Lunchtime Chronicles: Honey Dripper

by L. Loren

  My eyes searched the room for my phone. What time was it? Shit, it was 5:02 AM. We had been here all night. Ruby scrambled to right her clothes. She looked freshly fucked, and it made me smile. That dreaded wig looked horrible as she attempted to place it back on her head. Her real hair was much better. It was styled in a what the girls call a pixie cut. All she needed was a quick comb thru, and she would be fine. Reaching for the wig, I snatched it off her head and tossed it into the trash.

  “What the hell, Grant? Why did you do that?”

  “I just put it where it belongs. You are gorgeous without it.”

  Adjusting my package, I limped my way to the front door where Topaz was impatiently knocking again. It was Saturday! Damn, I had forgotten what day it was. We would have kids showing up soon, and this place was a fuck fest. I chuckled at Topaz’s face when she spied the lovely future Mrs. Grant.

  Ruby’s face flushed as she attempted to race out of the store without saying goodbye. I wasn’t having that shit. I snagged her arm and pulled her in for a very passionate kiss. She was my woman, and I had no problem claiming her in front of my worker.

  “Thanks for last night. I’ll call you later.”

  “I’ll answer,” she replied breathlessly.

  Nine

  Ruby

  “The man turned my world upside down in one evening.”

  “Girl, I need the details. How big was it? What did it look like up close and personal? Did you gag on that thang? You know, the important stuff.”

  I laughed as Dee acted like a fool.

  “Bitch, I know you’ve seen a white man’s dick before.”

  “Yeah, in porn. I have never been close enough to smell one before. Speaking of, did he smell funny?”

  “Smell funny? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “I had this girlfriend once who fucked a white dude, and she said he smelled like a wet dog.”

  “What? That is so wrong. I don’t know what kind of homeless man your friend was fucking, but Grant Mingo smells of sandalwood, cedar, and a hint of vanilla. Everything about that man is hot sex on a platter.”

  I picked up the teddy bear from the chair in the corner and started dancing around in my room with him. The old school song by A Tribe Called Quest was playing on a loop in my head.

  “Ouchie!!!”

  “What the hell happened? You alright, Ruby?”

  “Yeah, I’m just sore.”

  “Bitch, what? It was like that?”

  “Dee, that man has a monster in his pants. After not having sex for so long and this being my reintroduction... BABY! My shit hurts.”

  “You need to soak that thang in some Epsom salt.”

  “You think you’re talking to a teenager? I soaked in the tub for an hour before I called you, and my kat is still sore.”

  “Damn! Old boy put in work. That’s what I’m talking about. So, you gonna let him hit again?”

  “You know it! I can’t wait to ride that thing again.”

  “You gonna fuck around and need that Vijay tightening surgery that Jada had messing with that one.”

  “Naw, bitch, I keeps my kat tight and right. We don’t do entanglements over here.”

  We laughed some more until the call waiting beeped on my phone. It was Grant. I quickly hung up with Dee and answered the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, beautiful. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I need to see you tonight. Are you available?”

  “I am now.”

  I sounded thirsty. Well, I was. The man had me salivating for his long hard cock. We chatted for about an hour, laughing and playing with each other. I had never in my life talked to a man that I was attracted to and had so much fun with. He was easy to talk to, and I found myself entranced by that sexy British accent.

  OVER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, we got to know each other by going on unusual dates, outings, and even a few rides on the back of his motorcycle. He introduced me to his friends in his MC, and I quickly learned they were good people, just like him. I loved the relationship he had with the club princess. I couldn’t help but wonder how he would look playing with our children someday. He was so good with her.

  It cracked me up that everyone called him Librarian. That explained the name of his store. The nickname was in some ways fitting, but the man I knew was nothing like that. Grant was funny, charming, and outgoing when we were together. He had taken many good-natured ribbings about how different he was when I was around. Apparently, he was quiet and shy. Who knew?

  Grant informed me that he had to go out of town for a book convention. I wanted to go so badly, but he didn’t invite me. He told me he would be busy the entire time and wouldn’t have time to have any fun. This was a work trip, not pleasure. I got that, but it still hurt my feelings. It felt as if he was keeping something from me. When he said those words, I developed a knot in my stomach that had not gone away. Was I being a crazy girlfriend, or were my Spidey senses kicking in? I didn’t know what to do, so I called for help.

  “Dee, am I crazy? I don’t want to be that jealous girlfriend.”

  “What is your gut telling you?”

  “That he’s lying. Something just ain’t right.”

  “Always go with your gut feeling. Women always know. It’s just a matter of what you’re willing to do about it. Whatever you need, I am here for you. Just let me know if I need to have Trevor on standby with bail money.”

  “Thanks for always having my back.”

  “Always. Now, are we headed to New York to turn that convention out or what?”

  I shook my head. Should I go to New York anyway? I could just purchase tickets to the book convention as a reader to gain access. I already checked the website, and there were a couple of VIP tickets left. We would have access to the writers and the after-hours events, not just the book signing. I snagged my credit card and purchased the tickets and booked first class flights. Fuck it, I was getting too old to play games. I was pushing forty, and I needed to know what he was up to. My instinct told me he was lying, and I had a right to know. The man had been talking about marriage and babies. If he had a whole secret family somewhere, I would kill him.

