by Sue Shepherd
Pat also looked much the same, except her hair was shorter, and since Beth had left, she’d opted for a few lowlights. No doubt to mask the grey, a sure sign she wasn’t getting any younger.
Seeing her mum again gave Beth a strange feeling. Pat was where Lisa had begun. Her twin had started life inside that body. She and Lisa had been equals. When Beth saw Pat, she was reminded that, once, Lisa had had all the same opportunities. It had all been there, waiting for her. But then her heart had stopped … Beth forced herself to stop thinking about it. Now was not the time for the usual guilt, the self-reproach that ate into her bones and made her continually question a decision she’d unconsciously made, so many years ago.
Lastly, there was Nanna. Who was incredibly tiny. She was definitely getting old; no amount of subtle lowlights would help her. Beth knew, however, that she was still gutsy. She’d probably play run outs in the street, tomorrow, if the kids asked her to. But there was no denying she was looking a little less robust these days.
‘Go on, then. Go and see them. Your family are waiting.’ Lisa made no attempt to hide her jealousy.
Beth ran towards them, as best she could with a rucksack on her back. Not stopping until she fell, panting, into Don’s arms.
‘Betty-Boo. Thank God, you’re back!’
Thirty-two
The second day she was home, Beth went out for a drink with Michelle, who was desperate to hear what she’d missed. Also, Beth was keen to check that Michelle’s mum was recovering.
‘Yes, she’s doing OK. The break is healing well. I won’t say she’s been a dream patient, obviously, it’s been tragic!’ Michelle smiled. ‘But I’m glad I came back to care for her. Although, I’m jealous that you met Charlie Morris. I’d have loved to have hung out with him. Was he still a wally?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Did he still make you laugh until you nearly peed your pants?’
‘Yep.’
‘Brilliant.’
Beth chose not to tell Michelle just how close she’d been with Charlie. It was their secret and not something she wanted to mention.
‘And he’s definitely going to come and visit us?’
‘Yes. But he’ll be in Asia for a while yet.’
‘What did he look like?’
Beth considered her answer. ‘The same … but bigger.’
‘Bigger?’
‘Yeah, kind of chunky.’
‘And you actually went scuba diving with him?’
‘Well … yeah.’
‘Wow. Good for you. What was it like?’
‘I won’t be doing it again.’ Beth chose to say no more on the subject.
It wasn’t a surprise when Lisa tried to subtly get Beth drunk. Michelle liked a good old drink and Lisa suggested Beth should join her when she switched to cocktails.
But Beth was no fool, and she soon got wind of her sister’s plan. ‘It won’t work. I’m not going to get drunk, so you can come out.’
‘OK. Just let me out anyway. One hour? Two at the most.’
‘No. I’m sorry. That’s not happening.’
‘Why the hell not? What harm can I do?’
‘I just … well, I don’t trust you.’
‘There’s no boyfriend to shag here.’
‘You’d find someone.’
‘I could tell you … that thing … that you want to know about James.’
‘I don’t even think I care any more.’
‘Of course, you do.’
‘No. I don’t. It’s done with.’
‘Fine. Just let me out anyway, so I can have some fun. Please?’
‘I can’t be sure you’d let me back.’
‘I did last time.’
Beth was tired of having the same repetitive argument and experiencing the same old remorse. ‘You let me back because you figured you still had a bargaining chip for next time. What’s to stop you setting up home in charge of my body and never swapping back?’
‘That’s the point, isn’t it? You don’t want to be stuck here. Horror of horrors. Lisa’s world! What an awful thought.’
‘I just ‒’
‘You just can’t bear the thought of being me.’
‘You shouldn’t have done it. None of it. James was my boyfriend, Charlie and Michelle are my friends, you tricked them all!’
‘What should I have done? Sat back here, FOREVER? Should I have just watched you live?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, well, you’re not as sorry as I am.’
