stopped in the middle of unbuttoning his shirt. "Do I seem whole to you?" he asked.
"Yes," Phillip said with no hesitation. "I'm the one who wouldn't be whole without you and Ant. To me, Ant is everything I lost, my whole family reborn in one little boy. I need him too much, but you give without asking anything of him, with no expectations."
"You give me too much credit," Leon said. "The first time I ever felt right was just looking into your eyes after we kissed. I wasn't whole until then. I cut off a limb, left half of myself behind so I could keep going. But now I feel whole. You and Ant did that for me."
Phillip took him in his arms then finished unbuttoning his shirt for him. He wanted to worship every inch of him. He wanted to make him feel so good that pain wouldn't even be a memory. If he couldn't do that, then he wanted to just suck him off for hours and send him into the oblivion of sleep exhausted and satisfied.
Once he did just that, Phillip was sleepless and watchful. He couldn't take his eyes off Leon as he snored lightly. He was standing guard over him as if he could hold off nightmares with the force of his will and with his love for Leon. It was stupid, but he still did it. Phillip watched over him and fell in love with him more all the time.