‘It was; it was still sitting in my study along with stuff I had for her to pick up.’ As though suddenly reminding himself, he turns and walks off to his study at the side of the room to go check and comes back with a box. He places it next to Natasha’s box and lifts the lid, looking inside and chewing on his lip.
‘She’s taken what she wants I guess.’ He closes it again and piles the two boxes together. Sliding them farther over to the corner of the counter to deal with later, eyeing me up warily. Attention coming back to me now that he has dealt with her little tantrum and I just stare back at him with a heavy sigh.
‘If you broke up over two months ago, why are you now only trading items?’ I eye him suspiciously, watching the small shake of his head as he looks at me with an indulgent look and a raised brow, seeing hints of the green eyed me coming out to play. My direction on topic is clearly unsettling him and he probably thinks a storm is brewing, considering the delicate nature of this particular subject.
‘She was a little too emotional the past few weeks; what with us and her dad, so I didn’t see it as majorly important. I guess this sort of symbolises that she finally realises we are done and not going back.’ He looks a little mournful for a moment, that hint of guilt breaking through, but it disappears behind that cool façade quickly and I wonder if he ever misses her at all, the way he missed me.
‘She didn’t accept it before?’ I hate talking about this but as usual my inquisitiveness is my biggest flaw, overtaking my impulsive instinct to ban all conversation that concerns Natasha. I just want to know more about what’s been going on between them since I left here. A part of me wants to fill in the blank spaces, even if it hurts me.
‘She was clinging to the hope that I still loved her enough to fix things. Only problem being, I realised if I ever loved her at all then I would never have thrown away everything so easily for you. I guess I never loved her in the way I thought I did. It was hard for her to deal with that and she is still struggling to come to terms with it. Not that I blame her…. Truly turned out to be a major shithead, to both of you.’ Arrick turns and switches on his coffee machine, pulling out the drawer compartments to check if his house keeper has refilled it and then hits the front power button. Turning back to me with a sigh, eyes scanning me softly. I start fiddling with my nails, watching him while my brain runs through a hundred questions and niggles that I am not sure I even have the courage to put out there. It’s not that his confessions and adorations don’t get to me, they do. Everything he ever says tells me that this is real, it makes my heart soar and insides react. I am just too wary to really show him anything just yet, still feeling this out. Arricks face seems to straighten suddenly, his expression taking on a serious tone and he reaches for my hand, pulling it to his and wrapping it within his own fingers protectively.
‘Look, I’m going to be honest about this. I still answer her calls and I still talk to her if I run into her somewhere. I don’t make a point of seeing her, but sometimes she shows up. I’m still her friend and I want her to move on, if my being there for a while in her life helps her than that’s what I’m going to do. This stuff with her dad sealed the deal, she isn’t in a good place right now. I don’t want this to affect us, but I don’t want to hide this from you either.’ Arrick leans on the counter across from me so his head comes closer, catching my chin with his fingertips and tilting my face up to him tenderly. So much going on in those eyes of his and I really want to be able to just trust him and not feel like his words are slicing my soul right now.
‘You have nothing to worry about. I’m yours. You’re mine. No one is going to come between us if we don’t let them, and I am sure as hell not about to go looking anywhere else. It may have taken losing you to realise how much I fall to pieces without you, but I am not an idiot that makes the same mistake twice. I know where my heart is Sophie, it’s right wherever you are.’ His focus on my face is mesmerising, I bring my brows together and swallow hard in a bid to get my emotions to behave. Smiling softly, acknowledging that I do love what he is telling me, trying to just show a little more to him when he’s being so beautiful to me. His softening look tells me he sees it.
The spurt of the coffee machine makes him look around for a second, straightening up before coming around the breakfast bar and sliding up behind me snugly, arms encircling my waist as he rests his body against me. My stomach lurching, heart aching as I take deep slow and even breaths in a bid to keep it together. He always knows how to set me off so effortlessly and I wonder if this is how Emma feels anytime Jake touches her.
