‘I like picturing you naked and warm, definitely in a bed…. Pretty sure you have just made my day a lot harder to get through. X A’
‘He’s being safe and lame… trying not to get too dirty and push you into anything X-rated. Give me your phone.’ Christian pokes his head over my shoulder and snatches the phone before I can protest, I scramble to try and get it back, slapping at his shoulder and leg as he furiously types and ignores me completely, he shoves his palm in my face holding my away and meeting my fury before I finally get it back. Looking down in sheer horror at what he has sent him.
‘I’m so wet thinking about what you do to me, can barely keep my hands to myself.’
‘Oh. My. God. Christian!’ I turn and slap him hard on the leg and about a dozen heads turn angrily our way and ‘Shhh’ us. Christian flips them off with a defiant head flick.
I am completely livid and start typing out a retraction to explain it wasn’t me when my phone buzzes and I feel myself pale instead.
Shit.
‘Tell Christian – Nice try! Sophie…If you want to try sexting, then wait till he’s not around, and I am all for that. X A’
I giggle at his response and wave my phone at Christian with a smug look. Jenny is giggling, obviously hearing everything and shakes her head at us. I show her the text and she laughs loudly before clamping her hand over her mouth to quieten herself.
‘Busted. He clearly knows when it’s not me.’ I smirk, giving him my sassy head sway and clicky fingers that I adopted from him. I reply to Arrick before sliding my phone in my bag out of the way from itchy fingers.
‘He’s an asshole, and maybe…. I think you need to initiate it though, not me. This is out of my comfort zone. xxx S’
I kick my bag under my chair, so I don’t look at it again and concentrate on class, maybe I should start taking notes if I am going to get anything done this week. My heads clearly not on school and it really should be. I have three dresses to sew up this week, two tops to draft and fit to a mannequin.
* * *
‘So spill.’ I eye up Jenny across the table of the lunch hall, trying to pin her down to this topic finally, now we are alone. Christian has gone to meet his beloved up in the common hall and we are having some girl time in the lunch room.
‘What’s there to say….. I went home with him and somehow ended up staying with him until he left for Miami. We had sex before I left and then when I was in the cab on the way home he texts me and tells me we need to stop seeing each other. Beat me to it I guess.’ Jenny’s eyes mist over, and she looks completely emotional for a second, before reeling it back in, wiping one eye and biting on her lip.
‘Shit Jen, I am so sorry.’ I reach out and pat her hand, completely devastated for her.
‘The weird thing is… I felt relieved, because I have been waiting for it since the first time we had sex, knowing it was coming and knowing I wouldn’t do it. I would just keep letting him use me over and over until he broke me.’ She lets go and wipes her eyes again, only this time a tear escapes and I feel like shaking Nate to hell this time. Over a month now he has been stringing her alone and using her for frequent hook ups. Broken his own code and used the same girl until she fell for him.
Fucking asshole.
‘I don’t know why he let it go on as long. It’s really not his MO. He’s usually a screw them and forget them next day kind of guy Jen. I really don’t know what to say.’ I regard her painfully watching her cry and feeling like I should be calling Nate and calling him a fucking asshole right about now. I know I will be venting to Arry and he better say something to his so called best mate, or I will.
‘He told me I was amazing in bed….. I don’t get what he thought was so hot, Matt used to say I was crap with sex and made me give him oral more than actually screwing me. Nate was the one who did all the work. I felt majorly unexperienced next to him.’ She wipes her face again and sighs heavily, I don’t have the heart to point out that this is going to make things a little tough for a while. We have all gotten into a routine of meeting up with all Arry’s friends and mine, and doing things as a whole group in the last weeks. Anything we do will include both Nathan and Jenny and I don’t think she will be able to handle it, especially when Nate does what he always does, and starts bringing other women on scene.
