by Dora Bramden
“Goodbye, Alessandro. We’ll see you if you come to Melbourne.”
“Papà,” said Alex. He pointed his finger and his face lit up.
The air froze in her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. He’d called him Papà. She was taking her son away from his papà.
“Katrina, stay. Not because I force you to. Stay because you just might love me, too.”
“That was never the problem, Alessandro. I left the first time because I loved you. I’m leaving now for the same reason.” Her love wasn’t returned. Alex would grow up with his mother a pining shell of a woman if she gave in and lived a half life with a man who didn’t really want her. Somehow she made her legs move, and walked through the boarding doors.
“No, COME BACK …. Katrina?”
Tears wet her cheeks. Alex began to grizzle. The carpet in the hall seemed to be ten inches thick. It sapped her energy just to put one foot in front of the other, but she forced her feet to keep moving. The hostess took Alex from her arms when she reached the plane door.
“What’s wrong?”
“It was hard saying goodbye. Give me some time, I’ll be all right.”
“Oh, I see.” She nodded. “I’ll take you to your seat.”
The vacant hall beyond the boarding lounge doorway could have been Alessandro’s heart. When he’d come home two years ago and found her empty wardrobe and her thin gold band on the dressing table, he’d not let himself feel the emptiness that ached now in every blood cell. He’d shut it down with anger that also fueled his performance in F1 racing and successive World Championships.
His cara sposa had left again, this time with his bello baby boy in her arms. He stood alone in an airport lounge. Everything he really cared about had disappeared. He burned with anger at himself. He’d lost them both, not in the last two minutes, but two years ago. She was pregnant when he let her walk away without a fight. He hadn’t fought for her or the promise of the family they would one day have.
He’d been so stupid. At first he hoped she’d stop being angry and come back. He was too angry and proud to chase after her when she took off without even reading a text message. He didn’t deserve her and that’s why she boarded the flight with his son, she couldn’t trust him to be there when she needed him.
That night he’d callously left her alone, she’d gone out driving in an upset state looking for him in the rain. He’d been too proud to beg a woman to come home. She’d gone after him, three months pregnant and tried to find him and had been turned away. This time there hadn’t a shred of pride. He needed to go after her and beg her to believe him. The ticket hurriedly purchased so he could pass through customs was useless. Her flight was sold out; he’d bought a ticket to the first flight available. A short haul flight to Paris.
He had to find a way to commit to her that she could believe because she was the only one for him. His beautiful wife didn’t believe any man would ever really love her the way he did. He loved her with a passion so fierce it threatened to take over his life. He wanted it to take over. He wanted her to share it forever.
Maybe that’s why he let her go the first time. Maybe pride was an excuse to keep his feelings hidden. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge such a passion. He’d channeled it into racing. Loving this woman and their child made him feel more of a man than winning any championship had.
He stood there until the last passengers had boarded and the flight attendants closed the door. He wished more than hoped she’d have a change of mind and come back out again. She’d faltered for a second, when he called out to her. She’d looked back when she’d heard him. But then she left anyway. Black despair engulfed him when her shoulders hunched as she turned and walked faster away.
He threw the useless ticket into the bin as he made his way out of the Aeroporto Malpensa terminals and back to the car park. He drove to the Milano townhouse. The modern facade opened up. As he drove into the underground car park he began to hatch a plan.
Refreshed from his shower, he rang Janet in Melbourne. She was able to provide him with the information he required. A phone call to a well-known Melbourne fashion mogul followed. Next a call to his Mamma and after that he began making the necessary arrangements. It was 10 p.m. when Alessandro completed them. Exhausted, he turned out the light.
Alex had finished his breakfast and amused himself playing with a few block on the tray of his freshly wiped down high chair when Katrina heard Janet’s knock on the front door. The wall clock in the small kitchen showed 8.00 a.m. She was punctual as ever. Katrina undid his seat restraint and carried him to the front door.
She held Alex on her hip and the door wide open with her free hand. She was about to say come in but instead of Janet, standing in front of her was a very familiar looking man even though she’d never met him in person. Her mouth went dry as she recoiled, closing the door. He put his hand out and stopped the door swinging mid-arc.
“I think it’s time we met. I’m Alex’s uncle, Jarrod Bainbridge.”
Her half-brother standing on her front porch looked taller in person. Above six feet two inches at least. “I know who you are.”
“Please, can I come in?” He glanced at her but Alex took most of his focus. He smiled at him and Alex smiled back.
The urge to hug her half-brother but also slap his face warred within.
“Depends. Why now? What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything. I want to offer you something, for you and Alex.”
The creaking of the front gate drew Katrina’s attention to Janet coming in from next door.
“All right, Jarrod, you can come in. Just go down the hall to the lounge, I’ll be there in a minute.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
Katrina stepped aside to let him pass and he walked down the hall. Her brother was in her house. She’d dreaded it and wanted this with so much upset in the past that she’d wrapped all the emotion up like a tangled ball of wool and had refused to unpick it. Maybe he could offer her a place to start. Being Alex’s mother made her want to.
