Adrian: I do not want a puppet I want you. Understand, I would never make you do anything you did not want, but I want you to have the best lifestyle possible. I want to look after you and I want you to love me and obey me.
Alanna: Adrian you sound crazy obey you, it is not the 1800’s.
Adrian: No, it is not but that is how it has to be, if you are to be with me.
Alanna: I do not want to be without you so okay, I will do it. However, if you ever hurt me, or make me do something that I do not want, then I will leave and you will never see me again.
Adrian: I will not do that to you, you have my word Alanna.
Alanna: Okay, I trust you, when will you be here?
Adrian: I will get on the next flight, are you sure about this?
Alanna: Be here as soon as you can and yes, I am sure.
Alanna: Adrian, before you go there is something I have wanted to ask you.
Adrian: Yes, Alanna,
Alanna: When I first met you, you asked me if I had any boyfriends before. I was wondering, why you wanted to know that.
Adrian: I feel that it is better to be with a girl that has no previous relationship experiences. Therefore, she would not have anything to compare me to do you understand?
Alanna: Kind of, I get where you are coming from girls do tend to base a new relationship on the ones they have already had. However, you should not make that an issue if you like the girl and want to be her, what if I said that I did have boyfriends, what would you have said?
Adrian: Have you had boyfriends?
Alanna: No Adrian I have not, but what if I did?
Adrian: I am not going to lie to you I would have been disappointed. However, I do not think that reason would be enough, for me not to pursue you. I would not live without you Alanna.
Alanna: Adrian may I ask, how many girlfriends you have had?
Adrian: I would not be fair if you did not, besides you, I have only had one other actual girlfriend, but I will not lie to you, I have been with many girls.
Alanna: Girls I am fine with, but girlfriend, how was she?
Adrian: Do you really want to know this?
Alanna: Yes, tell me.
Adrian: Her name is, Zara Tomas.
Alanna: A name is nothing; I want you to tell me more about her.
Adrian: We met at horse race in the country, I was twenty and she was thirty-one. Zara is from a very respectable family who mix with the royals; however, Zara is very rebellious, she does not like, people telling her what to do and no one can control her.
Alanna: She sounds a lot different to me and that is quite a large age gap, how long where you with her?
Adrian: About a year, I would say
Alanna: A year, what happened?
Adrian: Zara was a lot different to you, she was very demanding and everything had to go her way. She moved me into an apartment in Chelsea and that was merely to control me. She always needed to know where I was and she hated it if I talked to any other girls. I was young and about to own my own company, everything was new to me and this woman showed interest. She was not like the other girls I had been with; she was a grown up compared to them. She was married at the time I got with her, lot of how she felt about me was obsessive, and she used me to make her husband jealous.
Alanna: Adrian, you had an affair with a married woman.
Adrian: I am not proud of it; I would never want to experience that feeling of cheating and sneaking around ever again.
Alanna: Did her husband find out?
Adrian: He knew that she was with someone else and he gave her an ultimatum. He asked her to forget whoever he was and never think of him again or to carry on with her lover, and lose everything.
Alanna: What did she choose?
Adrian: She chose him, she hurt me and it took me while to get over the pain, which it brought back to me. Nevertheless, I am glad that she left. Thinking back on my time with her, I realize that I had no choices and I did what she said. She took the control from me, but when she left, I got it back.
Alanna: Did you love her?
Adrian: I was so desperate to love someone that I forced myself to love to her, but baby; I could never love anyone, the way I do you.
Alanna: I never thought of you with anyone like her, did the age difference not bother you?
Adrian: I never thought about it, it was never an issue.
Alanna: Was she beautiful?
Adrian: She was pretty, but nothing compared to you.
Alanna: You have to say that,
Adrian: I am not just saying it Alanna it is true. You are more beautiful than she will ever be.
Alanna: If you say so, you still have not told me what she looks like.
Adrian: She is very tall and lean, she has dark blonde hair and blue eyes that when you gaze into them, you can tell she is not happy. Although she was only thirty-one, at the time, she seemed older in her manner her face was always stressed and she never smiled.
Alanna: She sounds crazy to me!
Adrian: Alanna, do not be like that.
Alanna: Like what, she does seem a little crazy, was she not?
Adrian: She had issues with her family, she felt they never understood her and she always felt the outcast.
Alanna: Okay, I have heard enough about her now.
Adrian: Alanna baby, are you jealous?
Alanna: No, I just do not want to talk about her anymore, okay.
Adrian: Okay, I will not mention her again. I have to go just now, until next time baby!
I read back over Adrian’s texts and the part when he asked me if was jealous, although I told him that I was not. I cannot help but feel that I am and I never expected him to be with someone like that. Someone who was older and married, he was young and she should have known better. However, I am jealous. I hate to think of her with him. I wonder if he possibly he did love her and that he just told me that he did not, to protect me from the truth.
