Big Booty

by Cairo

  She slams my door. “I’m fuckin’ sick of this shit! All I ask for is a goddamn few dollars so I can hang with my girls and she wanna give me shit . . . ”

  I scream at the door. “Bitch, who is you cursin’ at, huh, ho?! Miss Pasha, girl, let me call you back. I need to whip some ass up in here.”

  “Okay, girl. Go handle your situation. Call me when you can.” I tell her to give me twenty minutes and I’ll call her back, then end the call, stormin’ outta my room.

  “Day’Asia! Day’Asia!” I scream, stompin’ through the house.

  “She left,” Elijah yells out from the livin’ room.

  “Oh no the fuck she didn’t.” I run to the front door and swing it open just as she’s gettin’ ready to climb in the backseat of some car with Clitina and two other hoes. “Day’Asia!” I run up on the car and grab her by the back of her damn weave. “Oh, no the fuck you not leavin’ up outta here after I told ya black ass you couldn’t go out!” I swing her around and she tries to push me off of her.

  “Get off of me!”

  “Oh, you wanna fight, huh?”

  “No, but you ain’t gotta be puttin’ ya hands on me either. You stay lettin’ Marquelle and them do whatever they want, but I can’t do shit!”

  I slap her face. “Who the fuck is you talkin’ to like that? I told you ya ass couldn’t go and you tryna step out anyway. Like fuck me, right? Get yo black ass in the house ’fore I fuck you up out here. Don’t you ever fuckin’ disrespect me!”

  “Asia, girl,” a dark-skin chick sittin’ in the front passenger seat says, gettin’ out the car. She’s wearin’ blue contacts and a long black weave with blue streaks in her bangs “You ain’t gotta put up with this shit. Get your shit and come stay at my house.”

  I blink. This fresh-mouth ho can’t be no more than fifteen or sixteen, talkin’ all kinds of reckless and sideways. “Oh, lil’ girl. You better jump back in ya lane and mind your goddamn manners.”

  The heifer has the audacity to put a hand up on her hip and swirl her neck. “Bitch, you don’t tell me what to do. My name ain’t Day’Asia. You better check my birth certificate. My name is Roweena and I will smack the shit out you. Asia, you better tell her, girl. I’ll give her what I give mine. And you know how I do it.”

  She slams a hand up on her narrow hip, starin’ me down like she tryna prove a point.

  “Weena, girl, I know. But I got this,” Day’Asia says.

  “No, lil’ girl, what you got is an ass whippin’ comin’. Now get your ass in the house.”

  The hotdog ho snaps her fingers. “Look, Asia, you need to handle her. I know she’s your moms and all, but we got shit to do. And this bitch is crazy tryna set it off and block our flow. You don’t even gotta put up with it.”

  I shoot her a nasty look. “Oh, you real grown, huh?”

  “Yeah, bitch. And what?”

  “Weena, girl, don’t,” Day’Asia warns her. “Just let it go.”

  “Oh no, girl. I got this. You know I don’t like her ass anyway for how she treats you and shit, so fuck that, girl. I got ya back. Ya mom needs to catch it real good, then I bet you she’ll get her mind right instead of treatin’ you any ole kinda way.”

  I blink. “Day’Asia, take yo’ ass up in the house, now!”

  “Ma, please.”

  “Don’t fuck—”

  Slap!

  The lil’ ho hauls off and slaps the shit outta me so hard I’m seein’ stars. But it don’t stop me from leapin’ up on her ass and beatin’ her like a grown woman. I swing the bitch into the car door. Day’Asia’s screamin’ for me to stop. Clitina’s jumpin’ outta the car and screamin’ for me to get off of her. And the other bitch in the driver’s seat is screamin’ for the bitch to fuck me up.

  “Bitch! You slapped the wrong one!” I punch her in the forehead and her head snaps back, then I hit her in her goddamn throat. The ho gasps for air. I punch her in the chest. And then it’s on.

  I hear someone across the street yellin’, “Fuck that little bitch up, Cassandra. I saw what the disrespectful bitch did to you.”

  Someone else is yellin’ out, “Stomp her ass, Cass!”

  “Ma! Stop! You’re gonna hurt her!”

  Day’Asia tries to pull me up off of her, but I elbow her. And she backs the fuck off. “Bitch!” I scream at her. “Don’t put your motherfuckin’ hands on me! I’ma fuck you up . . . . next for . . . bringin’ this . . . shit to my . . . goddamn . . . doorstep!”

  Whap!

  Pop!

