She sighed and lit a cigarette. Everything that Angela had told her about Gabe was running uncomfortably through her head. Maybe she should ask Nick if she could work for him. Her sexual fantasies about Nick were beginning to seem a lot less dangerous than the sexual fantasies Gabe was having about her. But there was a part of her that was suddenly very tired of running away. She could face Gabe she thought. Even if she had to do it alone.
Nick opened the door then. She noticed that he still wasn't wearing shoes. He shut it quickly behind him, reaching over to close the window.
His shirt rode up again. She didn't bother to look away. She thought that even his back was very nice.
He turned to her, coming back over to the couch. She looked at him, not caring that her feelings were in her eyes. She wanted him to know how much she wanted him.
He held her eyes for a moment. She could feel his gaze start to heat up but then he looked away. "I'm sorry."
"About what?"
"About everything. I didn't know it was going to be that bad. What Angel told you. There's a part of me that wants to go get your stuff right now and bring it back here. But I can't Ami. You've got to understand. This is hard for me too. But it has to be right."
She fought the urge to giggle. He sounded like a sixteen year old girl, planning out how she was going to lose her virginity. Suddenly she was mad at him. She took his hand and pressed it to her chest so he could feel the pounding of her heart, just being next to him.
"Is this not right enough for you Nick?"
He groaned and pulled his hand back, accidentally brushing against her breast, he pulled away so quickly. She wanted to grab his hand and press it back but she didn't.
"I thought I did everything right with Cammy but I screwed it all up. I can't make that mistake again."
"I'm not Cammy. Yeah Nick, I have no clue where I want to be in ten years, but if you don't pull your head out of your ass you sure aren’t going to end up where you think you're going to. It would be nice if we all knew who was perfect for us the second we laid eyes on them. But that's not how it works."
She decided to lay it all out. "You want to hear the truth Nick? I want to take you back to your bedroom right now. I want to have sex with you. I don't want you to make love to me, because right now, I don't want it slow and easy. I want your sweaty body twisted up with mine on your sheets and I don't give a shit if you've got dirty socks on your floor. I have wanted to feel you inside of me since the moment I saw you. And last I knew, we were adults and had a right to feel that way. I don't want you for just one night Nick. I can't tell you for sure that I want you for a lifetime, but Carson and Ali are the only people I've ever met that could be so sure so quickly. So that's it. Take it or leave it. I can't be your friend right now because I can't stop wondering what you look like without your clothes on."
She took a breath after she'd finished, knowing that she'd said too much. But she couldn't take it back. So she waited until he finally turned back to her. His eyes were dark, no trace of the green that slipped out sometimes. They were almost black. She could see in his eyes that he wanted exactly what she did. But was he going to let her have what she wanted, what they both wanted, or was he going to fight it she wondered? The perfect gentleman like always.
Finally, after what seemed like an endless minute, he said "You know this is only going to make it harder. And I don’t have any condoms. We can do everything but have sex if you want, or take a chance."
She bit her lip. She knew no such thing. To her it was going to be the release that they both desperately needed. Had he never heard of sexual frustration she wondered? She chose her words carefully. "I think I'll take that chance."
His words were almost a growl. "You won't be the only one taking that chance."
He reached out his hand and took hers. She let herself be pulled into his arms. She couldn't understand how he didn't feel how right it was. It was right tonight, it was still going to be right tomorrow. It would very likely still be right six months from now. Who the hell knew what would be right ten years from now?
She leaned back slightly to kick her shoes off and noticed that his abs weren't the only thing that was rock hard. They moved to his bedroom, quickly disposing of their clothes.
He looked at her. "Last chance to take it back Ami."
She had never told a man to just shut up and screw her, but she was dangerously clos nowe.
She leaned up and kissed him. "I'm not taking it back."
He said nothing as he entered her. Then perhaps thinking that he'd been too forceful, he leaned down and kissed her softly. "I didn't hurt you did I?"
How could she tell him that now that he was finally inside her, she never wanted him to leave without sounding like a perverted idiot Ami thought?
"I'm fine."
She was more than fine she thought. She was in la la land and he'd barely moved. They were both in huge trouble.
"Mmm. Do you mind if I take it a little slow? You feel so good."
Oh, the feeling was so mutual Ami thought. She had to close her eyes, the look in his eyes was so intense. But it was no one else she was picturing. "Do whatever you want."
He laughed. "If you insist."
She didn't know how many times she'd cried out his name, only that she was almost hoarse.
She didn't know how long the world had stopped for them because she was too lazy to roll over and look at the clock. She didn't know how many times she'd had to stop herself from biting him when his lips were pressed against hers because he made her feel so good. Hell, she barely knew her own name by the time he was finished with her.
They were both soaked in sweat. She didn't protest when he opened the window. She didn't protest when he dug around in his pocket and handed her one of his cigarettes instead of finding hers either, even though he smoked full flavor and she smoked lights.
