The Wolf Within (The Wild Side)

by M. J. Scott

  “Just keep breathing, Ashley,” Ani said. She stood maybe six feet away from me. “Just a little longer.”

  I snarled at her, I couldn’t help it. A real snarl, low and rumbling that hurt my throat. Humans aren’t supposed to make that sort of sound.

  “Breathe,” she said. “In and out.”

  I wanted to run. Wanted to move but I managed to stay still and do as I was told. My brain felt foggy, like I was trying to remember something half-forgotten. Why was I here? Why couldn’t I move?

  Changing. Right.

  “Breathe.”

  I growled again and Ani moved a little closer. I didn’t see her but her scent flowed over me, cool and calming, making me want to do as she said.

  Beyond the clearing, I was aware of others moving through the trees as the skies darkened. I heard the tiny cracks of twigs, the pad of bare feet on leaves and grass. Just like I could hear the breathing of the five who stood around the outskirts of the clearing, ready to help Ani if she needed it.

  Samuel. And four other female wolves I’d met over the last couple of days. Their scents mingled with the smells of the forest and the night as they stood. Waiting to see me change.

  Another shudder ripped through me, pain following immediately in its tracks, driving me to my knees. “This hurts,” I panted.

  “Only this time,” Ani said. “Don’t fight.”

  “How much longer?” I dug my fingers into the dirt.

  Somewhere off to my left a howl split the night air. The liquid call of it raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I wanted to answer, wanted to join in the dance it seemed to be inviting me to.

  “Not long,” Ani said. She sounded annoyed. I got the feeling the howler was in trouble.

  “Hang on.” She moved a little closer.

  It was nearly dark now and I couldn’t see her face clearly. She was a pale blur surrounded by dark curls of hair. Like me she wore a white cotton shift. Something that would tear easily. I hadn’t wanted to be naked. Not with near strangers watching.

  The air grew still around us and I started to feel the energy boil over my skin again. Looking up I saw the moon hit the top of the trees then a cloud shifted and the light fell on me.

  The world exploded. Heat bubbled through me and the sound of my heartbeat thundered in my ears. Things moved and shifted beneath my skin with a speed and fury that brought a pained scream to my lips.

  A scream that ended as a howl.

  The sound was answered by what sounded like an army of wolves, their voices rising eerily from the darkened trees around us.

  My howl choked off in surprise and I lay on the ground breathing hard, eyes closed while the pain ebbed away. I felt different but I wasn’t ready to look, not just yet. But as the pain faded, the energy rose again and with it, the urge to move.

  I opened my eyes.

  Everything looked sharper. Details I hadn’t been able to make out with human eyes were crystal clear. Twigs on branches. Different shapes of grass. A bird fluttered onto a branch in the nearest tree and the movement riveted my attention, my head tracking it.

  “Ashley?”

  I turned my head. Ani stood in front of me, still in human form.

  She smiled. “Are you okay?”

  I considered the question. I no longer hurt but the rush of sounds and smells was confusing. I rolled to what would’ve been lying flat on my stomach in human form only to find that wolf legs kind of get in the way so I ended up half-lying, half-sitting, trying to get used to the sight of paws where hands should be.

  Ani came closer, stretched out a hand toward my nose. I sniffed it quickly, almost sneezing at the scent of the hand cream she used. But under the human scents was an undeniable scent of familiarity, of belonging.

  Ani smiled again, then ran her hand down my back.

  “You’re black, like Dan,” she said.

  I’d been wondering about that. I could see my fur was dark but in the silvery light I couldn’t tell what color it might be. Colors were different with wolf eyes. Or maybe that was the moonlight.

  “Try to stand up,” she said. “Brace with your front legs, it will feel weird at first.”

  With her help I manage to stand, trying to adjust to an eye-level several feet lower than I was used to and to the weight of my tail hanging weirdly behind me.

  It didn’t feel wrong exactly, just odd.

