‘What if I want you to try again?’ I look at him seriously, still clinging to him, aware of the build of heat and ache inside of me with having him this close to my body, the fire in him setting me off in ways I didn’t expect. Arrick kisses me chastely on the mouth and pulls back, letting me go so he can edge his pelvis away from mine, arms still hanging loosely around his neck as he slides his hands down my thighs to rest on my knees instead. Putting very obvious cooling space between us and making it clear this isn’t going anywhere. In a way it makes me relax, even if there is a confused hint of disappointment too.
‘Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be the reason your head takes you back there; I hate that I made you already. I’m not saying we won’t try at some point, I’m just saying there’s no rush for it. It’s not the most important thing and I really don’t think it will be an issue in the future. I mean I did get you to cum, quickly.’ He reaches for my mug and hands it to me with a satisfied grin, clearly patting himself on the back, forcing me to let him go and take it as he then reaches for his.
‘Big head.’ I roll my eyes, feeling the heat in my face rise suddenly with just how straight to the point he is about that. I have never really talked sex frankly with anyone and it feels a little weird to be talking to him about it, he is acting like this is no more different to discussing ice-cream flavours.
‘I think I was just too drunk and it was…...I don’t know.’ I falter, looking at him imploringly, unsure about what that head mess even was and still a little shyer about this topic than he is.
‘Drunken sex….. No romance, and you didn’t feel safe with me… Definitely don’t trust me like you did. I understand you more than you think Sophie, I can read you like a book sometimes and I can see part of your wall is very clearly up.’ Arrick looks at me with a mix of regret and understanding, strokes back my hair so he can plant a kiss on my cheek tenderly. A kiss that makes me want to close my eyes and just savour him against me. He is starting to get a little addictive with his kisses.
‘I do trust you, it’s just that…. I just feel weird right now.’ I blink up at him with Bambi eyes, not wanting him to think I don’t still care about him. Unsure as to what I really feel in terms of trust after today. We slipped so easily into each other again, like we were never apart, and it has just added to the washed-up cyclone of confusion inside of me.
‘You aren’t ready to forgive me yet and I did a lot more damage than just choosing another girl… I know Sophie. I know I fucked up royally, more than just this between us. I left you when I promised I wouldn’t, I broke what we had; I let you go when I had always been someone you clung to, and it’s more than just your heart I broke. I know this is complex and things between us will take time to move on again. Don’t think I don’t know what I did, it’s all I thought about for months. I know this goes a lot deeper than just breaking your heart over another girl.’ He brings my face back to his, so we’re close again and that look of deep sorrow hits me right in the stomach, I don’t doubt that he is sorry, I can see it in every word he says to me and every expression on that handsome face.
‘I want to forgive you, I do. I just might need a little time to come around.’ I respond softly, lowering my chin so I can look at my lap instead of the pain in the depths of his eyes.
‘You have a lifetime to forgive me, I am not going anywhere ever gain. I know a promise won’t mean much to you right now Mimmo… But I do promise you that you will never lose me again. I will never let you go.’ Arrick moves in and lifts me from the counter, swinging my legs to one side and smiling at me before planting a kiss on my mouth, carrying me towards his room.
‘Maybe we should just curl up in my bed, watch a movie marathon and phone some takeaway tonight. I just want to feel you next to me right now, for the next twelve hours minimum, before I have to let you go to school and suffer your absence again.’ He lifts me higher, so he can plant a kiss on the corner of my mouth and I slide my arms around his neck easily. Very happy with a suggestion that sounds to be exactly what I need.
‘You’re so lame sometimes, I think you maybe have it bad.’ I giggle at him as he carries me into his room and dumps me on the bed ungracefully.
‘You know it baby.’ He chuckles before diving on top of me amid squeals and screams as he aims for tickling and kissing combined.
Chapter 12
Arrick moves out of reach and wanders to the fridge, opening it to rummage the contents and pull out some labelled tubs. His housekeeper is paid to keep it stocked and easy for him when he wants to eat, his strict diet when in training means he eats a lot of healthy foods and high protein but he is rummaging for something else. It’s early morning, he woke me up with his alarm and now he’s showered and ready to go to the gym at stupid o’clock even though I am half asleep and struggling to get ready for school.
