‘I made Jake fly them with him as he was coming to the city anyway, we may need to heat them up, but I got you a shake too.’ He smiles at me with unconcealed adoration.
‘I figured I owed you more than a sorry for last night.’ He stands up, leans in over the table, avoiding a burning candle to kiss me on the mouth, looking pleased with. Everything just seems to swarm at me so suddenly, hitting me with a ten-tonne weight of emotion that he really did this for me. Even after last night, after how I reacted and what I did. That he loves me this much.
I break into sobs immediately, unable to contain the sudden rush of emotion at the unexpectedness of it and the heart ache hitting me hard that sometimes I just don’t deserve him in any way shape or form.
‘Baby what is it?’ He slides his seat out and comes around the table, kneeling beside me, hauling me against him, smoothing back my hair and cradling my face against his throat instantly. I can barely breathe for the gasping sobs that have overcome me, hurting my soul and twisting me up inside.
‘Don’t ever leave me. Don’t go backwards.’ I cry uncontrollably, through howling sobs. Heart shattering, insecurity at an all-time high from everything, tiredness, hangovers. I just feel utterly emotional.
‘Mimmo? I’m never going anywhere unless it’s with you Soph’s. Is this because of last night? I love you more than life, how many times do I need to say it to you. You are all I want. I won’t ever leave you.’ Arrick leans against me, sliding arms around my shoulders and kissing me on the temple, cradling me and rocking me gently. His tone soft and soothing, reminding me of how many times he has held me this way to calm my upset, soothe fears or just give me support, and yet all my brain focuses on is the one time in my life that he didn’t.
‘You did though, you did leave me. After you said you wouldn’t.’ I whimper uncontrollably, tired, unstable and clearly having some sort of hormonal breakdown based on an unexpected romantic overload from the sweetest boyfriend in the world. Technically this is all his fault for knocking the wind out of my sails with this surprise. I hate that my insecure scars from before are ruining it right now. Tears blurring my vision, heart breaking. Arrick catches my face with a hand on each side, moulding my cheeks and pulls me to him so I can’t turn away, bringing my forehead to his in the flickering light so that I can clearly make out his eyes on mine.
‘I regret that every day Sophie, even still; because those three months of not being with you killed me. They ripped my apart in every way imaginable, like a constant agony I couldn’t fix. I know I left you alone baby. I wish I could undo all of it and just go back to the beginning and always just go with my heart and fuck my head. I hate that I did that to you, that I did this to you, but you have always had me. I would walk to the ends of the earth for you Sophie, you have to see that. I always would have.’ Arricks eyes glaze with moisture too, his voice breaking at the sheer emotion of his words, I don’t doubt the regret. I don’t doubt that he really does love me, yet this constant fear that it’s a dream, that his heart is still torn, it lingers like a gnawing knot inside of me every day.
‘I don’t want to feel like this anymore.’ I sob into his arms, curling myself into him, burying my face against his throat and breathing in the very smell of him; willing him to just take it all away. To help me understand why I do feel this way and what’s wrong with me.
‘It takes time to forgive someone for hurting you. Especially hurting you the way I did. I know what I’ve done, and I understand that it affects how you are right now.’ Arrick sits up and brings my face to his. Kissing me softly again and brushing my hair back.
‘I’m trying.’ I mumble ashamedly, as though I am somehow failing him for feeling this way. I know I am. He does everything in his power to make me feel loved and cherished, even when it goes against who he used to be. I have never seen Arrick as demonstrative and publicly affectionate with anyone at all like the way he is with me. Not even his own family.
‘It’s not up to you to forgive me baby, it’s up to me to earn it; no matter how long that takes. Come on…. Leave this for now. I think you need to unwind a little bit, you’re tired and emotional and maybe need to just have a little breathing space to get your head together, you have barely had a minute since you woke up.’ Arrick pulls me to my feet and pulls me with him towards the bedroom, guiding me surely, through the darkness, making sure I don’t trip on anything as we make our way through the enchanted room.
