Camp Creepy Time_The Adventures of Einstein P. Fleet

by Dann Gershon

  “Might as well die a happy camper,” Einstein mused as he  positioned the Twinkies in a neat row on the top of his back-pack. As he selected his first victim, his mind began to wander.  He had always assumed that his life would flash before his eyes  just moments before the end, but he never expected the end  to come so soon. At the tender age of thirteen, there was only

  10 so much one could reflect upon. Einstein had to admit that  the last week at Creepy Time had been an adventure. Too bad  he wouldn’t live to tell the tale, but who would have believed  him anyhow?

  He unwrapped his next victim and examined it closely. He  had eaten countless thousands of Twinkies in his lifetime, but  this one was special. This was going to be the last. “Here’s look-ing at you, kid.” Einstein took a big bite and chewed slowly,   savoring the experience. A feeling of tranquility spread through  his being and he felt at peace with the world. The desert began  to fade away and Einstein found himself floating inside a thick,  silver cloud of spun silk. Instead of being soft and billowy, the  cloud was sticky and gooey, like the cream-filled center of a  giant Twinkie.

  Einstein recalled a documentary that he had seen on the  Discovery Channel in which a Native American shaman in-gested magic herbs to induce visions of the afterlife. The tribe  was from the very same area in which he now stood. It only  made sense that, in his vision quest, Einstein would become  one with the Twinkie. With some difficulty, he took another  bite out of the magic pastry, hoping to learn more about the  unknown mysteries of this life before going to the next world.

  “I’m listening,” he said softly, cupping the remains of the  Twinkie in his outstretched palm. “Tell me, what is the secret  of life?”

  “How should I know?” a muffled voice replied. Einstein was expecting to hear something more enlighten-ing, but what could one expect from a pastry? He took another  bite, hoping that the magic Twinkie would elaborate on the  message, but it refused to say more. All he could hear was the  eerie silence of the Mojave Desert. The cloud of silver engulfed  his body as the sun slowly disappeared and was eclipsed by  a dark shadow. Obviously the Twinkie would not reveal the  secret to life in this world. Perhaps it would be revealed in  the next. He had begun to drift off when he felt the hand of  God reach down and grab him by the collar. Einstein couldn’t  believe his luck. He hadn’t been in heaven ten seconds and he  was already going to get an audience with the Almighty. “So,  there is a heaven.” He sighed.

  He waited for God to speak and reveal the secret of life.  “WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT!” Granted, it wasn’t exactly the divine  message that Einstein had expected to hear, but he supposed  that he deserved it for living the life of a slacker. He heard the  Almighty roaring at him. Einstein thought he would be forgiven  in the end, not yelled at for a laundry list of past offenses. Sud-denly, a thought occurred to Einstein. If he were in heaven,  then why was it so dark? Was it possible that he had miscalcu-lated his situation altogether? Would he have to serve eternal  detention in the fiery pits of hell?

  “I REPENT!” Einstein listed everything that he could think  of that he had ever done wrong and even confessed to a few  things he hadn’t done, figuring it would score some brownie  points with the man upstairs. Suddenly, he was jerked out of  the darkness and back into the world. “THANK YOU, GOD!  YOU WON’T REGRET IT!”

  The next thing he knew, Einstein was sitting in the passen-ger seat of Greeley’s old truck. The old ghost was sitting next  to him, driving like a madman. Einstein rubbed his temples and

  11 tried to clear away the cobwebs. He wasn’t in heaven or hell,  he was back in the desert, which left another possibility. Like  Greeley, he would spend the rest of eternity at Creepy Time.  He shuddered at the thought. “Am I dead?” Einstein asked  the ghost.

  “Not yet, but the day is still young,” Greeley cackled. “What happened?” Einstein asked, rubbing his head. “I followed the sound of incoherent babbling and it led me

  right to you.”

  “I was drifting among silver clouds,” Einstein said, still in a

  daze. “It was beautiful.”

  “Those silver clouds were made out of spun metal. They

  were cocoons. You were resting your weary head on the miss-

  ing campers,” Greeley informed him. “Godzilla was about to

  add you to her collection when I came along. I ran her off

  with my truck and pulled you out of there. You owe me big-

   time, Houdini.”

  “What happened to Godzilla?” Einstein asked.

