Sleeping with the Dictionary

by Mullen, Harryette

  Elliptical

  They just can’t seem to … They should try harder to … They ought to be more … We all wish they weren’t so … They never … They always … Sometimes they … Once in a while they … However it is obvious that they … Their overall tendency has been … The consequences of which have been … They don’t appear to understand that … If only they would make an effort to … But we know how difficult it is for them to … Many of them remain unaware of … Some who should know better simply refuse to … Of course, their perspective has been limited by … On the other hand, they obviously feel entitled to … Certainly we can’t forget that they … Nor can it be denied that they … We know that this has had an enormous impact on their … Nevertheless their behavior strikes us as … Our interactions unfortunately have been …

  European Folk Tale Variant

  for the archives of Toni Cade Bambara

  The way the story goes, a trespassing towheaded pre-teen barged into the rustic country cottage of a nuclear family of anthropomorphic bruins. Her motivation? Who can be sure? Some say the youthful offender was an innocent maiden who lost her sense of direction in the lush growth of the virgin pine forest. Or perhaps the elders of her tribe had neglected to attend to her proper socialization. In any case, this flaxen-haired vixen perpetrated a “B and E,” a felony punishable by law. The incorrigible pre-adolescent didn’t stop with trespassing, or even with breaking and entering. The finicky home invader helped herself to generous portions of the ursine honey eaters’ whole grain breakfast cereal, vandalized their heirloom antique furniture. Then, after tiring herself out with so much wanton destruction, the platinum blonde delinquent took a refreshing beauty nap in the bruin family’s bedroom—just like she thought she was a guest at a cozy bed and breakfast inn. Returning from their fishing expedition, the family could barely express their shock and dismay, seeing the shambles the puerile hoodlum had made of their woodland homestead. Despite their emotional trauma, they successfully expelled the rude intruder from their charming bungalow. With the assistance of the neighborhood crime patrol, law enforcement officers were able to apprehend and incarcerate the callow miscreant, who has been sentenced to juvenile detention. Attorneys representing the Ursidae family interests have filed suit against the criminally negligent parents of the wayward youth, and expect that the bruins will be awarded a substantial sum for emotional distress as well as for extensive damage to their property.

  Eurydice

  Can’t wait to be sprung from shadow,

  to be known from a hole in the ground.

  Scarcely silent though often unheard.

  Winding, wound. Wounded wind.

  She turned, and turns. She opens.

  Keep the keys, that devil told her.

  Guess the question. Dream the answer.

  Tore down almost level.

  A silence hardly likely.

  Juicy voices. Pour them on.

  Music sways her, she concedes,

  as darker she goes deeper.

  Exploring the Dark Content

  This dream is not a map.

  A poem is not the territory.

  The dreamer reclines in a barbershop

  carpeted with Afro turf.

  In the dark some soul yells.

  It hurts to walk barefoot

  on cowrie shells.

  Fancy Cortez

  reading Jayne Cortez

  I’m using my plain brain to imagine her fancy cortex. As if my lowly mollusk could wear so exalted a mantle as her pontifex pallium. As if the knots and tangles of my twisted psyche could mesh with her intricate synaptic network of condensed neural convolutions. As if my simple chalk could fossilize the memory of her monumental reefs of caulifloral coral. As if my shallow unschooled shoals could reckon the calculus of her konk’s brainwave tsunami. As if the pedestrian software of my mundane explorer could map as rounded colonies the terra incognita of her undiscovered hemispheres. As if the speculative diagnosis of my imaging technology could chart the direction of her intuitive intellect. As if the inquisitive iris of my galaxy-orbiting telescope could see as far as her vision. As if the trained nostrils of my narco-bloodhound could sniff out what she senses in the wind. As if my duty-free bottle of jerk sauce could simulate the fire ant picante that inflames her tongue of rage. As if the gray matter of my dim bulb could be enlightened by the brilliance of her burning watts. As if her divergent universification might fancy the microcosm of my prosaic mind.

