Can't Get You Out of My Head

by Sue Shepherd

  Beth smiled, thinking of her nanna, who was already pondering that unknown entity – the New Millennium.

  ‘I wonder what the future has in store for us?’ James asked.

  Beth tried to return his enthusiasm, but deep down she was becoming scared. He was due to fly north soon. She and Michelle also had plans to leave. The rest of their trip beckoned. When they’d chosen the dates, back in the travel agents at home, she’d had no idea that by New Year’s she was going to have met a man and fallen for him. How could she ever have imagined someone like James? Was he going to be part of her future? Thinking about the difference he’d made, she couldn’t help but whisper, ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘You know. For everything. For showing me what it’s all about.’

  ‘It was nothing.’ He obviously didn’t want her to get all maudlin, not on such a spectacular night.

  She took his lead and brushed it aside. But she knew what he’d done for her was life changing.

  Not long after midnight, they decided to try to head back to Bondi. Sydney was packed, and everyone was drunk, getting home was never going to be a walk in the park.

  Beth pointed out that, before they even attempted to get a taxi, she needed a wee. Siobhan agreed. They headed over to the public loos, but the queue was out the door and down the street. Of course, the men weren’t as restricted as the girls. They were whipping out their willies all over the place.

  ‘Why don’t you just wait until you get home?’ James asked this as, with a sigh, he peed against a wall.

  Indignantly, she replied, ‘Could you wait that long?’

  ‘No, but …’

  ‘Right, well shut the hell up!’

  By now they’d made their way to Circular Quay. Michelle pointed. ‘Look, a statue.’

  ‘So, what? It’s a statue. And?’ Beth was finding she could be awfully grumpy when her bladder was full. She was beginning to have horrible flashbacks to the pregnancy tests with her mum.

  ‘We can pee there.’ Michelle was already heading towards the statue.

  ‘What the hell am I supposed to do?’ Poor Siobhan was wearing an all-in-one playsuit. ‘The only way to pee in one of these things is to take the whole thing off!’

  Beth shook her head. She honestly didn’t know what to advise. She was just extremely grateful she hadn’t decided to wear the same kind of thing. She asked James, ‘Shall I do it?’

  ‘It’s up to you. Are you desperate?’

  ‘Bloody hell, am I?’ Beth crossed her eyes and pulled a face.

  Before she could give it much more consideration, she was crouching down behind the statue with Michelle and Siobhan. She waited. She wasn’t going to be the one to start.

  Michelle took down her shorts and undies and moved them out of the way. The next second she was peeing. They’d held it in for so long, it sounded like a horse taking a piss. The noise of someone peeing sent urgent messages to Beth’s brain and she couldn’t fight it any longer. She hitched up her skirt and whipped down her knickers. Oh, the relief of that pee. Poor Siobhan was the worst off, she undid her playsuit and had to almost strip behind the statue. A few seconds later they were all peeing. The sound was deafening.

  As soon as they’d finished, they pulled their underwear back up as quickly as possible, who cared about drips. They just wanted to be decent. Siobhan struggled back into her playsuit and they all gave each other a look that clearly stated, ‘We shall never speak of this again.’

  Giggling, they emerged from behind the statue, ready to find the rest of their friends. It was only then that they realised an embarrassing fact. In their drunken state, they hadn’t noticed how skinny the statue was. It did nothing to cover all three of them. As this dawned on them, so too did the fact they were being watched by a group of Japanese tourists. Every single one of them had a camera hanging around their necks and every camera was pointed at them. The girls stood still, drinking in the information that they had most definitely been watched whilst they peed, and they had almost certainly been photographed. The Japanese tourists began to clap. Not just one or two of them, but the whole bunch. The girls received a resounding round of applause. They had two options, die on the spot or take a bow!

  ‘Tragic!’ shouted Michelle.

  They took a bow and ran for it.

