Yearn (Revenge Book 4)

by Burns, Trevion

  “Veda—”

  “No, it’s okay,” she insisted, even though the whimper that underlined every word said otherwise. “It’s okay. You should go on the date and… and I hope… I hope… I hope she can be the woman I couldn’t. The kind of woman you deserve. I hope she’ll make you really happy, Gage.”

  She turned away just as he drew in a breath, making his chest expand as if he were in the midst of speaking, but she hurried away before he could say another word. She didn’t want him to hear the sob that she could no longer fight. The sob that stabbed at her throat as she raced toward the door. The sob that nearly choked her to death in her battle to hold it at bay.

  She managed to hold it, only releasing it once she’d raced out of the house, across the street, and into the passenger’s seat of Hope’s Honda, where she crumbled to pieces.

  From the driver’s side, Hope’s voice rang in. “Shit.”

  Veda sucked in a breath, crying out past the tears. “Drive. Just drive.”

  Without another word, Hope started the car and tore down the street, out of the illustrious neighborhood where neither of them had ever really belonged, the rear tires of her car kicking up smoke the entire way.

  25

  It had to be this way.

  She was stronger this way.

  It was better this way.

  Veda had set out to complete an objective by summer’s end. Summer was long gone, and she’d barely made a dent. Seven balls still remained. Seven balls, yet to be removed. It was completely unacceptable. If she’d made this kind of sluggish progress during medical school, she wouldn’t have survived the first semester. Never in her life had she fallen so behind on an assignment.

  She’d allowed her ex-boyfriend to get in the way. To slow her down. To fudge up her focus. Her plans. Her heart.

  It was better this way.

  Let Gage go on his date with Stephanie.

  Veda sucked in a breath.

  What the hell kind of name was Stephanie anyway?

  Perfect, modelesque Stephanie, with her long legs, and her ballerina arms, and her shiny blonde hair that smells like peaches in the spring—

  “Argh,” Linc complained, tightening his abs against the gut punch he’d just taken, releasing a pained sound he’d never used with Veda in that space. He curled his lip at her while taking a healthy step away, bouncing on the blue mat of the boxing ring, raising his gloved fists for the first time that afternoon. “Who pissed you off?”

  Veda’s arms and shoulders collapsed, eyes running over his black wife beater and sweats. She couldn’t even enjoy the fact that she’d hit him hard enough to get him to raise his gloves. Hard enough to make the lines in his muscled arms squeeze a little tighter, as if readying himself for a real fight.

  “I’m sorry, Linc.” Her heart split as Gage’s voice, telling her he had a date, played on repeat in her head. “I’m sorry, but my heart’s just not in it.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.” Linc raised his eyebrows, making the deep scar running through the left one more prominent. “You’ve had an iron fist all day. You’ve never hit me so hard.” He cracked his knuckles as his eyes ran her face. “Getting stronger.”

  Veda undid the zebra print Velcro strap on her pink gloves, eyes perusing the boxing room. Only one other gym patron was with them, working the speed bag at the far end of the room.

  Linc’s eyes ran her body, lingering at her hot pink sports bra, black tights, and hot pink sneakers before slowly crawling back up.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, softly.

  “Dangerous question.” Veda cut her eyes at him while making her way to the ropes. “You’ve just opened yourself up to an emotional lady-rant a man like you couldn’t possibly be prepared for.”

  She went to climb through the ropes, but he was behind her in a flash, taking her arm, stopping her from leaving the ring.

  She met his eyes over her shoulder.

  His green orbs searched hers. “What’s wrong?”

  She smiled, knowing he’d soon regret the decision to ask her that question twice.

  And twenty minutes later, sitting side by side on the edge of the ring, Veda found herself entrenched in the longest conversation she ever believed she’d have with Lincoln Hill. Her legs swung over the edge of the ring, making the heels of her feet bang against it, but Linc’s long legs reached all the way to the floor, spread wide. He cradled his arms on the ropes behind them, occasionally bopping her on the back of the head from where he had one stretched out behind her.