  I punch the Weena bitch in the face. “I’ma knock your goddamn eyesockets out!” Whap! I keep punchin’ her. She tries to fight me off of her, but she came for the wrong one.

  “Aaah, pleeeeeeeease! Asia! Tina! Samara! Y’all help me! Jump this bitch!”

  I dig my nails into the lil’ hoe’s face, then claw her up. “Yeah, bitches jump me! Bring it! Stinkin’-ass bitch gonna put yo’ goddamn hands on me. Oh, no, bitch, you gonna get an ass whippin’ you will never forget!”

  I swing her down to the ground and start stompin’ on her, then grab her by the hair and wrap my hands around it. I drag her ass up and down the driveway and out into the street. “You lucky I ain’t tryna kill ya black ass, bitch, for comin’ at me like you some grown-ass woman.” I punch her again. I’m yankin’ her head, and hookin’ off on her at the same time. “I’ma snap . . . ya motherfuckin’ neck . . . fresh-mouth, lil’ bitch!”

  She is screamin’ bloody murder. “Y’all get this crazy bitch off of me! Don’t just stand there! Help me, goddammit!”

  Clitina knows better. And Day’Asia knows she done set it off so she damn sure ain’t gonna try to stop shit now.

  “Aah! Samara! Call my mother. Tell her to hurry up and get over here to kill this bitch!”

  Now I hear Elijah’s voice. “Whoop her ass, Mom!”

  Then Isaiah’s. “Fuck her up!”

  Then the twins. “Yeah, Mommy jumped on her ass. Fuck her up good! Kick her in the balls, too!”

  I hear one of them say, “She aint’ got no balls, dummy!”

  I drag this hotdog ho all through the grass, then back onto the driveway, then once I have her in the middle of the street, I let the bitch go. She is screamin’ at the top of her lungs, like somebody’s tryna kill her ass. I tell her to stand up and fight me like a real woman. She’s all scraped up and bloody and cryin’. I don’t give a fuck!

  “Oww! Oww! I promise you, bitch! I’ma get my mom and aunts to fuck you up! Watch! They gonna kill you, bitch!”

  I stand over her with a hand up on my hip, waitin’ for her to get up. But the bitch doesn’t move. “You still talkin’ shit, huh?” I reach down and slap the shit outta her. She grabs her face and starts cryin’ louder. “Yeah, Saaaaaaaamara!” I yell toward the car. “Call this dirty-bitch’s motherfuckin’ mammy so she can get it too!” I reach down and punch her again. “Put your motherfuckin’ hands on me, ho. And think you was gonna get that off. Bitch, please. Rude bitch! I don’t give a fuck how old you are. I fight kids, too.” I kick her. “Now get the fuck up and fight me like a real bitch!”

  By now the whole block is lined with nosey-ass neighbors all up in the mix. But everyone on this block knows I don’t start shit, but I will damn sure finish it.

  I overhear someone say, “Somebody needs to call DYFS on her.”

  “Bitch, call DYFS!” I yell into the crowd. I start pacin’ the street, wailin’ my arms like a wild woman. “I don’t give a fuck! Let this be a lesson to any motherfuckin’ body else whose child thinks they gonna step up to me like they grown and put their motherfuckin’ hands on me or talk shit. Step to me and I’m gonna beat your face off! I’m goin’ to jail tonight for this bitch right here. And I don’t give a fuck ’cause she’s goin’ too!”

  I can hear the sirens in the background. I walk off, leavin’ the ho in the middle of the street. Clitina and the Samara bitch run over to help her up. “Isaiah, call Darius and tell him to get over here. And Day’Asia, I want you outta my mo
therfuckin’ house by the time I get released.”

  She’s standin’ there lookin’ all pitiful. “Wh-where I’ma go?”

  “Take ya black ass to the mall. I don’t give a fuck where you go! You bring this shit to me! Got this hotdog bitch tryna bring it to me! You go stay with her disrespectful ass. And then you didn’t jump on her ass when she put her goddamn hands on me. Oh, no, your black ass can sleep on the streets for all I care! You turned your back on me, bitch! And I don’t play that shit! Now get the fuck outta my face before I put you in a body bag!”

  Three cop cars pull up to the house, blockin’ the driveway like somebody’s gonna try and run off. Stupid, pussy-ass bitches! I ain’t gotta run no-motherfuckin’-where. I stay with bail money, okay.

  Thirty-Three

  “Ho,” Dickalina huffs into the phone. It’s two days after that lil’ Roweena bitch slapped me and I’m in Day’Asia’s bedroom rippin’ pictures and posters off her walls. I’ve been cleanin’ her room out and throwin’ shit out all mornin’. “You dead wrong for puttin’ Asia out like that, Cass. You need to really get over ya’self and let that child come home.”

