I had known that sharing my energy would strengthen her. I had known that it would fortify the heavenly pieces of her and make her more of a warrior. I resisted though. I had only shared my energy before with my fellow Seraphim soldiers and with her. My thoughts stuttered around the memory as if it was a delicate vase holding something precious. It was...it was intimate and vivid, and the first moment that I had ever thought that life could be lived for a person, a specific person and not an idea. I swallowed down the ridiculous thought and sat up straighter, yanking my hand out of the fire as if it had burnt, but it hadn’t. I swallowed hard and looked at Jade.
Jade stroked something in the book, which struck me as odd. It wasn’t until I saw her lift the pressed white petals that I inhaled sharply. The bloom. I stared at it and felt my muscles tense. It stared back at me like an accusation. She twirled it between her fingertips, and then stroked the petals with her graceful fingers. Slowly. So slowly. A shudder trembled through me and I looked away. To be touched like that. I could feel the heat rush up to my face and I was grateful for the fire’s amber glow.
“You know, I felt something, like a memory or a voice or something every time I passed a magnolia tree in Louisiana. I heard my name and slashes of images.” She didn’t stop stroking the bloom so I didn’t stop looking into the fire. “It wasn’t until the past few days that I realized that the voice I was hearing was yours.”
I looked up and found that she had rested the bloom on her lap and was staring at me.
“Really?” I said in a cool, monotone voice, even though I was coiled tight and ready to explode.
“Yeah...we had laughed?” Her brow was furrowed when she stared at me, and I was hit with a pang of anger when I realized she obviously couldn’t imagine it.
“Many things change with time.”
“Obviously, because you are about as hilarious as that stump you are sitting on.”
She was trying to be light, airy and conversational, but the topic simply darkened my mood. “Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t realize that I was enlisted as protector, guide, and comedian. Maybe I should take another look at my contract.”
She cocked her head at me. “Well, not funny...but at least I stole a few more words out of you than ‘oh, you are such a weakling’ or ‘you are being ridiculous’ or ‘I am just going to huff away now and set something on fire.”
Strangely, that was exactly what I wanted to do at that precise moment. In fact, I had almost been poised to stand. Instead, I hunched forward trying to look a little less formal, because honestly, if I sounded as pompous as how she had mimicked me, then I was truly cringe-worthy.
“Giovanni, if you laughed and smiled before? What happened?”
I sighed. She was such a curious, inquisitive creature and it was infuriating. My world ended, I wanted to say.
“Some things are better off forgotten,” I said finally.
“But...”
I turned my head away, feeling the tightness in my chest. “Please,” I said, closing my eyes, “don’t ask me again.”
17
CONNOR
“I—I am worried. About Jade.”
“Me too, boy. Me too.” Nanan patted my shoulder.
“I just wish I knew she was okay... or where she was... or why she left... or if...”
“She’s gone?”
“Yeah... but not dead gone.”
“You are worried that she changed into that other one. Dejanira.”
I couldn’t respond. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t even entertain the possibility.
Nanan looked at the wall, her eyes growing glassy. “There is a way to find out, ya know.”
My head snapped to hers. “What?”
“There is a way to find out what happened to Jade.” Nanan looked at me then, concerned and hopeful. “But I am not sure it is worth the risk.”
“What’s the risk?” I asked. No matter the risk, it would be worth it. For Jade.
A single tear rolled down Nanan’s wrinkled cheek; her eyes were steady on me. “Your soul.”
18
JADE
We found it.
Even the crinkle in Giovanni’s nose revealed how revolted he was by the feeling. “Do you feel it?” His hands were outstretched, poised over wild brush. I couldn’t see anything, but that was irrelevant. It was about the line, the track of demonic energy that lingered just above the earth’s surface. “It should feel like a frigid cold that tries to assault you, tries to invade your throat and blind you. Disorient you.” I could see the trickle of sweat on Giovanni’s brow. I could hear the rapid rise and fall of his breath as he stood on the line trying to guide me. “What will happen if you stay on the line?” Giovanni clenched his jaw and glared at me. “This is not a casual conversation, Jade. This is a lesson. Now get on the damn line. Do you even feel it at all?”
I did feel it. The line grazed my left side and extended beyond Giovanni. Giovanni was wrong, but I didn’t want to tell him that. The path’s demonic energy didn’t invade or assault. It beckoned me. It whispered and reached out to caress me. And I was terrified.
“Don’t pull your sleeves down,” he said. I looked down at my hands and saw that I was pulling down my sleeves, specifically the one that covered my tattoo—my vividly glowing tattoo. Giovanni’s eyes lingered there. “You have to allow as much of your skin to feel the energy as possible, so that way, you can sense it...that way, you can recognize it.”
I swallowed hard.
“Do you feel it now?”
Did I feel the shiver of the energy kissing my skin? I bit my lip and gave a short nod. Giovanni, still on the line, let out an exasperated gasp. “Then why are you not on it.” Each word was a staccato slap to my face.