Who even does that on purpose?
We were up so late, watching movies, fooling around and even had a little steamy make out session that could have gone a lot further if he wasn’t such a gentleman. I am suffering now though, watching him find us breakfast in my clothes from last night, before he takes me home to get properly ready. Normally I wouldn’t be up for another hour at least, but I didn’t want to get a cab home feeling this tired and dragging my weekend bags with me.
‘I want to go back to bed.’ I whine petulantly, tiredness making me grumpy. I have never been a morning person and rub my eyes and head sleepily. Arrick throws me back an indulgent smile and goes back to raiding the fridge, pulling out what looks like oatmeal and fruit.
Ughhhh, he’s trying to poison me.
I join him at the fridge and poke around the huge pile of clear tubs with various titles. Spying a Chinese takeout box, I pull it forward and am disappointed to see it is being used to hold a variety of chopped peppers and salad.
‘Do you never just want to grab a greasy dog and a chocolate bar?’ I screw my nose up and dig deeper into the depths of organised eating, his fridge is a poster child for healthy living and organic goodness. There is nothing in here that even slightly calls to me to be eaten.
‘Not at six am Sophie, no. You really do worry me sometimes with your eating habits. Please tell me you have not been fending for yourself with hot dogs and candy for the last three months.’ He runs an eye over my body as though to check if he might have missed any obvious signs of malnutrition and I just eyeroll. I pull out a box without a label and sigh at diced chicken with some sort of seasoning that is obviously marinating for another meal.
‘I want pancakes.’ I sniff a tub of dressing and stick a finger in to taste it, hoping it’s some sort of syrup and screw my face up at its chilli like taste. Wiping it off my tongue with my nail and catch him looking at me like I am some sort of alien creature he just found in his kitchen.
‘Baby, I haven’t got time to make them right now… Just grab something quick so we can get ready and go; I have to get you home, so you can get ready. I need to meet Nate before five thirty at the gym.’ Arrick throws two containers back in the fridge and pulls out a carton of fresh orange instead. Pouring two glasses beside the two bowls of oatmeal and fruit.
He must be insane if he thinks I am eating that crap.
‘I don’t like you anymore.’ I sigh. Pushing the fridge shut dejectedly and eyeing up the plates he is now carrying to the table.
‘I know… Just come on, I want to make sure you eat before I drop you off. I know how lazy you can be in the morning and you’re then starving by lunch.’ He sounds bossy this morning, a return to Arry of old and no longer pandering to my every whim while he’s in paternal mode. I stick my tongue out at him behind his back.
‘Let’s go now and find a convenience store and stock up on junk food, I cannot come over here if you do not have a good supply of womanly needs… Chocolate is a must, Cheetos… we need some Pepsi for sure.’ I am now leaning back against the counter once more as he turns and gives me that commandeering nod, making me obey and follow him to what looks like gr
anola, with fruit, and maybe milk, maybe yoghurt. Natasha comes to mind and I screw up my face in disgusted memory. I follow him anyway and sit in my usual seat, slumping down as he pushes my bowl towards me and digs into his own. I hate that he is a sexy eater, it just draws attention to the muscles in his face and that crazily strong jaw, those perfectly soft, not overly full lips that were just invented for kissing
‘You eat like a kid; your diet is awful. I don’t know how you are so thin and toned for someone who eats like a sugar addicted five-year-old.’ Arrick scalds me, pushing my plate back at me as I push it away, with a raised brow that signals he’s not in the mood. I push it sideways and lay my head on the table. Too tired to eat and hating that I have even met five am on purpose. He has no idea how unhealthy for my disposition this is.
‘I don’t know how you got so beefy and muscular for someone who eats like a rabbit.’ I stick my tongue out at him from my flat posture and start running my finger in circles on the surface. Praying something falls out of the sky which is both edible and energy boosting.