Twenty-eight
The following morning I wake with such a headache. Caused mainly by the amount I cried last night and the lack of sleep, as I had to stay up late studying. I think back to the conversation I had with Adrian last night. My mind whirls at the thought that he said he was going to be here today. I think back over his words and of what his conditions were, he wants to control everything I do he expects me to live a certain way. I know all this about him, all I have to do is look around and I know that he is the one in control. I wonder how different my life will be once he gets here, and I cannot help but feel that possibly, this Zara Tomas has made him like this. He did say to me that she was a control freak, he had no choices about anything, and that does ring a bell with me. Did she mess him up even more than Alice did? I try to put all the Adrian worry out of my mind for now, after all, he said he will be here today sometime and he never goes back on his word. I take a shower and blow-dry my hair and I pick out a new pair of jeans from the bag and dark blue button up sweater. I through on my shoes and little lip-gloss and head out into the oversized Condo. I look around discreetly and I wonder how Michael will act today? As I walk into the kitchen, I see that Maggie has already set out my breakfast. She smiles as she sees me and points me to sit down, so I do.
“How are you this morning Miss Hart?”
“I don’t suppose that you have anything, for a headache?”
“Let me go check.”
I pick at the stack of pancakes and bacon that Maggie has made for me. Not able to even force down a bite or two instead, I sip at the coffee that she has also left out for me. I see Maggie head back into the kitchen carrying a bottle of pills. She takes out two and hands me a glass of water.
“Here you go, this should do the trick.” I take the pills and water from her.
“Are you not hungry again?” I look at her apologetically, I feel sorry when I do not eat the food she makes me, with such a passion.
“I had a bit of a rough day yesterday.”
“Oh dear, and you have a big
day today, how are you feeling about your exams?”
“I feel okay, about it.”
“I am sure you will do great.” I smile at her, I really do like her and I can tell that she is a very caring person. Her family must really be proud and grateful for her.
“Thanks, has Michael been out yet for breakfast?” I say, trying not to let her realize that I have not spoken to him since yesterday.
“No I haven’t seen him yet,” I let out a sigh not recognizing that I did.
“That boy loves you.” I cannot believe, that she has observed this.
“But the trouble is my dear; you don’t feel the same way back.”
“I really care about him, but I love Adrian.”
“Mr Black?”
“Yes sorry, Adrian Black.”
“It’s hard for the boy, I have watched him and he looks at you as if you are the answer to everything. The other night he asked me to arrange that whole dinner for you.”
“I sort of knew that Maggie, I want him as a friend but I feel now that I have told him how I really feel, that it’s not enough to just be friends.”
“He will come around don’t worry about him. Just think happy thoughts of your exam results that will make you feel better.”
“Maggie most people would be telling me that classes and exams aren’t the most important thing. Most people would say, concentrate on love, why are you different?”
“I know firsthand what it’s like to give up a dream, for love.”
“What did you give up, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“I wanted to be a journalist.”
“Wow, what happened?”
“I was at college in Chicago, when my teacher sent me out on a work experience program. I was so excited I was getting to experience what it was like to work, at a real newspaper. When I arrived, I was scared and did not know what to expect. But there was someone there to help make it an easy transition.”
“A guy,”
“Yes and to me he was the most beautiful man I ever saw. He had jet black hair and had green eyes, Michael reminds me of him except for the eye color. Anyway, he showed me how to be a real journalist and I fell head over heels for him. Everything about him mesmerized me, I fell in love with his accent, he was British and I never met someone who talked the way he did. He hypnotized me and I loved him.”
“Maggie that is great story,”
“I am not finished yet.”
“Sorry, go on.”
“He was great at first, he couldn’t do enough for me and he took me to all the best places. He would buy me all sorts of gifts, but when I went back to college, he became a little possessive. He started calling every minute and he would not allow me to talk to any other men. Eventually I switched colleges to be nearer him, so he did not have to worry about me so much and we could continue to date. However, I became pregnant and that gave me no choice but to drop out and give up my dream for a while. Edward assured me that I would go back to college once the baby was born. He never asked me to marry him but instead just to move in with him. Once our daughter Emma, was born that’s when everything changed.” “Am I boring you dear?”
“No, not at all, please go on.”
“Edward began to stay out all night and then I wouldn’t see him for days. I heard that he had been with other women, but I was so in love I tried to ignore it. When Emma turned one year old, Edward did the thing that I always feared he would. He left us and I have never seen or heard from him since. You see Miss Hart,”
“Please call me, Alanna.”
“Alanna, I had dreams and they got distinguished because of my love for one man,” she says and I can see that she still has pain over this.
“Yes and I am sorry for that, but you got your daughter from him, didn’t that not make it all worthwhile?”
“Yes, Emma is the most important thing in my life and I am blessed that I have her. However, life was hard for us and I had no time for college. I was working two dead end jobs for poor money, I could not provide her with the things she deserved and I felt awful for that. But later on in life I met Ryan and he showed me how to believe in love again.”
“That is delightful that you now have someone who treats you right, how old is your daughter now?”