  Getting a taxi proved to be the almost impossible task Beth had thought it would be. In the time they waited, the shots she’d had earlier began to catch up with her. The evening ended for Beth with her lying by the side of the road, shouting, ‘Taxi!’ to all the passing vehicles. One of their group must have been sober enough to negotiate getting them all into an actual taxi and paying at the other end. Whoever it was, she couldn’t say. She only knew ‒ it wasn’t her!

  Beth had more bad dreams. She was in Lisa’s place, trapped and scared. Waking up alone, she vowed that was it for her and drinking. Each time I get very drunk I have those dreams, it’s just not worth it. I’m done with strong alcohol.

  She set off to look for her friends. The first person she found was Michelle, who said, ‘Great night, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Up to a point,’ Beth agreed.

  ‘You weren’t sick again?’

  ‘No, I wasn’t. But …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Oh, nothing. I just don’t think alcohol agrees with me, that’s all.’

  ‘Rubbish. You were the life and soul of the party again last night. I’d say you’re getting used to the strong stuff.’ Michelle laughed. ‘Would you like some eggs or toast?’

  Not sure she could do breakfast justice, Beth politely declined her offer. ‘No, thanks. I’m going to go and find James.’

  ‘He’ll be where we left him.’

  ‘Um … where was that?’

  ‘In his bed, silly.’

  ‘I don’t remember much after we peed behind the statue. We were trying to get a taxi, if I recall …’

  ‘Blimey, you’re not saying you’ve forgotten the whole party in James’s room?’

  The hairs on the back of Beth’s neck stood on end. ‘The party?’

  ‘Anyway, he was in his bed when you and I headed back to our room, I’d look there first.’

  An awful sense of foreboding settled itself on Beth, and she quickly made her way to James’s room. Sure enough, he was in bed.

  Shoving his body over to the side, she sat herself down next to him. ‘Wake up.’

  ‘Huh? Oh, hi.’

  ‘Do you remember much about last night?’

  ‘Yeah, course. Well up until you and Michelle left. I conked out after that.’

  Beth took a deep breath. She was scared to hear his response. ‘I was such a lightweight. I’m sorry I practically passed out when we were waiting for the taxi.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. You’re always a lightweight.’

  She gave a sigh of relief.

  ‘But … you seem to rally round after a nap.’

  ‘WHAT?’

  ‘Bloody hell, don’t shout. I just mean, you know, the last couple of times we’ve been out, you seemed like you were out for the count. You took yourself off to bed. Then you came back a while later and you were ready to party hard. I quite envy you your recovering ability. You know, I used to have a friend who could make himself throw up if he was too pissed and he ‒’

  ‘I came back?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Give me an example of a time when I came back, please?’

  James screwed up his face. ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Please, just humour me. Tell me what I did on one of the occasions when I seemed like I was out cold, but I came back to the party.’

  Beth waited. Lisa was eerily silent.

  After some consideration, James spoke. ‘Well … let me see? Christmas night. After all the tequila shots. Michelle and I put you to bed. She put the bin by your head.’

  ‘Uh huh. And?’

  ‘About twenty minutes later you came out into the garden to join us.
You seemed much better.’

  ‘And I carried on drinking and having fun.’

  ‘You most certainly did.’ He winked.

  ‘Why did you just wink?’

  ‘You remember Christmas night, surely. The laundry room?’

  ‘Did we …?’

  ‘We had sex in the laundry room. You’re not saying you’ve forgotten?’

  ‘I …’

  ‘And last night is another classic “party Beth” example. Almost out cold in Sydney town. I put you to bed, and, within minutes, you’re up and about and knocking back the drink. I’ve got to say, I’m quite jealous.’

  ‘You’ve already said that. James, did we have sex last night, too?’

  ‘Shut up.’ He laughed. ‘I’m not falling for all this “I can’t remember” bollocks. Is this some kind of sex game? Am I supposed to describe what we did last night?’

  ‘So, we did?’

  ‘You know full well you were seriously up for it last night. You want me to tell you how we snuck out to the garden and made love under the stars, is that it? You’re in a right saucy mood today. I’m going to need a couple of headache tablets if you’re going to start making demands on me already.’