  “Look  behind  you,”  Greeley  said,  looking  in  his  rear-

  view mirror.

  Einstein turned around and felt a chill run down his spine.

  Godzilla was right behind them and closing ground quickly. “I told you the day was still young.” Greeley sighed. Einstein got his first good look at the female. Godzilla was

  bigger than a bull elephant and, like the elephant, she was

  surprisingly fast for a creature so large. She used all eight of

  her muscular legs in perfect unison and easily maneuvered the

  rough desert terrain. Her coat was bloodred and protected

  with armor-plated scales. Two razor-sharp silver fangs pro-truded from the top of her mouth. She was drooling in antici-pation of the kill, which was less than ten yards away. “Can’t

  this old heap go any faster, Greeley?”

  “Nope.”

  Einstein was hoping to hear something more encouraging,

  even if it was a lie. If they couldn’t outrun the creature, they

  were goners. While he was in a rational state of panic, Greeley

  seemed irrationally calm. In fact, he actually seemed to be en-

  joying himself. “What are you grinning about, you old ghost?”

  Einstein asked.

  “I got me a plan.”

  Einstein was hoping for more information, but there wasn’t

  time. Godzilla caught up to the truck and jumped onto the

  back end of the flatbed. Her weight lifted the front end off the

  ground, causing the truck to pop a wheelie.

  “Yahoo!” Greeley hollered. “Tell me this ain�
��t a pisser!” “This is suicide,” Einstein mumbled to himself.

  As Greeley maneuvered on two wheels, Godzilla tenaciously

  clung to the edge of the flatbed and refused to let go. Slowly

  but surely, she managed to crawl toward the cab. Once she

  reached the middle of the flatbed, the redistribution of weight

  brought the front end of the pickup back to Earth and the mo-

  mentum tossed Godzilla right into the back of the cab. All that

  now separated her from her prey was the back window. She

  rammed her head against the glass and it exploded, shattering

  into hundreds of little pieces. Godzilla locked her muscular

  appendages around the cab and roared at them through the

  glassless opening.

  Einstein was paralyzed with fear. He could literally feel

  1 Godzilla breathing down the back of his neck, her powerful  jaws gaping and preparing to tear him to pieces. He opened  his pocketknife and stabbed the creature, trying to penetrate  her thick coat of armor. The tempered steel blade snapped off  at the hilt. Einstein sank down into the seat and looked up. All  he could see was a dark hole filled with rows of sharp metal-lic fangs. It was like staring into the gaping mouth of a giant  great white shark. She lunged at Einstein repeatedly, but her  head was too large to fit through the opening. He picked up  his backpack and used it like a shield. Godzilla sank her fangs  into the pack and tried to pull Einstein out the back window.  He braced his legs, using the floorboard of the truck as lever-age, and wedged the pack in her jaws. “I could use some help  here, Greeley!”

  “Let go of the pack!” Greeley shouted.

  “No way!” Einstein shouted back.

  Just as Einstein was about to be pulled out the back window,

  Greeley reached over and tickled him. “Coochie. Coochie.” Einstein grabbed at the ghost’s bony fingers and let go of

  his backpack. As he did, Godzilla rolled backward. She tossed

  aside Einstein’s backpack and quickly crawled back to the cab.

  Unable to get through the opening, she changed her plan of

  attack. Godzilla climbed on top of the cab and sank two large

  fangs straight through the roof, missing Greeley and Einstein

  by inches. She tried to pull her fangs out, but couldn’t. They

  were stuck.

  “Hang on, Houdini!” Greeley shouted, pointing a bony fin-

  ger at the barn. “We’re almost there! Get ready to jump!” “Are you crazy?” Einstein shouted at the ghost.

  “You have a better idea?” Greeley asked. The barn was

  about fifty yards ahead and there was no time to argue. The

  ghost opened his door and disappeared, leaving no one to

  drive. The truck was on a collision course with the barn and

  there was no way to stop it.

  “No guts, no glory,” Einstein told himself as he opened the

  door and jumped. He fell on his side hard and rolled for about

  ten yards, barely missing a cactus. Seconds later the pickup

  truck slammed into the side of the barn and exploded into

  flames. Einstein got up slowly and watched it burn. As he did,

  Greeley appeared beside him, holding his backpack. “I think

  this belongs to you.”