I’m still holding my tongue, a thousand petty things poised childishly, insecurely, waiting to pour out concerning his speech about her, but I know how immature and selfish that would make me. I know she is close to her parents and her father’s illness will be ripping her apart right now. Being a nurse means she probably knows without any doubt that he is dying. I get the wave of deep guilt concerning her and it just cements my inability to tell him how I really wish he would just cut all ties with her for me.
Selfish girl.
He brushes my hair back, so he can nuzzle his face into the crook of my shoulder, feeling me sag into him a little and let out a small sigh of satisfaction, contentment. He’s learning fast in such a short space of time how to weaken my resolve, how to touch me for maximum impact. I always knew he was clever at certain things, I guess this is something he is very good at.
‘Sophie, you know me. I hope you still trust me enough to believe me. I have never been this way with anyone, even Natasha. That has to tell you how I feel about you.’ He pushes me gently with his knees behind my legs, making me buckle a little, so I push my butt back into his groin playfully in retaliation. Feeling the mood lift at his playfulness. Pushing all other thoughts aside for now, unable to ruin this moment.
‘I do, I believe you.’ I respond softly, leaning my head back against him, closing my eyes at how it feels to be in his arms this way. So many times, I thought of how this could be, missed how this felt. He runs his fingers down my throat gently.
‘I never got the whole mushy touchy-feely thing Jake is all about, the constant touching and smooching Emma, twenty-four seven. I was never really someone who wanted to walk around pawing at my girlfriend, or spend copious amounts of time only wanting to be alone to paw my girlfriend. Natasha used to joke about the fact that I was allergic to too much intimacy…… Sophie it’s never been like that with you, ever. I want to be close to you, I have always just touched you, hugged you, held your hand and been comfortable just being attached to you, even when it was innocent. I have always just wanted you with me, no matter how often I saw you. You were my shadow for years and it’s only now I realise it’s because I wanted to be with you all the time.’ He turns me in his arms, so I can rest my butt against the counter, his fingers trailing down my exposed arms and making them tingle. Eyes locked on one another steadily.
‘I know in myself how different this is. Because all I have wanted to do since we kissed again was to be wrapped around you, touching you, being somehow connected to you, even if it’s just sat beside you on a plane and holding hands.’ His fingers come to mine and connect, completely intertwined.
I chew my lip, heart aching with everything he is saying, eyes glazed with emotion. There’s a lump in my throat from just how beautifully romantic Arrick can be, underneath all the cool and aloof he shows the world. I never thought it would be like that with him.
The plane journey with our friends and Nathan was minus Jake, just a group of hungover people going back to the city. Nathan and Christian slept for the hour-long flight while Jenny gazed out the window daydreaming sleepily, leaving Arrick and me together. Side by side with hands held under cover of the table as I leaned my head against him. Listening to his heart beat as he read a book and I napped in and out of consciousness. He hadn’t let go until we got up to leave the plane, not once, and then didn’t let go until we got out of the car at his apartment and carried our bags.
‘I like that you’re like this.’ I finally say, his hand trailing up to my jawline, tracing my lips with his thumb, eyes focused on my mouth and the obvious desire to kiss me. I am starting to recognise the tell-tale signs, eyes dilated, brows slightly tensed to a tiny frown, the serious deadpan focus on my lips. He is easy to read when you know how, and I love the fact that he seems to want to kiss me endlessly. Even when he isn’t kissing me, he’s usually thinking about it.
‘There is definitely a lot of fire and passion underneath that very sexy chest, waiting to get out I think.’ I prod him in the pec with a smile. Loving the way it feels to be able to touch him without any boundaries, or hesitation. I just feel like exploring every part of him with inquisitive fingers and have to stop myself from lifting his shirt to go explore.
‘I guess it’s been dormant for a long while. Or maybe I just didn’t have enough sexual chemistry with anyone until you to actually let it out.’ He grins cheesily and I roll my eyes.
