‘Maybe once is enough for now. I don’t want to push it… We still need to see how you go and we also have a hot jacuzzi waiting for us. Then food, and you know how much you love your food……. This was a big deal Sophie, we need to let your emotions catch up and take time to process. Don’t think I don’t know how huge this is. I do.’ He ponders my face seriously, hand cupping my cheek and thumb caressing my skin lightly. He looks so protective in this moment that I just hug him tighter.
‘I know…. I don’t want to ruin it by talking about it though. Don’t make it a thing.’ I frown and then feel stupid that I even said it aloud, but he just nods understandably and strokes my face.
‘Come on then, distraction is always better.’ Arrick rolls away from me and gets up, holding a hand out to me, obviously in no way shy about being completely butt naked and for a second I honestly don’t know where to look. Seeing him completely starkers is completely different to letting him have his way with me naked. Now the lust fuelled haze has dispersed, it does seem weirdly awkward. I blush and look anywhere but at him.
‘Really? I can do all that to you and yet, you get shy now?’ He laughs and pulls me to him by the ankle when he gets fed up waiting. I squeal as he picks me up and pulls me into his arms to carry like a bride to be, at least up here I don’t have to avert my eyes.
‘It’s not like I have seen you undressed a whole lot okay? It takes some getting used to.’ I am still trying not to look at anything but his face, but he just rolls his eyes at me and grins.
‘I am pretty much imprinting you naked to memory and insist we both walk around like this every day. In fact, I need pictures, where’s your phone, you are sending me naked selfies.’ He jokes and turns as though he really is going to go find it. Looking decidedly wicked and thoroughly serious.
‘Not a chance. You don’t think I don’t know Nate uses your phone when you’re in the ring? He has called me on it before to tell me when you’re winning.’ I hold a palm in front of his face. Absolutely never letting him get a single naked shot of me when his phone is passed around his promo team so easily. I would never face any of them again and I don’t want anyone but him to ever see me this way.
‘Baby?’ He looks wounded, seriously disappointed that I am laying down the law on this. Obviously had his mind set on some saucy nude shots of me, for real.
‘Men!!! Have sex one time and they turn weird on you.’ I giggle at his juvenile expression, the way he narrows his frown at me and then puts me down on my feet when we get to the bath tub.
‘Get in, it’s time for some clean fun, as opposed to the dirty fun we just had.’ He pretends to sulk, and I lean in and splash some bubbles at him with a giggle. I obediently step in the tub and sit down, then shimmy forward when he gets in behind me, the temp is still hot, and the water jets are crazily good on my body. I keep expecting this to turn weird or different, like a looming mood to suddenly jump up and ruin it all for me, but despite what we just did, it still feels the same, sort of. I don’t feel weird around him, or that we just did anything worse than cuddling up or kissing. He isn’t acting like it’s a big deal and I guess it’s making me relax too as suddenly instead of this being a huge thing anymore, it feels right, like we haven’t even done anything major at all.
‘Ahhhhh, stings!’ Arrick cringes against me and lifts his arm out of the water to look at the nail marks I left on him, inching forward against me and looking back over his shoulder.’
‘Stop being a baby… You said you liked it.’ I pout petulantly, feeling guiltier now about leaving him with scratch marks, clawing the crap out of him was not exactly something I imagined doing during our romantic first time. The first pangs of something inside me, close to shame, idle up and I push it back down with a heavy sigh.
‘I do… It just hurts when submerged in girly infused bubble water. I need to man up living with you, or next time avoid climbing in a bath that was meant for you. I’m going to smell like a woman after this.’ Arrick slides me between his legs as he inches down in the bath, resting his head in the back and leaning me against his chest, holding me against him.
‘Technically, I don’t live with you…. But manning up might be a good idea, if all you can worry about is smelling like a girl and some minor stings from little girl scratches. Jeeze, here I thought you were a big manly MMA pro.’ I smirk and close my eyes, leaning my head against his muscled pecs and closing my eyes as hot water soothes every inch of my aching body. I needed this and feel exhausted so suddenly, I guess having two orgasmic explosions one after the other really takes it out of you.