I took a deep breath. He was doing this for me. He would be here if anything would happen. The path would suck me up and drag me home. It was a path for us to follow. I reluctantly stepped one foot on the path. , and then the other. Giovanni’s shoulders relaxed and he quickly stepped on the path, satisfied that I did in fact know where the path was. The energy was an icy touch to my skin, a tickle, a kiss. Then, I was wrapped up in it; the energy swelled around my ankles and raced up my body to the top of my head. I could feel the cold like a jolt to my body, like a crack in my bones.
It wanted me back.
But my tattoo and I didn’t want to go back.
The tattoo blazed ever brighter so that the red glow flared up around me, protectively. I could feel it. Gasping for breath, shaking with agony, I could feel the war rage inside me... the frost licks of the path and a fire that tore back at it. It was as if I was being fractured and splintered from the inside out. I didn’t remember falling, but I did. Moments later, I no longer could see the trees or the underbrush, or the tinge of green on the ground. I saw branches and wide-open sky so blue that I was angry it didn’t reflect the storm raging inside me. That was when the world started shaking... or was it just me? Maybe it was just me convulsing on the ground. The red glow started to splutter. Giovanni was saying something, but the pain was too much and he was too quiet. He tried to jump on the path and reach for me, but he was immediately flung away. The path didn’t want him. It wanted me.
Black invaded my vision. I couldn’t take the pain any more... and my tattoo was losing its power. What did that mean? What did... My woozy thoughts were too soft and light to hold. They flitted away. Giovanni, a shower of sparks and blue, smashed through the path and I could see the pain on his face. He yanked me up and held me in his arms as he fought to pull us out. The path clung to me. It pulled and yanked, and Giovanni had to fight that much harder to pull me free.
But he did.
The painlessness of falling on soft earth beside him... the total absence of the agony I felt just a second before, surprisingly was what allowed the tears to flood my eyes. I couldn’t sit upright. Giovanni was beside me on his hands and knees, also shaking. I could see a lick of frost against his throat. The path had fought him. Hard. His breath was ragged. “Are
you okay?” I asked.
He blinked at me, surprised. “No, no, I am...” His eyes traveled from my head to my toes tracing me. To see if I was intact and alright right? “Fine.”
I slowly sat up. Frost was all over Giovanni’s clothes. He closed his eyes and a flare of warmth surrounded him. I could feel it against my skin. It warmed me too. The frost dripped off him as it melted away. His sword at his side though was still white. He pulled it free to defrost it and closed his eyes...
Just before the heat flared up again, I saw the blade specked with ice, and then I saw the reflection of my mother’s eyes in the blade’s surface. I gasped in a breath. “Hello, my darling, I am waiting for you.”
I screamed and stumbled back. Giovanni’s brief heat sputtered out and he leaned forward to take my shoulders. I raised a shaky finger to his blade. “She—she—she was there!” But as we both looked at it, she was already gone.
19
GIOVANNI
Jade trembled beneath me. I nearly jabbed the breath out of me. Already breathless, my breath hitched impossibly. I looked at where Jade had been pointing, but and I couldn’t see anything. “Who? Who did you see?”
She brought her hands to cover her face as if she didn’t want to look at me. “My mother.”
I tensed. Lilith. I knew she would have sent scouts to find Jade, but wouldn’t it use too much energy to project herself? My shoulders fell as I looked toward the innocent-looking brush just a few feet away. The path. She had connected to Jade through the path. She would have had all the strength she needed to contact one of her own. Even the thought felt wrong in my head. I looked at her—she was such a quivering, fearful thing—and I couldn’t imagine any bit of her as demonic. But then again, there was the tattoo. It had billowed out like a sail attempting to take her off the path. But it hadn’t been strong enough. Not. Strong. Enough.
I had been frantic when I saw the path snap to her form and claim her. The tattoo had held it off for a time, but the screaming... I could still hear her screaming. I almost wanted to clamp my hands over my ears because the sound would shatter me if I ever heard it again. I had thought I had lost her. Again.
I knelt down beside her. “I am sorry.” I was ashamed that I pushed her, ashamed that I was the reason for her terrible physical pain. I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to keep her safe, yet and I flung her onto the path and stepped out, leaving her defenseless. Her eyes were red-rimmed and glassy from tears, so many tears. I couldn’t hate the sight of them at that moment; they were a fierce reminder of my failure to save her from them. I lifted my finger to her cheeks and wiped them away. The moisture felt strange under my fingertips; her skin felt strange; everything felt strange and it forced a hardness in my throat that I couldn’t swallow down. “I will never force you like that again. I will never put you in that sort of danger.”
I hadn’t been thinking that the path would call to her blood and want her back. Because even with all my jabs, I never thought of her, not really, as from Hell. She was simply too beautiful a thing—from the delicate curve of her collarbone, to the fullness of her lips, to her big eyes that were so bright and hopeful. I stuttered as I realized that she had asked me something. I also realized that my fingertips were still on her cheeks. I stood up, knocking my head on a low branch. I winced slightly, but didn’t rub the dull ache at the back of my skull. Idiot. I reached my hand forward to pull her up. “Come one. Just follow me. I will guide you there.” Her hand grasped onto mine. Something squeezed tighter in my chest. She was holding onto me... because she trusted me? Needed me? As soon as she was standing, I let go of her hand and pivoted back towards the path.