  “Stop!” Veda cried, shoving him when he thumped her for the millionth time.

  He licked his lips, attempting to fight his smile while looking away.

  “Hey, you never told me what you got on your test this week,” Veda pushed him again, this time on his side, feeling his abs tighten when she did.

  He watched her from the corner of his eyes. “B+.”

  Her eyes lit up, and she raised her fists, one wrapped around a water bottle, in celebration. “Yes!”

  “Not an A, though.”

  “Not a C either. We’re maintaining a nice upward trajectory. First it was a B-, then a B, and now a B+? You’re doing the damn thing, Linc. Once upon a time, you hated science.”

  “Once upon a time? I will hate this shit until my dying day.”

  She chortled. “I was sure I could make chemistry fun for you. Bring you over to the dark side.”

  His eyes fell to her lips. He licked his. “It’s fun with you.”

  Veda straightened and looked away, breathing in the gentle whiff of his detergent before throwing her gaze back to him. It made the loose bun she’d tied at the top of her head wobble. “Thanks for the talk. I really needed it.” She looked toward the exit door. “You’re probably fantasizing about making your escape—”

  She groaned when he bopped her head again.

  “Stop!”

  Smirking, he nodded his head up at her, his heavy eyes still on her lips. “How’s Pearl?”

  “Still being held captive by my parents and hating every second of it. They want her to leave Colorado and move in with them, but she refuses to be treated like, and I’m quoting her, “some geriatric patient.” Swear to God, Linc, that woman’s going to be the end of me.”

  “You get her signed up for insurance?”

  “The moment she was discharged from the hospital.”

  “That’s good.” He nodded.

  “She asks about you.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Wants to know if you’ve still got that tan line.”

  He chuckled.

  She bopped his arm with the back of her hand, the sound of their skin slapping together ringing into the air. “Any leads on your wife yet? You keep leaving me in the dark.”

  “Because it’s none of your damn business, and why are you so loud?” He shot a look at the man pummeling the speed back on the other side of the room. Reclaiming her gaze, he frowned before breaking his eyes away.

  Veda’s eyes grew wounded. “Why do you do that?”

  He sighed. “What do I do?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “Every time I bring up Lisa—”

  He rolled his eyes and removed his arms from around the ropes, leaning forward.

  Veda pointed at him. “If I even say her name, you do that! My God, look at you. You completely shut down. You get annoyed with me. You get angry at me.”

  Linc’s biceps flexed from where he leaned on his knees, his green eyes dancing all over the gym. A long silence fell, and he leaned between his splayed legs to seize the water bottle sitting on the floor between his sneakers.

  Veda watched him take a few heavy chugs. “Why do you get so mad?”

  He took his time re-screwing the top on the water bottle before lifting his eyes back to the exit door.

  Veda’s eyes fell to his hand, noticing the way he still had a habit of massaging his left ring finger, twirling the silver band that was no longer there.

  “I’m not mad,” he
said, his voice softer, looking at her over his big shoulder.

  Veda raised her eyebrows at him.

  “I’m busy with work.” He held his hands out. “My lieutenant made it pretty damn clear that, regardless whether I have the credits to sit for the exam, I won’t make sergeant if I don’t close on Jax Murphy and The Chopper.”

  Veda’s heart zoomed to a stop because he’d just confirmed that the two cases that would destroy her life were still very much active. She’d stopped asking him about his work long ago, quickly learning it was a waste of time. He’d gotten particularly tight-lipped about his cases over the last few weeks, which made her nervous that he must be onto something big to be so suddenly discreet.

  She bit back the curse on the tip of her tongue. How had she allowed herself to befriend a cop? Not just a cop, but a cop who was out to throw her—and her baby—under the prison? Not for one crime, but two? Veda could almost picture the judge scolding her from his podium once Linc eventually caught her and slapped her with a million charges. She imagined the judge would tell her she’d been sentenced to two life terms, without the possibility of parole, with a smile on his face and glee in his heart. Her baby would be taken from her and handed over the Celeste Blackwater. Her baby would probably call Celeste ‘mommy.’

