Astra

by Chris Platt

  Lily paused. She hadn’t thought about that. What were the chances? “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a bear or mountain lion down around the ranches, Gram. And the Henley place is only a couple of big pastures away.”

  Grams snorted in the dark and shuffled toward the kitchen. “You’re so much like your mother, Lily-girl.” She lifted the keys to her Pontiac off the peg. They jangled noisily in the quiet of the room. “Come on. I’ll drop you off. I’ll deal with your father when he wakes up.”

  Lily heaved a sigh of relief. She quickly gathered her gloves and jacket and helped her grandmother into her oversized coat. The two of them crept out the back door and down the stairs into the starry night.

  The barn lights burned brightly as they pulled up to the stable. “I’ll probably stay here until it’s light, Grams,” Lily said. “I can walk home then. Thanks for giving me a ride.”

  “Well, okay,” Grams said. “Good luck.”

  Lily stepped out of the car and waved good-bye.

  As she walked toward the barn, she heard the murmur of voices from inside. From what she could tell, it sounded as if Mr. Henley, Dr. Tison, and Thomas were all there. Her heart sank when she slipped inside the barn and saw them gathered outside Astra’s stall. As she approached, they looked up in surprise.

  Dr. Tison, a big man with broad shoulders and a friendly face, towered over the other two men. She was sure he’d been a good soldier, but she was happy he’d come back to be their veterinarian again. Her mother had been very impressed with him and many of the ranchers in the area used his services.

  But Lily didn’t like the look on his face right now—like he had a secret he didn’t want to tell because he knew how badly it might hurt her. She looked from him to Mr. Henley to Thomas, wishing someone would speak up and break the silence.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Lily moved forward. Astra’s heavy, labored breathing filled the air.

  Dr. Tison stepped in front of Lily, blocking her path. He bent down to her eye level and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Lily, I don’t think you want to go in there. Maybe it would be better if you remember her the way she was.”

  The way she was?

  Lily’s mind did a cartwheel. The vet had spoken about Astra like she was…dead. But that couldn’t be true. She could hear the mare’s ragged breaths coming from the stall. She gazed about frantically, searching for a clue that would tell her everything would be okay. This was just a bad dream. Her eyes widened at the sight of two large syringes full of pale pink liquid sitting atop the veterinarian’s bag.

  There was no doubt in Lily’s mind what those were. Time moved in slow motion as she looked at each person’s face, trying to determine the truth. It was there in all three sympathetic glances. Mr. Henley quickly looked away.

  Her gaze cut back to the medical bag. She’d seen those shots before, when some unfortunate horse had broken a leg and had to be euthanized. The first large dose of sedative would be administered in the vein. In just a short amount of time it would slow and then stop the heart. The second shot would be given to make sure the procedure was final.

  Astra—her mother’s beautiful hope for a national champion—was about to be destroyed!

  Four

  Lily began to panic. Her own ragged breaths rivaled Astra’s. This can’t be happening, she thought. She felt her knees go all wobbly.

  Dr. Tison reached out to steady her. “Lily, are you okay?”

  Mr. Henley stepped forward and took her arm. “Lily, I’m going to take you home. You shouldn’t be here for this, especially at this hour of the morning. What in the world were you thinking, honey?” He pulled his keys from his pocket and motioned for her to follow him out of the barn.

  Lily just stood there, shaking. She couldn’t leave.

  She wouldn’t leave.

  If she did, they’d put Astra to sleep for sure. Maybe she was only a kid, but she planned to do everything in her power to keep them from putting down the mare. “I don’t want to go home,” she said. “Astra needs me.”

  “You should go with Mr. Henley.” Dr. Tison gave her a sympathetic look, then pointed her in the direction of the barn door. “Leave this to me. I’ll make sure she doesn’t feel any pain, I promise. Let Steven take you home to your dad and grandma.”

  Lily tried not to feel betrayed. Dr. Tison knew how much Astra meant to her. She looked to Thomas for some kind of help. He gave her a sorrowful nod and went back to the tack room.

  Mr. Henley called from the doorway, “Lily, come on! Let’s get you home.”

