“Alanna you have to see it from my point of view.”
“I do and I know it looks bad, but there is nothing going on.” Katharine racks her brain for what to say next, I can see that her face is changing as she tries to stay whatever is on her mind.
“Alanna maybe I do believe you, but you should be with me. You know how he treated me and you shouldn’t be his friend, if you are mine.” I look to Michael, flashing him a look of sorry for what I am about to say.
“I love Adrian and if I am to be with him, I have to tolerate Michael.” I feel guilty as soon as I say it. I wish I could turn to him and tell him that, it is not just that I have to tolerate him because I am with Adrian. However, it is because I do want him in my life and for my own reasons. Not just the fact that he is family to Adrian however, I cannot I do not want to upset Katharine anymore and what she believes does not have to be the truth. She is a close friend that I do not want to fall out with and if she thinks that I am just tolerating Michael, then I will not let her think otherwise.
“Alanna Okay,” Katharine says and I am shocked when she hugs me. Katharine finally breaks free and I walk again along the hallway with Michael.
“That was a good performance you put on back there.”
“I can’t argue with her and it’s easier on everyone, if she believes that I don’t really like you. You know I didn’t mean what I said, right?”
“Yes, I know.” I smile up at him.
“Would you mind waiting here for a second?” I say to Michael as I stop outside the main office.
“Sure,” I again smile at him. I knock on the office door and Mrs Henderson tells me to come in.
“Miss Hart, how lovely to see you,” She says smiling from ear to ear, I cannot help but think of how needed that donation was. When I first started here at Columbia, Mrs Henderson was not my biggest fan.
“How can I help you?”
“I was wondering about finals, has the board reached a decision yet?”
“The decision is to be expected today.”
“I see and how do you think it will go?”
“To be honest, I would be surprised if they approved you. However, they are most happy with the size and the generosity of the donation from Mr Black, which could possibly tip the scales in your favor.”
“Can you give me a call to let me know the outcome?”
“Of course, now have a nice day.”
I go out into the hall and see Michael standing surrounded by girls. There is one of every hair color and they are all fighting for his attention. I look at how pathetic they look and how they are so desperate, to gather round him like that. Nevertheless, why do I care? They are only looking at a cute guy and there is no harm in that, but I feel uneasy about it. I know that Michael can talk to as many girls as he likes, but that does not mean that I want him to. I walk over and take his arm; I look up to him and say,
“Let’s go now, okay?” He looks at me but does not say a word. He nods to girls and walks away with me. I let go of his arm when we reach the room. Michael has look of confusion on his face and I try not to notice it, as I do not want to explain to him what just happened. I rummage in my bag and find the key, as I open the door I see Michael take out his phone. I turn to him,
“Who is that?”
“Adrian, he is wondering if I got the package yet.” I say nothing back to him; I just walk silently into the room. As I do, I feel sadness wash over me, I miss my room, I miss my life here at college and all this being here, is making me miss it so much more. I long to be back at Columbia with Sophie, dealing with her boy drama and Katharine upset about her brothers latest girlfriend. Life used to be so simple, how did it get so complicated so fast?
“So where is it?” Michael says, his tone seems different but I do not let on that I notice.
“It’s over here,”
I walk over to the dresser and see the round package. I grab it and take off the outer layer of wrapping. Inside there is a round pink box, I carefully open it and what I see, is beyond what I was expecting. I cannot even speak, I just hand the box to Michael and when he sees what is in it, he grabs my arm and whisks me out the door. We walk so fast down the hallway that I do not even see the people to me they are just a haze. Michael opens the car door and waits for me to get in. He slams it shut and instructs the driver to take us back to the Condo. He again opens the box and his face drains white when he sees again, what is inside.
“What do you think this means?”
“Alanna what do you think it means!” Michael says almost shouting. I know what it means, but I cannot say it, I cannot even think it. We sit in silence as the car drives home. When we arrive back at the house Michael still has not said a word. He looks at me and he cannot bear this. I know that he wants to scream at the pitch of his voice, he looks so angry more so than I have ever seen before. I go over to him, but he turns away.
“Michael, please talk to me.”
“I can’t, what I want to say, what I want to do, is make you see sense.”
“Michael everything will be okay.”
“How can you say that?”
“I have to, I can’t give in to this feelings, If did, then I wouldn’t go on.”
“Alanna I will ask you one more time, please come away with me and forget all this.”
“I can’t, I love Adrian and I have to accept all this.”
“How can you, there are people who are going to kill you, we now know that for sure and you still stand by him.”
“That’s what you do, when you love someone.”
“Alanna, I love you!” I try not to hear his words and I cannot look at his face.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you.”
“I love you, Alanna.”
“I can’t do this I am sorry,” I try to walk away but Michael stops me.
“Let’s go away, I know you feel the same way about me.”
“I don’t and if I did, then it would be so much easier.” I say looking away from him; I cannot look at the sadness that fills his eyes.