‘Stop! Chat up lines are lame, and I happen to know, also bullshit, you were definitely a Lothario before you settled down. I may not have been privy to your naughty antics, but I sure as hell heard the rumours, and you stupidly told me things you shouldn’t have.’ I slide out of his embrace and flit into the kitchen as the coffee jug starts to fill up, reaching for mugs in the cupboard above. He moves into where I had been standing and takes up the same leaning down posture he had before, arms resting on the counter as he watches me ready our drinks.
‘Reformed my ways…Just for you……Want to have a jacuzzi out on the roof and then come down here for a movie before bed? Pretty sure there’s a bikini you left here in my drawer from that party last year.’ He is watching me with that infuriating poker face and smiles when I just eyeroll at his obvious lameness.
My mind flits back to that party and the fact he split up a drunken brawl between me and Natasha that night, before forcing me to go to bed in his spare room. Shrugging it away I look at him slyly.
‘Or you know, we could skinny dip.’ I lift my chin with a naughty smile, completely serious. I am not against seeing that perfectly sculpted body of tanned skin and black ink again, it is clearly etched in my memory. I don’t have any issue being naked with him again either.
‘We could…. But we’re not.’ He stands up, stretching his arms out over his head and joining fingers so he can ease out his shoulder muscles, it is instantly erotic to me the way his body elongates and moves fluidly, all muscle and beautiful masculine lines making me hot from within. I realise I am openly staring and he catches my eye with a smile.
‘Why not?’ I pout as he returns to his casual pose. From sex demon to sexy lounging model. I think I am going to like playing with my eye candy of a man in a jacuzzi.
‘Because seeing you naked again will seriously mess with my calm, especially when you are within arm’s reach. I am struggling to function on the memory of you in all your glory as it is.’ He takes the mug I have now slid across to him gratefully, lifting it to take a sip while holding it around the base with fingers through the handle. He is such a guy in every way and I find myself lifting eyebrows with complete amusement at this fact. I never noticed until now how many completely ‘guy’ mannerisms he has.
‘Hmm I doubt that very much, I’m almost boy shaped.’ I gaze down at my own mug then go snooping in the cupboard for creamer.
‘Trust me, there’s nothing boy about you Sophie, not anymore. Maybe when you were fourteen, but you have definitely moved into a woman’s shape a little too perfectly. You attract male eyes like flies to honey baby, you just are oblivious to it.’
I frown his way dubiously, regarding that genuine look and knowing he means every word. Taking a look down almost impulsively in an almost childlike manner to see what he is seeing. All I can see is slender legs, a flat stomach and a modest bust. Everything slim and in proportion, a little on the dainty side for my liking but nothing like the curvy bodies of some of the women I have seen him date over the years.
‘Maybe I’ll fill out still, guess there’s still time.’ I smile his way with a shrug, not really body shy at all and not really that insecure, despite a past that used to make me hate my body on all counts. Therapy has done so much for me, but I still fail to see myself as sexy and curvy in any way and try to dress to make me look more so.
‘You don’t need to fill out, trust me. You are already capable of making men horny as hell Mimmo. The number of assholes I’ve had to intervene with on your behalf, proves that. You can count me as one.’ He winks, that naughty hint of a smile as his eyes linger on me for a second as he works his way up over my body lazily. Definite interest peeking in that cheeky look he gives me. It’s amazing how one loaded look can turn me to mush and sizzle at the same time and he isn’t even touching me. I swallow nervously, trying to deflect from the topic I started and realise this will be a whole new part of the relationship between us to explore at some point. It makes me unsure suddenly, antsy and I look for another topic to focus on.
