Goodnight Children Everywhere and Other Plays

by Richard Nelson

  HUGH: And smart as a whip.

  (He points to her head. Betty suddenly bursts out of the kitchen, wearing Peter’s cowboy hat, and announces:)

  BETTY: Dinner is served!

  (The others react to the hat: “What’s that?” “Peter’s!” “Take it off.”)

  HUGH (As they are going; to Betty): That’s what I imagine my wife wearing now.

  ROSE: I don’t think they wear cowboy hats in Cleveland, Ohio.

  VI: Is that where she—?

  (Hugh suddenly interrupts by putting his arm around Vi and whispering something.)

  Go ahead, if you want.

  MIKE (Stopping Peter): Peter, can you help me collect the glasses?

  (As the others head off, Hugh breaks into another chorus of “The Bells of St. Mary’s.” Only Betty joins in. They are off.

  Peter starts to collect the glasses.)

  Do you like Rose?

  (This stops Peter.)

  You don’t mind that she’s here.

  PETER: Why would I mind?

  MIKE: Good. She’s just a little older than you, I think. But probably not nearly as—experienced?

  (He tries to smile, Peter looks at him, is about to say something, when:)

  (Biting his nail) Ann talked to me about this morning.

  (Beat.)

  PETER: What about this morning?

  MIKE (Seemingly changing the subject): Today in surgery there was Mrs. Jones. She was with her husband—Mr. Jones. (Smiles at the obviousness of this and continues) She’s been fainting. Dizzy. You could see the disease in her eyes, Peter. They both looked at me, expecting. Hopeful. This man had served his country. (Beat) I knew she was dying. I could have told them this. (Beat) They could have spent the next—months? Building memories? I could have begun this for them. But instead, I said—something like: “Your wife, Mr. Jones, has a thirty to forty percent chance of extending normalcy through this year.” “Thirty to forty percent?” I heard him say. “Better than we had hoped.” Translated, what I said meant—she might maybe live through the remainder of this year—these next seven months, but probably not. But they heard something different. I’m a coward, Peter. I can’t . . . It’s not in my nature, I think . . . Don’t hate me for that. (Smiles at his own exaggeration. Then, holding out his arm) That’s me! Now you know me!

  (He smiles. The singing from the kitchen has stopped. Ann appears.)

  ANN: Mike? Peter?

  MIKE: In a minute.

  (Peter looks at Ann, who returns to the kitchen, from where we start to hear “The White Cliffs of Dover.” Mike sighs, this is obviously very difficult for him. He sighs again, then:)

  She told me about seeing you in the bath and what that made her feel, Peter. (Tries to smile) And then you sent her back to her room. Thank you. A child’s punishment for a child’s . . . (Beat) Good for you. And that is what happened.

  PETER: Are you telling me—?

  MIKE: And that is what happened. (Stares at Peter, then) Women when they are pregnant, Peter—I speak as a doctor—well they don’t always do the rational thing. That’s an understatement. (Smiles) So it’s up to us. To help them out. Not let their—emotions—get the best of them. (Beat) She was embarrassed when she told me. Even contrite. Now I suspect she’s forgotten the whole thing. As should you. As will you. (Suddenly a big smile) Come here! Here. (Grabs him and holds his head) God, I know this can’t be easy. But know that you have me. All right? Anytime you want to talk. Need an ear. (Steps back, holds open his arms as he did before) That’s me!

  VI (Off): Mike!!

  MIKE: Coming!! (Slaps Peter’s shoulder) I’ll get Rose to help you with those . . . (“the glasses”)

  PETER: I don’t need any—

  MIKE: She’s a good-looking girl.

  (He winks and goes. Peter picks up a few glasses. Rose appears.)

  ROSE: I’m supposed to help . . .

  (From the kitchen we hear: “Are we eating?” “Start serving,” etc.)

  Are those all the glasses?

  (He hands her one.)

  Thanks. I suppose we should take them back in the kitchen. (Beat) Do you ever go to the pictures? I love the pictures. I never say no to anyone who asks me to go to the pictures.

  (Peter hesitates, then, without saying a word, heads for the kitchen. Rose, a little hurt, follows.

  Off we hear their arrival: “At last!” “Now can we eat?” etc. And the scooting of chairs being moved around the table, the murmur of talk. Then the clinking of a glass as Mike tries to get everyone’s attention for grace.)

