“Alanna stop staring at me,” my heart jumps as I hear his voice.
“I wasn’t.”
“Yes you were and you have been for ages now.” I feel a little embarrassed I was so sure that he was sleeping.
“Okay then you caught me, sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says as he opens his eyes and there they are his startling blue eyes. He turns to look at me and smiles he says,
“It is okay; I stared at you for most of the night.”
I do not know what to say back to him. He is too close in my face and we are holding one another. I think of Adrian and to what he would think if he saw us here. With that thought, I quickly get up and run to the bathroom. I feel bad as if I have done something wrong. I know that I should not have asked Michael to stay last night, but I was scared and I wanted him there. I fear now that he will think that there was more to it, I do not want to lead him on but I do not want to tell him the truth either. I could not handle it if he was to get mad at me and go out of my life. I shake myself and try to fix myself up for the day. I have a long hot shower and put all of this with Michael out of my mind. I get dressed and head out into the oversized Condo. I see Maggie cooking as always and today Jackson is the guard by the door.
“Come get your breakfast dear,” Maggie, says as she holds a plate filled with every kind of food you could mention, I walk over and take a seat. She hands me the plate and I look at the quantity of the food. There is no way I will ever eat all this. I have a few mouthfuls of the scrambled eggs and bite of the toast and already I am full. I can see Maggie look at me, as I poke the food with my fork.
“Are you not hungry dear?”
“Not really, the food is great and thanks for making it but I just can’t eat.”
“Is there something on your mind dear?”
“There is a lot on my mind.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I would love to talk to Maggie she seems like she is a great woman, but I do not know if I should. I know that she tells Adrian when I do not eat and I fear that she would tell him everything I say.
“I am fine; I just have a few things that I need to sort out.”
“May I ask what they are?”
“I have college stuff that needs my attention.”
“I see Miss Hart; I don’t think that college is what you are worrying about.”
“I have exams coming up and I need to study for them but I don’t feel as if it is important right now.”
“Because you are here,”
“Yes, I feel that there is too much going on here for me to worry about college.”
“That’s what love will do to you?”
I begin to think even more that she fishing for information, but I want to talk to her. She is the only girl I have talked to in forever; it makes me think of how much I miss Sophie.
“I can’t think of anything else.”
“That’s not a bad thing tell me dear, how old are you?”
“Twenty-two,”
“You have many years yet to worry about love, but right now you have college and I am guessing that you want to graduate this year?”
“Yes it was the plan.”
“And tell me what is that you want to do after college?”
“I want a job where I can help kids that are in poverty.”
“That’s a wonderful thing that you want to do.”
“My heart breaks every time I think of all the kids out there that are suffering, I want to help them.”
“My advice to you dear would be to study and pass your exams, graduate on time and think about love later. After all Mr Black will wait for you, but the children won’t they need help as soon as possible and they are waiting for a kind loving person like you to help.”
I hear her words and they make sense. Hundreds of kids are out on the streets, suffering and going through the same thing as Adrian has. I have a pang of pain every time I think of what he has been through and if I could just help prevent one child from experiencing that, I smile at Maggie.
“Thanks.”
I walk briskly to my room and close the door behind me. I get my phone and call the Dean at Columbia. “Hello Mrs. Henderson?”
“Yes who am I speaking with?”
“It’s Alanna Hart.”
“Oh Miss Hart how are you?”
“I am good Mrs. Henderson, you said that I would still be able to take my finals does that offer still stand?”
“Of course it does, the exam will be held a week Monday.”
“I see, would it be possible for me to sit the exam at the campus?”
“You haven’t been attending classes and I feel that maybe the board won’t approve of that, can you leave it with me?”
“Yes but I will do whatever it takes.”
“Miss Hart I don’t feel that this will be approved. However as I have said you can take the exam from your home, I could send out a teacher and make sure they supervise you in taking the exam.”
“Can you really do that?”
“Mr Black gave us such a generous and needed donation, I feel that this school owes him for that and I want to repay him by helping you graduate on time. I don’t see how the board can disagree with me on this.”
“Thanks Mrs. Henderson, I will begin studying right away.” That is exactly what I do for the next 48 hours, I study.
Adrian: How is studying?
Alanna: Good,
Adrian: Am I distracting you?
Alanna: No, I was just about to take a break, How are you?
Adrian: I am fine and you.
Alanna: Yes, I am okay, how is business?
Adrian: Really, you are talking to me about business what is wrong Alanna.
Alanna: Nothing is wrong; I am just interested that is all.
Adrian: It has been good baby I have a few new deals.
Alanna: That is good.
Adrian: Alanna you seem different.
Alanna: What makes you think that?