  “Hang on,” Ani said then she did the blurring thing Dan had done and a wolf stood in her place.

  I yipped in surprise and backed up a pace, almost getting my legs tangled up in my tail.

  The wolf—Ani—was paler than me in color, a dark red like her hair maybe, and closer to normal wolf size than Dan had been. But something about her made me wary.

  She approached me slowly then stood nose to nose.

  She was actually smaller than me but I found myself crouching. In wolf form, it was perfectly clear that Ani was the Alpha. Command flowed through her posture and her scent.

  She nuzzled my neck briefly then “Get up.”

  It sounded in my head, not my ears and I whined.

  “Ashley? Can you hear me?”

  “I don’t know how to do this,” I thought.

  “Yes, you do,” Ani said with a mental chuckle. Her mouth stretched in a doggy grin. “I can hear you just fine.”

  “So can I.”

  I spun.

  From the trees, another wolf, lighter again than Annie approached. He was big, much bigger than either of us. Sam.

  The other four female wolves who’d been watching us ranged around him.

  Sam came closer to me and I had the same reaction to him as I had to Ani, crouching low. He nuzzled my neck too then stepped away, letting me stand full height again. When the first of the females approached I bristled, the fur on the back of my neck and spine lifting. Ani and Sam commanded my respect. Anyone else was going to have to earn it.

  “Ladies,” Sam said looking from me to the wolf with his tail waving slowly from side to side.

  Ani made a rumbling noise at the other wolves and they came no closer. “We don’t need to decide any of this tonight. Ashley, let’s run.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ani threw back her head and howled. The sound sent a shiver down my spine. It didn’t have an exact human translation, something close to *chase*run*free*power* but it spoke directly to the wolf, tapping into the energy burning through me.

  I answered the call, howling to the moonlight like I’d wanted to the night before.

  Then there was a quick “Come on,” from Ani and she took off, running headlong into the trees.

  I bounded after her, trying not to think, trying to let this new body do what it was meant to do.

  Running in wolf form was a revelation. I skimmed over the ground, the movement an effort, yes, but also pure joy. I felt as though I could run for days as I followed Ani’s twists and turns half by sight, half by the scent trail she left and the sounds of her paws hitting the earth.

  The smells of the forest flowed over my nose like perfume. Damp earth, ripe leaves, bark, cool water somewhere in the distance. And the smell of other wolves. Not close but identifiable. There was an underlying common note to the scents, something that spoke of home, of belonging.

  Pack.

  I heard them moving through the forest with me, heard a song of yips and howls begin to build. *Faster* it seemed to say. *Wilder*

  Ani disappeared between the trees as she rounded a bend in the rough track we were following and I sped up, only to come to a sliding halt as I recognized the smell of the wolf blocking the path.

  Dan.

  In the night air, the wildness of him flowed through me like electricity, until I wanted to rub myself along his fur and cover myself in the deliciousness of that scent. I dug my claws into the dirt to stay right where I was, growling in the back of my throat.

  “Ashley.”

  There was longing in the tone of his thought and I dropped my eyes. I didn’t want to se
e how magnificent he looked with the moonlight reflecting off his fur and turning his eyes almost pure silver.

  He padded closer, circling me so his fur almost brushed mine. I shivered as his scent tugged at me, wanting to lean into the warmth. He stopped when he was facing me again, our noses maybe an inch apart.

  I growled again. “Get out of my way.”

  I could hear that Ani had stopped a hundred feet or so down the path but she wasn’t coming back to find me.

  Dan cocked his head to one side. “Listen to the song. They’re starting to hunt. Are you joining them?”

  I could hear what he meant. The howls had grown fiercer. More purposeful. Predatory.

  I didn’t know if I was ready for the hunt. But I knew I wasn’t ready to stay here and find out just how strong an effect Dan might have on me under the moon. And the howls were calling to me almost as strongly as he did.

  “I said, get out of my way.” I snarled then sprang into a run, ducking around him, sprinting toward Ani and the howls. I expected him to follow me but didn’t hear any sounds of pursuit.

