Confessions

by Sasha Campbell

  Brushing my ill feelings aside, I went over and tried to get Nikki to eat, but she shook her head and Kenyon told me, “She’ll be okay. She had toast this morning.” I rolled my eyes and walked away. I mingled with her family who were all raving about the new man in poor Nikki’s life. She had brought him over to her mother’s for dinner and he had such manners and she deserved a good man after everything she had gone through. I agree, she did deserve a good man, but not him. Lord, please forgive me because I knew this wasn’t the place. The sooner I could get rid of Kenyon for the evening, the better.

  I parked my car in front of Nikki’s house around seven. Kenyon had parked his in the center of the driveway, taking up both parking spaces. I moved up to the door, rang the bell and waited for what felt like forever before I rang the bell again. When no one answered, I stuck my key in the lock and walked in.

  “Anyone here?” I called. I moved through the kitchen, and Kenyon came from the family room and gave me a puzzled look.

  “How did you get in?”

  No, he didn’t. “Uh…unlike you…I do have a key.” I rolled my eyes.

  He held up his hands, signaling he meant no harm. “I was just wondering, because I locked the door.”

  I brushed past him and went into the family room where Nikki was curled up on the couch. When I stepped into the room, she gave me a sad smile. “Hey, girl. I didn’t hear the doorbell.”

  “I rang twice, then I used my key.” I took a seat beside her and reached inside my bag. As soon as I pulled out a bottle of tequila, she smiled. “I figured you could use a drink.”

  “Yeah. Margaritas sound really good about now.”

  Kenyon came into the room, hands in his pockets, looking nervous. “Nikki, I’m gonna clean the kitchen and put all that food away for you.”

  I stepped in. “Don’t worry about it…. I’ll do it later. We might wanna get our eat on after we start drinking.”

  “Oh, yeah? What are you drinking?”

  “Margaritas.” And before he could set his lips to ask, I added, “We’re about to have some girlfriend time.”

  The frown on his face was clear. He had heard the emphasis that he was not invited and it was time for his needy behind to go. “Well…I guess I’ll go. You need anything? I can run up to the store and get you another bottle of ibuprofen.”

  “No need. I’ve got one in my purse…see.” I held up the bottle and smiled.

  “I’m fine, Kenyon, but thank you for everything.”

  “Nikki, you know I’ll do anything for you and your family.” He moved over and gave her a kiss. Then he headed toward the door with his hands in his pockets again. “I’ll call you later and see how you’re doing. Okay?”

  I rose. If I didn’t help him to the door, he would never leave. “Let me lock the door behind you.” By the time we reached the door, he looked so sad I figured I needed to at least say something nice. “Thanks for being there today.”

  He smiled. “You don’t have to thank me. I love Nikki and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. I know Big Mama meant the world to her. She was a nice lady and I miss her myself.”

  I screwed up my nose. He made it sound like he’d known Big Mama for years. “Yes, she was very important to all of us.” I swung the door open.

  “Take care of my baby,” he said.

  “Don’t worry, I will.”

  I watched his needy ass walk down the steps, looking like he didn’t have a friend in the world. Halfway down, Kenyon turned around. “You think Nikki would like it if I went and bought her some flowers?”

  I couldn’t believe this fool was trying to find any excuse he could so he could come back. “Not tonight. I’ve got things under control. Go hang out with yo ho’ish friend Jay. Tell him to holla at a sistah.”

  Kenyon chuckled. “I’ll do that.”

  I waited until he pulled off. As I shut the door a thought came to mind. I opened the screen and rang the doorbell. Nothing. No wonder she didn’t hear me ring. She had one of those wireless doorbells, so I took it off the frame and carried it into the kitchen.

  “Kenyon gone?” Nikki called from the family room.

  “Yes.” Finally. With his needy ass. “By the way, your doorbell isn’t working. You got some extra batteries?”