“Janet can you take Alex as is? I’ve got a sudden thing happening.”
“Sure, I’ve got a spare set of everything at my place.” She lifted Alex from Katrina’s arms. Her face seemed serious. “I recognized who that is, give him a hearing. Do it for you and Alex.”
“What do you know about this? Did he contact you?”
“No, he didn’t. Take the day off. I’ve got Alex for the day anyway. Let the Australian Ballet be second for once. Put yourself first today.”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know for sure, but you have to go back into your house to find out.” She skipped down off the porch, down the path, and back into her house. Alex waved his hand back at Katrina, smiling so much that his cheeks plumped and made his eyes half close. He was no doubt happy to go and play with Janet.
The brother she’d never met paced the lounge room floor. The toys that had littered the floor had been put in the playpen in the corner.
“You didn’t need to clean up.”
“It’s better than twisting my ankle on a toy racing car.”
“You could sit down, that would be safe.”
“After you.”
She sat in her favorite armchair and he chose the seat opposite.
“You said you had something you wanted to give Alex and me.”
“Yes, I do. I just worry that you won’t want it.”
“Try me.”
“I’m your brother. Although growing up, I didn’t know but when I found out I came to meet you. Remember what happened?”
Of course she did. It wasn’t long after their father had died. “Yes. I remember.”
“Why didn’t you want to meet me?”
“Because…” This was hard. She didn’t want to trash the memory of his father.
“It wasn’t what your father wanted.”
“Is that why you refused the money, too?”
“I only wanted one thing from your father
, to be recognized as his child. He refused. He died without giving me permission to call him my dad or you my brother. I made up my mind to stop wanting what I couldn’t have. That’s all.”
“He was wrong, Katrina. He didn’t have the right to keep you, my own sister from me, or your brother from you.”
“He mightn’t have had the right, but he had the means. He made it impossible for me to be in his or your life.” Shame like a double-sided blade sunk into the flesh of her back and pierced her heart. She’d been bought off and she remembered it like it was happening at this very moment. Jarrod looked a lot like his father. He had the same hawk-like nose and dark descending eyebrows. But the mouth was softer. Not thin and hard as his father’s had been when he’d laid down his ultimatum.
“I always thought, he was wrong to keep us apart. But since I had Alex and I know how a parent feels about their child, what they’ll do to protect them. I have a better understanding of his motives now.”
“Why didn’t you defy him and come and see me? What did he hold over you? It must have been something. I know my father.” Jarrod’s words held a thread of bitterness.
Katrina guessed he’d also been subjected to his father’s manipulating ways. Even so she didn’t want to reveal her shameful secret. All her fame and success at Ballet was bought. But when she made that bargain she hadn’t considered her future children. She hadn’t considered what the cost would be to her son. That making this kind of deal would echo through generations, hadn’t been contemplated at the age of thirteen. The enormity of it now, crushed her resistance to speaking out. She didn’t want this secret to hanging over Alex’s head, she needed to tell Jarrod. Let him know she wouldn’t be treated like that ever again.
“I wanted to be a dancer. Your father…”
“Our father.”
“Alright, our father paid for my tuition at the Australian Ballet School. He would stop paying if I…”
“Stop.” Jarrod stood up. He paced the room for a minute then came and bent down in front of her. He took both her hands in his. “I’m sorry.”
He was sorry. She’d let herself be bought and he was sorry.
“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not like me.”
“How old were you?”
“Thirteen.”
He sucked in a whistle of air. “Not long after your parents died in a car accident, right?”
“Yes.” An image of her mother and father bloodied and lifeless in the front seat accompanied a stab of pain that froze her lungs. Her knee had been trapped; she remembered screaming in pain as she was pulled from the wreck. She pushed the memories away. “Do we really need to go over this?”
“You’re my little sister and I haven’t been there for you. I didn’t know about this deal Dad made with you.” He stood and went back to his chair. His hands balled into fists. He breathed hard through his flared nostrils. “Katrina, you were a child, he should have been there for you. We all should have.”
She’d never really believed she deserved anything. But Alessandro’s mother had accepted the daughter her husband had fathered and raised her as her own. Maria had a loving older brother in Alessandro. Here was her own older brother wanting to be a part of her life and it wasn’t their father who stopped that now, but herself. Her own father had raised her even though she was the natural daughter of another man. Although he didn’t love her as he did her half-sisters, he’d been there trying to.
“I had convinced myself that your father was waiting for me to come to him so we could be together, when I found out about my biological heritage. I hoped I’d finally be wanted. The man who raised me knew I wasn’t his. He tried to love me but couldn’t help resenting my existence. When our father didn’t want me either, I took his money and hid the shame of my birth.”
“You haven’t done anything to be ashamed of. I’m here to offer you and Alex an apology. I don’t have any other siblings. You have your two sisters, but I don’t have anyone. I hope you’ll let me be a part of your lives and accept the apology my father should have given you. Would have given you if I’d found out about this during my life time.