“If you don’t feel something for me, then why did you get jealous, when I was talking to the girls?”
“I didn’t,” I look down at ground and Michael puts his hands around my face, pulling it back up, so I that have to look at him.
“Alanna please,” I feel tears begin to fill my eyes, I want to break free from his grasp but I cannot I just stand there frozen. So close to him with his hands around my face, I close my eyes at least then I will not have to look at him, while I break his heart. As soon as my eyes close, I feel Michael’s lips on mine. They are soft and gentle a lot different to Adrian, I stand still not opening my eyes, and he finally pulls back after what seems like forever. I open my eyes and he is gazing at me. He looks as if he might do it again, so loosen his hands from my face and step several steps back from him. I see confusion in his eyes; I cannot believe I let him do that. Suddenly a flash of Adrian’s face rushes around in my head. I have to let Michael know, that kiss did not mean anything. I cannot have him think that I feel the same way about him.
“Michael that was wrong, you shouldn’t have done that.”
“You didn’t protest!”
“I was in shock, I was about to cry, any way I never kissed you back.”
“Alanna stop it, you are refusing to see how you feel about me.”
“No Michael, I know how I feel about you.”
“Then I think it’s time you told me!” I feel dizzy and I do not think I stand straight, but I have to make myself talk to him, I cannot let this go on.
“I like you a lot and I want to be your friend. I don’t love you I never will as long as I am with Adrian.”
“Then leave him and be with me.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what do you mean!”
“It will always be him, I am sorry.”
“No why did you lead me on like that, if you didn’t feel something?�
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“I never I just wanted to be your friend, I am sorry if you feel that I lead you on.”
“Alanna this can’t be it, there has to be more. I can’t go on feeling like this, I need you, be with me!”
“I can’t, I love Adrian.”
“What if you met me first, would I have had a chance?”
“Don’t, do this to yourself.”
“Tell me!”
“I don’t know, maybe, Michael I really care about you and I have gotten to know the real you and I feel I want you in my life but as friends, please say you will be?”
“You can’t have it both ways Alanna!” I exhale and say,
“So what now then?”
“You think that I can watch you with him, I hate him for what he is doing to you.”
“Don’t say that he is your brother, you love him don’t lose what you have with him, over me.”
“Alanna this conversation is over now.”
I look at him, thinking how much things have changed in an instant. He was my friend and I cared about him so much, now when he looks at me and I know that he feels nothing. Michael walks away not even looking back, I hear him bang the door. I close my eyes for a second and then I walk to my room. I go in and through myself on the bed by now, I cannot hold back my tears any longer and they are flowing down my face. How did all this happen? I had such a great morning, making up with Katharine then everything turned sour. Michael hates me and I think his relationship with Adrian is over. I feel awful, Adrian never had any family until Michael, his family took him in, and now I feel that I have taken all that away from him. I lie fully down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. My phone starts to ring, so I sit up, clear my voice and take the call.
“Hello,”
“Hi Miss Hart, its Mrs. Henderson.”
“Oh, hello,”
“I am calling to let you know about tomorrow’s exam.”
“Yes,”
“I have great news; the board has approved you can take the exam, at the campus.”
“Wow, that’s great, thanks.”
“No problem, good luck for tomorrow and say HI to Mr Black.”
“I will goodbye.”
I through my phone on the bed and hold my head in my hands. Now I have to go back to Columbia, great another thing that I have to tell Adrian. He will hate the fact that I am going back to college, even if it is just for one day. He will be so angry and guaranteed he will try to stop it. I also have to tell him about what was in the package and that will not help the situation with college. Then I will have to let him know, about Michael and about the fact that he kissed me. I cannot bear all the stress I just want to disappear. My phone again begins to ring, I take it in my hand and this time it is Adrian.
“Alanna, are you Okay?”
“Yes I am fine.”
“How dare do you go to that college, do you realize how worried I was?”
“Adrian I am fine, please let it go.”
“No, I will not let it go, I told you not to and you didn’t anyway.”
“Adrian if you would just be quiet for one second. There I have something; well actually I have a few things that I need to tell you.”
“Go on then!” He says in a sharp tone.
“Michael kissed me,” The phone is silent but I can hear the rage in his breath.
“When,”
“Today,”
“What happened tell me everything?” I take a deep breath and begin.
“I was upset about what was in the package, and when I got back to the condo I could see that Michael was upset too. He started to say that he loved me and he wants me to go away with him, I tried to tell him no and that we were just friends and that I loved you. I was about cry and I closed my eyes for a second and he kissed me.”
“I see did you kiss him back?”
“No I wouldn’t, the only person I would kiss, is you.”
“So he does love you and he wants you to go away with him?”
“Yes, but I made sure that he knows that I don’t feel the same way about him, are you mad with me?”
“No I am mad at him.”
“No Adrian don’t be, he is your brother and don’t argue over me, please don’t.”
“What was in the package?”