‘You obviously just had the right chemistry or something. You told me he was abnormally good, maybe you just work that way with him.’ I know I must work with Arry, or maybe he really is just skilled, as so far everything he has done has been mind blowing. I am the inexperienced one who has no clue how to return the favours, although I am starting to find a little confidence after the second time; right on the scratching thing though, it’s impulsive and I have filed all my acrylic tips to rounded edges in his absence to save him from more injury. Even though he seems to like it more than he should.
Weird boy.
‘We had something……. Made me realise I wasn’t really in love with Matt anymore. Just going through the motions and being a doormat. You know he asked me to get back together?’ Jenny shakes her head as though this is the most unbelievable thing ever.
‘What did you say to him?’ I watch her carefully, seeing a whole host of emotion run across her face as she pushes at her pasta absentmindedly.
‘I told him I needed to think about it. I just didn’t want any drama if I straight out said no.’ She sighs and sits back in her chair.
‘Isn’t he the one who ended things?’ I pick up my mug of hot chocolate and take a sip. Watching her, admiring how composed she seems for a girl who has had her heart majorly stamped on twice in a month.
‘Yeah, seems something him and Nathan have in common… Dumping me via text. Guess I am an easy girl to discard that way, that or I am drawn to cowardly assholes.’ She throws her fork down and sighs again, wiping her eyes and pushing her hair back in agitation, a break to the façade and slight crack in the shell to how she really feels.
‘They are both fucking idiots Jen, you’re probably the nicest and most loyal girl I have ever known. You’re so pretty too, you deserve a guy who sweeps you off your feet.’ I feel outraged on her behalf, aching to just shake Nate half to death about now and see what is right in front of him. Jenny is quiet and reserved, definitely a good girl and loyal to a fault when you deserve her to be. She doesn’t really draw attention to herself, ever and hates drama. I have no doubt she has been the absolute dream fuck buddy for him the past month as she just won’t voice anything to rock the boat and he probably just assumed they were cool.
‘Maybe direct one of the infamous Carrero men my way, they seem to have the savvy to treat their women a little better.‘ She frowns at me defeatedly.
‘Hmmmm, not always. Both Arry and Jake were both male sluts in the past and their cousins are just as bad. The down side to being a hot Italian with great DNA, is knowing you’re a hot Italian with great DNA and using it on many a woman before one pins you down. Trust me, all men are capable of being dogs when they get it effortlessly, they start to think it’s owed to them.’ I frown, pushing my mug away in irritation.
‘I’m just so sick of being everyone’s doormat. I hate all these stupid games and rules and the way men think we are so easy to fuck and discard, like it means nothing. How can he sleep with me for over a month and then feel nothing over dumping me in a text?’ Jenny starts to cry, and I just feel my rage ignite. She never cries so openly, especially not in the school canteen in front of a tonne of bitchy seniors at another table. I hand her a tissue and scowl.
‘You know what? I am about to find out.’ I yank my phone out and scroll until I find Nathans number impulsively, hitting call and shove it to my ear before sense can smack me in the face, fuelled by anger on her behalf.
Jenny’s eyes widen in alarm, she shakes her head and then slides up and disappears to the ladies’ room unable to witness this call. Yet she obviously wants to know too, as she hasn’t stopped me, not that she could. I guess she even knows that about
me.
I watch her go, listening to the long drawn out rings and knowing fine that Nathan is with Arry in Miami. It seems to take endless rings before he picks up and the noise of a busy atmosphere hits me before Nates voice does.
‘Sophie…Are you calling the wrong cell, Arry is being interviewed right now so can’t answer.’ He sounds like he always does, upbeat and confident, and in no way concerned that he just smashed a poor girls heart to smithereens yesterday.
‘No, I’m calling you to call you a dickhead and ask you why you think it’s acceptable to fuck Jenny and then dump her via text after she leaves your apartment. That was the most douche bag’est move of the century Nate, even for you.’ I snap at him angrily and get silence in response. The noise around him seems to change rapidly as though he has moved somewhere quiet.
‘Not going to say anything?’ I snap again, temper rising at his lack of conversation. Hating men who feel they do not have to give a response to angry females on their phone. Nate knows me better than to just blank me.
