N K Smith - [Old Wounds 03]

by Weight of the World (epub)

  I brought her back against the door and she gasped, her legs wrapping around my hips tightly. For once, I just had to take what I wanted. Her hands threaded through my hair.

  It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel my body’s reaction to hers. I knew my body was very excited to be this close to her. I just didn’t actively think about it. She moaned into my mouth and I felt weak with want to have her make that noise again.

  My lips left hers and trailed down to her chin where my mouth opened and I tasted her skin. Further down, I left a trail of wet kisses and licks on her throat until I moved my mouth to just under her ear.

  She seemed to like that. Her arms and legs tightened around me.

  I leaned into her. Her nails gently scraped at my scalp.

  She gasped as loud knocking on the other side of the door broke through. I pulled away, breathing hard.

  “No, don’t,” she whispered, her hands desperately clutching me to keep me close. “Please, don’t stop.”

  On the other side of the door, Jane spoke. “David wants to know if Sophie’s cooking tonight. He said …”

  I stopped listening as Sophie’s mouth sucked at my earlobe. Dear God, help me.

  Hadn’t I told Jane to go away just a few minutes ago? Why was she back knocking at my door? Sophie wasn’t here to cook anything for David, and Jane’s constant interruptions were upsetting.

  Her hips bucked, causing her heat to run the length of me. My breath caught for a moment and I couldn’t think straight. “Tell her to go away,” she whispered into my ear before she went back to sucking on my lobe.

  My hips pressed harder into her and my eyes nearly crossed at the sensation of it all.

  Jane was still talking, calling my name and asking me if I’d heard her. “G-gggggo away, J-J-Jaaaane.”

  “But Elliott …”

  I pulled my head away from Sophie, and my voice was loud as I said again, “Go away.”

  Sophie’s nails dug into my shoulders. The slight pain forced me to look at her and I was glad that I did. Her sexy lips were curved up. Then her breath hit my cheek and I could no longer even hear Jane on the other side of the door.

  “So fucking sexy,” Sophie said, her voice breathy and barely there.

  Her neck was so beautiful. I brought my mouth back to taste it again.

  One of her hands snaked down between our bodies and pressed against the front of my jeans.

  I sucked in a large amount of air and pulled away and I moved back until she was forced to stand. I grasped her wrist and pulled her hand away from my groin. My eyes were still locked with hers. It wasn’t difficult to read her confusion.

  She really shouldn’t have been confused. No miracle had taken place between the last time this happened and now.

  While still holding her wrist, I kissed her again, no less passionate than before, but I’d made it clear that she couldn’t touch me like that if she wanted me to kiss her like this for long.

  We stayed like that for awhile and although my neck and shoulders felt tense at having to hunch over, I felt like I could have stayed like this forever. To my surprise, she was the one who pulled back. She was slightly breathless as her tongue darted out over her lips.

  I tried to figure out what she was thinking. I wished I could see into her mind and just know. She was like a Russian novel or a Shakespeare play; every page was intimidating but I knew if I just read with care, I could figure it all out. All it took was attention to detail and a little effort.

  With both my hands in hers, she moved us back over to my bed. We sat and she pushed at me gently until my back was against the headboard. She moved to sit facing me, her legs over mine. I should have been nervous because of our position. Sophie had a habit of taking things a little too far, a little too quickly.

  But I wasn’t anxious.

  My eyes were fixed on hers. She didn’t say anything for a long time. We just looked at each other and unlike other times, her eyes didn’t dance around my face. This time, her eyes were locked on mine.

  “Why do you always save me, Elliott?”

  I thought it was fairly obvious why I did anything in regards to Sophie.

  “B-because sssometimes you need sssaving.”

  Her body moved, inching just slightly closer to mine. She was between my legs, with her thighs now resting atop mine. She licked her lips and after a moment, she looked like she was going to say something, but then came another annoying knock.

  I loved Jane, but I was ready to yell at her.

  Sophie sighed, but it wasn’t Jane’s voice I heard, it was David’s.

  “Sophie, your dad’s on the phone.”

  I watched her take in a deep breath, her eyes still stuck on mine. “Tell him to fuck off.”

  David was silent and while she shouldn’t have said that, I couldn’t help but smile just a little. “You’re g-going to g-get in trouble.”

  She pressed closer to me until she was straddling me, her head pressed against my chest. “Totally worth it.”

  While I was incredibly happy that she was willing to get in trouble for me, I didn’t want her to take the risk. “B-but he can m-make it sssso I c-can’t ssssee you anymore.”

  “No. He can’t tell me shit like that. Even if he did, I’d tell him to stick it.”

  “But he’s your d-d-d-d …” I sighed as I trailed off. “Your fffather. W-why are you so m-m-mad at him?”

  Sophie moved away, but she didn’t leave me entirely. She sat cross-legged now between my legs and leaned back on her arms. “I don’t know.”

  She looked incredibly sad. I wanted to change her expression. I wanted her to look happy like she had in that bookstore.

  “Our p-p-p-presentation is Thursday.”

  “We’re skipping, right?”

  I returned her smile and nodded.

