An Unexpected Christmas

by Lori Jennings

  I stroked my hand over her blonde hair and made shush noises. 'It's okay. It's okay. I understand.' I did understand but I was still freaking out internally. I didn't need Nate knowing about any of this. I didn't need to see him and have him feel sorry for me.

  Ella released me and gave me a small smile. 'I am sorry,' she whispered.

  I took a breath. 'I know.' I smiled back at her. I had no idea what she had told him or what he had said or even if he cared enough to do anything but what I did know was that I missed him so much that the pain in my heart hurt more than any physical pain I had ever endured, and I had just fallen down a flight of stairs.

  I looked from Ella to Roddy and sent them a small smile. 'You know you don't have to stay.' I yawned, feeling way more tired than I should for five thirty in the evening.

  'You’re right, you need rest.' Ella, still looking worried, moved back to me and placed a light kiss to my cheek then turning back to Roddy, threaded her fingers through his and led him out of my room closing the door quietly behind them.

  I closed my eyes and I wondered if I would be able to sleep despite feeling so tired. It bothered me that I couldn't remember anything after seeing the photos. The images popped back in my head and I felt my heart ache again at the thought of them. Nate probably just told Ella to call my mum and that was it. He would be busy with the film and his new girlfriend to worry about me.

  I heard the door open and my heart leapt. I opened my eyes to see a nurse walk over to my side. 'How are you feeling honey?'

  Disappointed, sad, and foolish - that was how I was feeling. For a tiny moment I had thought that Nate would walk through the door and smile at me. That full beam of a smile that I had seen so many times, that made me feel like I was the only one in the world. 'Sore.' Was what I told the Nurse.

  She sent me a sympathetic smile and checked my chart. 'You're not due for any more pain relief for at least another hour. Just buzz if it gets too much before then and I will consult your doctor.'

  'Thank you.' She smiled again then wandered back out of the room.

  I wriggled as much as I could to get comfortable without too much pain then closed my eyes again. I really was feeling sleepy and my worry over not being able to sleep was soon gone as I fell almost instantly into a deep slumber.

  I looked down and wondered why there was sand beneath my feet. Lifting my head I saw the sea stretching for miles in front of me and the faint sound of barking. I looked around me to see if I could hear where it was coming from but there was no one around just miles and miles of sand and sea. I felt a presence behind me and when I turned I saw a figure standing there. It was a male figure who had his back to me and I moved slowly towards it. Something about him seemed familiar and I knew in an instant who it was. I tried to call out but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I finally got to him and placing a hand on his arm I pulled to turn him but as soon as his face came into view, he shifted into a tall woman wearing a fur coat. She started to laugh and as I backed away from her, her laughter got louder and louder until it was the only thing I could hear, it filled my head and I wanted to scream at the noise.

  I felt my whole body lurch awake at once and I let out a small cry at the pain of it. My eyes flitted to the figure standing at the window who had turned at my cry.

  The room was darker now and even though he stood in the shadows I knew who it was and I was filled with so many emotions all at once that I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. He didn't move, he simply stood and looked at me, a blank expression on his face that for the life of me I couldn't read.

  I couldn't take the silence. 'What are you doing here?' It was the first thing that came into my head and it came out so quietly that I didn't think he had heard me.

  He was supposed to be in Miami with his new girlfriend not in a hospital room in London with the girl who ran away from her own feelings and had been trying to convince herself it was all for the right reasons.

  Nate took a step towards me and I watched as he clenched and unclenched his hands. I had no idea what was going through his head but I had a feeling I was about to find out.

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  April

  Nate had stopped at the end of my bed and it seemed that he was having some sort of internal argument with himself. He had gone from expressing no emotion to having every possible emotion cross his face in quick succession. I just stared at him and waited. After a moment he went back to showing no emotion and began to slowly shake his head. He let out a heavy breath then before I knew what was happening he had moved in close to me, placed a hand on either side of my face and lowered his lips to mine.

  His lips crashed into mine with an urgency that I couldn't comprehend. He wasn't supposed to be here, he wasn't supposed to be kissing me.

  I felt his tongue run across my lips and in that same moment I felt my body betray me and I was kissing him back. My hands had reached up and found the back of his head to hold him to me. I didn't care that it physically hurt to move, I needed to touch him. I knew that I had missed him but I didn't know just how much until this very moment. I stroked my hand down his neck and it was as though he suddenly realised what we were doing and he pulled away taking a step back.

  He stood staring at me and it took me a moment to catch my breath and I noticed that Nate was also a little breathless. That kiss must have meant something, it had been filled with so much emotion, that I was sure, but I didn't know if it was fear, hatred, affection or something else. I waited for him to speak but it seemed that I was going to have to speak first. 'What are you doing here?' this time when I asked it came out a little louder and not as shaky.