  Instead of just telling me, Nikki rose and stepped into the kitchen, then pointed to the drawer to the right of the microwave. “Yeah, there in that junk drawer on the end.”

  I opened the drawer and removed a small screwdriver and popped open the cover. I looked inside, frowned, then held the doorbell up for her to see. “You don’t have any batteries in here.”

  She gave me a weird look. “That’s strange. It was working just fine when my family started raiding my house this morning.”

  I looked at her and rolled my eyes. “That clingy-ass man of yours removed the batteries.”

  Nikki laughed as if what I said was ridiculous. “Why would he do that?”

  “So you wouldn’t hear the doorbell when I came over…so he could have you all to himself.”

  She was laughing hard now. “Why in the world would he do something that crazy?”

  “Why you think? ’Cause that stalker doesn’t want you with anyone but him. He’s too clingy.”

  Nikki shook her head. “Girl, shut up and hook me up with a margarita.”

  I was glad she was laughing, but I wasn’t done talking about her man. I waited until we both had a drink in our hands before I brought him up again.

  “So what’s he working with?”

  Nikki gave me a strange look. “Excuse me?”

  “Come on. Paint the picture. Take me there,” I encouraged.

  “Netta, I am not answering that question.”

  “Shit, I figured he threw the whoo-whoo on you the way you been acting.”

  Blushing, she responded, “The whoo-whoo? You a fool! Kenyon is just a really nice guy.”

  I cracked a smile. “So you’re saying the rumors aren’t true?”

  “What rumors?”

  “That his ding-a-ling is only this big.” I held up a pinky finger.

  Nikki rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was struggling to keep a straight face. “No. The rumors aren’t true. I told you about listening to folks around here.”

  I shrugged. “Hell, you can’t hate me for trying to look out for you.”

  Shaking her head, Nikki returned to the family room. I put the doorbell back, made sure it worked. It did. And made us some frozen margaritas using her blender. As soon as I filled two glasses, I moved into the family room where Nikki was either watching TV or staring into space. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” Nikki leaned back on the couch and took a sip. “Mmm, Netta, you know you make the best margaritas.”

  “Thanks, girlfriend.” I got comfortable on the couch and crossed my legs. “Seriously, Nikki, talk to me. I wanna know what you like about Kenyon. He just seems too needy, and you know I can’t stand a needy man.”

  She made a face. “He isn’t needy. If anything I think he’s a little insecure, which is hard to believe as fine as he is.”

  I wouldn’t have said all that.

  “He is really a nice guy. We talk, I mean we talk for hours about everything, and that is something Donovan and I never did. We laugh. I haven’t laughed so much in years. He has a wonderful sense of humor.”

  “Girl, but he seems so wimpy. He was practically crying this afternoon.”

  “He isn’t wimpy. As soon as I found out Big Mama had passed, Kenyon was there by my side. I don’t think I could have gotten through the last few days without him.”

  I was her best friend and I hated knowing she needed someone else more than she needed me. It wasn’t like we were licking pussies, but she’s my best friend. Enough! I was already sick of talking about his needy ass.

  “How you feeling now that everything’s over?”

  She shrugged. “About as good as can be expected. Now that she’s gone, I feel so alone. Empty. I feel guil
ty I didn’t go see her the day she died. I thought I had more time.” Tears streamed down her face, and I felt guilty.

  “Nikki, I’m sorry for bringing her up.”

  “No, really. I want to talk about her. Big Mama was my world, and knowing I will never see her again makes me so sad. I miss her so much.” She brushed fresh tears away.

  Reaching over, I squeezed her hand. “I know, girl. I’ll miss her too.”

  Nikki shut her eyes and slanted her face toward the ceiling, fighting damn hard to maintain control. “I wrote Donovan. He and Big…Big Mama were close. I know he would wanna know.”

  “I’m sure he would. Have you heard anything from him?”

  Opening her eyes, she shook her head. “No…nothing.”