  MIKE (Off): Dear God, Father of us all, we ask You to bless this our table and we, Your children . . .

  SCENE 5

  Later that night.

  Radio is on—the glow of the yellow dial is the only light visible. Ann sits alone, curled up in a chair, smoking.

  Noise off, footsteps, voices, etc. Door to the outside hallway opens—Vi, Betty, Peter and Mike enter talking.

  VI (Teasing): Come on. Come on, Betty! Say what you think of him! (To the others) She won’t say. Why won’t she say?

  PETER (To Ann): You’re sitting in the dark.

  (They start turning on lights.)

  VI: Is he your type? Is he not your type?

  BETTY: He’s not my type.

  VI: He’s not her type.

  (They are taking off their coats, etc.)

  Well I thought he was sort of good looking.

  BETTY: I know you did.

  VI: What is that supposed to mean?

  (No response.)

  ANN (To Mike): What happened?

  VI (Continuing): So—I think you’re making a mistake.

  BETTY: What sort of mistake am I making, Vi?

  MIKE (To Ann): About Hugh.

  VI: A doctor. Not bad looking. Divorced. (Still teasing, Vi winks at Peter)

  BETTY: You don’t know anything.

  VI (Smiling): I think she fancies this man, that is exactly what I think.

  BETTY (Upset, but the others don’t see this yet): He’s looking for a nurse! (Turns to Mike) Did you know that? I couldn’t just leave you.

  MIKE (Smiling): You do what you want. (Turns to the others and smiles. Leans over and kisses Ann on the head) How’s the headache?

  ANN: I’m all right.

  BETTY (Erupts): So I just do what I want?! I don’t think I even know what that is anymore! I think I’ve forgotten even what that means!

  ANN (Concerned): Betty—

  BETTY (Very upset now): I think it’s been beaten out of my skull! I think all I know now how to do is take care of people! Do what you want!!

  (Vi suddenly smiles. Confused, she turns to Ann.)

  (To Vi) Go ahead and laugh at me!

  VI: I wasn’t laughing at—

  BETTY (It comes out): He was all over you, Vi.

  VI: What??

  BETTY: And you encouraged him!!

  VI: I did no such thing.

  BETTY: You selfish little girl. You’ve always been so selfish!

  ANN: Stop it, Betty! Stop it!—

  BETTY (Over this): I saw you crossing your legs. We’re talking about something else and suddenly—it’s legs. How he likes legs! (Beat) I hate my legs. I hate them.

  (She starts to cry and runs off to her bedroom.

  The others are stunned, having had no idea how serious this was.)

  ANN: What . . .?

  VI: I did nothing. Nothing!

  ANN: Something must—

  VI: I think the guy’s a joke. A moron. Why would I try and pick him up? (Beat) She’s insane. (Shrugs) She shouldn’t drink.

  PETER: She hardly drank anything.

  VI (Yelling): Then I don’t know what her problem is. Don’t blame me!

  MIKE (Quietly): She must have heard . . .

  VI: What?

  (Beat.)

  MIKE: Hugh and I were talking— I told him to—sh-sh. And Betty was walking back from the ladies. He looked at her—he said he thought her ankles were thick. (Beat) I did
n’t think she heard . . .

  ANN: He said that?

  MIKE (Making light of it): We were looking at all the girls. Not just Betty. This one’s nose is too small. This one’s . . . you know. (Suddenly remembering) He liked her breasts. He said—Betty’s got nice breasts. But thick ankles. So it was sort of—balancing: this is good, this is not as good . . . (Beat) He didn’t mean anything by it. In his defense, he . . . (Shrugs. Pause)

  ANN: She must like him.

  VI: Not necessarily.

  ANN: True.

  (Suddenly the phone rings. They look at each other, then Vi picks it up.)

  VI (Into the phone): Hello? Oh . . . I’ll look. (She covers the receiver) It’s the tactful—Hugh. He’s lost his hat, he wonders if he left it here.

  (They immediately see it on a table. All point. Vi starts to uncover the receiver, then has a better idea. She sets the phone down and goes to the hallway and calls.)

  Betty! Telephone! Betty! Betty!!

  (Betty appears, very hesitant.)

  It’s—Hugh.

  (Betty starts to go back. Vi grabs her.)

  He’s lost his hat. It’s right over there. Tell him.

  (Betty tries to leave again, Vi holds her.)

  Tell him!