  I watched him push a hand through his hair then drop it back to his side. 'Well, I got a call from Ella.' He turned away and walked back towards the window. He turned and began to pace from one side of the room to the other. I waited for him to elaborate; I could tell he was just trying to find the right words. That was just his way. 'I hadn't been able to concentrate, like something had been bugging me and then I get the call from Ella to say that you had been in an accident.'

  I watched him move from one side of the room to the other. I was still reeling from the kiss he just gave me and I was still a little shocked that he was here, in my hospital room and not in Miami.

  'She blames herself, do you know that?'

  I looked away from him now. I knew how Ella felt and I had tried to convince her that it was so far from being her fault, that it was all mine, but I think she will always feel that she was partly to blame and I hated that. I hated that she wouldn't let me take all the blame for my stupidity and clumsiness. 'I know. It wasn't her fault.'

  My words seemed to land on deaf ears as Nate continued to pace from one side of the room to the other and only occasionally glancing at me. Then after a moment he stopped at the end of the bed and placed his hands on the table that lay across it. 'I got on the first plane I could, I had to sit next to this old lady who wouldn't stop talking about her grandson and how he was going to be some hot shot lawyer and how his fiancé was in medical school and how proud she was for him and all that time, every second of her telling me every little thing about him I was thinking that you could be dead.'

  I felt my mouth drop open. I couldn't imagine what he went through. Spending any time thinking that someone you knew may or may not be dead must be a horrifying thing.

  He had paused for a moment and run his eyes over me. 'I spent eight hours trapped in a flying metal container thinking that you might have been dead. Do you know what that is like? It's horrible and terrifying and all I could think about is how we left things.'

  I had felt bad before but now, now I felt worse than falling down the stairs. I felt that I deserved worse than falling down the stairs. To have put him through something so awful, so shocking, hurt me more than anything I had ever done.

  Nate lifted his hands from the table and slipped them into his pockets. 'I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said to me.'
His tone had changed a little. He didn't sound as angry or upset, just... lost. 'I just kept playing it over and over in my head trying to work out what the hell you were really going on about.'

  I thought that I had been clear in what I had told him. Everything I had said was true I might have just amended it a little but I didn't know what wasn't clear, and anyway, he had moved on pretty quickly so why was he so worked up about what I had said. I could see why he was upset about thinking I was seriously injured but did he really have the right to be upset with how we ended it?

  'You said that I needed someone to fit into my life.' He shook his head. 'I never wanted someone to fit in to my life; I want someone I can share it with.'

  I thought about the photos spread out in the magazine and I scrunched my eyes up to try and rid my mind of them. 'And you found that pretty quick.' It came out as a mutter but when I opened my eyes I could tell that Nate had heard me.

  'What does that mean?' He looked a little shocked at my comment and slightly confused.

  I looked at him for a moment. What was I doing? He had moved on, found someone new, someone who was probably a better fit for him, who looked glamorous and amazing and who looked right being with him.

  'There were pictures... in a magazine.'

  'And what? You jumped to a conclusion.' His hands were in his hair again and I could see that he was fighting with his anger. 'What were the pictures?'

  'I don't...'

  'April. What were the pictures of?'

  He was calm again and I took a deep breath before I answered. 'You were outside a restaurant... with a woman. You looked happy.'

  I watched as his forehead scrunched up like he was trying to work out where the pictures had been taken. I knew the moment he figured it out as he looked back at me then moved to the side of the bed and lowered himself to the mattress. 'The woman in the picture is Olivia Reed.' I knew that name. I hadn't realised it was her when I saw the pictures I think it was because I was in shock but thinking back I knew her and I knew of her.

  Olivia Reed was an actor, like Nate, and from what I remember they had dated a while ago. She had been in some of last year's biggest blockbusters and I was right in thinking she was a better fit for him.

  'She text me at Christmas and I ignored it but she kept pestering my manager and so while I was in Miami we met up for dinner. I was just going to tell her to leave me alone but the reason she called was the complete opposite to what I thought she wanted.' He reached his hand out and slowly took mine. 'She wanted to apologise but we ended up talking about a lot more than that. I remembered that you never looked me in the eye that morning and I wondered why. When I spoke to Olivia she suggested something which I thought was ridiculous. She said that maybe you didn't think you were good enough for me.'

  I dropped my eyes from him like I had done that day and I wanted to pull my hand from his. I didn't deserve his touch or his soft voice but a part of me never wanted to let go again.

  'The whole idea is preposterous. You are... funny and smart and sexy as hell.' He reached out and with a finger under my chin, tilted my head up so I was looking at him again. 'And I think I fell in love with you that very first day. When you asked about me, not my work but me, and then offered to help me without a thought of wasting your holiday. I knew then that I loved you.' He stroked his thumb over my cheek and my eyes fluttered closed at his touch, his words not quite processing in my head. 'Then, you broke my heart and I was so angry.'

  My eyes flew open at his words. 'You have every right to be angry with me.'

