by Sue Shepherd
‘I keep thinking, if I can do that in five minutes, turn a quid into twenty. Imagine if I invested £10, I’d have £200. Or £100, I’d have £2,000. Do you see where I’m coming from?’
‘But there’s nothing to say you’d win again. You just got lucky with the sweepstake.’
‘But I was thinking … what if I just put a little bet on? Nothing too big. I might be having a lucky streak and ‒’
She stopped him there. ‘You need to go to a meeting.’
‘But ‒’
‘Go to a GA meeting. You need to get in touch with your sponsor … um …whatshisname?’
‘Geoff.’ James paused. ‘I suppose you’re right. I’ll call him.’
‘I thought he was called Greg?’
‘Yeah, that’s what I meant. Whatever. I’ll call him.’
‘You’re not going to gamble, are you?’
‘… I just think …’
‘JAMES! Get yourself to a meeting. Please?’
‘No problem. I’ll do it. I’ll go to one and I’ll be home a bit late.’
Beth hung up. ‘Do you think he’ll go?’
‘If you want my honest opinion, I think he’s halfway to the bookies.’
‘No! He can’t be. He’s been trying so hard. Damn that sweepstake.’
‘He ought to have come clean. Explained why he didn’t want to take part.’
‘He doesn’t want them to know at work. He’s going to apply for the “Team Leader” position and he doesn’t think he’ll get it if they know about his addiction.’
‘He’s an idiot.’
‘No, he’s not. He’d make a good Team Leader.’
‘Team Leader, my arse!’
‘Oh shush.’ Beth was beginning to feel sick. ‘How can a day go from exceptionally good to exceptionally bad, in one phone call?’
‘Easily, when you’re married to a liar.’
‘Is this your idea of supporting me?’ Beth’s anger flared. ‘You agreed to help me through it, and not be horrible about James. You promised you’d be there for me.’
‘Sorry, I didn’t realise we’d already started.’
‘Well, we have.’
‘OK. Not another word about your useless husband.’ Lisa made the sound of lips being zipped.
Beth couldn’t stand the thought of waiting in the house for James to come home. She had no idea whether he was losing hundreds in a betting shop or calmly sitting in a GA meeting, as promised. Grabbing the phone, she called her mum. ‘Hi, is it all right if I come over to you for dinner? James is … working away on another site, and I don’t fancy eating alone.’
‘Of course, it’s fine.’ Pat sounded pleased. ‘Nanna told me you’ve accepted her offer.’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. Something to look forward to next year.’
‘Yes.’ Beth felt her tummy clench at the thought of it. ‘So, um … about dinner?’
‘Pop over now.’
‘OK. Thanks, Mum.’
‘No need to thank me. You’re always welcome here. Actually, I’ve only just finished a shift, we’ve been toying with the idea of fish and chips. How does that grab you?’
‘Oh, yes please, that sounds great.’
‘Okey dokey. Dad will go and collect it. I think Nanna’s going to pop down too.’
‘Lovely! Oh, and, don’t forget the gherkins.’
‘As if Dad would forget them.’
Beth was a little more cheerful. Jumping into her car, she headed over to her mum and dad’s, the thought of the salt and vinegar already making her mouth water.
The food was fabulous, as always. Like most families, over the years, the Campbells had tried all the fish and chip shops in their area. When Beth was a teenager, they’d discovered Peter’s Fish Bar about a mile away from their home, and nothing could compare. Their quest was complete, and they had no need to go elsewhere.
Beth pushed her plate away. ‘I. Am. Stuffed. That was gorgeous.’
‘They do know how to make a nice batter, don’t they?’ Don was soldiering on, determined not to be beaten by all the chips he’d piled on his plate.
Nanna gave him a disapproving look. ‘You bought too many portions of chips, didn’t you, Don?’
‘No, mother,’ he answered, with his mouth full. ‘You say the same thing every time.’
Nanna pushed her chair back. ‘Are there many left in the paper?’
‘No! Sit down,’ he ordered, through another mouthful.
‘You know what I think about waste.’ Nanna began heading for the kitchen.