  I wished there was some way I could get the two of them back together, because I didn’t care what Nikki said, something about Kenyon just wasn’t right.

  18

  Trinette

  “Where you at? I thought your plane got in at seven!” I was irritated because I had dinner reservations and it would be near impossible to get another before nine.

  “My plane was delayed. What you want me to do, put a gun to the pilot’s head?” Leon snapped.

  “Whatever, just hurry!” I barked through the phone. “I wanna at least take you by to see the house before it gets dark.”

  My statement was met by intense silence.

  “You still there?” I asked in a slightly softer tone.

  There was another long pause, and when Leon finally spoke his voice sent a chill down my spine. “How much longer we going to live like this?”

  I pulled the phone away from my ear, then back. “What?”

  “You heard me, Trinette. How much longer are we going to live like this?”

  Where the hell was this coming from? “I don’t know. Why are we having this discussion now?”

  Leon blew out a long, impatient sigh. “We’ll talk when I get there.” Ain’t that a bitch! He hung up on me. I didn’t have time to have attitude, because I was suddenly nervous as hell. What made Leon decide to ask when I was planning to move with him? I dialed Nikki and asked her. After all, she is supposed to be the expert.

  “He’s having second thoughts,” she said the second I stopped ranting and raving.

  “What do you mean he’s having second thoughts? We’re supposed to close on my new house next week.” Uhhh-uhhh, this could not be happening.

  “Obviously, Leon’s had time to think.”

  “Well, it’s too late for that. We already have a contract on a house!”

  “I hate to say this, Netta, but it’s never too late.”

  “You’re supposed to be my friend.” Didn’t she understand I needed her on my side?

  “I am on your side,” Nikki said as if she could read my mind. “But you need to look at it his way. Leon wants to know when you’re planning to move to Richmond, and I think your husband deserves an answer.”

  I took a deep breath and settled down on the bed. “I don’t know when I’m moving to Richmond. I still need to make director at my job…first…then we can talk about it.”

  “So…you’re telling me when you make director you’ll be ready to go?”

  I hesitated. “Not right away. Listen, I want this house and Leon is gonna have to realize everything else has to wait. Look, I gotta go before he gets here.” I was too close to getting my house to lose everything now.

  I hung up the phone, then moved into the bathroom and applied my makeup with care, then looked at myself in the mirror. I had found the House of Deréon outfit at the outlet last month. The pink sweater had a plunging neckline and showcased the twins. The black jeans hugged every luscious curve nicely. Yep, Leon was gonna be licking his lips when he saw me. I took my bottle of Sexual perfume and sprayed a little at my cleavage. The fragrance had a hint of an aphrodisiac in it, and I needed my husband begging me to give him some before the night was over. Unfortunately, a quick glance down at my watch reminded me it was Friday the thirteenth, and suddenly I didn’t have a good feeling at all.

  As soon as I heard his rental car pull up in the driveway, I hurried to greet Leon at the door. He stepped in rolling his suitcase, looking like he hadn’t slept in days. His jeans were wrinkled. The T-shirt he had on beneath his leather jacket I had bought while we vacationed in Memphis last year. It was now dingy looking. On his feet were a pair of scuffed-up gym shoes he must have dug out of the trash, because I swore I threw them away the last time he visited. And he was in serious need of a haircut, but instead of bitching about him, making me look bad, I held my tongue and gave him a warm smile. “Hey, boo-boo.”

  “Hello.” He tossed the greeting out, sounding casual, then brushed past me without even a kiss and headed upstairs to my—oops—I mean our bedroom. I followed and stood in the doorway as he sat on the end of the bed. I tried to appear up-beat and happy to see him. “You want something to drink?” I asked.

  The expression on his face said he wasn’t in the mood for games. “No.”

  “Okay…then let’s talk,” I said, growing impatient by every passing second. Here I was looking luscious and he hadn’t even given me a peck on the cheek.

  Leaning forward, Leon rested his elbows on his knees, then looked up and met my gaze. “I don’t think buying another house is a good idea.”