‘I’m sorry I did that to all of you. I mean all the drinking and partying and acting like an idiot for years.’ I bite on my lip, looking away across the immaculate room with a sinking feeling in my gut. One thing I have done since starting school is ponder and regret my last couple of years all the time, hating what I look back on and all the pain it caused the people who love me. How childish I was in dealing with things and how I behaved towards everyone, including him.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t figure out it was because of me Sophie. I just thought you were going off the rails like Leila did and nothing seemed to get through to you.’ We are both cradling our mugs, perched on either side of the counter and looking at one another openly. The first time we have talked with any space between us in the last hours, I guess I need some distance for a few.
‘It wasn’t your fault, I didn’t even know why I felt that way.’ I shrug matter of factly, dismissing his blame for something he had no control over at the time. Hating that I can now look back and see the mess I was, and yet he didn’t give up on me in all that time. It makes me feel warm inside, softer towards him.
‘For the record….. I’m glad that you feel that way; I’m glad that things changed between us.’ He lays down his mug, standing up and laying his palms flat on the counter as though pondering whether he should stay there or come to me. I guess he can tell that I might need some breathing space, but I can also tell that he isn’t liking the lack of touching going on right now. He’s been insatiable for contact since this morning.
‘You don’t wish it was still how it was and you were still ignorantly happy with Tasha?.’ I blurt out a little too painfully and raise a brow his way. I don’t even know what that was, what I am trying to achieve.
Testing the boundaries maybe?
He moves around the counter to me, obviously choosing to be closer, finding me with his arms and pulling me against him so I have to put my mug down too. Pulling me in to face him and giving me no option but to obey as he slides my body against his faultlessly, perfectly moulded as though we really did break from the same mould once.
‘Nope…. This feels right to me, righter than anything I have ever known.’ He stoops a little, buries that perfect face in my neck and just breathes me in before planting a kiss on my throat. I giggle unexpectedly when he hoists me up by the butt and legs onto the counter and slides me back to sit on it, nestling himself in between my legs so we are nose to nose, intimately joined and I am his prisoner. This close to his face and that cute smile feels a lot better than being across a kitchen, and the familiar tingling of my insides starts out on overdrive.
‘You make me want to wrap these around me every second of the day.’ He says into my mouth as he angles for a steamy kiss, pulling my legs around his waist so I can lock my ankles together behind his back, my arms around his neck as he tilts me back and fits our bodies together tightly. Getting braver with how far he can push me with every single touch it seems.
Casanov
a!
‘Hmmm, what happened to the no sex yet, thing?’ I nudge him warily, still not sure if I even want to contemplate trying anytime soon, we seem to have bypassed all the awkward getting to know each other again, in half a day, and he is straight in with man handling again, a little too confidently. The heat he makes me feel is still there, but the memory of last night has dampened my desire to go there anytime soon. It didn’t play out how I thought it would and I would really love to talk it through with Emma before I try again, get her take on it. Understand why it made me react that way.
‘Who’s having sex?’ He feigns innocence, catching my bottom lip in his teeth and sucking it in gently. I surrender to him and happily let him devour my mouth with a kiss that is more passion fuelled than any we have shared all day. I can feel his arousal between my thighs stirring quickly and it is obvious he has hit the sudden horn. I feel a little sense of achievement that I can do this to him, considering how many times before I left him that I hoped I could. Forgetting my fears because I know I can trust him not to push me in this way, even if his body aches for it.
‘Feels like someone wants to.’ I breathe heavily when he breaks the kiss apart, still nose to nose as he grazes his mouth against mine seductively, still holding my pelvis tight against him so I’m leaning back at an odd angle on the kitchen surface.
‘Wanting to and doing, are not the same thing, and I stand by my earlier oath of not going there until you’re ready.’ He loosens me a little from his hold, bringing his forehead to mine, eyes locked and held captive.
‘You make me crazy, I am not going to deny Mimmo. But you mean a hell of a lot more to me than sex.’ He looks serious, the atmosphere between us charged and I find it hard to resist him when he says things like this. He just makes me feel like I want to throw all caution to the wind and let him have me in any way he wants.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 15