‘One. It was only one girl.’
‘It still stinks, and I’ve only your word for that. What’s to say you’re not doing that every night? It’s routine, isn’t it? It’s what Ash Gore does on tour. It’s your role, isn’t it? Lead guitarist and chief fluffer.’
‘Was my role, maybe?’ Although it was pretty damned insulting for her to say it, and he didn’t warm them up for anyone. He saw things through to the bitter end. Wasn’t he demonstrating that right now?
A sudden wave of intense weariness gripped hold of him. ‘Why are we fighting, Ginny?’ he asked softly.
To his astonishment she replied, ‘Because we’re both pissed off and scared.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed. He was both those things, and Ginny was the one who saw it most clearly. ‘Please, you’re not really going to leave, are you?’ He dragged his thumb down her cheek to her lips, where he rubbed a path back and forth over their soft surface. ‘I had such plans for this evening.’
‘Sorry I screwed them up.’
‘Don’t.’ He quietened her by covering her lips with his fingers. ‘Can’t we work this out? I swear I’ll stay away from the fans and we could meet more often, talk more often. You know you can call me any time, day or night.’
‘Just as long as nobody knows about it, and I don’t step on the bus,’ she finished for him. ‘Mustn’t trespass on that holy ground.’
‘Unholy,’ he corrected her, briefly provoking a smile. He seized the opportunity to move in closer and brush his lips against her temple.
‘Give me a reason to stay.’
Ash kissed her, pouring his hopes and apologies into the soft brush of their lips.
‘Nice, but not enough.’
He couldn’t give her what she wanted – to head back onto the bus and get cosy in his bed. The band was too volatile. It might turn into a fuck-off great monster at any moment, and explode or sprout tentacles. If that happened he didn’t want his relationship with her to be the first casualty. He’d rather they were still standing together after the fallout, because he’d need someone like her in his life.
‘You don’t have to give me everything, Ash. Just give me something.’
That’d be fine if he had the faintest clue what to give, which he didn’t.
‘Show me what I mean to you. Give me a little piece of yourself.’
The only way he knew how to show her was to worship her, and their location wasn’t exactly ideal for that purpose. It was dingy and dark. Trash swirled about on the breeze and there were weeds growing through the cracks in the uneven tarmac. As for giving up something of himself – she already had his heart. ‘Ginny,’ he muttered, anguished by the dilemma.
She stretched up on tiptoe and brushed a kiss against his jaw. ‘Tell me something that no one else knows about you.’
He looked around, concerned there was someone else here, someone listening in. ‘The first single I ever bought was “Tonight” by New Kids on the Block.’
‘Ooh! Bad.’ She made a lemon-sucking face. ‘Now try again.’ Evidently embarrassing himself wasn’t enough. ‘And actually I bought that too.’
‘My mum still buys me my underwear.’
‘Seriously? How old are you?’
‘She’s concerned I’ll embarrass myself if I get run over or something.’
‘Deflections,’ she said tapping him in the centre of his chest. ‘Fluff. Give me something real. Tell me something that matters.’ Her hand dropped to where his belt buckle lay against his stomach, sparking a thought.
‘I got the snake tattoo done to cover a scar.’
She nodded. ‘I figured as much. Go on.’
He didn’t know what else to say so he raised the hem of his shirt, and inched down his waistband, exposing the little pattern of ink. Ginny traced her finger across it from tail to head. ‘Constance,’ he said. In his mind there were still letters, though in fact there was a simple black band.
‘Pretty dumb to get a girl’s name inked onto your skin.’
He was the king of dumb decisions. ‘I loved her, Ginny. I thought we’d be together for ever. We had our lives mapped out until we were a hundred. We were going to travel and then have kids and a dog, and flock of sheep and a goat, and a little house in Cumbria, where we could write books and grow old.’ His nose stung as he thought about it, prompting him to sniff. Old memories, buried so deep that time had failed to wear away the jagged edges.
Soft warmth filled Ginny’s eyes as he spilled each detail, until they shone honey-gold. ‘How far did you get?’