  Free Radicals

  She brought the radish for the horses, but not a bouquet for Mother’s Day. She brought the salad to order with an unleavened joke. Let us dive in and turn up green in search of our roots. She sang the union maid with a lefty longshoreman. They all sang rusty freedom songs, once so many tongues were loosened. She went to bed sober as always, without a drop of wine. She was invited to judge a spectacle. They were a prickly pair in a restaurant of two-way mirrors with rooms for interrogation. The waiter who brought a flaming dessert turned the heat from bickering to banter. She braked for jerk chicken on her way to meet the patron saint of liposuction. His face was cut from the sunflower scene, as he was stuffing it with cheesecake. Meanwhile, she slurped her soup alone at the counter before the gig. Browsers can picture his uncensored bagel rolling around in cyberspace. His half-baked metaphor with her scrambled ego. They make examples of intellectuals who don’t appreciate property. She can’t just trash the family-style menu or order by icon. Now she’s making kimchee for the museum that preserved her history in a jar of pickled pig feet. They’d fix her oral tradition or she’d trade her oral fixation. Geechees are rice eaters. It’s good to get a rice cooker if you cook a lot of rice. Please steam these shellfish at your own risk. Your mother eats blue-green algae to rid the body of free radicals.

  The Gene for Music

  He wants to know if I am happy here and have I eaten any apples yet. I tell him no, I like to let them fall off the trees and rot. They won’t turn red and the ones I like to eat are red, but these sweeten the air with their decay. They are eaten. They are never wasted. They have their use, when they fall, never far from proverbial tree. Yellow apples falling with brown leaves more slowly onto grass that’s greener than ever. Green in winter, tawny in summer. Don’t burn. Consume yourself more slowly.

  Right now the ground is damp and marshy. In summer there were many fires. Some started maliciously, others were spontaneous. Apple trees are here but he ’s not sure they belong. He dreams of rice growing where they are, a hilarious dream. The blood of agrarian ancestors does him no good. Some of his favorite trees are books. Besides, if he grew rice, which anyone knows he’d never do, where would the squirrels live? The black one was the aggressor, chasing tail. She flicked her tail in his face.

  Squirrels multiply on his tree-filled acres. The sky is clear blue. A cloudless sky with two airplanes flying at different angles. Each is given a line, a path to fly in. The pilots communicate with someone on the ground. They all communicate with precise machines that very rarely make a fatal error. The ground is damp and moldy and a fire not likely to start in the air this time of year. Spontaneous combustion, midair collision. Try not to burn. Try not to alarm. The phone rang but she didn’t answer it. Later he will ask her where she went and she will say, “To the laundromat or the library, I forget which.” He might seem hurt but his honesty will prevail and he ’ll become earnest and blunt. That’s when he starts to smoke. He’ll want to get to the bottom of it, clear the air, work it through. At times like these he ’s most endearing and yet she ’ll have no place to hide because the house has no walls.

  He can see her from another room. He likes to whisper at her while a record is playing. That’s how cool he can be. He’ll ask which books she ’s been reading. She could give him a list and we could discuss them later. We could gossip about books, which was one of his favorite activities. He didn’t want to forbid her singing in the bathtub, but she would notice that he flinched a little, so she tried not to do it w
hen he was around. She had not inherited the gene for music, just as his blood had distinguished itself from the red stuff of his ancestors. At all times he tried to indulge her, having heard the story of her austere childhood. She in turn would try to soothe and distract him from the score of abandonments that caused him such pain when remembered. They both had violent histories but longed to live in peace and so it was a pact sealed in blood, a sweetheart contract in which there were provisions for each to get the upper hand. Even though she bled every month, she always had someone to blame; while he noted that each time he touched her, her body was there, which had not always been the case with her predecessors.

  She listened to his lists and made her own in secret. A grocery list was necessary because he avoided buying food, preferring to spend cash on inessentials because they bought more satisfaction. “But you,” he told her, “are impossible to satisfy because you never seem to want, except to sleep and eat.” She lives in his house like a sleepy cat though once he joked he might pay to keep her here, because even a woman with no wants must have money to supply her needs.

  He never seems to sleep or eat but lives on a mysterious energy source, adapted for life on her planet. That’s why she can’t laugh at his jokes, because humor is local. He was born far away but feels at home. Or he was born close to home but feels far from there now. Nothing touches him now except her hands, her mouth. He touches her hair. Her wet hair. He makes her a gift of his solitude. Solitude is something she misses. He takes hers with him when he leaves. She goes out for short walks, looking at sidewalks. He takes her to mountains and deserts. He seeks out old trees. They walk until she ’s out of breath. “Chill,” he says, and she feels cold, suddenly noticing the air.