  “I’m not leaving.” Lily crossed her arms, determined to make a stand.

  “Give us a minute, would you, Steve?” Dr. Tison said, his brows knit in concern.

  Lily choked back the tears clogging her throat. She tried desperately to hold them at bay, but she could feel them spilling down her cheeks. Dr. Tison pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.

  “What happened to her?” Lily accepted the handkerchief, but instead of using it to wipe her tears or blow her nose, she wadded and twisted it with her hands. “Astra was fine when she left for her workout yesterday. She was just a little gimpy from Charlie riding her in the rocks more than he should have. And she ate that bad grass. How did she go from that t-to this?” Lily hiccuped.

  Dr. Tison sighed and squatted down on his heels in front of Astra’s stall. “Truth is, I don’t know.” He ran a hand over his short, military-style haircut. “I suspect she ate something poisonous. I’ve drawn blood for a chemistry panel so we can figure out what’s wrong. But that will take several hours to come back, and she’s so far gone Mr. Henley decided to have her put down now.”

  Lily’s heart faltered in her chest. “You can’t!” she cried. “There’s got to be something you can do. You went to veterinary college. You’re smart…” A tremble started deep inside her and worked its way outward, causing her whole body to shake.

  The vet took off his coat and placed it around her shoulders, then stood and peered over the stall door at Astra. He rubbed his hand across his brow as if he were trying to scrub away a tough decision. “I’ve done everything I can think of, Lily. I’ve filled her with the best medicines, but nothing is working. There’s been no change at all, except a worsening of all her vital signs.” He turned back to Lily. “I know how much this horse means to you, but it’s time to let her go.”

  Lily froze, afraid to breathe or even blink. Maybe if she stood motionless, the world would stop, too? Astra would be fine, and everything would go back to normal.

  Mr. Henley called from the doorway, his voice roughened with impatience. “Lily, let’s leave Dr. Tison to do his job. It’s time to go.”

  Memories raced across Lily’s mind: seeing her mother on Astra, their talks about placing Astra in the Tevis Cup, her own hopes to take over that dream someday and make her mom proud…

  She turned to look back at Mr. Henley. He watched her expectantly, his car keys jingling as he tapped them against his leg.

  With sudden clarity, Lily knew what she had to do. She bolted for the stall door, dodging around the surprised vet, and swung the door open just enough for her to squeeze through it.

  “Lily, come back here!” Dr. Tison’s voice echoed through the quiet barn. Several horses nickered in alarm.

  The reality of seeing Astra lying in the middle of her stall stopped Lily in her tracks. The mare’s sides rose and fell with each struggling breath. Sweat marks darkened her neck and flanks, and the shavings around her were strewn wildly about as if she had been running in her dreams—or nightmares.

  Lily dropped to her knees and threw her arms around the mare’s neck, pressing her cheek into Astra’s mane. She gave up trying to hold back the tears and let them flow freely. “You can’t die, girl. It’s not fair! You’ve still got the Tevis Cup to run in. You’re going to make us all proud.”

  Mr. Henley and the vet entered the stall. Lily thought they might try to forcibly remove her. She hung
on tight to Astra, choking on the tears that ran down the back of her throat.

  “For heaven’s sake, Lily. What in the world are you doing?” Mr. Henley placed his hands on his hips and sighed in exasperation. “You’re only postponing the inevitable with these stalling tactics.”

  “Steven…” Dr. Tison shot him a glance that said he didn’t approve of the owner’s approach.

  “She can get better,” Lily hiccuped again. “You’ve got to give her a chance! I know Dr. Tison can save her.” She looked up at the vet, but her eyes were blurred with tears and she couldn’t read his expression. “P-please?” It was all she could utter before huge, choking sobs took over, threatening to cut off her air.

  Mr. Henley reached down to help Lily up, but the big veterinarian stayed his hand. “Let her be, Steven. Can’t you see the poor kid is miserable? This was her mother’s favorite horse and we’re about to put her down.”

  “I realize that,” Mr. Henley said. “But the best thing to do for her is to take her home so she can be with her family. And it’s not fair to the horse to make her suffer longer. The quicker we can put her down, the better off everyone will be.”