  I didn’t want to think about Dan. Didn’t want to think period. So I just ran, overtaking Ani and chasing the chorus of howls growing around me, pounding through my head and my blood.

  Gradually I became aware of more and more strange wolves surrounding me and another enticing smell ahead on the path. Something warm and rich that made me salivate.

  The howls grew more and more intense. I found myself running with three other wolves behind two deer whose frantic hoof beats pounded on the dirt, inflaming me even further.

  Instinct spurred me after them, made me stretch and twist and fly as they twisted and turned, their fear scenting the air.

  One of the wolves arrowed ahead of me and leapt. The deer tumbled abruptly, a sudden crack and stillness telling me it had broken its neck.

  The wolf sat for a second panting in the moonlight, then lowered its head and tore the deer’s throat out.

  Blood spilled onto the path. The smell swam around me, blurring my vision as hunger flared to life inside me. Blood. Thick and warm and salty-sweet.

  It called to me and I crept closer to the deer, fighting the urge to join the wolves tearing at the skin of its belly, my human mind warring with the wolf. Steam rose from the blood exposed to the cool air, making the smell even stronger. Even more tempting.

  “Feed, Ashley. Join us.”

  Ani appeared at my side and the other wolves melted back from the deer. I hesitated and she walked delicately to the deer and tore free a chunk of meat, gulping it down. Then she came back to me. The blood smell rose from her fur, mixing with the alpha smell.

  “Feed,” she said again and nuzzled my face, transferring the blood from her fur to mine. Instinctively my tongue flicked out to lick it clean and the salty taste seemed to snap any control the human had over the wolf. Snarling at the others, I leapt for the deer and buried my teeth deep into the wound Ani had created.

  Blood and meat. Power. It flowed through me like a drug as I fed and fed until I didn’t feel like Ashley anymore at all.

  ***

  In the morning I felt like Ashley again. An Ashley who was stiff and sore, but a good kind of stiff and sore. My bruises were gone. My nausea at the thought of eating raw deer wasn’t.

  The smell of the plate of bacon Ani put in front of me made my stomach quiver uneasily.

  “I think I’ll just have toast.”

  “It’s weird at first,” Sam said sympathetically. “But at least you’re not vegetarian. It’s just meat in a different form. You eat meat.”

  Not raw meat. I sipped juice and tried not to think about it.

  “Just think of it as carpaccio,” Jase added helpfully.

  I shot him a ‘not helping’ look. “It’s not the same thing.”

  “How do you think I felt drinking blood the first time?”

  “I never thought about it.” I looked down at the bacon and my stomach heaved again. I pushed the plate away.

  Jase pulled a face. “It was kind of gross. But you acquire a taste for it.”

  I had no intention of acquiring a taste for eating raw bloody deer. Or anything else. “I don’t have to hunt, do I?”

  Ani shrugged, forking up bacon and eggs. “Not every time but the less you give into the urge, the stronger it will be. It’s easier for young wolves if they change and hunt regularly. Your control will be better.”

  Looked like I’d be taking the hard way then. Being a wolf was just too weird. Once a month would do me just fine.

  “Pack meeting tonight,” Sam said as he rose and carried his dishes to the sink.

  “M-meeting?” I wasn’t sure I was ready to face that many people. Not when I’d seen some of them last night with blood dripping from their jaws.

  “Mostly your First Change party,” Ani said. “People are staying on because the full moon was Friday night.”

  A werewolves' weekend away. Lucky me. “I’m not really in the partying mood.”

  “You need to meet your pack,” Ani said. Her tone suggested there was no point arguing. And it was harder than before not to just do what she wanted.

  A side-effect of changing I hadn’t expected. “Why?”

  “It will make it easier on you. You need to see that we’re just people.”