  Veda’s eyes exploded in size.

  “So I haven’t had the time to look into the information as carefully as I’d like to,” Linc continued. “But I will.”

  “I won’t bring her up anymore,” Veda promised, turning her body to face him, curling one leg into the ring, so it rested on the mat, using the ropes to keep her upright.

  His eyes traveled her body. “You can bring her up.”

  She held his eyes, feeling like his mouth was saying one thing, but his eyes something different. “You should come to Dante’s tomorrow night. We’re having a big costume party. Everyone’s coming.”

  He lifted his marred eyebrow.

  “Right,” she smiled sheepishly. “Forgot who I was talking to for a second.”

  He drank in her smile. “Me and bars is just… inviting catastrophe.”

  “What’s it like?” she asked. “Being addicted to something?”

  He smirked at her. “You have no boundaries.”

  “I don’t.”

  His smile grew, then, as he seemed to consider the answer to her question, it slowly fell. He caught her eyes over his shoulder again, wagging his body gently back and forth. “I read something once. It said…” He crossed his arms over his body, making his biceps swell, eyes going to a distant place. “It said that being high is like being wrapped in a warm blanket, and being sober feels like you’ve been thrown out into the bitter cold. That you didn’t even know you were cold… until you took that first hit.” He leaned back down on his knees and reclaimed her eyes. “Never read something so on the money.”

  Veda took in his words—horrified that Linc might not be the only addict in that room. Horrified that he’d just described exactly what she felt whenever she was taking a scalpel to the nuts of her worst enemies. Watching the pain on their faces during the aftermath. It was like being snuggled up in a warm blanket. On Christmas morning. With a mug of fresh cocoa. Topped with the fattest marshmallows in the bag. It was like heaven. And then, the aftermath. The moment she woke up every morning, knowing she still had seven more to go. The cold chill that raced down her spine when that fact hit her like a rocket.

  All the more reason to finish them all as quickly as humanly possible. Veda wanted her baby to be born into the snuggly softness of a nice warm blanket, not thrust into the biting cold.

  Veda searched his face. She and Linc really weren’t that different at all.

  “So how do you stay warm?” she whispered.

  His eyes ran her face, down the bridge of her nose, along her lips, over each cheek, the bun at the top of her head, eventually finding her eyes. “Feeling pretty warm right now.”

  Veda nodded with a soft smile. “From the workout?”

  He searched her eyes.

  When he didn’t respond, leaving a heavy silence, Veda swallowed thickly, her voice falling lower. “When did the cold start? Did it start with Lisa?”

  Linc’s jaw clenched, and his eyes left her. He rolled them softly before nodding, appearing to descend into a faraway place.

  Veda’s eyes grew vulnerable as she watched some part of him float away. “I’m sorry, Linc. I’m sorry I screwed things up with Gage. Now I won’t be able to use his awful family to help you find her. What if the information you lifted from the cruise ship isn’t enough? We’ll never have the leverage to get our hands on anything that could lead us to Lisa again. I’m so sorry.”

  He caught her gaze over his shoulder and licked his lips, voice taking on a gravelly tone as it sank to its deepest depths. “Don’t be sorry for that.” He paused and shook his head, so gently she almost missed it. “Don’t ever be sorry for that.”

  A high-pitched chirping sound filled the air, making them both jolt, and Linc looked away with a chuckle as she silenced the pager on her hip.

  “I left a note on every cork board in the hospital that I was free to pick up any shift,” she said. “Looks like someone finally bit.”

  “Don’t work too hard,” he said, remaining seated as she stood and made her way toward their duffle bags, which they’d left crumbled in the corner.

  Veda looked over her shoulder as she left meeting his eyes with a smile. “Never that.”

  26

  “Excuse me! Miss?”

  “Hello, can I get a drink?”

  “Dante who’s the new bartender? She fucking sucks!”