  He seemed to be finding the whole conversation hilarious. She supposed from his point of view it must seem like a joke or a kinky game. But for her it was heart-breaking. She was hearing about this behaviour for the first time, and she knew exactly who’d been shagging James in the garden the previous night.

  Excusing herself and promising to return, she made her way to a quiet part of the garden. Even though the conversation was going to take place entirely in her head, she needed somewhere private to conduct it.

  ‘How could you?’

  Lisa said nothing.

  ‘LISA?’

  ‘Don’t shout. You know how it echoes in here.’

  ‘LISA. LISA. LISA. I’m going to keep on shouting until you answer me.’

  If anyone had happened to glance out into the garden, and seen Beth, they would’ve assumed she was quietly meditating. No one could have guessed that on the inside, her voice was bouncing off the walls, reverberating around her head.

  ‘OK. Fine. You’re mad at me for coming out when you were pissed. I get it.’

  ‘Of course, I’m mad at you. You shagged my boyfriend!’

  ‘Technically, you shagged him. I mean it was your body. It’s not like he was unfaithful. There’s no need to be upset with him.’

  ‘I’m not upset with HIM. I’m upset with YOU.’

  Lisa sighed and continued, in a patronising voice, ‘Beth, you wasted the two best nights of the year. Christmas and New Year, you were asleep way too early for both. What was I supposed to do? Sit in here and watch you sleep?’

  ‘You had no right. You can’t just ‒’

  ‘I was bored. Bored, bored, bored. You have no friggin’ idea what it’s like to constantly watch you, as you let every opportunity pass you by. What harm did I cause? James thinks he shagged you. And I was very good. Your friends think you’re a party animal now. You’re popular, for once. You should be thanking me!’

  ‘It’s my body. It’s my life.’ Beth wanted to scream. ‘How did you even get out, anyway? I thought you needed my co-operation?’

  ‘It would seem if you’re fast asleep and pissed up, I can do it alone. You didn’t resist me …’

  ‘So, you swapped and left me in your place. I must have been extremely far gone. I don’t remember any of it, I don’t even remember watching from your place.’

  ‘No harm done, then.’

  ‘Yes, harm was done. You betrayed me. I don’t want you walking around pretending to be me. Talking to my friends. Sleeping with James. It’s … it’s horrible!’

  ‘Well, it would seem, sister dear, that you can’t stop me.’

  ‘Oh yes, I can.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I’m never drinking like that again. You won’t be able to get out if I’m sober.’

  ‘BITCH!’ Lisa spent the next few minutes ranting and raving.

  Beth forced the sound of her sister’s voice out of her head. If she was honest, she could see her point. Yes, her life was awful, and Beth could only guess at what it must be like to be her, twenty-four hours a day. If only Lisa had restricted her fun to drinking and partying, then maybe she could have agreed to allow her out. But the thought of her having sex with James in the moonlight. It was torture. As much as she was crippled with guilt at the life poor Lisa was left to lead, she refused to share James with her.

  Twenty-three

  Before they knew it, James’s last night in Sydney came around. He was all set to fly north early the next day, and Beth was beside herself. She had no idea how she was going to cope without him. It had been sad enough when Sky had moved on, but this was far worse. They headed to a bar, where everyone but Beth seemed intent on getting pissed.

  After a couple of drinks, she switched to orange juice. Lisa tutted and called her stupid, but she didn’t care. She was determined James’s last night would be spent with her and not her sister.

  Halfway through the evening, Michelle and Beth met up in the toilets.

  ‘It’s a brilliant night, isn’t it?’

  ‘I guess so. For everyone else, at least.’ Beth couldn’t hide her distress.

  ‘Oh, honey.’ Michelle gave her a squeeze. ‘I know it’s horrible that James is leaving, but you’ll see him back in England, won’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know. He lives up north.’

  ‘You must’ve talked about it, no?’

  ‘Not really. He just said we were together in Bondi. There was no mention of afterwards.’

  Michelle seemed positive. ‘He adores you. There’s no way he’s going to just fly out of here and never see you again. I’m sure of it.’