  “Bitch, be ready in two hours. I’ll pick you up.”

  “Hot damn! We bout to tear the big apple up! They ain’t ready.”

  Grant...

  Lying to Ruby made me ill, but it was the only way to keep my secret. The look on her face when I told her she couldn’t come with me to the book convention broke my heart. She had been so excited when I first told her about it, thinking she could tag along. I would have love to bring her with me, but it was too risky. Ruby was too curious and would surely discover that I was her favorite author. I wanted to tell her so bad, but my agent reminded me I was strictly forbidden from discussing it with anyone outside of my agent and publishers.

  I had tried to get out of attending the convention, but it was one of the largest events this season. It was important that I have the experience. I was to attend a Q&A with VIP fans. The way Sabrina had it worked out, I would be in an adjacent room, appearing on the screen as a silhouette. Of course, it wouldn’t be mine. It would be a female mannequin. I figured it would be like that kid on Home Alone 2™ when he had the blow-up clown in the tub. I would answer any questions using one of those gadgets that change your voice. According to the publisher, the fans were eating it up.

  There was something I hadn’t lied about. I would be busy working the entire time I was there. From the Q&A to setting up a vendor table to keep up the façade. I had enlisted Obsession, Baby, and Matrix to help me out running the booth. They were glad to do it, since Obsession loved New York. It was a mini vacation for them. I had told them I would be busy networking. They didn’t give two shits about the convention, so there would be no reason for them to go to any of the events. Of course, I paid for their suite and travel expenses.

  ARRIVING AT THE CONVENTION center, I was overwhelmed. This had been the first time I attended an ev
ent this large. There were people everywhere. It was just the kind of place where anxiety was birthed. I was happy that no one knew who I was. It would have been too much for me to handle if I had to walk around with people tugging at me.

  My agent was stuck to me like glue, directing me this place and that place. Obsession was giving her the stink eye as if I was cheating on Ruby. She and my lady love had become friends over the last few months. Once Ruby met Baby and Matrix, she was satisfied that Obsession and I were just friends. From that point on, they were cool. We had even gone on a double date. Or is that a triple date? Who knew? All I knew was my girl was happy.

  I was sitting in a cold room surrounded by stacks of Honey Dripper books. Sabrina gave me a pack of Sharpie™ pens and left me to sign about a million books. My hand was about to fall off when I heard the familiar chime of Mariah Carey singing Honey. It was Ruby calling me.

  “Hi, love! How are you?”

  “Missing you. How’s it going?”

  “It’s going good. I am just working the booth today. Selling some books, but I think I will end up buying more than I sell. In a little while I’ll be going to a Q&A with your favorite author. Anything you want me to ask her for you?”

  “Nope. Listen, I didn’t mean to bother you. I know you’re busy. I just wanted to hear your voice. Call me when you get a chance.”

  Damn, she hung up before I could tell her I loved her. She sounded upset. I hoped everything was alright. Did she know I was lying? Naw. How could she? I went back to my stacks of books, signing ‘Best Wishes. Samantha Moans’ in each one. By the time I was done, I needed some aspirin and a hand brace.

  My alarm chimed, letting me know it was time to get ready for the Q&A. Just as I was placing the last book on the table, Sabrina hustled through the door to snag me. The woman had one setting, GO! I was fucking tired, but she gave zero fucks. She latched onto my arm, pulling me out of the room and toward my next destination.

  “Damn, woman. Can you give me a minute to recoup? I need a breather. You are wearing me out.”

  “You can sleep when you’re dead. Here’s a bottle of water. You’ve got work to do, big daddy.”

  As I shook my head at the task master, a slight chill ran down my spine. It felt like I was being watched. I looked around the room as Sabrina dragged me behind her, but I didn’t see any familiar faces.

  Ten

  Ruby

  “I know this mother fucker didn’t just walk past me like he didn’t see me! And who the hell was that woman hanging on him?”

  My eyes met Dierdra’s angry orbs communicating silently. Shit was about to go down. My heart was beating fast, my palms were damp from sweat, and my head was throbbing like there were little minions dancing around on my brain. He must really think I am a fool. Well, I’ve got something for his ass. I started walking toward the room where I had just seen him exit. Dee was right on my heels, looking like she was ready to murder a bitch. I loved my bestie.

  Opening the door, we slipped inside, trying to make sure no one saw us. The room was full of books. Honey Dripper? I plucked one of the books from the table and saw that it was a signed copy. I checked a few others, and just like the first, they all had the same generic message, and were signed by the author. Why was Grant in here?

  “You think...”

  Both Dee and I started saying the same thing at the same time. She gestured for me to go ahead.

  “Girl, do you think that woman he was with is Samantha Moans? It would make sense. He had a signed copy of her book and just gave it to me without any worry, yet the book was sold out everywhere. What if he didn’t care because he could just call his woman and get a new copy?”