  Mmmp, this ho got some nerve callin’ me with this shit, like she some good samaritan. Booga-coon, boom! Day’Asia turned on me. Stood there and let some lil’ hoodrat bitch slap me and she ain’t do a goddamn thing. Oh, no, boo-boo. You do some shit like that, I’m through with you. And Day’Asia Martinique Simms is dog shit to me. That’s how bad she done fucked up! And I’m not tryna hear nothin’ else about it.

  After all I’ve done for that lil’ ungrateful bitch, she goes and does some shit like that. Mmmph. I’ve let her ass get away with a lotta shit, but that right there . . . no thank you! I promise you this, if she wants to get back up in here, she’ll have to fight her way back in. And I mean that!

  I tear down the rest of her posters of Trey Songz, DJ Khaled, Pusha T, and Kirko Bangz. This girl is hot, nasty trash to me, just like all this shit that is goin’ out on the curb.

  “You of all people know how it feels to be put out on the streets so why you do that shit to Asia like that?”

  “Bitch, is she sleepin’ on the streets?”

  “Well, no. She’s here with me.”

  I sit on the edge of her bed. “Then what the fuck is you talkin’ about? I was thrown out with two damn babies, okay? So don’t compare me to her. I was never disrespectful to Beulah or any-damn-body else. My mother was a goddamn junkie who turned her back on me, but I bet you when she was out in the streets and someone was talkin’ shit to her or about her, I jumped on their asses. I don’t use drugs. I keep a roof over her head and food up in this house. I’m good to Day’Asia. That bitch gets anything she wants and she gonna give me her ass to kiss. I don’t think so. I’ma loyal bitch. You stay loyal to me, I’ma stay loyal to you. You turn ya goddamn back on me, then damn it, I’ma turn mine on you.”

  “Well, that shit makes no sense. Why . . . ”

  I sniff, sniff again, then frown. It smells like stale pussy funk! I get up from her bed and get on my knees and look under her bed. Oh, hell no!

  I stand up. Drag her mattress off the bed, then flip up her boxspring. This nasty bitch got crusty and bloody drawers all up underneath her bed. I’m too through! She knows I don’t do filth! You can say what you want about Cassandra goddamn Simms, but you’ll never say I keep a nasty, dirty, or funky-ass house. Day’Asia’s lucky she’s not here. I swear for gawd I’d make her eat every goddam nasty-ass pair of drawers in here, lick all through these crusty-ass crotches, then chew these drawers. All ten of them!

  “Damn, bitch. I’m talkin’ to you and you act like you ain’t got shit to say. It’s fucked up what you doin’, Cass. You have no business puttin’ her out. She’s a girl. Anything can happen to her.”

  “Well, too goddamn bad. She shoulda thought about all that before she turned on me.” I walk outta her room and go into the bathroom to grab a pair of gloves, then go into the kitchen to get a two large Ziploc bags. I’m gonna seal her bloody drawers and send them right on over to Dickalina’s. This bitch is disrespectful and she leavin’ bloody drawers around here. First she tryna fuck in my house, then lettin’ some bitch disrespect me. Oh, no . . . her ass ain’t comin’ back up in here.

  She huffs. “Well, how long are you gonna let her stay out on the streets? She needs clothes for school, Cass. She ain’t been to school in two days.”

  “Oh, well. Not my problem. Her ass ain’t up in there tryna learn shit any-damn-way, bringin’ home a buncha goddamn Cee’s and Dee’s. She wanna be like Clitina and Candy’s asses.”

  “Bitch, what is you tryna say?”

  “Uhh. I done said it, boo. What part didn’t you get? That she ain’t tryna learn shit, or that she wants to be stupid like your two daughters? I mean, c’mon Lina, pay attention to what I’m sayin’.”

  “Bitch, my kids ain’t stupid. They just a lil’ slow; that’s all.”

  “Yeah, and fast in the sheets; all three of them. Candy, Clitina and goddamn Day’Asia, three fast-assed hoes.”

  She huffs. “Look, you know I love Asia like she my own, but I can’t have her stayin’ here too long.”

  “Then put her ass out.”

  I walk back into Day’Asia’s room and start pickin’ up her filthy drawers by the edges and droppin’ them in the Ziploc bags.

  “Now you know good and damn well I ain’t puttin’ my goddaughter out on the streets. But she can’t stay here forever. You need to let her come home.”

