Chance for Home

by Traci Hunter Abramson

  Chapter 37

  Kari looked up at the skyscrapers of New York City, the dizzying heights leaving her off-balance. Every time she thought she had her footing, the frantic pace of the pedestrians walking by reminded her she was most certainly not in DC anymore.

  “This city never ceases to amaze me,” Kari said, looking forward again so she could keep pace with Ryan without running into the throngs of people on the Manhattan sidewalk. “I don’t know if I could ever get used to the pace here.”

  “I imagine if you had to, you would adapt,” Ryan said. He steered her toward the revolving door of a hotel.

  “This isn’t our hotel, is it?”

  “No, but there’s a restaurant on the top floor I thought you would like. It’s got a great view of the city.”

  “Sounds fun.” They walked into the lobby, and Ryan led her to the elevator. Part of her wished Maya and Ben had decided to join them on their first night in New York, but another part of her appreciated some time alone with Ryan.

  Several other patrons crowded onto the elevator with them, and Ryan remained silent on the long ascent to the top floor. When he led her to the restaurant, her eyebrows lifted. White linen tablecloths and flickering candlelight set the tone of the dimly lit room. The fading daylight illuminated the New York skyline through the bank of windows that lined the walls.

  The maître d’ took Ryan’s name and efficiently led them to their table near the corner beside a window.

  As soon as they were alone, Kari said, “Ryan, this place is amazing.”

  “I’m glad you like it.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  “Is everything okay?” Kari asked, sensing something about him was different but unable to ascertain exactly what it was.

  “Were you able to meet with the school counselor yesterday? You never told me how it went,” he asked rather than answer her question.

  “I did.”

  “And?” Ryan prompted.

  “It was a mixture of good and bad news,” Kari said. “I was able to get into a couple classes in radiology that seem really interesting. Apparently that isn’t easy to do since I’m not admitted to their program.”

  “What was the bad news?”

  “While these classes are interesting, there weren’t any classes available that are required for my major.”

  “What will that do to you as far as graduation?”

  “I’m guessing I’ll have to go to school next summer to make up for the classes I should have taken this semester.” Her shoulders lifted. “It’s kind of annoying because that’s when I should be putting together all of my applications for med school.”

  “That is tough.” He seemed to ponder her answer for a moment. “When will your classes start this fall?”

  “August 23.”

  “That soon?”

  “Yeah. I ended up with four classes, but I’m hoping the homework load won’t be too bad so I can still go to your home games. At least the night ones.”

  “I’ll miss having you at the others.”

  “I know, but it’s not any different from when I was staying with your mom.”

  “I guess.”

  A little unsettled by his somber mood, she changed the subject. “By the way, did you hear Shawn and Celeste’s news?”

  “No, what?”

  “Celeste is pregnant,” she said, a bubble of excitement surfacing.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. She’s due at the end of spring training.” Kari considered the way she had heard the news and the oddity of how Celeste had expressed the timing. “I guess that’s around March, right?”

  “Yeah.” Ryan fell silent again. Kari let herself get lost in the view of the city until he brought her back to the present with an unexpected question. “Have you thought about having kids?”

  “I don’t know.” She thought for a moment. “I mean, I always assumed someday I would get married and have kids, but I never really planned anything beyond that. It’s one of those things that has always been too far in the future to really think about.”

  “I have to imagine it would be tough to have a family with a medical career.”

  “It can be, but it depends on your specialty. When I was growing up, the pediatrician I went to worked part-time, and so did all of her partners. They found a way to balance their family lives with their careers. I guess I always assumed I would find a similar kind of compromise.”

  “That makes sense.” Again the conversation stalled, but this time Kari narrowed her eyes.

  “Is something bothering you?”

  “No, I’m just tired.”

  “We can cut our evening short,” Kari offered.

  “I don’t think you really want to do that,” Ryan said, his mood lightening. “Their chocolate mousse is supposed to be incredible.”

  “You did it now,” Kari said. “You’re stuck with me here through dessert.”

  “I’m sure I’ll manage to suffer through it.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  * * *

  A bruised shoulder, a strained calf muscle, and a tight quad were among the many minor injuries Ryan found himself facing as the Nationals slid into a five-game losing streak. The lack of success on the field and his battered body were minor inconveniences compared to the ache in his heart.

  Every day, he tried to remind himself how lucky he was to have found Kari and to have her as part of his life. And every day he could hear her father’s words echoing through his mind, a constant reminder that what he wanted wouldn’t mesh with Kari’s plans for at least a decade. Ten years. It felt like an eternity.

  The ring his mother had given him, the ring he someday hoped to give Kari, lay in his bedside table. Every time he opened the drawer and saw it, another pang resonated through his core. He needed her in his life, and the thought of having to steal snatches of time together for so many years overwhelmed him.