‘Ummmmm, Womanly claw gauges, actually! ….. Maybe you should?’ I feel Arrick stiffen a little, his head lifting, and I guess he’s looking at me. I pause too, suddenly realising what he’s saying, as it sucker punches me in the gut. I sit up suddenly, turn and glance back at him over my shoulder warily. Stomach flipping over with nerves.
‘What?’ I eye him up suspiciously unsure if he just asked me to move in, or if he is making some weird and vague joke while I am almost falling asleep.
‘Move in with me.’ He repeats it confidently and I hesitate. So much colliding in my head that I don’t know what to say. So much we are still trying to figure out between us, everything so new. I mean we only just mastered proper sex for the first time and he’s talking about cohabiting.
Shit.
‘I…… It’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?’ I frown at him and then turn to look at anything but him, so I don’t fall into complete panic or guilt over being unable to say yes. I lay back against him as he pulls me to him, giving me no choice really, arms circling me and tightening around me. I feel him shrug behind me.
‘Only if you count us from a month ago, but I don’t. I realised somewhere along the way that I have been head over heels for you for a long time. I can’t even tell you when it started, but I know it was probably before I even came out to live here. Not seeing you for weeks put my head into perspective and that I guess I loved you a lot longer than I wanted to admit. I couldn’t deny it anymore. Sophie, you’re the reason I never let anyone else even come close to getting in, not even Tasha. You always had the part of me they wanted.’ He pulls his arms around my shoulders, kisses the back of my head and then lets me go as he reaches for a sponge, dipping it in the water and starts squeezing water over my upper body. That lurch in my stomach at what he’s saying nearly kills me, so much love, so much I want to hear, and yet I’m floundering over him wanting more from me and I don’t even know why.
‘I don’t know… I need time to think about it… I mean we only just….’ I sigh and let out a gust of air in complete deflation, feeling cornered and confused, upset by his confession even though at the same time it makes me want to squeeze him tight. I know I want him, I need him. But there is still that part of me that is afraid to take the last step off the ledge and give all into this. So much still aching in my heart from the past.
Natasha still a constant headache even though he keeps reassuring me, proving to me that she doesn’t matter, and I know I am fixating on her when I shouldn’t be. I just thought I would feel more secure than this, that being with him would feel like I was secure. Not always hiding my worries and niggles from him in fear that he will get pissed at my jealousy and constant need for reassurance. I hate that it’s how I feel; I always thought I was stronger than this, but he has a way of getting underneath all of that and making me feel vulnerable. It’s not that easy to let someone see you stripped bare and trust them not to wound you again when you’re struggling to forgive them for the first time. It’s complex.
As level headed as he can be, he can be a complete ass when it comes to irrational jealousy. I remember a girl about three years ago, who called him in a rage after they had been on a few dates, because he was snapped with another girl at a premiere with Jake. He pretty much just hung up on her after telling her he was done. It plays over in my head all the time lately, knowing how much he hates feeling suffocated.
He’s not the jealous type really, I mean obviously that night in the club he attacked that sleaze, but it was provoked. Generally, he doesn’t seem to care if some guy is smiling my way. The last month so many men have approached me when we are out together, and he just shakes his head and kisses me to stake his claim in a smug way, he finds it amusing. Tells me the highest compliment a guy can get is other men trying to hook their woman, so I really don’t think he can understand how it really feels.
‘Take as much time as you need…. It’s an open-ended request. I want you with me, always.’ He goes on with running the sponge over my shoulders and down my hair delicately. Seemingly un-phased with my sort of rejection and I relax a little, knowing he isn’t the type to ever pressure me. Hoping he still understands that maybe I just need a little more time.
‘I’ll think about it.’ I sigh and close my eyes, head back to being filled with so many contradicting thoughts that I had been sure sex would fix. Maybe he was right after all, sex wasn’t the cure to everything.