The lump in his throat made it almost impossible to speak. ‘Not far enough,’ he croaked, and turned away so that she couldn’t see his face. There was a dark corner, not far from where they were standing, that he felt drawn towards. Ginny tottered along behind him into the gloom. ‘I was nineteen. I spent a fortune on a ring I couldn’t afford and got down on one knee. I never got up.’
‘Ash, what do you mean you never got up?’ The warmth of her palm seeped through his clothing and into his skin. ‘What do you mean?’
Her concern bled into her words. With a few short sentences everything that had just happened between them had been chopped away. All that was the snapping of twigs compared with the timber fall he’d just delivered.
‘She turned me down. She broke up with me. I asked if she’d make me the happiest man alive, and she squashed me like a cockroach.’
‘Oh, God!’
‘I’m only here because of Spook. He dragged me off a bridge.’
Her response was evidently too strong for words. Her mouth hung open. Clearly, she hadn’t anticipated him spilling his guts so completely. He hadn’t planned to either. He never talked about this stuff. Curiously, though, now that he’d started talking he didn’t want to stop. It felt like a weight off his chest, as if admitting his past to her made space for the future. A future he did desperately want to share with her.
‘He stopped you jumping?’ she asked.
It was too dark here to see more than the whites of her eyes, but he didn’t need to be able to see to envisage the horror creeping over her, bleaching her skin.
‘He told me that I’d probably just give myself concussion and smash my pretty face up.’
‘Spook did?’
‘He’s not the person most people think he is.’
‘Are any of us ever that?’ She slipped her hand into his and squeezed his fingers. She was trembling. ‘Thank God he was there.’
Spook was always there. He’d been his guardian angel ever since that day. He never said anything about it to Spook, but he knew that’s what the photographs his friend took were all about. They weren’t lascivious; they were protection against repercussions.
‘I … should I … I probably ought to tell you something about me too,’ Ginny whispered.
‘Don’t tell me you got that piercing to hide the scar left behind by a previous lover.’
‘No,’ she chuckled, seeming to appreciate his attempt to lighten the air a little. ‘I got that piercing because it gives me pleasure.’
She gave his hand another vicious tight squeeze. ‘There’s someone I felt that strongly about in my past too. We weren’t going to live in Cumbria, but in a penthouse suite at the top of a glittering glass tower.’
‘What happened?’ Ash asked gently. He already wanted to beat the guy senseless for whatever wrong he’d done.
‘We moved in. He worked. I stayed home, and he forgot about me.’
‘I won’t ever forget about you,’ he promised, drawing her close. ‘I never stop thinking about you, even when I’m on stage. You’re even there in my dreams. Won’t you stay, Ginny? I’m sorry for everything that’s happened tonight, and I know it’s hard, but we can work something out. I don’t mean to keep things this way for ever. I just need time to adjust. If I felt as though the band were stable it would help, but we’re not.’
She rested her head against his chest. Ash smoothed her hair.
‘I can’t. Not becaus
e I don’t think you mean to try, because I know you do. I just …’ She peeped up at him. ‘There’s something I need to do. I’ve put it off too long already. Also, it might be nice to sleep in my own bed for a while and get some laundry done. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m sick of staying in hotels.’
‘Laundry,’ he huffed. ‘You’re leaving me for a washing machine.’
‘Yes, Danger Mouse, that’s right.’
‘But you’ll come back?’
‘Soon,’ she promised. ‘I’ll come to Roskilde. It won’t seem strange if I just happen to be at a rock festival along with thousands of other people.’
‘It’s ages until then.’
‘Not that long.’ She kissed him. ‘It’ll give you time to at least explain to your mates what’s going on.’
Ash held her tight in his arms, clinging to her, not ready to let go. ‘What about your present?’ The diamond was waiting in his dressing room. He’d been looking forward to putting it in.
‘It’ll wait.’
‘Right.’ A thick lump formed in his throat making it almost impossible to swallow. ‘You’ll call me often? And I’ll call you too.’
She sealed the promise with a kiss.
It opened a damn crater inside his chest, allowing her to walk away.
Back inside the venue, Iain was the first to sidle up to him. ‘What’s going on, man? Who is that bitch?’