‘Well, if you’re staying here a lot then get used to it, as you are not going to be living on Cheetos and Pepsi. I don’t mind the occasional splurge when I’m on a training break, but I don’t want you living on that crap Soph’s. I had to lose like four pounds after getting lazy with you, I am not doing that again.’ He frowns at me and then pushes my foot under the table with his to get me to sit up.
‘Fine we will stay at mine then. You can bring your rabbit food and leave me to my fridge of cold pizza, take out and junk food.’ I sigh and bury my face on top of my outstretched arms, ignoring his attempts to get me upright, closing my eyes in a bid to sleep on the table. I feel like hell and now I am wishing I didn’t spend copious hours playing tonsil tennis with one very practiced Carrero and slept more.
‘You do realise this is me your talking too? I will clean out your fridge and restock it, you’re my girlfriend now, meaning I have more say.’ He sounds like he’s smiling, and I look up to see him grinning at me while eating his gross food. Finding himself utterly amusing and yet weirdly I do not.
‘Oh, for a minute I thought Jake was here… You can only dream that you get to boss me around the way he does.’ I sit up and narrow my eyes at him, not about to take any crap from him at all, especially over food. I even might let the girlfriend comment slide, seeing as I have not agreed to any such thing yet.
‘Maybe I need a list of things I do get to boss you around over.’ He narrows his gaze back at me, I guess testing the waters at my lack of picking him up on the girlfriend label.
‘Setting ground rules, or telling you which things are not your concern?’ I raise my eyebrows cheekily at him, smirking and relaxing into the old atmosphere we always had. I feel better after sleep, even if I haven’t had enough and I am getting used to his presence again, falling into our roles from before. I like that we haven’t lost the bickering banter and passive aggressive affection from before. That was something I always loved about us.
‘We need ground rules…... First one being I won’t have my girl eating crap all the time, it may not affect you now, but it will eventually. Besides, the crabbit ass moods you get in would probably improve with a better diet.’ He raises one dark brow, and I see that slight smug hint of smirk in the depths.
‘I think you are probably the cause of those crabbit ass moods, like ninety nine percent of the time……. I’ll change my diet in small ways if you give me full body massages once a week.’ I retort sassily, head working to how good it will feel to let him strip me naked for that, I always did imagine what it would be like and I guess I get to experience it now. Perks of Arry as my boyfriend I guess. I kind of like that title, maybe I should permanently let the girlfriend label slide.
‘Deal. I’ll give you more than one a week if you like? I’ll give you them daily.’ He winks, and I can see this conversation taking a different turn. I narrow my gaze at him, breaking when he chuckles and pokes me on the end of the nose with his thumb, returning to his crappy breakfast.
‘Okay with that sorted, let’s talk sleepovers. After tonight I am back in training and I am overseeing a new merger in Carrero Corp, so would be easier if you stayed here with me some nights a week. That’s if you want to stay with me?’ He pauses mid spoonful and looks down at me, looking incredibly young and boyish in that moment.
‘We’re not doing sex, but we’re doing sleepovers?’ I frown at him, confused why he would want that if he knows we are not going to do anything that requires a bed.
‘Why not? I still want you beside me some nights even if it makes me take a dozen cold showers.’ He smiles again and goes on crunching on his food, completely dismissive of any weirdness in that sentence. I feel my stomach rumble and eye up the bowl a little defeatedly. Pondering whether I can really eat it or not and knowing if I don’t I will literally starve. I don’t do well on lack of food.
‘I need to be home sometimes, to work, to study. I don’t know what nights.’ I answer childishly, pouting over my lack of pancakes and staring out past the ceramic bowl to the New York skyline from his wide windows. It’s raining today, and the sky is overcast, not that it’s important in anyway but I just realise how nice the view is from here at this time of the day.
‘I’m not trying to pressure you to stay, just if you want to, then I want you to know it’s an open offer Soph’s. I would have you with me every night.’ He draws my attention back to him with a little worried look and I smile at him to ease his tension.