  “Why? We already talked about this…. I thought we agreed?”

  He shook his head. “It was a mistake. You had me so caught up in your excitement, I wasn’t even thinking straight.”

  “So this is all my fault?” I asked with attitude.

  “No. I didn’t say that.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  Leon closed his eyes as if he was tired and would rather go to bed than have this discussion. “I’m saying…what’s happening between us? When are you planning to move to Richmond with me?”

  Pouting like a baby, I crossed my arms against my chest, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I was hoping to move in the next two years.”

  “Then why do we need to buy another house?”

  “Because I want to,” I answered stubbornly.

  Looking down at the floor, Leon shook his head. “It’s always been about what you want. I’m tired of that.”

  And I was tired of this conversation because it was obviously not getting me anywhere fast. “Why now? Why you wait until we have a contract on another house to start having second thoughts?”

  “I think now is as good a time as any.”

  Who was this stranger and what did he do with my husband? I moved over and straddled his lap, then placed my hands against his cheeks and gazed deep into his eyes. “Leon, baby, we’re meeting with the realtor tomorrow. It’s Valentine’s Day weekend.” I pressed my lips to his and ground my hips against his crotch. All I had to do was give him some, then I’d have him where I wanted him. Unfortunately, Leon turned his head and pushed me away.

  “Quit! That’s not going to work this time.”

  I rose. Stunned. I had never seen Leon like this…stubborn…standing his own ground.

  “I’m not meeting the realtor tomorrow. Let’s just leave it alone. I think the financing falling through was a sign we need to walk away.”

  “No, it isn’t. It’s a sign we need to find a different company because the one we have is full of shit.”

  Leaning forward, he took my hand in his. “Right now, we need to be talking about us.”

  I snatched my hand away. “Uhhh-uhhh…not until we finish talking about my house.”

  “You’re right. That’s exactly what it is, your house.” Leon dragged a frustrated hand across his face. “It’s not like I’m going to live in it but once a month and then I still have this note to make as well,” he added with a sweep of his arms.

  I was getting madder by the second because nothing I was saying was making a difference. “I love you, Leon. I have every intention of growing old with you, but right now has to be about me. I have worked hard at the DFS o
ffice and I’m not about to give that up, moving to Richmond with you. I need time to build my career and I deserve to be director.”

  He just smiled at me sadly. “And I deserve the right to live in the same house with my wife.”

  “I wanna live with you…just not yet.” I decided to turn the tables on him. “Why don’t you come back here? If you love me and wanna be a family, then you’ll come back to St. Louis. You said before you could work from home. Well, this new house will have plenty of room for a home office.” I was grabbing straws, but at that point I was desperate enough to say anything.

  “I’ve worked too hard to get to chief financial officer to give that up.”

  “Yeah, but you want me to give up my career! When you moved to Dallas, I gave up my career and followed. I did the same thing when you transferred to Simi Valley. Now you’re in Richmond and you expect me to pack up my life again and follow you. That’s not fair!”

  “I’m the breadwinner.”

  “And what am I…croutons?” I stood there with my arms crossed, chest heaving. I was so upset, I couldn’t find the words to explain how I was feeling.

  Leon dropped his head, and when he looked up again his expression was sad. “I guess neither of us are willing to give up our career for the other.”

  I swallowed. “No, I guess not.” I was so mad I didn’t even want to look at him anymore. I swung around and went down to the kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of wine. Leon disappeared into the bathroom. When he came out, he moved and stood in the doorway.

  “You wanna go and get something to eat?”

  “Nope. I’ve lost my appetite,” I said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. We had already missed our reservations. Besides, I wasn’t interested in sitting across the table from him. Not after the way he had just stuck a stake through my left eye.

  “I’ll run and go get a pizza.” He headed toward the door, but before he opened it, he turned around. “It wouldn’t matter to you if we ever lived together, would it?”