Beth wondered how much longer they could go on like this. She knew, for Lisa, the camel’s back bent a little further every day.
Determined to get on with life, Beth began looking for a job and refused all Lisa’s requests to be allowed out. Then, a couple of months after they’d arrived home, just like buses, two letters were delivered on the same day.
Beth wasn’t sure which one to open first. One was from the UK and, if she wasn’t very much mistaken, the scrawly writing on the envelope was James’s. The other was post marked Singapore.
In the end, she decided to keep what she assumed to be Charlie’s letter until last, and went with the one she suspected was from James. Running to the privacy of her room, although technically there never was any solitude for her, she threw herself onto the bed and ripped open the envelope. It was an extremely short letter.
Dear Beth,
Hi, I hope it’s OK to write? I guess you wouldn’t have given me your address if it wasn’t. I’m down your way on a job, starting next week, and I thought maybe we could meet up or something. Can you call me or write back, please? I think of our time in Bondi often. I miss you.
Love
James Collier
X
At the bottom he’d written his Bolton address and telephone number.
‘Forget him.’
Beth couldn’t help thinking, on this occasion, Lisa might be right. ‘Shall I bin it?’
‘Absolutely. He pissed off back to England without saying goodbye.’
‘How can you say that? He might have had a good reason. A good reason that you know about!’
‘You want to know why he left early?’
‘Is this a trap?’
‘No. Not at all. I’m asking you if you want to know why he left the way he did?’
‘OK. Yes, please. I’d like to know.’
‘I have no idea.’
‘Come again?’
‘I have no idea. We shagged in that stupid laundry room. The sex was good. He certainly didn’t seem to have any complaints. He asked for my address. Sorry, your address.’ It must have been obvious to Lisa that Beth was about to correct her. ‘I gave him the address and we walked back to his room. We snogged a bit. It all got way too sloppy and romantic. We reminisced about the good times. He said he’d see me in the morning. The end.’
‘But … that doesn’t make any sense.’
‘Tell me about it. I was as surprised as you when we found out he’d gone.’
‘There must have been something, Lisa. Think.’
‘I’ve thought.’
‘Think harder.’
‘Fuck you. I don’t need to think any harder. There was nothing said or done to warrant what he did. I swear.’
‘But you made out … You told me …’
‘It seemed like a good way to get what I wanted.’
‘Bloody hell, Lisa. You can be devious at times.’
‘Needs must, sis, needs must.’
‘Maybe I ought to give him a chance to explain himself?’
‘You’re serious? You’re going to see him again?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. I’d like to …’
‘You’re an idiot.’
‘Why are you always angry?’
Lisa gave a hollow laugh. ‘You’d be friggin’ angry if you were me.’
‘Yes, no doubt I would. But … if I decide to write back, it’s my decision. You can’t stop me.’
‘Don’t I know that!’
There was an awkward silence, when both gave some thought to the fact that, as always, and through no fault of their own, Beth was in charge of Lisa. Then Beth reached for the other envelope and tore it open.
It was indeed a letter from Charlie. He’d landed himself a job teaching English in Singapore. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be away or where he was going next, but he’d keep in touch.
‘Useless!’ Even as Beth said it, she knew it wasn’t true. ‘I think I miss him even more than I missed James when he first left.’
‘Yep, me too. Charlie represented everything I crave.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He’s free as a bird.’
Beth wanted to cry for her poor, trapped twin.
If Charlie hadn’t taken the job in Singapore, and had instead opted to come home, Beth would have met up with him and things might have been different, But as it was, without him to distract her, Beth’s mind returned, time after time, to the letter from James, and, in the end, she decided to give him a second chance.
PART THREE
Thirty-three
He was due to arrive any minute, and Beth thought she might just throw up. ‘I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t how to act. I don’t know …’
Lisa suggested, ‘Want me to do it?’
‘No, thank you. I can do it. It’s just weird, here in Tennison Avenue. It was like another world back in Bondi.’