He’s right, I am emotional and tired and feel crazily strung out after last night. I love that he can always read me, but at the same time it only makes me worse knowing that he can sense that somewhere inside of me I still doubt him, still can’t really let myself go all the way yet.
He leads me into his bedroom which is illuminated in a soft glow from lights coming from the open bathroom door. I make a little sobbing noise as I see his bathroom sparkling with candles and a full hot bubble bath, all ready for me to climb into. He has the jacuzzi function turned on in the tub to keep it hot and bubbling and little flower petals are floating around on top giving a sweet aroma to the room. The bathroom smells like my favourite bath bomb and the boxes on the counter with the branded names tell me that’s what it is. He’s been a very busy boy for someone who only had an hour and half of my absence and all I can do is gawp like a dumbfounded freak, wondering when and how he planned all this.
‘Arry.’ I say breathily, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, just so in awe of all this and completely blown away. I notice the glass sat by the side, already for whatever I want to pour into it and the book I have been reading sat on a shelf over the tub. He anticipated my needs and set it all up and I literally can’t stop the wave of heartfelt tears that hit me again.
‘You’re my Princess…. It’s about time I started showing you that you are.’ He picks up my hand and kisses my fingertips so tenderly, looking at me with unconcealed love and just smiling softly before planting another kiss on my mouth and lingering for a second to savour it. Letting me go and making a move as though to leave.
‘Where are you going?’ I stop him with a hand on his arm and he just smiles at me again.
‘I didn’t set this up to pressure you into anything, I’m leaving you to relax for as long as you need.’ He kisses me on the forehead and goes to move again, but I don’t let him. The intimacy of this scene, the romantic way he’s being, just fuels my need to have more of him. If his touch can eradicate heartache, then what would full possession of me do? If I let him take me in every way possible. His touch holds the key to saving me from myself in so many ways.
‘Who’s going to give me a shoulder massage and wash the bits I can’t reach?’ I flutter lashes at him shyly. Not really wanting him to go elsewhere and leave me with my own thoughts, he is the one who makes the doubts go silent. I don’t need time to myself, I need more time with him around me, holding me tight and making all of this okay again.
‘I guess I can hang around and do that.’ He grins at me. Moving back to stand in front of me and slides a hand on my waist with a look of mischievous happiness. Every part of me is aching for him now, heart a little less fragile and a part of me that knows I need more from him than what I have been getting, is in the forefront of my mind.
‘Probably make more sense, you know? … If you maybe, took this off and got in too?’ I say quietly, tugging at his tee shirt while watching the way his eyes hone in on my mouth. Air around us is starting to charge even if this was innocent a moment ago but I know what I’m asking for. My head may be messy and emotionally stupid, but my body is already aching for something he started and never finished, even though it ended badly. I still have the memory of how the good bits felt and I want to explore more of that. I want to know if his joining to me in more ways than touch can maybe end the constant ache of something missing inside of me. Cure me of these insecurities which keep ripping us apart.
Arrick doesn’t say anything, just smiles at me and then pulls his top over his head in one easy movement, tha
t flawless physique on show, rippling lines of toned muscle and dark art and my stomach flips over with the sight of it. His body never fails to get my heart racing, tracing the fine line of fair hair up his abs until it blends to smooth skin and then meets the scattering across his chest. He’s so much sexier than he was as a teen, losing that air of boyish and growing into maturity, really did increase his level of hotness. He was always cute, nicely toned and sexy, yet he really came into his own after twenty-one.
‘Better?’ He smiles cheekily, watching the progression of my fingertips and tensing his stomach with every tickle and caress. I watch it mesmerised, longing to see the rest of him even more so now.
‘Ummmm, you know these really should stay dry, best if they come off too.’ I tug at his sweat pants, and smile when he leans down and slides them off without argument, so he is only in a pair of very sexy fitted boxers and nothing else. It’s not hard to see why women go gooey for him when there is not much hidden. He should never be shy of the package he is carrying anyway, it works like a switch, hitting me right in my pelvis and I feel the instant sizzle of heat hit me hard. Pressing my knees together as my throat suddenly gets dry. Arricks pupils are already large with the lack of light, but now his eyes look so dark and consumed with unveiled lust, it changes his whole face. Body giving off new vibes as though he can already sense what I am going to ask him for.