“I believe, from the letter he left me, he denied you because he was afraid of losing my mother and me. Katrina I’m sorry for what he did, I’m sorry and I want to fix this. I want us to be family.”
“Why now Jarrod? Was it because of Alex being in the news recently?”
“Your husband called me yesterday.”
“Alessandro! What did he say?”
“He told me what Dad did to you and wanted me to step up and be the brother you need.”
“How dare he interfere, probably trying to score points. He wants his son to live in Italy and will do anything to get me to move there.”
“He did the right thing, calling me. For the record, I don’t think he’s trying to score points. I got the impression he’d given up on getting you to live in Italy. He said he’d let you down twice because of that he’d lost your trust. He wants to make sure your family is behind you.”
“I want Alex to be acknowledged by his family. I’d like to accept your apology but I don’t see how you could owe me one. Your Dad was trying to keep his family together.”
“Would you like me to give you a call in a couple of days?”
“Yes. Let’s do that.”
Jarrod Bainbridge, the fashion king of Melbourne, the darling of society pages and now, her brother.
Fourteen
“Okay, that’s very good. We’ll leave rehearsals there for today,” said the ballet tutor.
Katrina panted for a minute before answering. “All right see you tomorrow.”
It had been an intense rehearsal schedule since the physio had given Katrina the all clear to dance. The troublesome ligament had settled down and for the first time she’d put in a full day of rehearsals without ill effect. Her life was shaping up the way she’d planned it before Alessandro turned everything inside out.
But there was a happy addition to it. Since Alessandro sent her brother to meet her, Alex had been enjoying visits with his new uncle and reveled in the male attention. Jarrod made her laugh when he put Alex on his back and pretended to be a horse. At first it looked weird. A man who ran a fashion empire, cavorting on the rug, looked like he was trying too hard. But as she got to know her half-brother, she could see there was more to him than impeccable clothes and sophisticated breeding. He reliably phoned every other day to talk to Alex.
Wrapping her towel around her shoulders, she checked her phone, to find a missed call from Ruby.
She called her straight back. “What’s up?”
“Have you seen Alex’s new uncle recently?”
“He came over for half an hour last night. I had so much trouble getting Alex to sleep after he left.”
“That’s great. Well, not great that he stirred him up, I guess.”
“Can we catch up sometime too? I want to give my nephew a cuddle.”
“Sure. How about Saturday morning?”
“Okay, I’ll come over to your place, if that’s okay.”
“Yes, you don’t need to ask. Come by when you like.”
Katrina stowed her phone. She looked forward to seeing Ruby on the weekend. Having family around for Alex to grow up with completed her picture of how his life should be. Well, almost.
She checked her watch. A few minutes still remained before she needed to go. There was just enough time to finish with her beloved pirouettes. She hadn’t dared do it until she was sure her knee could support her.
Katrina walked to the middle of the room and stood ready, checked her form in the mirror and then, focusing on the corner of the room, began to spin. She extended her leg and rapidly pulled in her ankle until it sat below the opposite knee. She repeated the move she’d perfected over many years. Her mind began to soften and clear, the corner, the corner, the corner, the door! Her heart thumped against her ribs. Alessandro!
Her gaze flew back to the corner so as she didn’t
lose balance. Her leg moved slower and she brought herself to a stop. She didn’t check her form in the mirror. She stared at Alessandro’s reflection. As always he was immaculately dressed in tailored trousers and a polo shirt. She spun to face him. Her racing heart thumped in her ears.
He’d come for his son. Again. But her heart wished he’d come for her. She fought the urge to run and bury herself in his arms.
She hadn’t allowed herself to think about him. But the dam of emotions from missing him threatened to burst as she gazed on his face. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes. He’d been the reason she had her brother in her life. He’d known she needed that, even when she didn’t. What else did he know about her that she was blind to?
Meeting her brother had begun to heal some wounds and she had Alessandro to thank. Why had he done that? What had he hoped to gain? She longed to disappear into his arms and never leave them again. But that wasn’t her fate. That was what she’d told herself over and over since leaving Italy.
He stepped forward and clapped. His face lit up in a soul melting smile and she crumbled a little inside. Stiff resolve, so necessary right now, proved elusive. She mentally braced herself against the magnetism of his presence.
“It’s good to see you, Alessandro.”
“Ciao, bella. I’m very pleased to see your knee has healed.”
“You’ve surprised me. I never expected to see you here. Why aren’t you racing in India or China or Dubai?”
“Perhaps I deserve that.” He tossed out his hands, Italian style.
Numb fingers fondled her bun. Her heart battered her ribs. She turned away and went to her bag, eager to be busy, to do something ordinary. Somehow she got the scarf out and began to wind it around her neck. But it tangled in her bun and covered her face. She tried to free it but numb, trembling, fingers couldn’t find an edge.