“Giovanni?”
When I turned back around, she hadn’t moved. “Yes?”
She blinked, and when she did, a single slow tear escaped from each of her eyes. “I’m scared.”
I—I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t make her promises that she would be all right. I couldn’t tell her that she wouldn’t be captured or killed, or that Lynx would be safe. I had so little that I could actually offer her and it infuriated me. “I can’t tell you that any of us will survive. I can’t promise...”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I am scared... of myself.”
I gasped. I couldn’t even pretend not to be shocked by her words. “Of yourself?” I asked, but I knew exactly what she meant. She was afraid of becoming the monster I always told her she was. She was afraid that she was too weak to fight it off. But that was just another promise I couldn’t make... another comfort I couldn’t offer. Because as I looked at her, the beautiful, shaking and, terrified thing before me, I wasn’t sure she could either. I couldn’t lie and I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “You should be.”
20
CONNOR
“No friggin’ way.” Matt’s face was red.
“Matt, it’s the only way to make sure she’s alive. To make sure she is still Jade. To—”
“Tell me later when I give a shit.”
I blinked at him, stunned by his fierceness.
“I signed on to this because we were trying to save the world, but now you’ve gone rogue and are more concerned about your little girlfriend. What about the rest of us, Connor? Are you gonna run off into the sunset with her while we all burst into flames behind you?”
‘That’s not true! We both know that we need Jade. All the texts say it... She could reverse all of this. She could stop it.”
Matt spun away from me and started jamming things into his book bag.
“C’mon, Matt. You know what we read. You know we need to do it.”
“How do you know that I know that?” he barked. His shoulders were heaving up and down and I saw his fingers grasp at his inhaler. He didn’t turn around until he took a puff. His voice was measured when he spoke. “We are talking about your soul, Connor. Your soul”
“I know,” I said. “My soul linked to hers could allow us to know what is going on. We could tell her to come back, and if we figure out how to separate her from Dejanira, she could pull on some of my strength if she needed it.”
Matt stared passed past me, thinking.
“I need you to help me with this.” I clenched my fists.
Matt’s gaze finally met my own. “I don’t want to be a part of something that could ruin you.”
I walked over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. “You won’t.”
“You know, this is more serious than getting engaged, right? There is no popping the question and then taking back the ring. Your soul will be connected to hers... and no offense, man, but from what I can tell, her soul is pretty messed up. You know, with like, demons and crap.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and said quietly, “I know.”
Matt breathed in a loud sigh and stepped in to hug me. I tensed. “I hope you don’t regret this.”
I hugged him, and patted his back. “I won’t.”
With a cough, he pushed me away. “Don’t go all bromance on me now.”
And even with everything dark and ugly racing towards us, I couldn’t help but smile.
21
JADE
Giovanni’s wings spanned the width of eight to ten feet. They were a long expanse of downy white. Beautiful and majestic. It was strange how something that looked like you could fall into it and be comforted would be attached to someone, who if you leaned on, would be burned. The soft grace of his wings were magnificent against his torso of pale rippled muscles. Muscles that began at the enormity of his shoulders, and spread the width of his chest. They continued along to the cut of his abdomen until they tapered off and slanted into a V just into his black pants. Chiseled. He looked like he had been chiseled out of some masterpiece. He stood at the cliff’s edge so the world could see what a masterpiece looked like in the flesh. He was pure intensity, total control. Nothing about his stance seemed relaxed, even though he was simply standing there. He looked poised for action, ready for battle and it appeared that he
was looking for it. I stepped forward and a branch snapped underfoot.
He bristled, his shoulder muscles bulging just a bit more. “What do you want, creature?” “
To look at you, I thought. But that would sound ridiculous so I said nothing.
He let his head fall forward as if resigned and his wings started to retract back.
“No wait!” I said, urgency spitting out of me.
He turned at that, arms still at his sides, hands still clenched. He looked at me with my hand outstretched as if I was some strange new thing that had just stumbled across him and he needed to decide whether he needed to retreat or charge. His words were careful and reluctant. “Why should I wait?” His face was a wash of calm, but I saw a muscle tick at his jaw.
“I just—I’ve never seen your wings before.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, and then spared a quick glance at the whiteness hovering behind his shoulders. “I needed to stretch them out.”
“Why don’t you just let them out all the time?”
“Well, they appear to be distracting.” He pointed a look at me; and it was then that I realized that my mouth and eyes had been hanging wide open. I snapped my mouth shut. My gaze drifted to the ground, hiding the crimson heat spreading across my cheeks. “I won’t be distracted.”
Fire and Shadows (Ashes and Ice #2) Page 6