  Hitched to a Star

  Quantum mechanics fixed my karma wagon

  Gypsies want to hold my hand

  Dr. Duck recommends

  soap and ream therapies

  With remedies like these

  who needs friends?

  Jinglejangle

  ab flab abracadabra Achy Breaky Action Jackson airy-fairy airfare

  Asian contagion analysis paralysis Anna banana ants in your pants

  Annie’s Cranny Annie Fanny A-Okay ape drape argle-bargle artsy-fartsy awesome blossom

  backpack backtrack Bahama Mama balls to the wall bam-a-lam bandstand

  Battle in Seattle beat the meat bedspread bee’s knees behani ghani best dressed

  best in the West BestRest Best Western Betsy Wetsy Better Cheddar Big Dig bigwig

  bird turd black don’t crack blackjack blame game boho boiling oil

  Bone Phone Bonton Bony Maroni boob tube boogie-woogie boohoo book nook

  boon coon Bot’s dots Boozy Suzy bowl of soul bow-wow boy toy brace face

  brain drain bric-a-brac bug jug bump on the rump Busty Rusty

  cachi-bachi caffe latte cake bake candy’s dandy Care Bear cash for trash Cat in the Hat

  chalk talk Chatty Cathy cheers & jeers cheaper to keep her cheat sheet Chester the molester

  chewy gooey chick flick Chilly Willy chips & dips chitchat chock-a-block

  Choco Taco chop shop chrome dome Chubby Hubby Chuck & Buck chugalug Chunky Monkey

  cigar bar Cinni Mini claptrap Click & Clack clink-clank clipclop Coca-Cola cock block

  cock doc cock sock cookbook Cool Yule Cracker Jack crack shack crack’s wack creature feature

  crick-crack crinkly wrinkly crisscross crop top crumb bum Crunch ’n Munch

  culture vulture curly-whirly

  date rape deadhead deep sleep dikes on bikes dilly-dally ding-a-ling ding-dang dingle-dangle

  ding-dong dirty birdy Dizzy Lizzy dog log Don Juan Donut Hut double trouble downtown dramarama drape shape dream team Dress for Success drill & kill

  drip-drop drunk skunk dry eye

  eager beaver Earl the Pearl easy greasy Eat a Pita eenie-meenie Etch-a-Sketch

  Evel Knievel Even Stephen Eye in the Sky

  fag hag fair share Fakin’ Bacon fancy pants Fast Gas fat cat Fax Pax Fay Wray

  fender bender fews & twos fiddle-faddle fight or flight Fiji file or pile fill the bill fine line

  finer diner fine wine Flavor Saver Fleet Street flim-flam flip-flop Flirty Gerty Flo Jo

  flower power flub-dub fly-by fly-by-night fly guy fogdog four-door four-on-the-floor

  Foxy Roxy frat rat Freaks & Geeks freaky-deaky free bee frick & frack

  fried, dyed, laid to the side fright night Froot Loops FuBu fuck a duck fuddyduddy

  fungus among us fun in the sun funny money fur burger fuzzy wuzzy

  gal pal gang bang gas grass or ass gator bait gay for pay Geechee gender bender

  Georgie Porgie gewgaw gherkin jerkin gibber-jabber glad pad gloom & doom goof proof

  googly-moogly Gorgeous George gory story Greeks & geeks Greek Week green bean

  Green Jeans grinning & skinning

  Hackensack hackmatack hackysack hair care hairy fairy Handy Andy

  handy dandy hanky-panky hari-kari Happy to Be Nappy harum-scarum

  haunch & paunch haste makes waste heart smart Heckle & Jeckle heebie-jeebies

  Hegel’s Bagels hell’s bells helter-skelter Henny Penny herky-jerky heyday hickory-dickory

  hi-fi higgledy-piggledy high & dry hinky dinky hip hop hippy dippy hobnob hobo

  Hobson-Jobson hockey jockey hocus-pocus hodgepodge hoi polloi hoity-toity

  HoJo Hokey Pokey holy mole holy moley Home Alone honey bunny Hong Kong honky-tonk

  hoodoo hooked on books hook or crook hootchie-kootchie hotch-potch Hotel No Tell hot pot