  I knew that Sophie would have to go home soon. Her father seemed to be keeping better track of her. I approved of it, even if it meant that she couldn’t stay here all night. Even though I wanted to keep talking to her, I found that nothing came easy and so we were silent again. She moved so that her head was on my chest.

  My body had managed to calm itself down relatively quickly from the stimulation of kissing her. I was thankful for that. I was also thankful that Sophie hadn’t pushed my physical boundaries to their very limits like she usually did.

  Her hair smelled nice and her body was warm on mine. I wished that I could have kept her here with me all night. She would be safer here. Not that Mr. Young didn’t provide a safe home, but he spent a lot of nights at the firehouse and I liked taking care of her.

  “Can I see your back?”

  At first I thought I’d imagined those words. They were quiet and completely outside of any thoughts I’d been having, but when Sophie shifted in my arms, I realized that she had, in fact, said them.

  My body tensed despite her hands in my hair. I shook my head in answer.

  Her hands left my hair and she pulled away from me. “Please?”

  “W-w-why?” I saw no reason why anyone should want to see my back. I saw no reason why I would want to show it to her again.

  “Because I want to see.”

  I shook my head again and drew up my legs, essentially blocking my body from her. “W-w-w-why?”

  “Because you know about my fork scar and I let you touch my face sometimes and I want to see what your dad did to you.”

  I shook my head once more and tried to talk. I wanted to tell her that she’d already seen it and nothing had changed, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “I know you have … issues, or whatever, when it comes to, you know, sex or whatever. I promise I won’t … I mean, I’ll behave. I just want to see.”

  Although I wanted to be upset or embarrassed or something about how she r
ecognized I had “issues,” I felt like my mind was trying to run through mud. It wouldn’t go like I wanted it to. It couldn’t seem to get past the question. “B-b-but w-w-why?”

  It took her a moment to respond. “Because what he did is a part of you, like all your random bible stuff and I …” she paused and I looked up. She wasn’t looking at me now and it looked like she was about to cry. “I like you, Elliott.”

  Her voice was very soft at the end and I hated the fear that I heard, as if I would tell her that I didn’t like her or that she was stupid for liking me. I hated that look of worry and hurt on her face, so I took a deep breath and moved my hands to the bottom of my shirt.

  I tried not to think of anything at all when I tugged it over my head.

  My eyes were closed.

  I felt a finger run down the length of the scar on my collarbone.

  “Helen broke mine.” Again, her voice was so soft that I thought perhaps I’d imagined it.

  “Hhhhhhow?”

  “She kind of … just pushed me down the stairs.”

  I hated her mother.

  “W-w-why?”

  I heard her sigh. “I don’t know. She was just mean, I guess.”

  “W-w-was she mmmad at you for sssssomething?”

  “She was always mad at me for something.” Sophie paused. “Can I see your back now?”

  Another deep breath. I forced my body to comply. My eyes opened. Sophie was beautiful.

  “I d-don’t w-w-want to.”

  Her eyes were still glassy and I wondered if the threat of tears was for her or me.

  “You don’t have to.”

  I concentrated on regulating my pulse and breathing. Sophie always gave me a way out, a way to not comply. She never took any outs for herself though. She revealed pretty much everything I asked her to.

  I turned to the side, my arms wrapping around my legs as I laid my head on the tops of my knees.

  She was quiet for a while. My body stiffened further as I felt her light touch. I hated that she was looking at my scars. I hated that she was seeing the depths of my wickedness. I fought hard against the urge to either cry or panic. I kept reminding myself that I had seen Sophie’s scars and that she had revealed way more about herself than I had to her.

  At some point, she put both of her hands flat against my skin and dragged them down. After that, she moved to sit behind me and I felt her arms snake around me as she pressed herself into my back.

  Her breath was warm and moist as she touched her lips to my spine. I bit the inside of my cheek.

  “Your dad was an asshole. Mean and evil and wrong.”

  Even though I didn’t want to, my head shook, denying her words.

  “How could something so beautiful be wicked?”

  Several passages of Scripture flooded my mind in answer, but I swallowed them back down.

  I wanted to tell her that I needed to put my shirt back on, and that she’d seen enough. I wanted to make her stop looking at my twisted scars on my broken body. I wanted to ask her to stay with me for just a little longer. I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

  The only thing that came out was her name.

  She moved again. I finally found the energy to crane my neck to see her. She had risen up on her knees and was pressing her lips into my naked shoulder.

  “Mmmm,” her voice vibrated through my body. “I love it when you say my name. Say it again.”

  “SSSS-SSSSo-SSSSoph-phie.”

  “Mmmm.” I could feel her smile against my skin. “Again.”

  I loved when she smiled, so I complied. “SSS-SSSoph-phie.”

  “What?” she whispered as if she didn’t hear me. “Again.”

  “SSSSSS …”

  She shook her head and then shifted around so that she was sitting in front of me on her knees. “No, just relax. Breathe, relax, and say my name.”

  I knew what my face would look like if I saw it in the mirror. It would look like a wounded dog because that’s how I felt. I wanted so badly to say her name and not mess it up. She deserved to have her name sung like a hymn of praise, not butchered like a scavenged carcass.