  ‘I hope you’re right.’

  ‘Why don’t you ask him? Get it all sorted. Then you can enjoy your last night together.’ Michelle gave her a nudge. ‘If you know what I mean.’

  Beth couldn’t help wondering if she was about to make love to James for the last time.

  ‘Come on, face ache, let’s get back out there. You’re wasting too much time in the bloody bogs!’

  ‘Oh, piss off, Lisa. Let me handle this my own way.’

  The girls returned to the rest of their friends and the drinking continued. After about an hour, Beth became aware that she was unsteady on her legs. Shaking her head, she tried to clear the fog that had begun to cloud her mind.

  ‘You all right, love?’

  ‘No. I, um …’

  ‘A bit pissed, are you?’ James laughed.

  ‘No. I can’t be pissed. I’m only drinking juice.’ She waved her glass at him, spilling some of the orange liquid in the process.

  Again, James laughed. ‘Not quite, sweetheart.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Don’t get mad at me, OK?’

  Beth’s mouth was rubbery and there was a ringing in her ears. ‘What did you say?’

  ‘I said, don’t get mad at me.’

  ‘Why shouldn’t I get mad? What have you done?’

  ‘You were so uptight about me leaving. I figured a couple of drinks would relax you. I guess everyone’s been doing the same. Sorry, love.’

  Nausea began to creep into her stomach. ‘Doing the same?’

  ‘Vodka. It’s no big deal. I just put a couple of vodkas in each of your orange juices. I didn’t want you to be upset on our last night. This way, I get the “party Beth”. The one that’s up for anything.’ He grinned.

  No. You don’t. You don’t get Beth at all. You get HER. ‘You think other people have given me vodka too?’

  ‘Judging by the way you’re wobbling about, I’d say “yes”.’

  No, no, no!

  Oblivious to her distress, James continued, ‘Listen, what time do you want to head back. I have some plans for you. I thought maybe we could go to the darkest corner of the garden and I could …’

  She wasn’
t listening. She was panicking. If she didn’t get this alcohol out of her bloodstream pretty damn quick, the only dark corner she’d be heading to would be Lisa’s place.

  ‘I have to go to the loo.’ She left him, mid-sentence, and staggered to the toilets.

  Rushing into one of the cubicles, she locked the door behind her and crouched in front of the toilet. Holding her hair away from her face with one hand, she forced her fingers into her mouth, and pressed hard on the back of her tongue. She immediately gagged, but nothing came up.

  I must do this. Her head was swimming.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he has a brilliant last night.’

  ‘Please, Lisa, I’m begging you. Don’t take this away from me. Not my last night with James.’

  ‘Come on. You know you want to swap.’ Lisa gave a vile laugh.

  Beth began falling, backwards towards oblivion. The sound of the girls chatting in the toilets became faint.

  ‘NO. Please, please, Lisa. Not tonight. Any other night. Tomorrow? I promise you, you can have tomorrow night. I won’t fight you. You can do whatever you like. But please, not tonight?’ Beth pressed as hard as she could on the back of her tongue. ‘I don’t want his last night to be spent with you!’

  As much as she tried, she just couldn’t seem to throw up. The last thing she heard as she was propelled at speed towards Lisa’s desolate corner, was her sister’s voice. ‘Tough shit!’

  Twenty-four

  Beth woke and squinted at her watch. Eventually, she worked out it was just coming up to 9 a.m. Her head ached from the vodka.

  She tried to remember what Lisa had done the night before. Unfortunately, it would seem that, if she’d been drinking when Lisa took over her body, it was absolutely impossible to recall anything. Unlike the one and only time she’d agreed to the swap, the fact was, when her body was hijacked by her sister, Beth was unable to watch the goings on. All she could recollect from the last few hours was time spent in Lisa’s place, and that had been a living hell. It’d been like a horrible dream, dark and quiet. She hadn’t been able to get a handle on her actual whereabouts, and no matter how much she had wanted to, she’d been powerless to see what Lisa was up to.