Chapter 19
‘You want it heated up?’ Arrick runs his hand down the back of my hair as I sit at the table, wrapped in a robe over my naked body. I shake my head. Completely relaxed, body sagging, from the hour-long tub soak we just had. The idle chit chat that was so easy and the twenty minutes of letting him dry and massage every inch of me on the bed, sensually heavenly, although he did stop at me letting my hands wander to under his towel, twice. I just feel surreal, completely chilled out and one hundred percent satisfied and content right in this moment.
‘They will probably taste just as good cold.’ I open the box and empty the contents onto my plate, digging in and smiling at just how amazing they taste, as I watch him wander off. He has on sweat pants, but he’s topless and barefoot, back a little clawed up and I look away from it guiltily, not sure if I like what I have done to him. Even though he keeps telling me he likes a girl with claws and assured me several times that he will expect some scratching from now on in.
Arrick comes walking back from the refrigerator with two shakes and puts them between us, sitting down to eat and giving me uninterrupted view of naked torso with his strong shoulders and perfect muscles that make me weak at the knees with every movement he makes. He looks down, sexy as always, flawless in my eyes, and starts eating too. That gorgeous jaw at work, slightly stubbled today as he skipped shaving this morning, and he looks a little more like a rugged bad boy.
‘That’s really distracting you know?’ I point my fork at his pecs and wave it side to side to gesture his naked body. Struggling to keep my eyes on delicious food when the view is so much more appetising to me. He makes my heart rate rise a little too easily when he’s flaunting what he has.
‘What about if I do this?’ He grins at me and tenses his arms in the Mr Universe pose that only makes me roll my eyes and giggle at his weirdness. Cheekily confident and obviously he knows his body does the trick, he even appeared in some men’s sports magazines last month and is evidently not shy about it.
‘Yeah, completely lame.’ I smile and take another forkful, watching him move effortlessly as every movement just emphasizes that hot physique, with little bulges and flinches that is strangely mesmerising. My inner lady parts sitting up and tingling to attention so readily and I pressed my legs together in a bid to calm it down.
Who knew a male body could make me drool so much, especially now I know what it can do to mine.
‘Don’t lie, you are hot for me like this.’ He winks at me and then picks up his shake, sliding his feet under the table to capture mine and pull them towards him so our feet are completely entangled. Cutely affectionate, like always, and one of his little surprising traits that I adore the most. He’s like an eternal human cushion that likes to be cuddled up at all times.
‘Possibly.’ I answer evasively, watching him under my lashes as he slides down into a more casual seated pose and keeps staring at me. I try to focus on anything else other than the way he’s looking at me eat, and notice an unfamiliar tribal symbol on his collar bone, just above the main part of his chest work that joins to his sleeve, that I never noticed before. Not surprising really, he’s not ever just sat naked in front of me while my eyes wander freely.
‘That’s new, isn’t it?’ I point at the little Celtic type line running up his collarbone perfectly, acting like a border to the rest of his black ink. Looking for a distraction to those pecs and those gazing hazel eyes.
‘Yup… I got it a couple months back.’ He looks down, running a hand over it and then back at me with a lazy smile. He has so many tattoos now that unless you really sit and dissect them, then they all just sort of mesh to one large dark sleeve of artwork.
‘Does it mean anything?’ I ask softly, still digging into my food and looking over all his ink appreciatively. It’s a part of him I always loved, and love seeing new tattoos on him too. Some have meanings to him and some don’t. He has a serious addiction to them, much like his brother and yet they just suit him like he was always meant to have them.
‘Nope. Just liked this one…. Although this one is my notch of another win.’ He points at the little star among the cluster of stars inside a geometric shape on his inner arm, getting pretty crowded now with all the wins he has had over the last years. I feel that tug of pride at the little addition, knowing he’s good at what he does, and he loves it. He is a born fighter, even if that’s not necessarily a good thing, his ability to be disciplined and focused play a huge part in his success.