  “That sounds about right. So what are you gonna do? Are we setting this bitch off or what?”

  “Calm down, Cleo! We ain’t robbing no banks here. I need to think. Let’s go!”

  I turned on my heels, exiting the room and heading to the conference room where Samantha Moans was scheduled to do a Q&A.”

  “Ruby, what are we doing here? I need to know ahead of time.”

  “We are going to expose this bitch. She thinks she can screw my man? Well, I know her little secret, and I am about to blow this bitch out of the water.”

  “Girl, I am glad we are friends. When you get mad, you are ruthless. You’re a whole mood. Let’s go.”

  We scanned the room looking for Grant and the woman, but they were nowhere to be found. Then the curtain went up, and there was a silhouette of a woman there. That’s when I spied the bitch, but she was on stage in front of the curtain. Wait, what? She couldn’t be Samantha.

  “Do you see what I see?”

  “Girl, if she’s not Samantha, who is?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m about to find out.”

  Dee and I marched toward the door at the front of the room, just off the left of the stage. All eyes were on the lady on the stage who had announced herself as Samantha’s agent. Since everyone was concentrating on what she was saying in anticipation of welcoming the famous author, we were able to slip into the adjoining room. There, in front of the curtain was a blow-up doll? What the?

  I looked at Dee as she shook her head at the sight before us. Neither of us knew what was happening. Then out of nowhere, I saw Grant come out from behind a makeshift wet bar. He was talking into some type of device that changed his voice to sound like a woman. My boyfriend of three months was answering the questions meant for my favorite author. It couldn’t be!

  As we made eye contact, the tears that I didn’t even know were there, started falling down my face. His face fell, realizing that he was busted. How could he lie to me like this? He knew about my past. I told him that was the one thing I couldn’t tolerate. Yet, here he was, living a secret life, as a woman! I turned and ran out of the room, not able to contain my pain and rage any longer.

  “Ruby! Baby, please wait.”

  Grant’s sexy accent called out to me. I couldn’t wait. I needed to get the hell out of there. Dee was right there next to me, both of us trying to process what we had just seen. By the time we reached the hotel where we were staying, I was hysterically crying. The pain sunk in. Why did every man I fell for think it was alright to lie to me? How many men actively lived secret lives? I needed stats on this because I would never be with another man if the percentages were too high. I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out what I had just witnessed. My mind was all over the place.

  “Dee, what was he doing? Do you think he wants to be a woman?”

  “Bitch, no. Not the way you said he puts it down in the bedroom. That man is all the way straight. Maybe he just pretends to be a woman to sell more books. I don’t know. You need to ask him.”

  “Why, so he can lie to me again?”

  “It’s the only way you are going to know for sure. I know you don’t want to see him right now, but if you want answers, you have to.”

  Grant...

  My God! I was so shocked to see the love of my life standing in that room. Why was she there? How did she find me? None of that shit mattered. What I needed to know now was where the hell had Ruby gone? She had shot out of the room like a bullet. Before I could get to her, Sabrina had come into the room, preventing me from leaving.

  “Grant, you can’t leave now. You have a room full of people waiting to talk with Samantha. If you leave now, not only will you be disappointing your fans, but the publisher is going to sue our asses. I know you love her, but you have to be smart. Will she even listen to you at this point? Give her a minute to calm down, and then go to her and explain. She already knows, so there is no breach of contract. Just to be sure, I will run it by the lawyers.”

  I paced back and forth like a caged tiger, not knowing exactly what to do. On the one hand, Sabrina made sense. I didn’t need to mess up my contract with the publisher. But on the other hand, this woman was everything I ever wanted in life. I needed her more than I needed to live.

  “I need you to head back into that room and answer
those questions like your life depends on it.”

  That was funny. Her choice of words told me everything I wanted to do. There was no way I was going back into that room to pretend to be something I wasn’t. Not when my woman was hurt and needed me. I had to explain things to her and fling myself at her feet and beg for mercy.

  “I’m sorry, Sabrina, but I love that woman. No job is more important than getting her back.”

  I darted out of that room and ran across the street where I spied Ruby and her friend entering a hotel. It appeared that my luck was changing. If I had been five seconds later getting out of the door, I would have missed them.

  Sprinting into the lobby, I saw them get into the elevator. It took some doing, but I finally managed to convince the concierge to give me her room number. It was totally worth the $300 tip.

  Bam, bam, bam! I knocked on the door of room number 502. There was no answer, but I knew they were in there.

  “Ruby, baby, open the door. Please. Let me talk to you.”

  Silence.

  “Baby, I need you to understand. I couldn’t tell you. I was under contract. Honey, it killed me not being able to share that part of my life with you, but I promise I didn’t do it intentionally. Ruby, please. Open the door. Let me look at you.”

  Nothing but crickets!

  “Alright, Ruby. I didn’t want to do it like this, but you leave me no choice. I have been carrying this thing around in my pocket for a month. Ruby, I knew from the first time I saw you that you were special. You were meant to be mine, and I intend to claim you forever.”