‘Somebody stop her!’
‘I knew it!’
Don laughed. ‘Grab her, Pat.’
Pat made a dash for the kitchen, just ahead of her mother-in-law. Scrunching up the paper, she joked, ‘Nothing to see here. Move along, please.’
‘You’re as bad as him. It’s all wrong,’ Nanna tutted, and shook her head.
Beth smiled. It was the same ritual whenever they had fish and chips together. Nanna couldn’t abide waste, and Don was worried there wouldn’t be enough for everyone. It always amused Beth how a mother and son could be so different. She wondered fleetingly if her child would be like her. Then she checked herself. I must not get ahead of myself, the pain will be too severe if I fail.
As Beth and her mum loaded the dishwasher together, Pat was chatting about work. ‘So, this patient said she didn’t want to be resuscitated if she died …’
‘Flippin’ heck, Mum, the things you talk about at work. It’s a bit different from my endless discussions about holiday destinations.’
‘Well, it’s better to be clear about people’s wishes.’
‘I suppose so. Anyway, tell me more?’
‘Well,’ Pat flicked the kettle on. ‘Her son was asking her what she wanted to happen, you know … afterwards. And she said she definitely didn’t want to be cremated, “oh no thank you very much,” she thought it sounded horrific to be burned.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘Then she says – “and for goodness sake don’t bury me, in case I’m not properly dead!” We nearly wet ourselves.’
‘It’s a barrel of laughs at your place, isn’t it?’
Nanna came into the kitchen, catching the tail end of the conversation. ‘What a silly woman. As if she’s going to know anything about it. She’s got to pick one or the other.’
Pat nodded. ‘Well, Nanna, since we’re on the subject, which would you prefer?’
Beth was worried all this talk might upset Nanna, but she ought to have realised she was made of sterner stuff.
‘I’ll tell you what, Pat,’ Nanna got the milk out of the fridge. ‘Why don’t you surprise me?’
As Beth prepared to leave, collecting up her bag and jacket, Pat clicked her fingers. ‘Oh blimey, I nearly forgot. There’s a letter for you. Now where did I …’
Beth waited by the front door. Sometimes random pieces of post were still delivered to her parents’ house. It could well be a catalogue bill or something similar.
‘There you go.’ Pat handed her a white envelope with their address written in small, neat writing.
Beth knew who it was from. ‘Charlie!’
‘Is it? But it’s one of our stamps.’
‘Well, he must be back in the UK, I guess.’
‘Bless him. He’s a lovely lad. Nice of him to keep in touch.’
Beth’s heart had begun hammering in her chest the moment she’d seen the familiar writing. ‘Yes, I expect he’s writing to tell me he’s getting married or something.’
‘Maybe.’
In her head, Beth could hear Lisa’s opinion on the letter. ‘He’d better not be getting married! Open it now.’
‘Just wait. I’m not opening it here in front of all of them.’
‘What do you think he wants?’
‘I don’t know. We’ll find out in a minute.’
Her sister continued to pester. ‘Right, well, say goodbye, and let’s go somewhere we can read it.’
<
br /> Beth hugged her family and thanked them for the dinner.
‘You’re welcome, any time, Betty-Boo.’ Don kissed her.
‘Yes, well you would say that,’ Nanna laughed. ‘Someone’s got to help eat up the avalanche of chips.’ She also gave her granddaughter a kiss.
Pat was last to say her goodbyes. ‘See you soon.’
Beth waved as she drove away.
She’d barely made it around the corner before Lisa was instructing her to pull over.
‘I’ll read it at home.’
‘What if James is back?’
‘He won’t mind me reading a letter from an old friend.’
‘Quit playing games. You want to know what’s inside that envelope as much as I do! And there’s no way you want to read it in front of your husband.’
Beth made sure she was parked under a street light. She read the letter through twice, then popped it in the glove box.
James was watching TV when she made her way into the house. Not long after the visit from the loan sharks, Pat and Don had given Beth the TV set from their bedroom, claiming to rarely watch it. Occasionally, James complained that the screen was too small. He was rewarded for this ungratefulness with an incredulous stare from Beth. She paused outside the lounge door and took a deep breath. Entering the room, she asked, ‘How was the meeting?’