  Kari had started her classes two weeks earlier, and already her homework load had taken a toll on their time together. True to her word, she made it to most of his games, but she had taken to driving herself so she could leave early enough to get to bed at a reasonable hour. He missed sharing his commute with her. Her class schedule had also robbed them of the mornings they had once shared. He didn’t want to think about how much worse things would be when she no longer lived across the street.

  He supposed he should be grateful that she would be nearby for the next two years, but then what? If she was accepted into medical school locally, he was pretty sure they could find a way to make it work, but the more he researched the possibilities, the more he realized how difficult it was for medical students to get into programs in the first place, much less narrow their possibilities so significantly. And what would happen if they had to choose between being together and her going to medical school? Could he survive being separated from her for the whole baseball season?

  Four years of residency was yet another crushing thought. The simple truth was he could see Kari light up every time she talked about her radiology classes, and the more he saw her passion for her chosen field, the more he could feel her slipping further and further away. He didn’t want to put out that spark in her, but he didn’t know how to keep her in his life without extinguishing her dreams.

  An alarm sounded on his phone, a reminder that it was time to leave for the ball field. And a reminder that once again he would be driving there alone. He stood and winced when the muscle in his calf protested the moment he put weight on it. Aches and pains were part of life, he reminded himself. He hoped he could find a way to endure both the short-term injuries and the uncertainty of his future.

  Chapter 38

  Kari didn’t know what was going on with Ryan, but something had changed over the past few weeks. And it wasn’t just the drop in his batting average.

  She could sense the weariness in him and Ben as they moved from August to September. As much as she wanted to help them weather the exhaustion common at
this part of the season, she found herself struggling with her own schedule of going to Ryan’s games and keeping up with her classes. Not having the use of her right hand was yet another obstacle. Typing one-handed was decidedly hindering her efforts when she needed to use the computer.

  Though she didn’t particularly mind the balancing act or the fact that most of her homework was completed at Nationals Park, the growing strain between her and Ryan was dragging her down. She wished she knew what to do about it.

  A five-game losing streak followed by a single win and two more losses had taken its toll on the whole team and their fans. Six more wins were all the Nationals needed to clinch a playoff spot, and everyone was starting to wonder if those wins were ever going to happen.

  Susan had moved back to her apartment three weeks ago, thrilled at having her freedom back and still refusing to let her son upgrade her living conditions.

  After spending the past few weeks looking at apartments, Kari was starting to understand Susan’s resistance. It wasn’t just the prospect of moving her belongings into a new space. It was also trying to find a neighborhood that felt like home. Kari had yet to discover that particular amenity in any of the complexes she had looked at so far.

  Why was it that the process of looking for houses for Ben and Maya had felt so much simpler than searching for a one-bedroom apartment for herself?

  Maya had helped her research several in the area, both in Great Falls, near her house, and in Springfield, near the community college. Unfortunately, the prices were significantly higher than what she had expected. She had found a studio apartment with promise only to discover the complex had no vacancies.

  Armed with a new list of prospective apartments, Kari headed out to her car. She was reaching for the door handle when Ryan’s front door opened and he stepped outside.

  Changing directions, she skirted around her car and crossed the street to meet him in his front yard. She glanced at her watch. “It’s only nine in the morning. What are you doing up so early?”

  “I missed you.” He slid his arms around her waist and leaned down to kiss her good morning.

  “What made you think I would be awake so early?”

  “Lucky guess.” He released her, and his eyes narrowed. “Where are you off to? I was hoping we could have breakfast together.”

  “I’m going to Herndon to look at some apartments.”

  “Herndon? That’s twenty minutes away in the wrong direction from your school.”

  “I know, but I found some there that I might actually be able to afford.”

  “Kari, I can help you out with rent so you can stay close by.”

  Immediately, she shook her head. “Paying for my rent is not your responsibility.”

  “Kari, we talked about this. It’s going to be hard on you to deal with school and come over here to see me if you live so far away.”

  She took a step back and folded her arms. She couldn’t say why his words hit her, especially since they had been spoken before, but her spine stiffened, and her mood darkened. “Did it ever occur to you that once baseball season ends, you would be perfectly capable of coming to my apartment to see me?”

  The expression on his face told her the truth before he managed to recover. “Well, of course I would come to see you too, but I just assumed we would want to spend most of our time here.”

  “Because it’s your home and it’s convenient for you.”

  Now Ryan took a step back. “It’s convenient for you too. Your brother and best friend live across the street.”

  “And I imagine when I move, they’ll be more than happy to come see me as much as I come to see them. The question is, will you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It occurs to me that all this time we’ve been together, everything has centered around you.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Of course not. I’m the one who insisted on paying for your flights and hotel rooms so we could spend time together. I got tickets to the games for you any time you wanted them.”

  “I’m grateful you have been so generous,” Kari began, her stomach clutching as clarity seeped through her. “But listen to yourself for a minute. You paid for hotel rooms. You paid for airline tickets. You got me game tickets. Ryan, everything you did was so that I would be around for your convenience. How much of that was for me, and how much of it was for you?”