“She is twenty and is just about to start college; I will make sure that she follows her dreams. I want you to see that college and your career is worth it, it is not all about love when you are young and free and you should not be tied down to anyone. You should follow your dreams and Alanna I want to know that Mr Black, might not be Mr Perfect.”
“I really appreciate you sharing and your advice; you are an amazing woman Maggie.”
She smiles and taps me on the hand ever so gently. How could this Edward have done a thing like that to her? She is so kind and although she does not wear any make up and she looks tired. You can certainly tell that she is a pretty woman; I never really noticed before perhaps I was to self-involved in whatever I was doing to pay attention to her. She has short dark hair and dark eyes the kind of look that Adrian would not approve of. She is a slim and under the baggy white uniform, I am sure there is a great figure. I compare Maggie’s situation with that of Alice’s and how different there approaches to it was. Alice abused Adrian and Maggie loves her daughter, she cared enough for her to put her dreams off and work two jobs to pay the bills. Whereas Alice would leave Adrian for days while she was, out drinking and beat him when she finally returned. I cannot help but think of how similar Emma and Adrian’s encounters with their fathers were. I am sure that she does not have any issues and it seems like, from what Maggie told me Emma is a great young woman and she owes all that, to having a great mom like Maggie. I have listened to what Maggie had to say on love and I am happy that she has finally met her perfect man in, Ryan. I move over to the couch and take out my study book from my bag, which I left out here yesterday. As I look over the words and try to take them in. I realize that perhaps I should take my college life more seriously. After all Maggie is, right I am young and I have plenty time to fall in love and be with Adrian. However, that thought is paralyzing, I could never even think of my life without him. Every morning I wake up, he is the first thing I think of and the last before I go to sleep at night. I do think of others, my family and my friends but none do I think of in the same way as I do Adrian. I wonder where he is, he told me that he would be here today, what is taking him so long? I close my book, I hear Michael talking on his phone he is speaking too fast, and I cannot make out what he is saying. Everything goes quiet and I see the door begin to open. Michael pushes open the door and walks into the kitchen area. As he walks over to the coffee pot and pours himself a coffee, he does not even for second turn to look at me. He must be mad at me and he will think I am crazy for the way I am staring over at him. I turn my head and look down at my lap where my phone is. I neurotically take the phone and start to flick through the pages, trying to distract myself. I stare at the screen moving it back and forth with my finger. I do not even see what is on the phone all I know is that it is stopping me, from talking to Michael. I feel the tension in the air like ice. I want to talk to him, but I cannot. I really feel that if I did, then any chance I would have of making it up with him, would be in ruins. He seems different towards me now it is as if he cannot bear to look at me, I have to hold back a tear as I think that, I have lost him. He will not stay here any longer, now that he and I have broken our bonds. The bonds we had were superior to any other I had before with anyone even, Adrian. He got me on a level that no other did. He has had the same background and the same pressures from the media. He understood me more than anyone did and I really, have gotten to feel the same way about him. I fear that he will not be in my life anymore and there is something inside me, which is paralyzed by that thought. He is the one person on this earth that I really need. A need that I cannot explain, it goes beyond friendship but not as far as love. I was surprised I fell for Adrian in the way that I did, but nothing s
hocks me more than my feelings for Michael. I look over at him and I think that this could be the last time that I ever see him. He said that I could not have it both ways and that he would not watch me with Adrian. I am sure that he knows that, Adrian is on his way and I feel deeply saddened by the fact that, once Adrian gets here, Michael no longer will be. I gaze at his face and he looks sad and over stressed. As I gaze at him longer, he turns to me and our eyes meet. I resist the urge to look away instead, I look at him, I want to take in all his features and I want to remember him. He stares at me motionless, he finally blinks and I cannot hold it back any longer. I rush over to him,
“Michael please can we sort this out?” He does not answer me he just keeps on staring.
“Michael I care about you, I want you in my life.”
“You say all this, yet you say that you don’t have feelings for me,” he says in a slow dark voice.
“Michael I care so much about you, however I love Adrian and I always will. The way I feel about you is different, it is as if you get me in a way that no one else does and I can’t lose you, I need you to be in my life.”
“If Adrian is all that you want, then why are you saying this to me?”
“Because it’s the truth and I don’t want to lie to you anymore, Adrian is on his way, but that doesn’t mean that you have to go.”
“I didn’t know that and I wasn’t planning to leave you here alone, my truth is that, I love you and if you say to me now that you don’t feel the same way, then I will go and let you be with him.”
“I don’t want you to go, have you been listening to anything, I have been saying.”
“Yes I hear all your words, but Alanna you can’t be as selfish as that, to expect me to stay even though nothing will ever happen, why would you put me through that?”
“Because I need you, I don’t want to wake up knowing that I won’t see you. My feelings for you are strange and I can’t explain them to myself, let alone to you, but please don’t go!”
“Alanna I can’t stay, I won’t torture myself by watching you with him. I will stay until he gets here, then I am going back to London.”
Three Thousand Miles To You,(Three Thousand Miles, Series, Book #1) Page 24