N K Smith - [Old Wounds 03]

by Weight of the World (epub)

  “Don’t be horrible, Elliott. She was our …”

  “She w-w-wasn’t my mm-mmm-mmmom.”

  Jane looked at Elliott as if he were evil. Trent held her hand. “I won’t talk to you if you don’t go. You have to go.”

  Elliott’s face remained calm except for the angry crease in his brow. “I w-w-won’t t-t-talk to you if you k-k-keep saying that I hhhhhave to g-g-go.”

  Jane’s hand curled around her fork and her eyes dulled as if she was going to have another dissociative episode.

  “Great job, Elliott,” Trent said with a sneer. “Just say you’ll fucking go even if you don’t mean it.”

  Trent stood up. I glanced back at my boyfriend and found that he looked unimpressed with Trent’s intimidating stance.

  “Sssshe lllleft. Sssshe ch-ch-chose to leave. She d-d-didn’t w-w-wa …”

  “Elliott!” Dr. Dalton’s voice was sharp. It pissed me off that anyone would cut Elliott off, but it was really ridiculous that it should come from his adopted father. Dr. Dalton should know how hard it was for Elliott not just to speak, but to speak up in situations such as this.

  “That’s fucked up,” I said. “Elliott never says anything and now that he finally does, you all act like he shouldn’t. He has a right to…”

  “Sophie, I appreciate your concern. As he’s been under my care for five years, I’m aware that Elliott rarely speaks; however, he doesn’t know why Kate left. While he has a right to speak, he doesn’t have the right to speak for Kate. Especially now.”

  Dr. Dalton had to be really upset, because I’d never heard that tone of voice from him before.

  “I hhhhheard hhher.”

  I was incredibly surprised that Elliott was speaking again. Usually he backed down quickly.

  “Ssshe said ssshe d-didn’t w-w-w-want us.”

  Wallace finally looked at Elliott. She didn’t seem concerned that he was not looking at her. “People say things when they’re upset that they don’t necessarily mean.”

  Dr. Dalton had recovered a bit of calm. “And none of that was meant for any of you to hear.”

  “B-b-but I d-did hear and if she d-d-did w-want us, w-w-why d-didn’t she ever c-c-call?”

  I had been so swept up in Elliott speaking, Jane’s sobbing and Trent’s posturing that I didn’t noticed how upset David had become. Rebecca was standing next to him, massaging the base of his neck.

  “She did want us,” he said with conviction through the tears that rolled down his cheeks. “She loved me. I know she did. Before … before … before they got here she … she—”

  “It doesn’t matter!” Jane interrupted, her eyes back to normal. “I loved Kate. I think Elliott should be respectful and go to her funeral like a decent person would! Stephen, make him go.”

  “W-w-w-well, I-I-I-I’m nnnnnnot d-d-decent, J-J-JJJJaaaane. Y-y-you’ve kn-known that sssssince …”

  Again, she interrupted him. “If I’m going to Chicago, you’re going to Chicago. You have to.”

  “K-K-Kate d-d-didn’t wwwwant you. A-a-any of us.” I winced at Elliott’s callous words.

  “Elliott!” Dr. Dalton said loudly.

  Jane was sobbing so hard it was hard to understand her. “She did want me. Maybe it was just you with your retarded phobias and hand-biting she didn’t want.”

  “Jane, stop.” Dr. Dalton seemed to be begging.

  “Dad? Make them stop. Tell them she loved all of us. Tell them to stop saying mean things like that.” David was quite agitated and looked like a little boy.

  Rebecca didn’t give up comforting him. “Baby, please. It’s okay.”

  “I didn’t mmmmake mmyself b-bl-bleed all over hhhher k-k-kitchen.”

  “Elliott,” I whispered. He loved Jane and I didn’t want him to say something horrible to her. “Don’t be mean. That’s not who you are.”

  “Well maybe she wouldn’t have left if she’d gotten any sleep, but poor Elliott kept everyone up all night screaming.”

  Wallace placed her hand on Jane’s shoulders. “Calm down. Remember that Elliott is …”

  Trent cut in. “Just let her say what she wants to say. It isn’t fair that everyone has to tiptoe around him all the time.”

  “I w-w-won’t go.”

  “I hate you, Elliott! All you have to do is go to her funeral.”

  “In Ch-Ch-Chicago. In a ch-ch-church!”

  I didn’t know what to do. I felt useless sitting there watching this patchwork family’s meltdown. I felt horrible for everyone. Naturally, my loyalty lay with my boyfriend, but Dr. Dalton looked pitiful, David looked worse and Jane’s sobs were breaking my unbreakable heart.

  Without moving much, I laid my hand on Elliott’s forearm, hoping that he would relax a little. While I meant what I said about him having the right to speak, he and Jane only seemed to be saying very hateful things to each other.

  Even I knew that wasn’t good.

  Just when it seemed as though he was doing better, something like this got thrown at him. I’d hoped he was on his way to dealing with everything in his past and now he seemed at odds with his entire family because yet another woman, another maternal figure, was stolen from him. The only thing I could do was sit tight, try to ride out the night, and be there for my boyfriend.

  I didn’t know her, but I could tell Elliott cared about Kate. I didn’t understand why he was being cold to everyone. Perhaps the threat of returning to his hometown was too much. Maybe the idea of stepping inside a church, even to say goodbye to someone he’d once been close to, was so terrifying for him that he couldn’t help his actions. Who knew where this was going to lead? Would Elliott be pulled down again by these new demons or would he be able to fight and struggle against them as he had for so long?

  Once again, the weight of the whole world came crashing down on him and I felt powerless to do anything beyond watch and wonder where this would take us.

  End Book III

  Since I’d gotten sick around Christmas, I hadn’t slept well and was plagued with dreams, waking up disoriented and in pain. I hated taking medication, but the throbbing in my head forced me to as soon as I was able to sit up.

  Stephen would be back in the morning. The night before his return was no exception to the string of sleep-deprived nights I’d grown accustomed to. I dreamt of Chicago again, mostly about the basement, but what I also remembered dreaming about was the moment my mother’s finger tightened on the trigger.

  I looked at her eyes.

  When she was on the ground, she became Kate, but it was no less terrifying than it had been that day in my room.

  However, it wasn’t Kate or the basement that caused me to wake up sweaty and screaming.

  My body was very tight. I tried so hard to get my jaw to loosen and my hands to unclench around the sheets. My stomach hurt.

  Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them.

  As soon as my body allowed for any movement, I bit down on my hand and felt better.

  I hated that it made me feel better and I hated that Stephen and Sophie would both see the marks in the morning. Stephen would worry and call Dr. Emmanuel and Sophie would tell me to stop hurting myself, as if I could control it.