  People who turned into giant wolves and killed deer under the full moon. People who might eat even darker things if they gave full rein to their instincts. I’d known what I’d felt last night. The urge to hunt, to kill and feast. If a human had wandered into those woods I wasn’t so sure that I’d have differentiated them from a deer as prey. So how was I different from Tate?

  I didn’t know the answer any more.

  ***

  The pack meeting was held in a function room in the main house. It could’ve been any big party almost anywhere. Men, women, and some teenagers standing around talking and laughing. Eating chips and dip and drinking beers or coffees or sodas. Music played softly under the buzz of conversation, something vaguely jazzy.

  I still had the urge to turn right around and leave, especially when I saw Dan across the room, laughing with a short blonde and a tall brunette.

  Only the fact Ani and Sam were right behind me kept me from fleeing back to Jase, who hadn’t been invited, immediately.

  The conversation died down as people turned to look at us. The expressions ranged from curiosity to appraisal to something approaching hostility from the bottle blonde with Dan. I wondered if he was sleeping with her then squelched the thought. Why should I care who he screwed?

  Ani moved to stand in front of me. “This is Ashley Keenan,” she said when the room was completely silent. “She knows the moon.”

  The crowd erupted into cheers and applause. The sound hurt my ears and I backed up a step. Sam caught my arm.

  “Easy,” he said for my ears only.

  “The pack increases,” Ani said when the noise died down.

  “The blood is strong,” they answered back.

  I stayed where I was, not sure at all what my role in this little ritual was.

  “Okay,” Ani said. “I call the circle.”

  Her words sent the crowd into motion, pulling chairs from the stacks around the walls to form a rough circle. Ani and Sam sat in chairs at the end closest to the door. I was ushered into a seat nearby, by a dark haired woman who looked about my age. She gave me a friendly smile but that was it. I wished again that Jase had been allowed to come with me. This many strangers made me nervous. I folded my hands in my lap, trying to look casual.

  “Who has business?” Sam asked.

  “I do.”

  Dan’s voice. My stomach flipped uneasily, hoping this wasn’t about me.

  Dan strode into the center of the circle. He wore jeans and a greenish-gray shirt that did very nice things to his eyes. Not that I cared about his eyes.

  “Speak, Daniel.” Sam’s tone was very formal.

  “I call claim.”

  The woma
n next to me sucked in a breath, shooting a sideways glance at me that only redoubled my nerves.

  “On whom?”

  “On Ashley Keenan. I call claim until the next moon.”

  Muttered sounds of surprise came from the assembled wolves.

  I leapt to my feet without thinking. “What the hell?”

  “Ashley, sit down,” Ani said.

  “Not until someone explains to me what the hell is going on.”

  Ani’s head snapped back to Dan. “You didn’t tell her?”

  His expression turned stubborn. “No.”

  Sam frowned. “This changes things.”

  “It changes nothing,” Dan said. “I still have the right. I call claim.”

  “Will somebody please tell me what the heck is going on?” I stalked into the circle next to Dan. “Claim what?”

  “Ashley, let’s talk about this outside.” Ani said.

  “Hell, no. He’s started this in here; he can finish it in here. What exactly do you think you’re claiming, Agent Gibson?”

  Dan winced slightly but held his ground. Sam rose from his chair, hands spread. “He claims the right to court you. No other male can approach you until the next full moon.”

  “Excuse me?” My voice squeaked but I was too mad to care.

  “It is our custom,” Ani said. “When a wolf is in love—”

  “The only thing Agent Gibson is in love with is his own ego,” I snarled. “I’m not property to be handed over to him.” Or anyone else for that matter.

  Ani stood. “No one said you were. But we have rules here.”

  I shrugged. “Fine. I’ll leave.”

  Someone in the crowd actually gasped. Puhleeze. They were all behaving like this was some sort of bad soap opera.

  I spun on my heel and started for the door. Ani got there before me. “Get out of my way,” I said.

  “Stay.” It had the unmistakable ring of command. If I’d been in wolf form, it might have worked better. But human and pissed off, it barely made me hesitate.