‘He won’t have changed. He’s still the same man who taught you all about sex.’
Beth blushed. ‘Oh great. Remind me of that just as he’s about to knock on the door, why don’t you?’
‘It’s funny you should say that.’
‘What?’
‘That he’s about to knock on the door. He looks different. A bit paler. Thinner.’
‘Where?’
Lisa laughed. ‘You just glanced out of the window, he was walking down the road.’
‘Was he?’
As usual, Lisa had seen him first. James was making his way down the path.
For a couple of seconds, they just stood looking at each other. It was awkward and uncomfortable and unbelievably odd to have him on her doorstep. But then he opened his arms and said, ‘Love, it’s good to see you.’
His opened arms were an invitation to start again, and without serious consideration, she took it. Running to him, she welcomed his embrace. He smelt like Bondi, her Bondi. ‘It’s good to see you, too.’ She led him into the lounge.
Her mum and dad had been hovering in the kitchen, trying to give them some space. But far too quickly, curiosity got the better of them, and they began edging their way towards Beth.
‘Sorry to interrupt. Can I get you a tea or coffee?’
At the same time as Pat uttered this life shattering question, Don asked, ‘So, this is the young man from Australia?’ Again, a riveting choice of words.
James was polite and friendly towards them, and he won them over instantly. He was grateful to Pat for the tea and biscuits, and embarked on a long-winded conversation with Don about refrigeration units.
Beth sat across the room with Lisa, studying him.
‘He sure is a smooth one.’
‘I’d forgotten how good looking he was. Mum and Dad seem to like him, don’t they?’
At that moment, the front door opened, and Nanna made her way into the lounge.
‘Now the real test begins.’ Lisa sounded delighted.
‘I understand you were friends with our girl in Australia?’ Nanna ran a scrutinous eye over James.
‘Yes. We were together for a couple of months, Mrs Campbell.’
‘Right. And now? You’re down here to work?’
‘Yes. I’m a labourer. I’ve worked on several sites. Bricklaying. A bit of carpentry. Painting and decorating. I can turn my hand to most things ‒’
‘All right. Steady on, lad. I don’t need to hear your qualifications. You’re planning on getting close to my granddaughter, not building me an extension.’
‘That’s it, Nanna. You tell him.’
James gave an ingratiating smile. ‘Quite right, Mrs Campbell. I do plan to get close to your granddaughter. I was very fond of her in Bondi, and, with your blessing, I’d like to take her out.’
‘How long are you down here for?’
‘I don’t know. Nothing’s definite. But I’d like to say I might be around for a while.’
‘Right then. We’ll see how it goes, shall we?’
‘We will that, Mrs Campbell.’
The rest of the family busied themselves about the house, leaving Beth alone with James.
‘Your grandma’s quite the little interrogator.’
‘She’s a nanna, not a grandma.’
‘OK. Still, I was fearful for my fingernails at one point.’
‘She just doesn’t want me to be messed about, that’s all.’
‘Understandable. I’d feel the same. But … you know you can trust me, right?’
‘Do I?’
‘Beth, what’s up?’
‘Shall I ask him? Shall I demand an explanation?’
‘It’s your call. I wouldn’t waste any of my time on him, if I were you.’
‘It’s now or never though, surely?’
‘Right then, ask the shifty git,’ Lisa tutted.
‘James, I’m pleased to see you, I really am, but …’
‘But?’
‘You left. You didn’t say goodbye. I woke up and you’d gone.’
He had the good grace to look sheepish. ‘I’m sorry. I thought I’d made it clear the night before that I was going to struggle with an airport goodbye.’
‘Did you?’ Beth searched his face for signs of a lie. ‘Did he, Lisa?’
‘No, he friggin’ didn’t.’
‘I thought I did.’ Both Lisa and James answered at the same time.