“It was a pink round box, with a bullet inside, wrapped in a red bow.” The phone is again silent.
“Alanna when is your exam?”
“Tomorrow and I have to take it at the campus.”
“No way, that is not happening.”
“Adrian I have to.”
“Are you crazy, you just told me that you were sent a bullet and you want to go back there?”
“I need to graduate on time.”
“No you can graduate anytime, you need to live Alanna.”
“And I will,”
“Please Alanna you didn’t do as I said today, but please don’t do that again.”
“Adrian I have to.”
“Baby, I will not tell you again.”
“Adrian, you can’t do this to me.”
“I want to keep you alive. It’s not as if I am doing this to hurt you.”
“I need this Adrian,”
“Alanna no,”
I hang up on him; I cannot listen to him telling me what to do. He does not understand how important this is to me. If he loved me, then he would let me do this. I have security and it is only for an hour or so. Why does he have to be like this? I think of Michael, if I were with him then he would let me do this. If only I could love Michael, everything would be so much easier. He is the easiest option and my head would choose him, but my heart wants Adrian and even though he is so controlling and over protective, I wish it did not, but it makes me love him more. I lay on the bed for ages, not doing anything. Instead just lying there, thinking of everything and back to a more simple time. Back to when all I had to worry about, was what dress I would wear to the latest event. Now I spend most of my days and nights, worrying about people who want to kill me and fearing that I am leading on my boyfriend’s brother. My life has changed so much in such a short space of time. I was happy at college and living to me what was a dull, but still with the odd sparkle, life. I never had anything to worry about and I took it for granted. Now I wonder if my life is over, Adrian and Michael would not be acting this way if it were not. The words of Michael still echo in my mind, how he wanted me to go away with him and how that he hated Adrian. However, the one thing that he said and it is what sticks in my mind the most, is that he loves me. Most girls never have the chance to experience love and never have one amazing person love her but two. Many girls out there deserve this love more than I do. I wish that Michael would see that, move on he deserves to be happy, and loved by someone who would do anything for him. I wish that he were still with Katharine, she would treat him right and love him, in fact I think she already does. If he could only see that and forget about me, then that would be one worry off my mind.
Adrian has been texting and calling all night, but I do not have the courage to answer. I fear what he will say and I really do not want to fight with him anymore. Instead, I wish he were here with me, I wish he would hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay. I hate that he is three thousand miles away and I wish that I could go to him. I know that he is freaking out now, because he is on instant message and he hates that. I feel guilty for not answering him, but it is my own selfishness of not wanting to argue, that over rides the guilt.
Adrian: Baby, I am sorry please, talk to me.
Alanna: Adrian what can I say?
Adrian: You do not have to say anything just, listen.
Alanna: Okay
Adrian: I am not happy about Michael taking you away today and I am not happy about him kissing you. However, I do respect the fact that this is hard on him. If it were I, I would be the same. I would be telling you to get as far away as you could, but Alanna it is your choice and you say that you love me. I hate that you are in danger
and I hate that I have put you there. I have guilt that goes beyond the guilt of killing David, for what I have done to you. I love you and I want you to be safe, I don’t like that I have to tell you what to do all the time, I have no right but I can’t stop and I can’t let you go back to that college tomorrow.
Alanna: I understand all that, but you do not understand how important this is to me.
Adrian: I do understand, but you cannot take a risk like that.
Alanna: Is every day I am with you, not a risk?
Adrian: Yes, Alanna but hopefully one day this will all be over and you and we can be together.
Alanna: Then make that day today, come here and be with me. You can look after me and not Michael.
Adrian: You are right; it is my entire fault that Michael got so involved, I was the one that sent him to you and I made him stay with you, in that house.
Alanna: You did that because you knew how he felt, and you knew that he would look after me. Because that is what you would do.
Adrian: Baby I want to come to you is that okay?
Alanna: Yes, please Adrian I need you.
Adrian: If I do then there is no going back, if you want to change your mind then do it now. If there is even a doubt in your mind, of how you feel about me, if you feel that perhaps Michael would be better for you, then tell me now.
Alanna: It is you it will always be you.
Adrian: Are you sure? Because its forever now?
Alanna: Yes, Adrian I am sure.
Adrian: There is one more thing,
Alanna: What,
Adrian: If we are to be together, then you have to do as I say.
Alanna: What do you mean?
Adrian: I have never trusted anyone in my life and I trust you. There will always be doubts in my mind about everything and if you want to be with me, then you would have to live a certain way.
Alanna: Adrian, what are you getting at?
Adrian: I will always live in London. I need you to understand that if you were to be with me, I would take the control. I would get you a private airplane so that you can visit your family anytime, but I will never move to America. I love you, and I will give you everything you ever wanted, in return, you have to do as I say.
Alanna: I respect everything you are saying, but I will not be your puppet.
Three Thousand Miles To You,(Three Thousand Miles, Series, Book #1) Page 23