‘Fine.’
‘You went?’
‘Of course, I went. Didn’t I say I would?’
‘Yes, you did, but …?’
‘It was really helpful. Great idea of yours.’
‘And … was your sponsor there?’
‘Yes, Greg was great.’
‘Nice guess, arsehole!’
‘Shush, Lisa. He said he went.’
‘He’s faking.’
Beth ignored her sister and approached her husband. ‘I’m off to bed. I had a huge meal at Mum and Dad’s and I’m full. It’s made me dead sleepy.’
‘OK. I’ll be up when this finishes.’ He pointed at the TV.
‘No rush.’ She kissed him gently on the cheek. ‘Oh … and … James?’
‘Yes, love?’
‘I appreciate you going to the meeting. It means a lot to me.’
He returned her kiss, but his eyes remained fixed on the TV screen.
Fifty-two
‘So, tell me, which one of my many perfectly valid points, did the trick?’
‘Don’t get all full of yourself, Lisa. I came because I wanted to, not because you insisted on it.’
‘Oh, well, what does it matter? We’re heading towards Charlie’s place. That’s the main thing.’
‘Stop talking now. I need to read the road signs.’
They’d looked up Charlie’s address, and now Beth was driving from memory, which took a lot of concentration.
Refusing to be shushed, Lisa asked, excitedly, ‘Do you think he’s changed much? It’s been four years.’
‘I don’t know.’ Beth paused, before adding, ‘Remember, I said I might not go inside.’
‘Bloody hell. Of course you need to go inside. We need to see him.’
‘I don’t even know why I’m doing this.’
‘We talked about it. We’re going to his flat to catch up with him. To chat to him. And, whatever else occurs!’
‘Yes. But …’
‘It’s left here! Concentrate, Beth.’
‘Thanks. I’m trying to concentrate. Now, what was I saying?’
‘You were about to give me some pathetic reason why we should stare longingly at the outside of Charlie’s flat, and not venture out of the car.’
‘It’s just … the sixty days will be up before we know it and …’
‘Look, this has got nothing to do with your IVF treatment. Like I just said, we’re just going to see him for a catch up. It’s nothing. It’ll be fine.’
‘I think that’s the block.’ Beth pulled into the side of the main road, opposite a development of smart new flats.
‘Yep. That’s the right address. Hurry up, get out of the car?’ Beth could hear the eagerness in Lisa’s voice. She knew how much her sister liked Charlie.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Beth, you’re not going to shag the man. You’re just going to say hello.’
‘He might not even be in. Some people go out on a Saturday.’
‘Do they? No shit?’
‘I’m just saying, he might be out Christmas shopping.’
‘Well, there’s only one way to find out if he’s in or out, and it’s not sitting in this stupid little pink car.’
Beth was undecided.
Lisa obviously found it incredibly frustrating. ‘Get the letter out and read it. Remind yourself why we’re here.’
Beth opened the glove box and groped around inside. After an agonising thirty seconds, she produced Charlie’s letter and unfolded it.
‘Read it!’
‘I have read it.’
‘Read it again!’
‘OK, I’m going to. Quit nagging.’
Dear Beth,
I hope you’re well. I hope you’re happy??? I’m back from Singapore. Due to the Government over there forcing us all to save a bit of our money every month, I came home with a nice lump sum of cash. I’ve got myself a mortgage and bought myself a flat. Can you believe it?
Perhaps you’re madly in love with your husband and have a couple of kids. I don’t know. But if you’re not madly in love with him, please get in touch with me. If you need me, for anything, please come and find me.
Love Charlie
X
At the top of the letter he’d included his new address. Flat fifteen of the block both Beth and Lisa were currently staring at.
‘He says if you need him for anything. So, it’s fine to turn up, like this.’
‘He also says if I’m not madly in love with my husband I should contact him.’
‘Are you madly in love with James? Really?’
‘I … yes … I am …’
‘Aww, ain’t love grand.’
‘There’s no need to be mean. You’re always horrible to me.’