  “Soph-phie.”

  “Say it again,” she whispered.

  “Sooooophie.”

  “Again.”

  “Sophie.”

  “Yes! That’s so fucking sexy, Elliott.”

  I couldn’t keep the smile from forming. I wanted to say her name again, but I could already tell that a block had been formed. I would need to practice.

  Another knock sounded and while Sophie nearly growled, I took the opportunity to pull my shirt back on. Truth be told, I was thankful for the break. This time, instead of answering verbally, I went to the door and opened it.

  Stephen was there. He looked at me for just a moment before turning his eyes to Sophie. “Your father would like to talk to you. Jane has expressed an interest in you spending the night. If your father agrees, you are more than welcome to stay.”

  Sophie looked like I felt at the good news. She could say that she was staying in the guest room, but I knew that she’d be with me all night. I hoped that Mr. Young would allow her to stay. Stephen had insulin in the refrigerator and she could wear my clothes to sleep.

  Finally having a good reason, we left my room so Sophie could talk with her father. I didn’t stay to listen since Sophie was always a bit awkward when speaking with him. Afterward, she found me in the kitchen, watching Robin cook. I didn’t know what she was cooking, but she wasn’t nearly as efficient as Sophie.

  We ate silently and to my surprise, Sophie didn’t say anything negative about Robin’s cooking. In fact, she mumbled something under her breath that sounded like, “it’s okay,” which from Sophie was a fairly big compliment.

  We were the first to finish and then headed back upstairs. I was so happy to have her for the rest of the evening. Even though we’d spent time just an hour ago focused on the welts and scars on my back, I felt lighter. She had shown me real affection and real comfort.

  Before we could close off the rest of the world by shutting my bedroom door, Jane stopped us in the hall. She looked a little nervous and upon closer inspection, a tiny bit upset.

  “I thought Sophie and I could hang out for a bit.”

  While it seemed logical that they might spend some time together since Jane was the one who invited her to stay the night, I couldn’t help the bubble of jealous anxiety that swelled in my chest. I didn’t want Sophie to be in my house and not be with me.

  “I want to hang out with Elliott.”

  “But …” Jane began.

  I cut her off before she could say much more. “Ssssshe’s m-my g-girlf-friend.”

  Jane gave me a small, almost sarcastic smile. “I know.”

  “I-I’m hhhhhanging out with hhhher.”

  “Can’t we all hang out together? David and Becca want to play Wii.”

  “There’s o-only fffffour c-c-controllers.”

  She took a deep breath and folded her arms over her chest. Her glare simultaneously made me nervous and angry. Sophie was my friend. She was my girlfriend and she was going to spend time with me and I wasn’t going to share her.

  My hands curled as my brow creased. My lips were pressed together tightly.

  I felt Sophie’s hand brush against one of mine and slowly she coaxed my fingers to loosen.

  “Can we hang out tomorrow morning? I’ll have all day. Elliott and I were … in the middle of, you know … stuff.”

  My adopted sister looked between me and Sophie several times before nibbling her lower lip and nodding. While I was happy that Sophie had diverted what felt like an explosion waiting to happen, I wasn’t entirely happy with knowing she was going to spend tomorrow with Jane and not me.


  Jane wouldn’t look at me, which was just as well considering that I was uninterested in expressing anything else to her tonight.

  Once she left and Sophie and I were locked into my bedroom, I put on some music.

  “Why do you listen to this? I mean, old people listen to this.”

  “B-B-B-Beethoven is i-i-im …” I sighed at my inability to explain.

  But any self-loathing that was going to fill my mind stopped instantly when I turned at the sound of her voice. “Don’t freak out, okay?”

  My body froze and although it was racing, I felt like my mind was stuck in quicksand. Sophie stood before me without her shirt on.

  “It’s not about sex, so don’t panic.”

  I hated that she already knew I would panic. I was sure that Jason Fox and Aiden Montgomery did not panic at the sight of a beautiful girl in a black bra.

  I was terrified.

  I managed to not only breathe, but also remain upright as she moved toward me. She took my hand and that was when my breath caught. She placed it on her collarbone and ran it from the middle out.

  I could breathe again. She was showing me her broken bone. She was showing me the left-over physical reminder of being pushed down the stairs by her mother.

  It wasn’t about sex. I felt my heart, my lungs, and my mind return to normal functioning.

  “She didn’t leave a lot of scars, not like your dad, mostly just broke a lot of bones.”

  I swallowed hard as I looked down at her body. She was so beautiful.

  I forced myself to focus on a scar that curved around her ribcage. “W-w-what’s that one ffffrom?” My finger skimmed the raised flesh.

  She moved closer to me until she was in my arms. “The coffee table.”

  “W-why was ssshe so mean?”

  Her body pressed into mine as her arms moved around my back. “I don’t know,” she said as if she were bored. “You’ve asked me that before. It’s not like she went to a psychologist for a diagnosis or anything. Bitch was just mean.”

  My hands moved up her back and drew her hair to one side. I could see a few more tiny scars on her back as I peered over her shoulder, but nothing like what I had. She pulled back and raised her hand between us.