‘Seems a little unfair that I get to keep my clothes dry, while this dress definitely looks dry clean only.’ He leans in breathily, rubs his nose against mine to deliver a kiss, sexily delicate and heating me up easily. I turn around so he’s behind me, moving my hair aside so I can peek back at him coyly and pull his hands to my back in a bid to urge him to take it off.
I let his hands go and feel him move to unzip it, slowly, stopping to kiss me on the back of the neck as he goes. His warm hand slides the zipper down and then slowly and gently pushes the dress off my shoulders, caressing my exposed flesh as he goes so that my eyes flutter shut at the contact. It pools around my legs on the floor around my ankles and I step out and kick it aside without looking. Lost in the feel of his hands still on me, tracing patterns across my shoulders and down my spine sensually. There is no doubt that he’s turned on, yet I know he won’t do anything about it at all. In that I can always trust him.
‘I am really awful at taking my underwear off.’ I whisper huskily, looking over my shoulder at him and seeing the same lusting glaze to his eyes that I am sure mine have too. For something that started out sweet and romantic, the air is sizzling with sexual tension as he doesn’t hesitate to unclip my bra and slowly slides it off from behind, kissing my shoulder and then easing my panties off so I stand completely naked. My body is churning with heat, every ounce of me vibrating with impatience and desire.
He smooths them down my legs and then removes them one foot at a time, throwing them on top of our clothes on the floor casually. His eyes scanning my body and devouring me shamelessly. His hand skims the curve of my ass, yet he moves both to my waist in a bid to tame his urges and stay in a safe zone.
He lets me go and I feel him bend behind me and realise he is taking the last of his clothes off too, so that we are completely naked with each other for the first time, sober. The memories of Leila’s party are hazy, and we had more darkness than this unable to really appreciate each other in our natural splendour, yet I don’t feel nervous at all. I feel desirable and safe, skin tingling with his soft touches as he comes back to stand up behind me. I tremble with how different it feels to have him against me, skin on skin and completely aware of every single touch. Heightened senses and crazily alert.
He runs his fingertips down my neck, erupting in a million sizzling tingles as he trails them down my spine and across one of my butt cheeks slowly. I can hear the change in his breathing, the charge between us in the atmosphere.
‘You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever known. I can’t believe that you’re mine, that I get to touch you like this, get to kiss you every day. I’m so in love with you baby, every single tiny inch of you.’ His voice is in my ear, low and sexy, tickling my neck and I close my eyes to the sensation of his touch on my skin again. Heart erupting at his words and I just want to turn and throw myself into his arms and kiss him to death. I want so badly to tell him how much I love him too. I pray that the mental block stopping me from that one tiny detail can be cured with one final step in bringing us together properly.
Every part of me aching with desire to feel the way he’s making my neck feel. I want to feel him inside of me, to have that mouth back on places he brought to ecstasy before. I want it more than oxygen right now and every yearning ache has me tensing in anticipation, a need so strong I may scream if he denies me.
‘Make love to me.’ I whisper it so surely, yet so breathily that I don’t think he hears me at first. His hand pauses on my back as he registers what I have just asked of him. I was so sure he knew this is where I wanted this to go, until this very second.
‘I don’t want to put you back there.’ His words come out painfully, so much emotion and I can hear how torn he is. Despite the way he is touching me, the way his body is sending every signal that he wants this as badly, he is still trying to look after me.
I love you so much.
‘Try for me, please. I need this, to heal, to feel normal.’ I feel the tears welling up inside, afraid that he won’t take this further and I really need him to. I need to feel like I can be everything I should be in a normal relationship, to be a normal woman. That I can be to him what he deserves, he needs; despite his reassurance that he doesn’t. I want to show him how much I love and trust him, and I need to do it where words fail me.