Lisa pondered this comment for a second. ‘You know what? You’re right. I am mean to you. I guess it’s because you’re practically the only person I’ve ever spoken to. Perhaps if you would let me out more often, if you allowed me to develop a decent personality of my own, maybe then I would’ve learnt some etiquette.’
‘So, it’s my fault you’re the way you are?’
‘Yes. I reckon it is. I’m trapped, I’m bored and I’m angry. Not a great combination!’
‘If you’re going to be like this, we can just go home.’
‘Listen, Beth, when we talked about coming to see him, you were as keen as I was. I’m not saying declare your love for him, I’m just saying ‒ get out of the car, ring his doorbell and at least see if he’s in!’
Beth was counting the front doors. ‘Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen ‒ I think it must be the red door, next to the one with the holly wreath. I suppose I could just …’
Suddenly, Lisa shouted, ‘We need to go!’
‘What?’
‘We need to go. NOW!’
‘But you were the one who wanted to come and see him and …’
‘I do want to see him. But you need to move this car. Look in your rear-view mirror.’
Beth did as she was told, and instantly spotted the problem. A double decker bus was approaching, fast.
‘You’ve parked in the friggin’ bus stop of the number seven bus!’
Beth started up the engine, rammed the car in gear, forced down the handbrake and swung out into the road. A Suzuki driver gave a long toot on his horn and shouted obscenities as he swerved to avoid her.
Nipping in behind him, Beth’s little Fiat just about vacated the bus stop in time.
After that, her driving was a mess. She cocked up the gear changes and over revved repeatedly.
‘Calm down. You’re going to kill us.’
‘Sorry. Y
ou flustered me. I thought I needed to get out of there quick.’
‘You did need to get out of there quick, but even I know the rule is mirror, signal, manoeuvre.’
Beth’s legs were like jelly. ‘Well, I’ve decided one thing … I’m going home.’
‘NO!’
‘Yes. I was already unsure about seeing him and now I know it’s not right.’
‘Because you were a total idiot, who parked in a bus stop?’
‘No, because I’m about to undergo IVF with my husband and he wouldn’t like me visiting another man behind his back.’
‘Would he perhaps find it dishonest?’ Lisa asked, sarcastically.
‘Yes, I think he would.’
‘Well, he would know all about dishonesty.’
‘Lisa, we’re going home, and that’s final.’
‘Home? That stupid little house isn’t my home, it’s yours. It belongs to you and that useless fuckwit of a husband you married. You’re just taking me back to that stifling house, to spend more time with your husband. I’m imprisoned in this life I don’t enjoy. A life I didn’t even ask for. Time after time I’m forced to watch as James makes an absolute fool out of you, and no amount of warning makes any difference. I wish I could get out!’
‘I’m sorry. Honestly.’ Beth continued to drive badly, crunching the gears. ‘But you must see why I can’t let you out. At the first opportunity, you’d mess everything up for me.’
‘It’s interesting you should say that. If I could get out, do you know what I’d do?’
‘I dread to think. Shag a stranger? Leave James and move in with Charlie?’
‘I’d follow that dickhead husband of yours. I’d get proof he’s still gambling. Not only that he’s gambling, but that he’s lying to you about the meetings. Every day he tells bloody great whoppers to you, and I can’t do a thing but sit here and watch you swallow his bullshit. If I could just be in charge for one more time, I’d catch that sneaky git out, once and for all.’
‘Most helpful.’
‘Oh, I’d be helpful, don’t you doubt it. I’m a very underused resource, I tell you!’
Beth tried to steady her shaking legs, but it was no use. Driving when she was emotional was a terrible idea. ‘I know you think it’s unfair that you don’t get to make any decisions …’
‘That’s an understatement. Soon, you’ll have another go at IVF, and, who knows, maybe this time it’ll work, and then I’ll not only be sharing this body with you, but I’ll be sharing it with your baby. Once you have a child together, you’ll never leave James. You’ll persist in trying to make it work. You idolise Mum and Dad’s marriage, and you’ll keep blindly convincing yourself that yours is perfect too.’