  “It was all for you.”

  “Are you sure?” Shaken by her new perspective, she said, “I have to get going. My first appointment is in half an hour.”

  Appearing both confused and frustrated, Ryan raked his fingers through his hair. “Why don’t you wait a minute and I can go with you.”

  “You have to leave for your game at noon. I don’t know if I’ll be back by then.” Needing some distance, she took another step back. “I’ll see you later.”

  She didn’t wait for his response; she crossed back to her car and unlocked the door. When she pulled forward and drove around the circle of the cul-de-sac, she glanced over to see him still standing where she’d left him. His eyes followed her, but neither of them waved.

  * * *

  His side ached from last night’s slide into home, and his glove seemed to have formed a hole in it since last night. Every third grounder during practice seemed to slip right through it. He didn’t want to think about batting practice any more than he wanted to replay his earlier conversation with Kari. That didn’t stop both episodes from looping over and over in his mind.

  The lack of success with his bat was easy enough to remedy. See ball, hit ball. Repeat. He hadn’t been terribly consistent with that today, but he knew the problem was something he could work through in the near future.

  His conversation with Kari, however—he kept trying to manipulate it over and over again. If only he had explained himself a little differently, she would have understood. Surely she knew his motivations for buying her tickets and hotel rooms had been as much for her as for him. Sure, she had resisted at first, but she wouldn’t have ultimately agreed if she hadn’t wanted to go to his games. Everyone else he’d ever dated had hoped for him to make such offers. Brandi had certainly spent many afternoons shopping in New York and playing tourist in Philadelphia.

  His thoughts stalled, and clarity bloomed. Kari hadn’t. She hadn’t shopped. She hadn’t gone sightseeing. She hadn’t done any of those things unless they were together.

  How many afternoons had she sought out the shade of the concourse on a ninety-degree day while she’d studied for her MCAT? How many times had she skipped dinner so she could eat with him after the game? And how many times had he asked her what she wanted to do?

  Jack approached where Ryan stood on the side of the field.

  “Hey, Jack,” Ryan said, trying to push aside the emotional cloud hanging over him.

  “Has the doc taken a look at those ribs since last night?”

  “No, but the X-ray came back clean.”

  “I want him to check you out again. I’m thinking about sitting you tonight.”

  “What?”

  “Ryan, it’s not a punishment. I just think you can use a day of rest.”

  “But we’re playing the Mets. We win this series and we can clinch the division.”

  “I’m well aware of that,” he said. “But you’ve been struggling for a few weeks. I think rest will do you good.” He held up a hand before Ryan could protest further. “I’m not saying you can’t go in later in the game, but the start is going to Monroe.”

  Ryan opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it. His coach was right. He wasn’t in top form. Maybe a night sitting out would give him the motivation he needed to remember why he loved this game. And maybe he could discover the secret of knowing how to be the man Kari would be able to love for a lifetime.

  The thought crossed his mind that he should text Kari that he might not play today. His eyes were drawn to the stands and the empty seat he
knew belonged to her.

  The realization that they had never fought before crossed his mind, and he assured himself that she would come around soon enough. If he gave her some space and time, she would reach out to him. After all, their challenges were in the long term. Surely this misunderstanding would resolve itself by morning.

  Chapter 39

  Kari didn’t go to the game on Saturday or to the games on the two days after that. She didn’t call Ryan or text him. She didn’t follow the team on Twitter or Facebook. And with each minute of silence that passed, she was dying a slow, painful death.

  She refused to call first. Hadn’t she made herself clear three days ago that it was time he started putting some effort into their relationship? She wasn’t asking for much, just the acknowledgment that her goals and dreams deserved as much consideration as his.

  His name might appear in the news every day, even if it was in the form of a box score, but that didn’t make his dreams any more valid than hers. Sure, she might have made it seem like she was willing to let the demands in his life take priority, but he could hardly blame her for that. It wasn’t like either of them expected for his mother to have major health issues or for her to take so long in making her educational plans for this semester.

  Admittedly, she hadn’t been very aggressive in her job search, largely so she would have the flexibility to watch his games, but that decision had also hinged on her educational plans. She couldn’t very well commit to a job without knowing when she was available to work.

  She looked at the MCAT review books on her bookshelf and sighed. What was she thinking? For more than two months, she had studied and prepared for the mother of all tests, and she still didn’t feel like she would ever be ready. It was as though she saw the starting gate but couldn’t quite bring herself to step up to the line.

  Ten years. Just the thought of surviving the next two years made her cringe. Transferring from the community college to George Mason, finishing her undergrad, taking the MCAT, applying for medical school. And somewhere in there she had to find time to work to make sure she could cover her living expenses. The college fund her parents had created for her would cover most of her tuition, and she was determined to avoid going into debt before she reached her postgrad.