  Veda begged for patience as she tapped at the Micros screen. Though her fingers did navigate the screen with more ease than before, it was still slow going. Hip-hop music pounded throughout the jam-packed bar, but unfortunately did nothing to drown out the moaning customers on her side of the bar. She heard Dante stand up for her from the opposite end and gave him a sheepish smile of thanks. He nodded up at her, face hidden behind the Joker mask he’d donned for the evening. He had the patience of a saint because Veda had proven, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was not only the worst waitress in the world but also the worst barback.

  “Hey, beautiful! Can I get a drink?”

  Veda pointed to the new voice behind her while finishing up on the Micros screen.

  “Now that—” Veda turned her head and caught sight of Penny. “—Is how you get a drink, people! Tell me how beautiful, stunning, and amazing I am!”

  Veda was met with a slew of expletives as she bypassed the assholes and made a beeline to Penny, who was dressed as Elsa from Frozen. She’d braided blonde extensions into her short bob, creating a thick plait that stretched down to her slim waist.

  Penny leaned over the bar to kiss her cheek before motioning to Veda’s costume. A burgundy dress covered in sequined fringe that moved with Veda as she prepared Penny’s favorite drink. She’d completed the costume with a burgundy feather, shooting up from a headband she’d slapped on top of her curls, and a long string of burgundy beads that swung from her neck.

  “A flapper!” Penny guessed as Veda dropped her drink.

  Veda leaned on the edge of the bar with a shrug. “Or a 20th-century whore. Depends on who you ask in this town.”

  “Nobody at the hospital thinks you’re a whore anymore.”

  “Anymore?” Veda sputtered as Penny confirmed that, at some point, all of her co-workers definitely had been calling her a whore.

  “Whore or flapper, either way, you look hot!”

  “Figure it’s my last chance to flaunt this sexy bod.”

  “Say goodbye to that flat tummy forever!” Penny beamed.

  Veda noted the hint of sadness in Penny’s eyes as she slurped her soda water. Penny never ordered alcohol. Veda knew it was because alcohol would make it ten times harder for her to get pregnant.

  Veda went to make a joke but saw that Penny was frowning up at the TV bolted to th
e ceiling. She followed her eyes to the TV, playing a news station, and her stomach turned. They were doing a story on The Shadow Rock Chopper. The brunette newscaster had a fear in her eyes that suggested even she was afraid her balls were next to be sliced out.

  “You know the worst thing about The Chopper?” Penny asked around her straw.

  Veda raised her eyebrows high. She could hardly wait to hear what the “worst thing” about her was.

  “It’s that he makes it impossible for his victims to have kids.” Penny lifted her glaring eyes back up to the TV. “That’s what’s so savage about it. What if one of their wives wanted babies? He’s not just punishing his victims, but the people they love too.”

  Veda nodded, guilt shredding her stomach to pieces. She could no longer hear the patrons still screaming for drinks because her heartbeat had relocated to her pounding ears as Penny forced her to face the question Veda had been trying to avoid. The question of what kind of person would leave Brock Nailer infertile knowing how badly his wife wanted kids. The question of whether she could hurt Brock when she knew she’d be indirectly hurting Penny too.

  “I gotta get going, babe,” Veda said. “I’ve got a lot of people waiting for drinks.”

  Penny chortled. “Since when has that swayed you?”

  Veda left Penny with a playful roll of her eyes, even though Penny was right. In her short time at Dante’s, Veda had gotten damn good at ignoring her customers completely. No matter how loudly they barked.

  “What?” Veda barked back, slamming a napkin down in front of Spiderman, the loudest mouth at the bar. He spat his drink order at her, voice laced with utter disgust at the wait he’d endured. Veda made his drink before turning to the Micros machine to start a tab for him.

  “Hey, gorgeous, can I get a drink?”

  Still pottering at the machine, Veda pointed to the new female voice behind her, shouting, “When will you guys ever learn? You want your drink fast? Just tell me how gorgeous I am…” Her words slowed to a stop when she swiveled on her heel and locked eyes with Stephanie Cochran.