‘What can I say? Yep, dickhead move…. I didn’t have the nerve to say it to her face, I didn’t want to see her cry.’ He sounds a lot less cocky suddenly, more closed off, the way Arry can get when he doesn’t want to talk about something. It just grinds on my nerves.
‘You’re an asshole. Maybe she was already thinking of moving on and you just beat her to it. Jenny can do a hell of a lot better than being your fuck buddy and she deserved a little more respect than you showed her. Even her idiot Ex realises what he lost and has come grovelling to win her back, so maybe in future stick to one-night stands and stay clear of girls who deserve more!’ I’m properly yelling now, so pissed at his attitude that I really just want to hang up on him and scream.
‘Sophie?’ He tries to butt in.
‘No Nate, listen to me, you know I adore you. Maybe not today, but I have always got on with you, but with this I am so fucking pissed at you. Text dumping her after using her for sex one last time? You don’t deserve her tears. Why didn’t you just leave her alone after the first time huh? Isn’t that more your style?’ I grind my teeth, tap my nails on the table and see Jenny appear sheepishly, seeing me still on my cell she turns and heads to the vending machine.
‘I….uhhh…. Don’t tell me she’s crying Soph’s.’ He sounds feeble as hell for a moment and I feel myself soften at him, still majorly angry but a hint of the good guy he can occasionally be stands out like a sore thumb. Then I remember he bailed on seeing her cry and dumped her via text and fury returns.
‘Like you care. Yes, she’s crying, what did you think would happen? She’s not someone who sleeps around Nate. All you have done is make her think she would be better going back to that dickhead ex who treated her like shit. I guess because you showed her that all men treat her like shit no matter who she dates.’ I know that’s not exactly true, but he is just making me severely pissed and I want him to feel like the shithead that he’s been to her. I watch her in the distance, fumbling with her coins, trying to look normal and clearly not okay.
There’s a long silence on the line, only the background noise and then he finally speaks.
‘I need to go Sophie. I’m sorry. Tell her …… Just tell her I’m sorry I turned out to be an asshole. It’s not like I didn’t warn her we weren’t going anywhere.’ He hangs up before I get a chance to say anything and I stare at my phone completely dumbstruck. I shouldn’t even be surprised, this is who Nate is, always has been. He is the biggest commitment-phobe going and I should have known Jenny would only get hurt.
‘Asshole, fucking god damn, douche bag cunt, of a fucking asshole.’ I swear venomously at my phone.
I slam my phone down on the table, scowling into mid-air and gritting my teeth. Nate is one of those infuriating men who never talk about anything, except maybe to Arry, but even then, I have no clue how their conversations go as Arry isn’t the type to repeat anything a friend tells him. I know the entire time he was with Natasha she never knew anything about my past, only that I was adopted and had a crap start in life.
Arry is one of those types of people who never really tells anyone anything that other people confide to him, well maybe sometimes Jake or Emma. Only because he knows that we both confide in them, they know everything about us both and well… Jake is his brother.
I once asked Emma what Arry told her about my sessions and things I told him, and she only ever said ‘the bare minimum’, so I am guessing he has some sort of code about harbouring people’s secrets or confidentialities.
He’d better realise that I don’t count and should be told everything from here on in!
He better open up to me about Nathan or there will be hell to pay, I am fuming right now. I don’t care about any best mate or guy code in this, I am his fucking girlfriend and he better be straight with me or he can go to the doghouse and keep Nate company.
‘What did he say?’ Jenny looks coyly at me as she slides back down, carrying about ten assorted brands of chocolate and three packets of Cheetos. I steal one and yank it open a little aggressively.
‘Not much… Gave him a piece of my mind and got the lame male response. I’m an asshole, tell her I am sorry. No explanations, nothing. Fuck him Jen.’ She slumps down, looking desolate and gives me the universal eyebrow rise of ‘What else can I do?’ Taking the bar of chocolate from her pile of goodies and digging in with a very sombre expression.