  (Suddenly her sister and brother see what Vi is doing and join in: “Tell him, Betty! Please, Betty! Tell him! Tell him!” Even Mike joins in, but without really knowing what is going on. Ann, Vi, and Peter plead: “Betty!”

  Betty finally goes to the phone, picks it up.)

  BETTY: Hello? . . . It’s Betty. Your hat’s here.

  (She starts to hang up. But Hugh has said something.)

  What? . . . Thank you. It was Mother’s recipe actually . . . I’ll write it down if you like and post it . . . What? (Beat) Tomorrow? . . . Let me think. (To the others) Am I free tomorrow night?

  (The others just stare at her.)

  Yes, I think I am free. That would be very nice indeed. Thank you so much. Goodnight. (Hangs up. Short pause) He asked me out. On a date. I think I’ll do the washing up now. (Turns and starts to go, then stops and speaks to Mike) He’s a nice man. I like him. (Smiles, turns to the others and tries to make a joke. Patting Mike) And if I can’t have Father here, then I’ll have to settle for Hugh. (Realizes what she has just said)

  PETER (Quietly): Father??

  BETTY (Embarrassed): I mean—Mike. Mike here. I’m just joking Ann. (Tries to laugh. Then, to say something:) He’s taking me to dinner. Hugh.

  (She goes. No one says anything for a moment, then:)

  VI: I’ll help Betty.

  MIKE: What was that all about? Sometimes I walk into this house and I feel I don’t have a clue about what’s going on. (Turns to Ann, and Peter near her)

  PETER: I should probably go to bed.

  VI (Goes to Peter): Funny, your sisters, aren’t they? (Kisses him on the cheek) Thanks for taking me to the pictures.

  PETER (To Ann and Mike): I’m sorry to report I didn’t have to fight anyone off! (Smiles)

  VI: And thanks—for coming home. Goodnight. (To Ann and Mike) I’ll help Betty do the washing up. ’Night.

  ANN: Goodnight.

  (Vi goes into the kitchen.)

  VI (Off, to Betty): So I’m a selfish little girl, am I?

  BETTY (Off): I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—

  VI: I’m joking, I know—

  (Door closes and we don’t hear any more.)

  ANN (To Mike): I won’t be long.

  MIKE: I’ll get myself another—

  ANN: You’ve had enough to drink. Go to bed. Peter can keep me company.

  (Peter is surprised by this. Mike looks at him, nods, then:)

  MIKE: I’ll read. (Goes)

  ANN: I think he has a girlfriend. His nurse. (Beat) What do you think?

  (Peter shrugs and goes to the bottle on the tray.)

  What are you doing?

  PETER: I want a drink.

  ANN: You’re seventeen years old! And I don’t know what Mike is doing taking you to a pub—

  (She tries to take the bottle away, Peter holds it out of her reach.)

  PETER: Father gave me my first drink years ago. Right in this room.

  ANN: What are you talking about—?

  PETER: I was ten, I think.

  (Ann suddenly realizes.)

  ANN: Oh my God, are you drunk?!

  PETER (Over this): He poured me a beer. Then another. Then a third and I threw up. He said, “Son—if you’re going to drink, then I want you to learn to drink right here in your home.” (Beat) Well, I’m home. (Pours himself a drink. Beat. Points toward the kitchen) Maybe I should help.

  (No response. He sits.)

  I want to go to bed. (Sips his drink) Why did you talk about this morning with Mike?

  ANN: Because . . . (Shrugs) he’s my husband? I don’t know. (Beat) But I didn’t tell him what happened. Because nothing happened, Peter. We have to face that. Accept that. (Beat) Mike was terribly interested—in my feelings. He was almost sweet about it. (Beat) I think it was the doctor in him.

  PETER (Interrupting): I could have stopped you, this morning, you know.

  ANN: Stop what? What happened? You sent me to my room. A naughty, naughty girl. (Suddenly) It was a dream! I’m not a freak! I hate it that you’re drinking by the way. I really hate it.

  (He sets down his glass.)

  So—how was little—what’s-her-name?

  PETER: Who?

  ANN: Hugh’s—

  PETER: Rose.

  ANN: I knew it was some—form of vegetation. (Beat) She was a late addition to the night, did you know? Mike asked Hugh to bring her along for you. (Beat) After our talk— His conclusion was that you needed a date. Did you know that she was your date?

  PETER: Yes.