‘Okay.’ I answer, not sure what else to say really. Yes, I want to be here with him too but no, I am not ready to just throw all in and give him everything while I still feel like I need time. There is a part of me that still thinks he needs to work for this a little, stubborn Sophie who won’t back down.
‘I’m sorry if I am being pushy, I know I am getting ahead of myself. I just really want you here, want this to work.’ Again, he looks so young and wary and it just makes me feel crappy. I sigh and tilt my head up, moving to sit up properly.
‘I want that too, I know you’re not being pushy. I just need a little breathing space too, to get my head round this.’ I shrug, unable to look him in the eye for a moment because I know it’s not the answer he wants.
‘I understand baby; Please eat Soph’s. I can’t take you home unless you do. I hate seeing you living on pancakes and sundaes.’ He cuts in, changing the topic because he obviously realises it’s not the time to go into this. I need time and he promised me I could have it.
‘Ughh, for god’s sake. I think I am going to rename you Jake!’ I snap; never a morning person and hating how nagging he can be sometimes. He’s worse than a woman.
‘Jake would get less arguments from you. You do what he tells you.’ He points out with a frown, a little hint of attitude because it’s true. Jake gets a lot less arguments from me than Arry does. But then Jake is my Godfather and he can be one scary dude when he wants to be.
‘Jakes less of an ass than you are.’ I retort, leaning out and picking up the spoon in my bowl to mix the mixture of food childishly.
‘Thanks… I love you too Soph’s… Okay, back to this…. I train every weekday morning and twice in the evening; I can never schedule my work rota at Carrero Corp as lately it’s been hectic so really, we are going to have to take each day as it comes in terms of dating. I also have a fight in three weeks, I need to fly to Miami a week before. I guess I will have to plan everything around all that.’ He pushes my bowl back towards me when he sees me playing with it and I just give him a look threat equates to ‘I am still not eating it’ that is met with a frown.
‘Check us being all proper grown up and organised. Do I need a calendar to write this all down?’ I smirk at him, slapping his hand off when he tries to pick up my spoon to push at me.
‘A smack maybe, how about you just text me daily and tell me when to pick you up. I will tell you when I can’t. I meant what I said. I would see you every second of every da
y if you let me.’ He sighs heavily, eyes clearly honed on my lack of eating and I refrain from sticking my tongue out at Mr Frustrating over there.
‘Why does this feel the same?’ I sigh, eyeing him up with scrutiny suddenly, wondering if it’s normal that we have reversed back to us of old. Suddenly wondering what that even means.
‘What do you mean? Same as what?’ He stops and glances up at me from his own bowl, looking at me like he has no clue what I even mean.
‘All of this, seems just like when we used to make plans to go off skiing or to hang out, it doesn’t feel different. We’re being so … Normal.’ I wave my hands about to emphasize my point and then flop onto my elbows once more, caging my bowl. Arrick straightens and shrugs at me, eyes on my food that I am once again stirring absentmindedly.
‘Because it is normal, relationships are like this Sophie, best mates who also fuck and kiss a lot. No other dates or people in the way, but just like we were, with a whole lot more intimacy and touching.’ He shrugs with one shoulder, looks relieved and goes back to what he was doing, reaching out to stop me from sending the contents of my bowl over the edge with the way I am messing with it, He stills my hand and pushes the darn thing back at me more forcefully this time.
‘What did you think it would be like?’ He adds in afterthought.
‘I don’t know. Awkward maybe. That it would be, or feel different, and not feel so normal and non-scary. I just thought it would be something new.’ I watch that perfectly calm face, the twinge of a perfect eyebrow as he takes in what I am saying and the little smile that breaks the corner of his mouth. I also pick up my spoon and go straight back to drawing patterns in my granola so that some sploshes on the table in the most satisfying way. He just looks at me like he maybe is rethinking the smacking comment and eats.
‘When we get to sex it will change the dynamics a little, but generally we already had a really close relationship. That’s why we’re doing this slowly. So, nothing is scary or overwhelming for you baby. Just us, like this and we will work up to more later, if you want to. This is how it really is; we already had something that worked.’ He looks confident in the fact, while I just feel confused.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 16