  “Astra isn’t in any pain,” the vet said. “She’s more or less in a comatose state. Letting her remain a few more hours isn’t going to hurt anything. And it might help Lily here.”

  Lily tried to give the vet a thankful smile but she couldn’t force her mouth to turn upward. She sniffed loudly instead.

  “I don’t know, Dale…,” Mr. Henley said slowly.

  “Please, Mr. Henley?” Lily managed to whisper.

  The ranch owner placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know how much Astra means to you,” he began. “And you might think I’m being heartless. But I’m trying to do what’s best for all concerned.”

  Lily sat up and took several steadying breaths, trying to bring herself to speak. Her chest hurt so badly she thought her heart would explode. She ran her coat sleeve across her eyes and cleared her throat. “This is the horse my mother was going to prove in the Tevis. It was her dream. And now you want to put her to sleep, and none of that dream will ever be able to come true!”

  Mr. Henley shook his head. “I’m really, truly sorry, Lily…about your mom, and about Astra, too. Your mom was a very special person, and a great rider. I have no doubt that the pair of them would have done well in the Tevis Cup.” He paused for a moment. “Maybe there’s something I can do for you. It isn’t much, but it might help lessen the hurt.”

  He turned and walked out of the stall, returning a few minutes later with a piece of paper in his hands. He pulled a pen out of his pocket and signed the paper, then handed it to Lily.

  “What’s this?” Lily took the paper he offered. Her eyes grew wide when she recognized the Arabian Horse Association registration papers. She sniffed. “I don’t understand…”

  “I believe that Steve here wants to give you a gift,” Dr. Tison said, with a small, sad smile.

  Mr. Henley nodded. “Those are Astra’s registration papers. I’ve signed them over to you. She’s yours for the next couple of hours. But if the mare doesn’t show improvement soon, I’ll have to insist that Dale go ahead and put her down. I know it might seem harsh, but it’s what’s best for the animal.” Without another word, he turned and walked out of the barn.

  Lily was too dumbstruck to respond.

  Dr. Tison waited a few moments for Lily to regain some composure, then leaned against the door as he spoke. “So how does it feel to be a horse owner again?”

  Lily studied the papers through swollen eyes. She ran her fingers over the place where Mr. Henley had written her name. Astra Atomica was hers now. Really and truly hers—at least for the next several hours. She ran her hand lovingly down the prone mare’s coat. “Did you hear that, girl? You’re my horse.”

  Astra gave no response but Lily was sure the mare could hear her. She talked to her in a soothing voice. “You’re going to get better, girl. Don’t you worry. All of that medicine is going to kick in and you’re going to start getting better.”

  She thought about what would happen if by some miracle Astra did recover. Her dad would have a fit. Mr. Henley probably would, too. The thought almost made her smile. She knew giving her Astra had been just a symbolic gesture meant to make her feel better. And it was a nice thing for the owner to do. But in Mr. Henley’s mind, Astra was already dead.

  Dr. Tison opened the stall door. “I’ll give her another shot and check her heart rate and temperature,” he offered. “Then I’m going to make a few other house calls in the area. Might as well start the day early. I’ll be back in a couple of hours and we’ll see what Mr. Henley wants to do then.”

  Lily nodded. She sat back while the veterinarian checked Astra and gave her another shot.

  “Her heart rate is still elevated, and her temperature is 103°,” Dr. Tison said. “At this point, there’s not much we can do for her except make her comfortable.”

  Lily looked at the sick mare. Sweat marks and dirt stains marred her shiny coat from when she’d tossed and turned. “Can I get a brush and some warm water and clean her up a bit?”

  Dr. Tison shrugged. “I guess it can’t hurt. Keep your chin up, kiddo, and I’ll see you in a few hours.” He patted her on the shoulder and let himself out of the stall.

  Lily went to the wash rack and drew a small amount of warm water, then picked up the brush bucket. If Astra was going to die, she wanted her to at least be clean and comfortable. The thought brought back tears and she swallowed hard.