  “Thanks,” Einstein said as he slung the pack over his shoul-

  der. He looked at the barn and sighed. “I’m going to miss

  you, pal.”

  “What are you talking about, Houdini?”

  “I’m going to go and get on the ship,” Einstein said as he

  began to walk away. “Without the antidote, I might as well go

  with them.”

  “The antidote is on the ship.” Greeley smiled at him. Einstein stopped dead in his tracks. “What did you say?” “You heard me, Houdini. I say it’s time for a little payback,”

  the ghost said. “Are you with me, boy?”

  Einstein smiled at the ghost. “Let’s go finish this thing.”

  15

  Cha p te r

  N

  Day Eight — 1:02 P.M. urse Knockwurst’s lab was located on the third floor of the  spaceship. It was a sterile environment, equipped with an  examination table and lots of high-tech medical equipment.  After her capture, they had taken Roxie to the lab. She was  hanging upside down from a thick metal rod, her hands and  feet bound with plastic tubing, like a piñata at a Mexican fiesta.  Nurse Knockwurst pushed Roxie gently, swinging her back and  forth. Every so often, she would give her a stiff shove, sending  Roxie crashing headfirst into the wall. Her IMPS training had  taught Roxie to endure endless hours of pain during interro-gation. More important, her training had taught her patience.  Sooner or later, the bad guys would let their guard down and  she would make her move. Roxie hoped it would be sooner.  She had a splitting headache.

  “I’m impressed,” Big Al told Roxie. “You are the first one to  ever penetrate our operation. How did you do it?”

  “It was easy. I just followed the trail of slime.”

  Big Al laughed at her joke. He actually admired the IMPS  agent’s bravado. For one so young, she had guts and spunk. If  there were more time, he would have enjoyed sticking around  and watching her squirm, but time was growing short. The  wormhole would open in less than two hours and he had to  confirm the coordinates. With so much at stake, Big Al made  the prudent decision to put business before pleasure. “I’m  going to contact Mucho Fahn,” he whispered to Nurse Knock-wurst. “After you break our brave little friend and find Fleet,  you can eliminate her. I don’t want any loose ends.”

  The nurse took Big Al’s hand and caressed it softly. “Hurry  back, you big galoot,” she cooed. “I have special plans for the  two of us tonight.”

  Big Al smiled. “We’ll relax as soon as the ship takes off and  not a moment sooner. After that, it’s time to uncork the cham-pagne.” Big Al blew her a kiss and walked away.

  Nurse Knockwurst watched him leave with stars in her eyes  and then turned her attention back to Roxie. “Now, where  were we?”

  “Big Al is your boyfriend?” Roxie giggled. “I hope you two   aren’t planning on having kids.”

  Nurse�
�Knockwurst was not amused. She reached inside a  cupboard and carefully removed a large glass jar. It was crawl-ing with several big black scorpions. Nurse Knockwurst held  the jar up to Roxie’s face and shook it, agitating the creatures  inside. “Did you know that scorpions are carnivores? They  paralyze their prey with the stingers on their tails. The pain  is excruciating. As a rule, most scorpions can’t inject enough  venom to kill something your size. Bark scorpions are an ex-ception to that rule and you’re looking at six of them. They are  quite lethal, I’m afraid.”

  “Go ahead and do it,” Roxie said defiantly.

  1 1 “Poor creatures haven’t had a bite in days,” the nurse cooed  as she slowly unscrewed the lid. The angry scorpions were al-ready climbing toward the top of the jar, eager to get to work.  “Come and get it, boys.”

  “Welcome to Camp Creepy Time,” Einstein said, stand-ing in the doorway. “If the food doesn’t kill you, the counsel-ors will.”

   “We’ve been looking for you,” Nurse Knockwurst growled. “At your service,” Einstein replied gallantly. He stood on  one foot and curled his fingers into claws, mimicking an awk-ward fighting stance that he’d seen in an old kung fu movie.  He motioned at Nurse Knockwurst with his fingers to make  the first move.

  “You want a piece of me?” Knockwurst growled. “Come  to momma.”

  He was half as tall as the nurse and she outweighed him by  at least one hundred pounds, but Einstein stood his ground.