Adrian: The way you are speaking, it seems like you have a lot on your mind please tell me.
Alanna: I do not, I am just studying right now and I have all that in my head.
Adrian: Alanna I know that is not it, tell me the truth.
Alanna: I just cannot get that night out of my head.
Adrian: I knew this would happen if I told you the truth. You think of me differently of me now.
Alanna: No, it is not that Adrian it is the pain and suffering that you went through. The way Alice left you I cannot begin to explain to you the hatred I have for her.
Adrian: Alanna baby, you do not know her. I know that you saw her and you hear me talk about her and she did unforgivable things, but she is not part of our life.
Alanna: How can you say that? She is, I am living in danger because of her.
Adrian: Alanna you are in danger because of me, not Alice.
Alanna: No Adrian, she is the one that brought that man into your life. She was the one that got into debt by him and she is the reason you killed him.
Adrian: Alanna please stop.
Alanna: I am only speaking the truth; you carry around all the guilt, do you not blame her even just a little?
Adrian: Yes, Alanna but what can I do? She left me, she never cared about me do you really expect that she carries guilt?
Alanna: You need to stop feeling guilty. It was not your fault; I cannot go on with you if you do not see that.
Adrian: So what you are saying is if I do not banish my guilt then you will leave me?
Alanna: No, I want you to be able to move on from this, I want to be with you but I cannot have this played out all the time.
Adrian: What are you saying?
Alanna: I feel that we cannot have a life together, until you move past this and stop making it a reason for not being here with me.
Adrian: Alanna I would be there with you, if I could do not you know that.
Alanna: There is nothing stopping you.
Adrian: The Marshalls are stopping me.
Alanna: They already know that I am with you, they have seen us together. They see me with Michael your stepbrother, Adrian there has to be another reason why you are not here.
Adrian: Okay, you want to know the reason.
Alanna: Yes,
Adrian: I cannot watch you die Alanna!
Alanna: That will not happen, and how do you even know for sure that it is the Marshalls, that is after me?
Adrian: They only drive black Lamborghinis!
Alanna: But how many black Lamborghinis are in Manhattan?
Adrian: Alanna is it them, baby I love you and I hope that one day, this will all be a distant memory. However, for now I need to stay in London and you need to stay in that house, okay.
Alanna: Okay, I guess if I do not have a choice.
Adrian: I hate doing this to you, I hate that I have all the control and I wish things were different.
Alanna: You know no one else would stand for this.
Adrian: I know that, I do not deserve you.
Alanna: I love you,
Adrian: Until next time baby,
“Miss Hart dinner,” I hear Maggie at my door I close my laptop and head out into the kitchen. I see that Maggie has made a special effort tonight. She has lit candles and set the huge dining table for two. There are silver platters of food and grand vases filled with white and red roses. I see Michael sitting at one side of the table, dressed in a white shirt and dark blue jeans his usually messy hair is slicked back. If I did not know any better, I would say this looks like a date. I walk over and Michael gets up and pulls out a chair for me. I look at him as sit and cannot help but say,
“What’s all this?”
“Maggie thought you looked a little down and you needed cheering up, so she put this evening together.” I smile over at her and she smiles back pretending that all this was her idea.
“Well thank you Maggie.”
“Would you like a glass of champagne?” Michael says as he opens a bottle of Cristal champagne.
“Sure but what are we celebrating?”
“Nothing I just thought it was your favorite drink.” I smile again at him not holding in my laugh.
“What’s funny Alanna?”
“Nothing,” I quickly straighten my face.
“Have you heard from Adrian?” Michael says as he takes a bite of his food.
“Yes I was just talking to him a few moments ago.”
“Really what was he saying?”
“Just the usual,”
“What’s on your mind?”
“There is a lot on my mind right now.”
“What has you bothered Alanna?”
“Studying, Adrian, the killing and you this house, shall I go on?”
“Me?”
“There has been something I have wanted to talk to you about,” I say and my heart begins to race.
“Good, but can I go first?” Michael says jumping in and not giving me time to protest. Instead, I agree I feel a little cowardly right now anyway.
“Sure,” I say and my heart begins to race less rapidly.
“Alanna, in London you received a single red rose and I am pretty sure you think it was from Adrian, but it wasn’t, it was from me.” I look at him I can see that he is as nervous about this as I am.
“I know, Adrian told me,” I say in a sympathetic voice.
“He did?” Michael says looking shocked and a little embarrassed.
“He did and it is okay, I understand.”
“I am different to Adrian, I love him he is my brother for life but I can’t begin to express my feelings about all this.”
“About what,”
“You in danger, it kills me seeing you here like this.”
“It’s hard on everyone.”