* * *
‘Stop laughing, I really don’t like you right now!’ I sulk down the phone, pulling at my shoes on the couch of my apartment and glaring at them before tossing them away, as Arrick kills himself laughing down the other end of the line.
‘Baby? I’m sorry…’ He bursts into another hysterical fit and I literally feel my temper rising, I am seriously not a happy camper with him right now, and what started as minor insult has escalated because he is an asshole. The biggest type of douche bag known to man and if he were here I would make him eat my shoe.
‘I’m hanging up on you.’ I pout, feeling tears welling in my eyes and lip wobbling, stupidly hurt over a stupid text and acting dumb, but I can’t help it. He has this insane ability nowadays to hurt my feelings so much more easily than he ever did.
‘Sophie. Come on…. Don’t. I want to talk to you, that’s why I called instead.’ He’s still trying to control the giggling fit he’s hit but I am not laughing along. Even if he is half begging me with a little cute endearing tone. Through laughter though!
Asshole!
‘You called because I didn’t reply to your little row of hysterical laughing emoji’s when I tried to sext you.’ I snap at him. Completely humiliated that my attempt at flirting with him had ended in him creasing himself in laughter and sending me little crying laughing faces as a response.
‘You’re cute when your mad. I wish I could see your face right now.’ Still laughing, still an asshole. Sometimes I really see the whole ‘hate and love have a fine line between them.’ thing.
‘Me too, then you would see how much I am hating on you, and I could kick you in person.’ I sulk. Flopping down onto the couch and laying back in a slump, pulling a strand of my hair and twisting.
‘You can’t hate me for laughing at that text… They were progressively getting worse baby. No matter how much I was trying to play along.’ Another bout of laughing as he falls to bits again. He really knows how to make a girl feel good. He was the one who started the sexy talk, sending me extremely X-rated messages to get things heated and them seemingly fell to hysterics the more I tried to keep up with him.
So sue me for not being well versed in Casanova slut chat and being able to schmooze with an ex sex addict.
‘Shoot me for being shit at talking dirty…. I just wanted you to think about me.’ I feel the tears let loose, the tremor to my voice and sniff a little. Arrick seems to stop laughing immediately, sensing or hearing the nose dive in my emotions and knowing when it’s going too far.
‘I do think about you, all the time. Every
second. You don’t need to send me dirty messages to get me thinking about coming home to you Soph’s. I am going crazy with desperation to get home to you.’ He soothes me softly, all jocularity gone and replaced with the voice who just makes me feel better.
‘You’re just saying that because I got upset.’ I sulk petulantly, feeling like an idiot child, insecurity peeking up with his absence, every day making me more emotional and I still have two more days to endure. I never knew it would be so much harder once we crossed from friends to lovers, I used to endure his absences a lot and now I can’t even go one night without him.
‘I would never tell you something I didn’t mean. If you really want to get me crazy hot for you then send me some selfies, you don’t need to be naked, or doing anything except looking beautiful in them, baby. You make me want you without trying.’ He says genuinely, that husky tone and sexy voice lowering a tad and sending my insides to mush. Smoothing over my hurt pride a little.
‘Maybe I want you tell me what you want me to do to you…… Want to know that I do it for you.’ I whisper quietly, complete insecure freak on show and hating that I am turning into one of those needy girls who needs constant reassurance, the distance is driving me crazy already and my head is just a mess. All I have obsessed over the past few days is how many times Natasha probably called him or text him without me being there to put him off answering. Now we’re moved on after our heart to heart and it just makes me feel pathetic.
So stupid I know.
‘You do! I’ll tell you now if you like… All I ever have are X-rated thoughts about you Soph’s. More so since the weekend; I think I have a problem and literally cannot get my head out of the gutter since then.’ He softens his voice, I can tell he’s smiling and sigh at him.
‘Just tell me you love me and miss me… I hate that you’re not here. It’s making me crazy.’ I curl up on my side and hold the phone close, trying to make him burrow inside my head and wrap around me. I hate how much more I miss him since we got together, it’s worse than hell.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 30