‘Guess you will be adding another one after this week.’ I smile, reminding him that he leaves for LA tomorrow, for a week-long promo and fight, he is one step away from a championship fight and I couldn’t be prouder of him. At the same time there is that sinking feeling of dread inside of me, because he will be gone for a full seven days and I don’t want him to go.
‘Come to Miami with me?’ He looks at me seriously, reading my mind, eyes on mine with complete unmoveable intent.
‘You know I can’t, I have assessments all week. I can’t miss those.’ I sigh and for the millionth time, regret the fact I can’t go with him. Arrick is a born traveller, he loves jumping up and going places impulsively, and I love it too. He always makes trips exciting and fun, and despite his constant overthinking, logical personality, he is impulsive when it comes to spontaneous get aways. I catch him frowning at me and distract him with diverting back to tattoos.
‘What does that one say?’ I point at one on his forearm, a long line of words crammed small and neatly within another hectic piece that makes it hard to read from here. Arrick turns his arm and looks at the neat row of scrawl.
‘It’s a Muhammed Ali quote. It says, ‘Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee’.’ He puts his arm back down and carries on eating, throwing me an eyebrow lift to get me to eat too.
‘You’re strange.’ I giggle and dig in to my pancakes once more. Savouring the bite, loving that he did this for me and just filling up inside with so much emotion.
‘Well I did get your name on the bottom of my foot too, so guess I am.’ He glances up at me with dead pan seriousness that I cannot judge if it’s a joke or not.
‘Wait. What?’ I look at him in complete open-mouthed disbelief. Little wheels in my head turning, trying to think back if I have ever looked on the sole of his foot. I cannot recall if I have ever seen a tattoo there and just frown at him suspiciously.
‘You know, cos you loved toy story so much, you made me see it like fifty times and you kept calling me your Woody. So I figured I would let you be my Andy.’ He looks completely serious, eating his food again and glancing my way occasionally with a half-smile that I just can’t read.
‘Please tell me your kidding.’ I drop my fork on my plate and just gawp at him steadily, not sure how to feel about that. I don’t even!
There are no words.
‘Why? .. Don’t you think it’s cute that your name is on me.’ He smiles at me, infuriating cute boy expression and no tells what so ever if
he is serious, I am starting to think he is.
‘Noo ….. I think it’s weird, and why your foot?’ I retort, no longer gooey and emotional and starting to think he is an actual moron for something so lame. It’s not cute, it’s weird.
‘Because that’s how you claim ownership of your toys, I thought you had that movie committed to memory?’ He sticks more food in his mouth, taps his fork on my plate to remind me to eat and I just keep staring at him.
‘You were not my toy though!’ I retort.
‘I am now.’ He winks dirtily.
‘Please tell me your kidding?’ I can’t even begin to contemplate the millions of reasons that a guy having your name on the sole of his foot is neither sexy or romantic. It’s plain odd. It’s not something I imagine he would ever do, with any girl. Especially not one who wasn’t even his girlfriend at the time, and yes, I do see the cuteness in there somewhere, but it’s still a bit, Ughhh…. Lame.
‘Why?’ He looks innocently surprised.
‘It’s weird, on your foot Arrick? That means you’re standing on me every day.’ I blurt out, thinking of how many times he stands on it, every second of every day, sweats in his gym shoes or pushes it up against furniture where he perches his feet, as though it’s physically me on his foot, and so disrespectful. I know I’m weird, I never claimed not to be, and my thought process only points it out to me. Arrick is just laughing softly, clearly amused with how I am taking this and not seeing it the way I am at all.
‘Wanna see it?’ He grins at me cheekily.
‘No. I may hate it so much you might have to cut your foot off… Why would you be so dumb?’ I implore him, raising my palms like I just don’t even know who he is sometimes. I don’t want my name to be jammed into gym shoes and sweated on every day. I can’t imagine anything more yuck than that, like it would actually have an effect on my physical being.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 27