He lit the cigarette for her. She noticed that his hand had the slightest shake to it. She leaned back on the bed, feeling like she had when she'd been with Gabe, at least partly. She was utterly fulfilled but she wasn't disgusted with herself or with Nick.
"Nick.”
"Hmm." He sounded half asleep. She looked at the clock and saw it was almost midnight, wondering if he had to work in the morning. Had they talked that long with Angela or was his stamina that good?
"Thank you. There is something else I need to tell you though."
He looked cautious. “Okay.”
“I have a son. He’s seven. His name is Charles but he likes to be called Charlie. I haven’t felt comfortable having custody of him since he was born because his Dad was abusive. But I found out his Dad is dead and I’m going to try to get custody of him back as soon as I can.”
“Okay,” he said. He almost looked relieved she thought.
“You’re really okay with it? The fact that I have a son?”
“Of course Ami. I understand. Where we’re concerned, I think we should take things slow from now on. But the fact that you have a son isn’t going to be a barrier for us being together. I like kids.”
“Oh, thank you Nick. That really takes a weight off of my shoulders.” She grinned. “What we did just did too.”
He rolled over and ran his hand down her leg. "I know what you mean." He yawned, and then gave her a grin. "We still have tomorrow morning. I don't have to work until noon. But then we have to be good."
She gave him a little pout, knowing that it wouldn't work. "Spoil sport."
"Oh, Ami if you only knew how much I have to fight myself every day."
"I think I have an idea.”
He laughed. "I'll bet you do." Then he was serious again. He touched her face very gently. "I want this to be right."
She still wasn't quite sure why he didn't think it was right already, but she was going to honor his wishes. "Okay." She was still pouting a little but she couldn't help it.
"You want the shower first?"
"Is it not big enough for two?"
"Oh
, I think it probably is." He practically swept her off her feet when he helped her up.
The shower was long and intimate though she wouldn't have minded if it had been even longer.
She understood Nick's need to take it slow, though tonight had certainly been an exception.
But if you felt something for someone and they felt the same for you, why not run with it Ami wondered? She felt more ready for a relationship than she had in years. If she was willing to go for it, why was Nick not?
Nick had shut the window before they'd gotten in the shower, but the bedroom was still a little chilly. She didn't want to put her clothes back on since she knew it was hell to sleep in jeans.
She was unconcerned about sleeping nude with him but he was already pulling on a pair of pajama pants.
Finally he turned and said "Sorry," and handed her a t-shirt. She slipped it over her head and bent over to find her panties. When she had them and had straightened up to put them on he grinned at her. "Nice butt."
She laughed, feeling lighter than she had all day even though technically a new day had begun. "You, too."
"Thanks." He pulled her into his arms. She again felt the rightness of it.
He kissed her once and then took her hand and led her back to his bed. She lay awake for a long time, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Finally she turned and pulled gently away from him, thinking he was asleep.
But he turned on his side and pulled her back against his chest. "Don't think that in any way that tonight didn't mean something to me just because I don't want to make love to you again at least for a while."
She could hear the smile in his voice as he said "After tomorrow morning of course. But you understand don't you?"
She could hear in his voice that he really did want her to understand. She still didn't and had a feeling that because of it, they were both going to be feeling some frustration in the next few months but she said "I'll try."
He kissed the side of her neck. "Good. Thank you."
Chapter 12
She slept better than she had for almost a week and felt rested when she got up, though the clock told her that it was only a little after 8:00.
Nick was already up. She could hear the bang of a cupboard door in the kitchen and smell coffee brewing. She stretched and thought briefly about getting dressed, but decided against it.
She went out to the kitchen. He was standing in front of the cupboards. She had no idea what he was looking for but it didn’t look like he wasn't finding it.
He turned to her. "I'm sorry. I can't find anything for breakfast. We could go out and get something if you want."
"That's okay. I'm not much of a breakfast eater anyway."
He smiled, looking relieved. "Me neither."
She wondered again why he was so stubborn about waiting for them to be together. How can you pinpoint the moment when you really know that you're ready to be with someone for the long haul? She was willing to bet that there were a lot of people who thought they were going to be with someone just for the night and ending up being with them for years. There were obviously also people who thought they were going to be together forever and it didn't happen for whatever reason. That was just life.
What was he going to be taking away from them by wanting to wait for some unspecified date for her to know for sure? She felt herself start to get angry with him again. But it vanished as soon as he put his arms around her.
"You look beautiful.”
She was sure she did. Her hair was probably a mess and she was wearing his t-shirt which was much too big for her. But she felt beautiful when he said it and wished that there was some way she could talk him out of his stupid code of honor.
"You're not so bad yourself.” Her voice was husky.
They ended up on the couch.
When they had finished, she wondered how funny they looked laying together on the loveseat.
It was too short, so Nick's feet were draped over the edge, but he wasn't complaining and she wasn't about to.
She decided to try one last time to get him to rethink his decisions. "You know, maybe I should move in. We could wake up together every morning."
He groaned and she knew she'd said the wrong thing. "Babe, I'd love to. But. . ."