“It’s especially hard on me.” I do not like the way this is going, I was about to tell him everything. How I feel about him and how I feel about Adrian. Now that he is about to say it, how he feels out loud I cannot listen, I get up from the seat and Michael looks at me.
“What’s wrong Alanna?”
“I can’t do this,”
“Do what, you never let me finish.” My head is spinning so I sit back down.
“Alanna I feel things for you, I have for a while and I have tried to put it off and out of my mind, but I can’t.”
“Michael I really care about you and I want you in my life, but I will always love Adrian.” The guilt is pouring from my voice as I say it, I cannot bear to look at him and to see his reaction, have I lost my friend?
“Alanna how can you love him? After all, he is putting you through. If you were with me, you would never be in danger.”
“I know that but even if I die, I will still love Adrian.”
“I can’t be hearing this, are you for real?”
“Yes Michael I really like you and I need you, please can you accept this and carry on being my friend?”
“Come away with me, we can leave and never come back.”
“No Michael you not hearing me,”
“Yes I hear, but this is real Alanna and you can’t feel this way.”
“I do Michael, please understand.” I see him roll his eyes; he gazes at me with the piercing iciness of them.
“Okay Alanna, but know this I will always be here waiting for you, I will never give up on you.”
“I know,” I go over to him and he holds me in his arms. We just sit there for what seems like eternities. I finally break free and head to my room not looking back at him, because if do, I could possibly cave in and say yes to everything he is saying.
Twenty-six
The next few days I spend in my room, I cannot face Michael. I feel so selfish wanting him and loving Adrian at the same time. I cannot begin to describe the way I feel it is as if my whole life has collapsed. I remember what it feels like to be happy and happy to me is the time when Adrian was here in New York. The days we spent watching movies and the nights we sat up talking. I miss him so much and I would give anything if he were here. I look through my phone and see a picture of him that I took when he was not looking. I stare at it for ages talking in his breathtaking looks. His golden skin, his deep green eyes that glow, his full lips that kissed me I close my eyes and remember them on mine. I love him so much and I could forgive anything he does. I know that if everyone knew half the things I do about him, then they would say I was crazy for being with someone like him. I think to what my parents would say and what they would do, I am sure they would have me assessed. Sophie, she already hates Adrian so anything negative she could find out about him would be a bonus. What scares me the most is that the girl I used to be, that one who speaks her mind freely and does not take anything from anyone, she would have thought he was a weirdo and would not want him, she would have run a mile? She would not be in her room pining away for some guy and she certainly would not be in danger for him. However, I feel that she has slipped away and that a more grown up, loved up version has taken her place. I take a second out from studying to check my emails; I see that I have one from my mom,
Alanna darling where are you? I have had a call from Sophie asking if you were with us out here in the Hamptons. Please let me know what is going on, your father and I are worried, we need to know that you are safe. I reply quickly as I do not want to cause my mom and dad any worry,
Hi, Mom I am fine, I needed to take some time out from college. The pressure was staring to take its toll again and I was worried I might have another funny turn. Do not worry I am safe, I am staying with a friend in Soho for a few days to relax. Please Mom, do not worry and make sure Dad does not either, tell Penelope that I love her and I will be home soon, all my love Alanna.
I feel guilty for lying to my mom but it is for the best. I could not put this on my family I would not risk them getting hurt or cause them any further worry. I feel that it is best to keep this a secret from them. I read over the email from my mom again and I gaze a
t the words about Sophie. She called to check on me, I wonder if possibly she is not mad at me anymore. I look through my other emails and I am happy to see one from Sophie, I notice that she is online before I instant message her I open her email.
Hi Alanna you are right we do need to talk, this cannot go on any longer, call me.
I take a deep breath and open the IM chat box,
Alanna: hello
I patently wait for her reply, which surprisingly does not take long.
Sophie: hello how have you been?
Alanna: Okay and you,
Sophie: Good,
Alanna: We need to talk do you have time?
Sophie: Yes, I have time.
Alanna: About everything that happened, I still feel that you were a little out of order however, I am sorry for the things I said to you.
Sophie: I understand how you thought that I was out of order, because I was and I accept your apology however I still stand by what I said.
Alanna: You do, maybe you should explain it all to me again and this time calmly.
Sophie: I do not like the way he controls you, he seems to think that you belong to him and that you should do whatever he says. I know that you love him and what I need you to know is that, love can be blind. I know firsthand how a guy can influence you, look at Chace and me, he cheated and I pretended I did not know and look where I ended up.
Alanna: Adrian and I are nothing like what you and Chace used to be. He loves me and I do love him. He is only controlling because of his past, if you knew then you would understand.
Three Thousand Miles To You,(Three Thousand Miles, Series, Book #1) Page 21