  As she wandered back to the stall, Lily could hear the sounds of a waking barn. Horses pawed at stall doors, begging for morning feed. Grain buckets rattled as grooms unstacked them and lined them up for filling. She could hear the hushed voices of Jill and Thomas down the way and knew that the barn manager had filled Jill in on the details about Astra.

  Lily let herself into the enclosure and went to work brushing the mare down. The weather was still cold, so she didn’t want to put too much water on her—just enough to get her clean. Several times, Astra twitched or released a small groan, causing Lily to wonder if she might wake up. It felt odd to watch the horse lying there, barely breathing, when only the day before she’d been tossing her proud head, eager to be off for a run.

  Jill popped her head over the door. “How’s she doing?” She took a look at the mare and shook her head. “Oh, Lily. I’m so sorry.”

  Lily gave her a grateful smile. “No, I’m sorry. It’s your horse.”

  “Not anymore,” Jill said. “Astra was very special to you. I’m glad my dad turned her papers over to you.”

  When Jill left, Charlie appeared. Lily cringed inwardly, sure that he’d say something to wreck the moment.

  “Hey, Lily.” He tipped his chin in her direction, his eyes cast down. “I’ll do your stalls for you today.”

  He turned and walked away, shoulders slumped. Lily wondered if he felt responsible for what had happened to Astra. Part of her wanted to blame him for all of this. But she remembered how many times she’d let her old pony tug her to different places to crop grass. She couldn’t put the entire blame on Charlie. Horses got sick. And sometimes they died. That was the way of things. But not Astra. Not now.

  Lily finished brushing Astra and spent the rest of the time petting her and speaking softly. She quietly talked about the memories she had of her mother and the beautiful gray mare. She was dimly aware of the barn activities around her, but everyone left her alone.

  Occasionally Astra would take a deeper breath, or twitch a muscle, and Lily felt a flicker of hope. Maybe the horse would come out of this. She’d heard of people who’d come out of a coma after years of sleep. Miracles were always possible, weren’t they?

  But all too quickly, the time passed. Soon she felt the presence of Mr. Henley and Dr. Tison in front of Astra’s stall.

  “It’s time, Lily,” Mr. Henley said.

  Lily stood and placed herself between them and Astra. Again, she knew what sh
e had to do. Astra needed time—just a little more time to see if she could get better. They were all reacting too quickly. Dr. Tison had said the mare wasn’t in pain. Why the hurry to put her down? Why not give her a chance?

  “No,” she said quietly but firmly.

  Mr. Henley looked confused. “What do you mean, no?” He motioned for her to leave the stall. “Come on out of there, Lily, and let’s get this over with.”

  Lily planted her feet. “No. Astra is my horse now. You gave her to me.” She turned to Dr. Tison. “You can’t put her down without the owner’s permission, right?” She thought she saw a glimmer of admiration in the vet’s eyes. It gave her courage to stand her ground.

  Dr. Tison nodded in agreement.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Henley. I know you think this is what’s best for the horse. But it’s not. We’ve got to give Astra a little more time.” She turned back to Dr. Tison. “She’s my horse now,” she repeated. “You saw the registration papers with my name on them. I want to give her a chance. I don’t want her put to sleep.”

  Mr. Henley opened his mouth to speak, but the veterinarian put his hand on the ranch owner’s shoulder and guided him away from the stall.

  Lily stood as still as she could, listening to their receding footsteps and hushed words, not daring to move a single muscle. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until it all came out in a big whoosh. She collapsed to her knees in the center of the stall and sucked in big gulps of air. She wasn’t sure where she’d gotten the courage to stand up to Mr. Henley and fight for Astra’s life. But she’d done it.

  Lily crawled to where Astra lay, quiet and still in the deep bed of shavings. She reached out a shaky hand and stroked the warm, gray coat. She wasn’t sure if she’d done the right thing. Only time would tell. But at least now they might have a little more of it.

  She’d done her part. Now the rest was up to Astra.

  Five

  The stall door opened and Lily quickly waved her friend inside. Meloney tucked her wavy blonde hair behind her ears and knelt in the shavings next to Lily. Her cheeks glowed pink, as if she’d run all the way there.