Arrick slides his arms around my waist and kisses me on the neck. Pulling me against him so I can feel his body on every inch of me. That delicious sensation of our naked bodies completely engaged, and it only fuels my longing for more from him.
‘Does it feel to you like I don’t want to try?’ He smiles against my shoulder and I have to admit I can feel a hard wedge up my back, nestled above my butt in a pretty obvious way. I giggle, both nervous suddenly, and because it is unexpected, the humour in something so serious as this.
Arrick turns me slowly to him, moving back a little and putting space between us, yet moving in to kiss me gently. He grazes his nose against mine, hands coming up to cup my face as he leans down to bridge our height difference. He pulls me against him, so my hands go up and around his neck and his kiss deepens to more passionate, moulding to me, moving with me and I let my tongue slide to his to initiate more. I am fully aware of his rock-hard self against my pelvis, I can barely ignore it when it’s that obvious and yes, for a moment I doubt that I may be equipped for it. As horrid as it is to compare, but my mind does it automatically and abhors myself for it, but he’s obviously blessed. I wonder that I even managed it once before.
‘I want you so badly I can almost taste it. But I don’t want what happened last night to happen again…. Ever.’ Arrick sounds so torn, looking at me as though he really doesn’t know what to do. I trace his lip with one finger and look into his eyes deeply, still caught in his embrace and completely confident in what I want.
‘If you don’t make love to me, I may self-implode. Last night doesn’t mean anything, I don’t want to remember it or see it as a reason for not trying. I want you so badly that I feel like my body is turning inside out and we can’t keep going on this way, letting it build up to be something more than it is.’ I reply surely, no hint of apprehension as I gaze at him persuasively. I see that tiny muscle flicker in his jaw, know he’s fighting himself and losing his own internal battle, as the look of sheer longing overtakes his face. His eyes getting so heavy and his gaze moving to my mouth obsessively. I lean up on tiptoes and capture his lips in mine, kiss him with eyes open and focused on his, teasing him with my teeth as he crumbles before my very eyes.
‘No one has ever made me so crazy with lust that I literally can’t function, like
you do.’ He replies huskily. Losing the air of confusion and I know I am winning out. I may not have his skills of seduction and sex, but I do know my boy and how to get to him in ways that no one else can. Secure in my ability to have him sway to what I want.
I let my fingertips trail up the back of his short hair, scraping my nails gently in his scalp as his hands move down and encircle my waist, pulling me bodily into him and up so I am lifted into him and my feet clear the floor. Feeling his body against mine, the look on his face that tells me this isn’t going to stop. I wrap my arms back around his neck and get lost in a kiss that he started the night before. Groaning as he massages his tongue against mine and parts my lips a little more, so he can devour me freely. The passion I met briefly, back in full control and the side of him I know that dwells deep inside, showing a little face.
I feel him moving, walking us out of the bathroom and into his own dark room with a few easy strides. He lays me down on the bed, kissing me, caressing a palm over the full length of my body from collar bone, over breast, down my abdomen, between my thighs so I gasp and arch under his tender touch. Then down one leg, moving away as he turns on a nearby lamp, giving a little illumination and I blink at him with a smile. He sets my body alight with that unexpected trail and I can feel a surge of dampness around my secret areas that I know means I am turned on too. Heightened senses already at play and anticipation turning me into a bundle of hot nerves.
‘You like the lights on?’ I watch him, wondering if that’s a normal thing for men when it’s consensual, not sure if I want it that way or not and figuring that lights might be a good thing.
‘I want you to be able to see me, always. So you know it’s me.’ He frowns, reminding me of the first time and what I said to him about not being able to see him. I feel my heart warm unexpectedly, gnawing a little in real love-sick tenderness. He comes to crawl over me on the bed and nestles beside me instead of on top of me, stroking his hands down my body, exploring every curve gently as he does so with careful hands and erupting so many more sensations and tingles until my skin goosebumps all over.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 25