Beth wasn’t sure what to believe. ‘It wasn’t clear to me. I went to find you. I must’ve looked stupid.’
James took a tentative step towards her. ‘Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just … you know … I just thought it was better to go. We’d had such a great last night, we’d said some lovely things …’
She felt excluded. If only she knew what the lovely things were. Impossible to ask now. ‘So, you didn’t run out on me?’
‘No. I … Beth, you must know how I feel. I love you.’
No one, save for her family, had ever told her they loved her. She was overwhelmed. James was handsome and charming, and he was stood in front of her, declaring his love. Her heart melted. ‘Wow. I … I think I love you too.’
After James had left to check out the room he was renting, Beth asked her family for their opinion.
‘Seems like a nice enough boy. But he’d better not mess my Betty-Boo about.’
‘What about you, Mum?’
‘He’s extremely good looking. Almost too good looking. I’m always a bit wary of very handsome men. I’m not sure they can be trusted.’
‘Of course, we can,’ Don replied, with a chuckle.
Pat swatted him with the tea towel, playfully.
Lastly, Beth turned to Nanna. She alone could make or break this fledgling relationship. ‘Nanna?’
‘Well … you can’t say he’s not confident. I gave him the stare, you know the one I mean, Don?’
Don shuddered. ‘I certainly do.’
‘And?’ Beth held her breath.
‘Usually, lesser mortals struggle with that stare. They tend not to know if they’re on foot or horseback, but ‒’
‘Nanna, you’re killing me. Get to the point, please?’
‘Not a flinch. He passed.’
‘Really? You like him?’
‘Now then, I wouldn’t go that far. I’ll reserve my judgement. But he’s obviously keen on you, I’ll say that about him.’
James began his job on the building site. He and Beth seemed to fall easily into a relationship. She soon discovered he still had the touch when
it came to the bedroom. He shared a house not far from where he was helping to build a new estate. His room was grubby and small, but it had a lock on the door and, unlike her bedroom, well-meaning relatives weren’t permanently butting-in with offers of hot beverages.
One day, a few weeks after she’d gotten back together with him, Beth asked Nanna, ‘Are you still reserving judgement on James?’
‘Well, he’s got enough northern charm to sink a battleship, that’s for sure. But I’ll not be fooled by those film star looks. I suppose he’s OK.’
‘OK? He’s a lot more than OK. He’s perfect.’ By now Beth had decided there was no point dwelling on the unfortunate way he’d chosen to leave Bondi.
‘Hmm … nobody’s perfect. Not even my Malcolm.’
‘I meant perfect for me, Nanna.’
‘Good, well, like I said before, we’ll see how it goes.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘I’m just not as convinced as you are, darling, that’s all.’
‘But …?’
Turning to face Beth, Nanna said, matter-of-factly, ‘I’m just giving him enough rope. Let’s see what he does with it.’
Lisa cheered. ‘Yay for Nanna.’
‘You’re wrong. James is a wonderful man. I promise you.’
‘I hope you’re right.’ It was clear Nanna would rather not be drawn into any further conversations on the subject, and Beth knew better than to push her.
Thirty-four
That first summer together was amazing for Beth. James was working hard all day, out in the sunshine, and he soon began to look more like her James again. When she’d first set eyes on him on her doorstep, Lisa had been right, he had been paler and thinner than she’d remembered. He’d seemed like a less dynamic version of himself. But as the summer progressed, and he exposed his bare torso to the sun, he began to tan. The work was physical and exhausting, and he was soon taut. The muscly abs were back, and Beth was delighted. She’d managed to get an apprenticeship at a different salon, and was continuing with her training. It was nothing like Daphne’s, the clients were half the age for a start. But she was enjoying it, and had begun practising hairdressing on several members of her family, with varying degrees of success. Sometimes she thought it might be nice to pop back and see Kath and all the lovely little old ladies at Daphne’s, but the fear of coming face to face with Mario, kept her away.