  hot shot Hottentot How now brown cow hubbub Hubba Bubba hubble-bubble Huckabuck

  huff & puff hugger mugger Huey, Dewey, Louie Hully Gully humdrum hump & dump

  Humpty-Dumpty hurdy-gurdy hurly-burly Hurry Curry hurry-scurry hustle & bustle

  Icky Ricky I Like Ike ill pill ill will Increase the Peace inky-dinky

  ism jism I Spy itsy-bitsy itty-bitty

  jai alai Janet’s Planet jeepers creepers Jeez Louise jelly belly jet set Jew canoe jig rig jimjams

  jinglejangle Joe Blow Joe Schmoe Juicy Lucy June gloom June moon junkie ’s monkey

  junk in the trunk junky punky

  killer-diller King Kong Kit Kat kiwi knickknack knob job Koo Koo Roo

  kowtow Krik? Krak! kudu Kundun

  Laffy Taffy lame brain large & in charge late great later gator Lazy Daisy

  Lean Cuisine lean & mean lean mean machine legal eagle Leggo my Eggo

  Lexis Nexus lick dick Lickin’ Chicken licking stick Liddle Kiddle liquor’s quicker

  lit crit liver quiver lizard’s gizzard local yokel long dong Loony Toons Loopy Doopy

  loose screws loosey-goosey lovie-dovie low blow lucky duck lump sum lunch bunch

  lust in the dust Lynyrd Skynyrd

  Mac Attack mad dad made in the shade Magilla Gorilla mainframe maitai Mango Tango

  Manila Thriller Mantan Mars bars master blaster Maui Wowie May Day Meal Deal

  Meals on Wheels mean green meet & greet mellow yellow Messy Bessy

  Micmac might makes right Mighty Aphrodite miles of smiles Milli Vanilli

  Mingus Among Us mishmash Missy-Pissy mock croc Mod Squad mojo moldy oldie

  Money Honey moose on the loose mop top Mork from Ork motor voter muckamuck

  muck chuck mukluk multi-culti mumbo jumbo mu shu mushy-gushy my guy

  namby-pamby name game nature nurture near beer nice price night light

  nig-nog niminy piminy nitty-gritty nitwit no finance, no romance

  no glove, no love no go no muss, no fuss no pain, no gain no show no way, Jose

  nudie cutie Nut Hut Nutter Butter Nutty Buddy

  Ocean Potion odd jobs Oingo Boingo okey-dokey old gold ooga-booga

  Only the Lonely oodles of noodles Oshkosh B’gosh

  Paco’s Tacos page gauge pale ale paranoid android Parappa the Rapper party hearty Patel hotel

  paunch & haunch payday pay & play pee & see peewee peg l
eg pell-mell peter beater

  Phantom Anthems phone home phony baloney Pick Up Sticks picnic pie in the sky, by & by

  Piggly Wiggly ping-pong pit-a-pat pitter-patter Plain Jane plaster caster plastic fantastic

  play as it lays pocket rocket poet don’t know it pogo pooper scooper pot shot pope-soap-on-a-rope

  Pop Shop poptop Post Toasties powwow poxy doxy prime time pump & dump psychedelic relic Puff ’n Stuff

  Queen of Mean quest for the best Quick Pick quick trick quiet riot quirky quarky

  racket-jacket ragbag Ragin’ Cajun ragtag ramble-scramble Randy Andy rape & scrape

  rat-a-tat razzle-dazzle razzmatazz real deal redhead Reese’s Pieces reet pleat

  retail detail Rhymin’ Simon rich bitch rickety-tickety rickrack riffraff

  ring-a-ding ringer dinger rinky-dink Rin Tin Tin riprap roach coach

  Rock Around the Clock rocket pocket Rolled Gold roly-poly Ronald McDonald

  rooty-tooty rope-a-dope rough & tough rough stuff rub-a-dub Rufty Tufty rusty dusty

  saggy baggy Sally’s Alley sandman sassafras scarlet harlot sci-fi scot & lot

  Scrapple from the Apple screen scene screwy Louie screw you Sea & Ski

  seedy tweedy seesaw self help sexy Rexy shady lady shake it, don’t break it

  Shake ’n Bake Shedd’s Spread shilly-shally shipshape shirk work shit fit