‘Watch your fucking language,’ Ash snapped.
Iain raised his hands in surrender and backed up. ‘Whoa! Issues! Sounds serious. What is she to you, man? I didn’t think you went in for any serious dating shit.’
‘I’m going to bed,’ Ash replied. He had no intention of explaining to anyone, least of all Iain. He hadn’t forgotten the filthy beast had tried to shove his tongue in her ear. His stomach roiled at the reminder, sending acid up his throat and making him sputter.
‘Better get yourself back to bed. We need you fit and healthy for Amsterdam,’ Rock Giant observed. He tactfully didn’t mention Ash’s alarming exit earlier, and Ash was pleased to note that the girl he’d unceremoniously torn from his person wasn’t still on the sofa waiting to soothe his ruffled rock-star feathers.
‘I’d forgotten you were ill.’ Iain squinted at him sceptically. ‘You seemed all right on stage.’
Ash smiled and squeezed Iain’s shoulder. ‘Must have been due to the adrenalin rush. You know nothing beats a good performance high.’
‘Except a good fuck,’ Xane remarked, strolling past with his arm around Dani’s waist. ‘We’re turning in now. See you guys in an hour or so.’
‘Brilliant,’ Rock Giant sighed. ‘It’s like living on a haunted bus, the amount of groaning that goes on around midnight. I’m going to see if Elspeth’s willing to share.’
‘I’m going to commandeer Tony’s bunk,’ Spook announced. Tony was the most hygienic of their roadies, and liked neat hospital corners on his sheets almost as much as Spook.
They all stalked off, leaving Ash and Iain to walk back together.
‘I don’t know what the problem is myself,’ Iain remarked. ‘Xane roaring away I can live without, but Dani’s kind of cute when she comes.’
‘Pervert,’ Ash replied. ‘You’re not supposed to admit you listen. And before you add anything else, I don’t want to know if it turns you on.’
Iain clapped him on the back. ‘You know me – making sweet soul music is what turns me on.’
‘Then it’s too bad you’re in a rock band.’
Chapter 13
Copenhagen, Denmark. 12 days later.
Ginny scratched her head at the array of listings in multiple languages being flashed across various screens. She was beginning to regret not asking Ash to organise a pick-up for her to take her from Copenhagen to Roskilde, but she hadn’t wanted to make too big a deal of her return. She wanted it to be a surprise, even though they’d agreed to meet there.
‘Know where the taxi rank is?’ she asked the girl with the Cruella de Vil hair who was standing next to her.
‘Outside, but good luck with getting one that doesn’t rip you off. Where you trying to get to? Might be a bus is a better bet.’
‘Roskilde. It’s a rock festival. I think it’s south of here.’
‘North there’s just a lot of ocean, so yes, south. The quickest way will be by train. The festival has its own station to help cut down on the number of cars. Are you meeting friends there?’
‘Boyfriend. Kind of,’ she replied.
‘What, you think you’re meeting him, or he’s only sort of your boyfriend?’ The girl grinned at her. She had a wide, generous mouth and a sweet, heart-shaped face that were somewhat incongruous with her starkly coloured hair. Ginny found herself grinning back.
‘Oh, he’s my boyfriend all right. He’s just a bit shy about admitting it.’ Although she hoped by now he’d got over that a little. He’d promised faithfully that he’d tell his friends, so that it wouldn’t be necessary for them to sneak around all the time.
‘Is that him calling now?’
Ginny glanced down at the phone in her hand to see that the screen had lit, just as the strains of Ash’s favourite song, ‘Lilith Licked’, began to play, alerting her to an incoming text.
‘Hey, Black Halo,’ the girl observed. ‘Love them. They’re supposed to be playing the festival. Guess you like them too, huh?’
‘You could say that. I’m dating one of them.’ The admission – God, it felt good not to be hiding behind a cloak of secrecy; she’d told Ash categorically that she wasn’t going to do that any more – prompted an incredulous ‘oh!’ from the girl.
‘Yeah, course you are. Is that why he’s only sort of your boyfriend, because he’s really just an image printed on a pillowcase?’