  Nate shook his head as he looked down at our hands. He was slowly running his fingers over mine and the sensation was distracting but not enough for me not to want to know what he was going to say. 'I was never angry with you. I was angry with myself.' I felt my brow furrow in confusion. Why was he angry at himself? He never did anything that merited him to be, if anything he had been the perfect gentleman and I was the one at fault. 'I didn't stop you. I just stood there and listened as you said all those things about it not working out and how long distance relationships never worked and that we led different lives and we were from different worlds. I should have told you that it was all bullshit. That no matter where we were from or how far away from each other we were, we would make it work. I would fight to make it work.'

  I could feel tears begin to build in my eyes and I wanted to stay strong, I had shed so many tears over the past few days that I was so tired of them. I felt the first tear fall down my cheek and then Nate brushed it away with his thumb.

  'April, tell me why you don't think you're good enough for me?' His voice had dropped to a whisper.

  I took a couple of breathes to steady myself then looked at him. He looked tired and I could see dark circles under his green, blue eyes and his chocolate coloured hair was messier than usual but he was perfect. 'You are the most wonderful man I have ever met.' I reached up and lay my hand gently on the side of his face and looked deep into his eyes. 'You're talented, and intelligent, and kind, and I just don't see why someone like you would want me. You could be with any woman you wanted.'

  Nate shook his head slowly then closed his eyes. When he opened them again they looked darker. 'The only woman I want is you.' He leaned in and placed a kiss to my lips. It was soft and fleeting and wonderful. 'I'm in love with you and I want to give us a shot.'

  I shook my head and I could feel the tears slowly roll down my cheeks. 'I don't think...'

  'Don't think.' He pressed his lips to mine again and I felt it everywhere. Pulling back he waited until I had opened my eyes again. 'When you think, it doesn't end well for me.' He smiled and I felt myself return it.

  Was this really happening? Was everything he was telling me true? Could it really work out? Did he really care about me so much and was I just being an idiot thinking that it wouldn't work?

  'You love me?' That was the main thing I couldn't get my head around. I knew I was in love with him but having him say those words to me was something I could only have dreamed about. 'You have only known me for about a week.'

  'I told you, I knew from the very start.'

  I smiled at him and I realised I hadn't smiled in days, hadn't felt this good in days and any physical pain was dulled by all the wonderful things I was feeling now. 'I love you too.' He grinned back at me. 'I do. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything.'

  Nate shifted forward and gently pulled me into his arms placing a light kiss to my temple. 'You don't have to be sorry. Just tell me you love me again.'

  I chuckled into his neck before lifting my head and looking up into his eyes. 'I love you so much that words simply can't cover just how much.' He smiled down at me then lowered his lips to mine once more.

  Our kiss was deep and passionate and filled with all the emotions, feelings and thoughts we had shared. I couldn't feel the physical pain, that only moments before ached though my entire body, and the pain I had experienced in my heart had lifted leaving only warmth and Nate's love.

  It was about half an hour later and the nurse had popped back into my room to check up on me and see if I needed any more painkillers, then quickly left in a flutter at seeing Nathanial Hamilton stretched out on the bed next to me.

  We lay side by side, Nate's arm around my shoulders as I curled into his side. It was getting late and Nate's eyes had closed a while ago and it was as I was watching his chest gently rise and fall that I wondered when he would be heading back to Miami. I coughed gently to see if he was really asleep but he didn't move. 'Nate?' I whispered and was surprised to see him open one eye and look at me, a small smile on his face.

  'April,' he answered.

  I loved how he said my name and I felt a flutter in my stomach. 'I was just wondering when you would be going back to Miami.'

  Both of his eyes were open now and I had his full attention. 'Oh no, you aren't getting rid of me now. That's it, you have told me you love me, you can't escape from me again.' He said it with a smile but I saw a hint of worry in hi
s eyes.

  'I don't want you to go,' I reassured him. 'It's just; don't you have a movie to finish?'

  Nate shifted a little. 'I'm not sure I'm going to finish it.'

  'Why not?' While I had been lying there happy with our new situation a thought had occurred to me that Nate might try and stay in London. I knew I was worried about a long distance relationship but Nate hadn't been too concerned about it.

  'Well, I didn't exactly leave on the best of terms. And they could quite easily get someone else to do it.' He placed a quick kiss on my forehead. 'And besides, someone needs to be here to save you from your own clumsiness.'

  'I don't want to be the one to stop you from doing the things you want to do. You made a commitment to do the movie and you have to stick to it. I can take care of myself and you know Ella is going to be keeping an eye on me.' I looked at him seriously. 'I want you to do everything you want to do. I will still be here when you get back.'

  Nate took a deep breath and smiled down at me. 'How can you not see what I see? You are a far better person than you think you are and I don't deserve you.' I blushed a little. I wasn't used to people saying such things about me and I knew being with Nate I would hear them more often than I probably deserved. 'How about we make a decision in the morning? After everything we have both been through, my sleep deprived brain, and you being drugged up, I don't think either one of us is in the right mind to decide anything tonight.'

  I stretched up enough to place a kiss to his lips then I snuggled back up to his side. 'Alright, the morning it is.'