  “Ha! No, boo. What I need is a stiff damn dick. Day’Asia made her choice. She chose her friends over me. And now I’ve made mine. The lil’ bitch can rot for all I care.”

  “You ain’t shit, Cass. For real. What kinda mother puts her damn child out on the streets?”

  “The kinda mother whose child turns her goddamn back on her. And I don’t want no bitch who ain’t got my back around me. Day’Asia was ’posed to sling that lil’ bitch down and stomp her teeth out for disrespectin’ me and she didn’t.”

  “Oh, bitch. Get over it.”

  I take a deep breath. “Look, Lina, I’m really tryna be nice today. But you pushin’ it. Do ya’self a favor. Don’t call here tryna do me. Just mind your goddamn manners, okay? If you wanna let her stay with you, then let her. But don’t call me with no shit ’cause I’m not tryna hear it. Her ass is on Depo, so she’s good for three months. You ain’t gotta worry about her ass gettin’ pregnant.”

  “Bitch, you—”

  “Mommy,” Tyquan says, runnin’ into the room. “There’s some ladies here for you.”

  “Well, who are they?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. One’s fat and one’s skinny.”

  Now who the fuck is at my door without callin’ first? I stop what I’m doin’, walkin’ over to the window, forgettin’ that Day’Asia’s room is in the back of the house. Shit, I can’t even see who it is. “Lina, I gotta go see who’s at my damn door this time of day lookin’ for me. You can come over and pick up a few things for Day’Asia. But don’t you bring her ass with you. That disrespectful lil’ bitch is only gettin’ the basic shit,” yeah like these dirty-ass drawers, “all these high-priced clothes I paid for ain’t leavin’ up outta here. So she had better start trickin’ for dollars.”

  “Well, that’s so nice of you. I’ll come by later and . . . ”

  I end the call, then walk down the hall toward the livin’ room. I peek through the livin’ room curtains. Oh these bitches got some nerve, I think when I see a white state car up in the driveway. I tell Isaiah and Elijah to take the twins downstairs to the basement to watch TV and not to come back up until I call them. As usual Fuquan starts talkin’ shit and I let him know I’m gonna beat his ass as soon as I’m done with these heifers at my door.

  He sucks his teeth. “I don’t like you.”

  “Boy, don’t start ya goddamn shit. Now take ya black ass downstairs. I gotta put my happy-clown face on for these bitches and I don’t need you wreckin’ my
motherfuckin’ nerves. Now try me.”

  “C’mon, boy,” Isaiah says, snatchin’ him by the shirt and pullin’ him down the stairs. I wait for him to shut the basement door, then swing open the front door.

  “Yes? How can I help you?”

  “Hello, Miss Simms?” A thin dark-skinned woman says, lookin’ like a burnt toothpick. Her hair is in extensions and pulled up into a ponytail.

  “Who wants to know?”

  “We’re with the Division of Child Protection and Permanency,” the brown-skinned chunky one says. She’s wearin’ the hell outta a real cute, short ’n sassy hairstyle. And her face is beat to perfection.

  “Well, I think you have the wrong house. No one here needs protection.”

  “Miss Simms, may we come in?”

  “Uh, no, you may not. Now who are you again?” They introduce themselves. Miss Toothpick says her name is Arletha Jenkins-Smith. Miss Chunky says hers is Loretta Sanchez. I place a hand up on my hip. “Mmmph. And how can I help you bitches?”

  They both blink. Toothpick raises a brow, then slams a hand up on her hip. I can already tell she’ll light the party up if need be. My kinda worker ’cause the last one who came here was some scaredy- cat bitch who couldn’t take a good cursin’ out, but this ho right here looks like she’ll bring it. “Look. We’re not gonna be any more of your bitches today, okay? Now we’re here regarding your daughter, Day’Asia Martinique Simms. Now may we come in?”

  I smirk. Ooh, I’ma fuck with these hoes today. “Umm, no, ma’am, you sure can’t. You can say what you have’ta say right there on the stoop. Now state your business, then be on your merry way. Please and thank you.”

  Miss Chunky says, “We received a call that you put your daughter out.”

  I nod. “Yes, ma’am, I sure did. I sure did. Anything else?”

  “And why did you do that?” she wants to know.

  “Because the bitch disrespected me and I’m not havin’ that.”

  “Well, first of all,” Miss Toothpick states, neck-rollin’ it. “Maybe if you knew how to talk to her instead of referring to her as a bitch and whatnot, she wouldn’t disrespect you. And second of all, you’re still legally responsible for her. Therefore, putting your child out on the streets is against the law.”