‘Does your pillowcase send you texts?’ she asked, raising her brows to seem equally incredulous.
‘Touché. What does he have to say?’
Ginny turned her attention to Ash’s message. It was the same one he’d sent every day, at least twice a day, since she’d left him standing on the wet tarmac in the shadow of the overpass outside the Lotto Arena in Antwerp.
When are you coming home?
Not back or here, but home, to him. It was kind of soppily romantic, but then, beneath his black leather and guy-liner and his snarly on-stage persona, Ash was a big softie.
Just as she’d responded to each of his previous messages, she replied: Soon.
‘Which one?’ the girl asked, leaning over so that she could glimpse the phone display. It offered her no insight, as the text had officially come from Danger Mouse. ‘Can’t be Xane, he’s hooked up with that girl from the sex tape. They’ve been all over the news. I’m a Spook Mortensen fan myself, so it better not be him, although they say he doesn’t do physical contact, so that might be an issue if we ever met, ’cause I’d be all over him like a rash.’
‘It’s Ash, actually,’ Ginny muttered.
‘The hell you are. Ash “I eat pussy for a living” Ash?’ Her grin stretched so wide it threatened to swallow up her face. ‘Cute, but …’ She snorted. ‘You’re not actually serious.’
‘I’d show you a picture if I had any that weren’t obscene.’
The girl snatched Ginny’s phone out of her hand. ‘You have naked photos of Ash Gore!’
‘Shh!’ Ginny hissed, clamping two fingers to her lips. ‘Are you trying to get us mobbed? And give me that back.’
‘Show me one,’ pleaded the girl, turning on the spot to avoid Ginny’s questing fingers. ‘If you do, I’ll give you a lift to the festival when my ride appears. It’s where we’re headed anyway. We’ve a slot booked on one of the minor stages.’ She preened a little at the assertion, before qualifying it. ‘Not that we’re anywhere near as awesome as Black Halo, of course, but we do get to camp in the Artists’ Area. Not that many of them camp, exactly. It’ll be all tour buses the size of hotels.’
‘Is that what you guys have?’
She sighed with longing. ‘I
wish. Some day, maybe. No, we just have a crappy old camper van. But it’s wheels. I’m Lykke, by the way.’ She thrust out her hand for Ginny to shake.
‘Ginny.’
‘So, Ginny, fried breakfast in the morning, if you eat that sort of thing, and a ride in exchange for a glimpse of rock-star tackle.’
Ash would kill her if she showed anyone any of the photographs she had, nearly all of which had been taken by Spook and sent to her by Spook with Ash’s permission as a means of tempting her to return.
‘How about I introduce you to Spook Mortensen instead?’
‘Ooh!’ Lykke let out a tortured squeal. ‘So tempting. Wonder if he’ll give me a rhythm lesson? I’m not sure what August’s going to have to say about it, but yeah, OK then. Deal.’
* * *
‘Do you know if he’s really celibate?’ Lykke asked her, as they rode in the back of the camper van some minutes later. The two other members of Lykke’s band sat upfront.
‘He’s interesting,’ Ginny replied tactfully. She supposed the honest answer might have been yes, but actually she wasn’t sure she knew Spook well enough to pass judgement. Maybe ‘highly selective’ and ‘very discreet’ would be more accurate. She suspected he’d be an absolute animal if you ever got him into bed. She knew Ash thought that the episode that had birthed all those incredible, if obscene, photos was her idea, but truthfully none of it would have happened without Spook. She still wasn’t entirely convinced that he didn’t have a bit of a thing for Ash.
Chapter 14
Roskilde Festival, Denmark
‘Ash, are you in there?’ Iain hollered, smashing his fist against the bathroom door.
Dear God, was there no peace to be had anywhere on this bleeding bus? Ash bit down so hard his teeth ached. Iain in particular was like his fucking shadow, glued to his side, but essentially useless for anything besides posing. And even that couldn’t be relied upon. After splashing about in the mud trying to free the tour bus from the sludge that was supposed to be a campsite, Iain had sported so many knots in his razor-cut hair it’d resembled dreads.
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