She was tired of his buts. She was ready to start an argument which wouldn't solve anything but she suddenly sat up, almost falling off the edge of the couch. "Nick, what time is it?"
He looked at his watch, the only thing he was wearing. "It's almost nine thirty. Why?"
"I'm supposed to take Alicia to do laundry before I go to work. Shit. I've got to go."
She was dressed and ready to go in about five minutes. She didn't want to leave but she didn't want to let her friend down.
Nick walked her to the door. Not caring how petty she was being, Ami said "Kiss me Nick. I mean really kiss me."
He started to protest. He was probably going to tell her again he didn't want to make it harder but she didn't want to hear it. Making love to him hadn't made things harder. The only thing that was making any thing harder was his damned stubbornness Ami thought.
She put a finger to his lips. "Just stop for right now. Please."
She put her lips to his. While it took a few seconds longer for him to thaw than she would have liked, it was worth the wait. When he responded, he made her almost dizzy with his passion. He had certainly really kissed her she thought. When he pulled away, he looked as dazed as she felt.
He groaned. "You're enough to drive a man crazy Ami."
"What do you think I'm trying to do? I'm kidding Nick. I won't do what I did to you last night again." She crossed her fingers behind her back, but she meant it. As much as she could when she could almost still feel his lips on hers.
"Thank you.” Then he groaned again. "I am an idiot." She started to brighten, thinking she'd cracked him but he said "I'm not saying I was an idiot for sleeping with you. I know it sounds stupid to you but please Ami. I have to do this right."
She knew that her idea of right and his were completely different, but she let it go. She didn't have time to argue with him. "I'll see you later."
He kissed her again, this time so quick it was almost chaste. "I'll see you. Call me if you need anything."
He wasn't going to give her what she sometimes felt like she needed the most, but she let that go, too. "I will. Have a nice day at work."
"You, too. If things get too bad with Gabe, you know you can always work for me. I hired that girl but she seems a little flaky. I'm not sure how long she'll last."
"I might take you up on that." She wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to lead him back to his bedroom but she had a feeling that it wouldn't help her efforts. "Bye Nick."
"Let me walk you to your car."
He followed her out to her car, still wearing his pajama bottoms, but having put on a shirt and a pair of slippers. She was amused to see that the shirt he was wearing was the one he'd given her to wear to bed, but didn't comment.
They were at her car in no time and again she wished she didn't have to go. She kissed him again and he let her. He kissed her back, but pulled back all too quickly. She was disappointed but he said "Brad is watching us. I'm not in the mood to make introductions right now."
She looked and saw that his neighbor was staring at them. She hated to think of the dirty things he'd probably say to Nick once she left. But Nick had certainly held his own last night she thought. Brad had backed down, both when Nick insisted his family go in the house and when he started to get a little too close for comfort in his statements about her.
She pushed the button to unlock her car. Nick held the door for her. "Take care of yourself."
"I'll try."
"I mean it. Be careful. If Gabe does something that makes you even a little uncomfortable, call me right away. Walk out of work if you have to. With the stuff that Angela said, I wouldn't put anything past that guy. Don't worry about walking out either. I'll hire you no matter what. Bobby
owes me so many favors it's not even funny. When Angel applied I wasn’t technically assistant manager, even though I was already doing all of the work. I wasn't responsible for the hiring. Bobby trusts me. If I say you're working there, you're working there."
"Thank you.”
"I wish I could do more."
She wanted to remind him that he could, that he'd offered to let her move in with him plenty of times before they'd slept together. But she knew she had to choose her battles or she was never going to gain any ground with him. "I know. Bye Nick."
"Bye Ami."
He watched until she'd pulled away, and then went back to Brad.
Alicia was outside when she got home. She was sitting at the picnic table, painting her nails.
Ami approached her slowly, feeling guilty but not up to dealing with what she knew was coming. "I'm sorry I'm late."
Alicia looked up at her and grinned. "Well, since I was up half the night last night playing psychic, I know that you didn't come home last night. You finally talked your way past Nick's gentleman's armor huh?"
"Not exactly. Are you sure you don't want to wait to do laundry if you were up half the night?"
Ali yawned. "Can't wait. My man's almost out of clean underwear. That's just nasty. What do you mean you didn't exactly convince Nick that his idea of a perfectly planned out future isn't ridiculous? You spent the night with him didn't you?"
"I did. But it was like pulling teeth to get him to take me to bed. I basically had to tell him that I'd wanted to rip his clothes off since the moment I saw him to get him to have sex with me. But I did tell him about Charlie and he seems okay with it."
“That’s good. I didn’t think he’d have a real problem with you having a son. Nick is good with kids.” Alicia yawned again. "Sorry. I thought the smell of the nail polish would wake me up but it's not working. I won't dye my hair while I'm pregnant even though they say it's safe, but I have to do something."
She held out her hands. Her nails were painted a metallic blue. "What do you think?"
"It's pretty. You're not a natural blonde?"
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 85