  ANN: Oh. (Beat) I look at you and see a ten-year-old boy. I’ve got to get used to this. I thought she was dear. Sort of. Maybe you should ask her out. Or maybe you have? I’ve got a little pocket money, you could take her to the pictures. She obviously likes the pictures. Let me give it to you . . .

  (She gets out of the chair and goes to get her purse. Peter stops her, holds her arm. She shakes him off.)

  No.

  (Peter suddenly erupts.)

  PETER: What game are you playing with me?!

  (Beat.)

  ANN: No game. None. (Stares at him) I’m trying to be—good. I’m trying to close my eyes and say: “Mother, please tell me what to do?” (Beat) There is no one in the world I’d rather hold—than you. To hug. To touch. I want you pressed against me. Breathing each breath with me. (Beat) I see the boy. I see—the brother. I see the man. Like pages in a book flicking by—faster and faster. Never stopping. All blurring into the next, Peter. All—at the same time. (Beat) I love you so much.

  (Short pause.)

  PETER: And what does Mother say?

  (Laugher from the kitchen. Ann looks at him, then shrugs. Peter leans over and kisses her on the cheek.)

  ANN: Tell me—was that a brotherly kiss? Or . . . tell me, Peter, because otherwise I should hit you. Should I hit you? (Suddenly turns away) Remember having to line up in the kitchen, when we’d all done something wrong? Mother had that big wooden spoon. Where was Father?

  PETER: Probably drunk.

  ANN: Probably on business. (Continuing) You were the youngest. So you were the last. And by then Mother would always say, “Now I think I’ve made my point.” She couldn’t strike you. Her daughters—no problem.

  PETER: I remember being hit—

  ANN: By us! We hit you, Peter! We took you out into the garden and gave you a good beating!

  (She laughs. Betty and Vi come out of the kitchen, laughing, the best of pals now.)

  BETTY: We’re leaving the rest till morning. And I don’t care if that’s a sin! (Noticing Ann and Peter smiling) What??

  VI: They were always the closest.

  BETTY: That is true, isn’t it.

  VI: I used to be jealous.

  PETER (Explaini
ng): Ann was telling me how you’d take me out to the garden—

  ANN (Same time): When Mother wouldn’t hit him! With his cricket bat!

  PETER: Cricket bat?

  VI: Betty held you down.

  BETTY: I was the strongest!

  VI: And I made a little mark with my fingernail on the bat. For every smack—

  BETTY: You hated that so we kept doing it.

  PETER: I don’t remember the bat.

  VI: I’m sure it’s here somewhere. This family throws nothing away. (To Betty) Do we?

  BETTY (To Ann): By the way, I’m sorry about earlier . . .

  ANN: Please.

  VI (Going up to Peter as if to kiss him on the cheek): Goodnight. (Suddenly tickles him)

  BETTY: He was always a sucker. Goodnight little brother!

  PETER: Goodnight.

  (They are halfway down the hall.)

  ANN (Calling): I’m going to bed, too!

  (Vi and Betty are gone. Peter and Ann are again alone. Pause.)

  (Then, as if picking up the old conversation) Anyway, I’m ugly. A handsome boy like you—why would you want me?

  (Peter looks at her.)

  PETER: You’re the most beautiful woman I know.

  (Short pause.)

  ANN: Have you ever had a girlfriend?

  (Peter hesitates, then shaking his head:)

  PETER: No.

  (Short pause.)

  ANN: Not even—“Auntie Fay”?

  PETER (Seriously): Stop it.

  ANN: Sorry. It was a joke. Come here. Come here.

  (Peter approaches her. Stops.)

  PETER: Are you going to tickle me?

  (Ann smiles, and shakes her head. She takes his head and presses it against hers. She kisses his cheek, his ear, his neck, then looks at him.)

  ANN: At least I have better legs than Betty.

  (This suddenly makes them both laugh, and equally suddenly this laugh turns into a passionate kiss. They pull away, breathless.)

  I’ll come to your room with you.

  PETER: But—

  ANN: Mike’s asleep. I’m sure he’s asleep. (Beat) I’ll just check.

  (She hurries toward her bedroom, leaving Peter alone. He waits, touches his face, sighs, bites his nails. Then, after a long pause, Ann returns.)

  (Without looking at Peter) Mike wants another drink.

  (She pours a drink and exits.)

  SCENE 6

  The next morning.

  Peter, barefoot, but dressed, sits on the sofa, pretending to read his book.