by Regina Darcy
“One of the reasons we asked you here, Theodora, is because I was concerned about your sister last evening,” William began, shooting a quick glance towards Charles. “She seemed in some distress.”
Much to Charles’s surprise, Miss Theodora glared at him before turning back to William.
“Indeed she was,” she replied, with a hint of anger streaming through her words. “I was glad she found me so that I could give her the assistance she needed.” Her angry gaze returned to Charles, who found himself withering a little.
“You know then, that she came to me first,” he said quietly.
“I do,” Miss Theodora replied crisply. “And I also know what you did in response to her need for your aid.”
“I was wrong,” he stated heavily.
“Yes,” Miss Theodora said at once, her eyes never leaving his face. “You were quite wrong, Lord Astor.”
Charles leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. He could almost feel the weight of her anger and could not blame her for it. He had treated her sister poorly, had turned from her when she had truly, desperately needed him. There was no excuse he could give that would cover his behaviour.
“Why do you think so badly of my sister?” Miss Theodora asked a little more softly.
Looking up at her, Charles spread his hands, his shoulders slumping. “I can give you no real answer, Miss Theodora.”
“Might I ask why you did not help her? Why you did not so much as look at her?” Miss Theodora asked, her gaze pinning him. “Had you done, you might have realised that Lord Barker pushed his attentions on her, with more force that he had ever done before. The threats he whispered to her shook her very soul, forced her to run from him. Thank goodness she got back to the ballroom before he could catch her!” She lifted one dainty eyebrow, waiting for his explanation as to why he had not helped her sister.
Knowing that he would have to be honest, Charles sighed. “I had an engagement once, to a woman that I was deeply in love with. She appeared to have a great deal of affection for me in return, but I soon discovered that it was not the case.”
Miss Theodora’s eyes softened. “I see,” she said quietly. “And so you have decided that all ladies are like her?”
“Precisely that,” William interrupted, shaking his head at Charles. “He has been trying to convince me to turn from you, Theodora, so as to have an arranged marriage instead.”
Charles cringed, waiting for Miss Theodora to rail at him for doing such a thing, only to hear her laugh. Looking up at her in surprise, he saw her looking at William with such an expression of tenderness that it made his heart ache. He ached for what he had once had, for what he had lost, and for how much he had missed out on since then. Groaning aloud, he put his head in his hands and silently railed angrily at himself, frustrated with his behaviour towards Miss Cadogan.
“I was quite wrong to try and push yourself and Markham apart,” he said, not able to look at her. “Do forgive me, Miss Theodora.”
“You need not fret on my account, Lord Astor,” she replied at once, speaking frankly. “However, you have deeply hurt my sister. She was frantic with worry and fear when she finally found us—and rightly so, given what Lord Barker had done.”
“And who is Lord Barker?” William asked, as Charles finally lifted his head from his hands. “I can tell he is not a man you particularly like, but I did not know what he had done to Miss Cadogan.”
A look of utter revulsion wrapped itself around Theodora’s expression. “Lord Barker promised my sister marriage,” she said quietly. “This was back in London, some time ago, you understand.”
Charles shot a glance towards his brother, whose jaw was already tight. Clearly, he felt the same disgust towards a man who treated ladies in such a way.
“Of course,” Miss Theodora continued, “he had every intention of doing so, but it was not because of love or affection. He was a gambler and was practically destitute. However, Charlotte believed that he loved her and, given that she had always hoped for such a match, was quite besotted with the man. He showered her with compliments and small trinkets, which she clung to with delight and happiness.”
“And she discovered that he was not the man she thought,” Charles finished, seeing the anger in Miss Theodora’s eyes slowly replaced with sadness.
Miss Theodora looked up at him. “Yes, that is exactly right, Lord Astor.”
Silence spread across the room for a moment as the three sat together, each lost in a myriad of their own thoughts.
“She dressed in such a drab way after that,” Theodora continued, after a while. “She tried to hide herself, to protect herself, so that such a thing would not happen again. She believed herself quite foolish to have been taken in so, could no longer believe in true love or affection between two people.” She sighed heavily and dabbed at her eyes delicately with a lace handkerchief. “That has begun to change of late, I believe.” She shot a quick glance towards Charles, who felt something burst in his soul, aware of what Miss Theodora was trying to say.
He could not help but recall how he had kissed her sister, how his heart had slammed into his chest with such force that he had been forced to catch his breath. He could not deny that Miss Cadogan was deep in his affections, that he could not even think of her without a burst of happiness in his chest, but with that came the worry that he would never be able to reconcile with her over what he had done.
“Do not give up hope, Lord Astor,” Miss Theodora said quietly, as though able to read his mind. “You must strive to find a way to reconcile with her in whatever way you can, but do so sensitively and with great care. Her heart has already been broken once before. I would not have her go through such a thing again.”
“Nor would I,” Charles replied firmly. “Trust me, Miss Theodora. I will not allow such a thing to happen.”
TWELVE
“A picnic?”
Theodora laughed. “Of course, a picnic! Why ever not? It is a beautiful day, and the weather is quite sure to hold.”
“All the same, you should not have agreed without my consent,” Charlotte protested weakly. “What if Lord Barker is there?”
Theodora shook her head. “No, he will not be. You need have no worries on that account. Lord Astor was quite specific in his invitations and made sure not to ask him to attend.”
Charlotte stared at her sister, panic climbing up her throat. “Did you speak to Lord Astor about me?”
Her sister tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“I did not want anyone to know what had happened,” Charlotte replied tightly. “Tell me you did not speak of Lord Barker to him.” She waited as Theodora held her gaze for a moment, her anxiety rising.
“I did speak to them both,” Theodora admitted, without a hint of guilt. “In fact, they asked a great many questions, and I answered them all.”
Charlotte’s breath hitched as she sat back in her chair, shame and embarrassment washing over her in waves. She had never wanted anyone to know about Lord Barker’s behaviour towards her, finding it mortifying.
“You need not worry, Charlotte,” Theodora continued in a somewhat consoling manner. “They do not think ill of you.”
“They will think me easily led!” Charlotte protested, now visibly upset. “They will think me a simpleton, taken in by a man who promised me what I wanted! A girl whose foolish desires and ridiculous dreams were used against her.”
Theodora blinked her expression one of surprise. “Do you truly think that, Charlotte?”
Charlotte felt her anger slowly begin to fade. “Yes, yes, I do,” she replied heavily, her head hanging as she wondered what Lord Astor must have thought when he had heard from Theodora of her plight. “Had I not been so foolish, then Lord Barker would have had no hold on me.”
Much to her surprise, Theodora got out of her chair, came forward, and knelt in front of her. She took Charlotte’s hand in her own, her eyes looking up intensely into Charlotte’s fac
e.
“I want you to listen to me, Charlotte. You know I love you and that I would do anything for you, and at this moment, I want you to stop blaming yourself for what Lord Barker did.”
“But I—”
Theodora shook her head and held up her hand, stopping Charlotte’s protest in its tracks. “No, Charlotte. None of this is your fault. It is not of your doing, and you have no responsibility. You are not culpable. There is nothing wrong with falling in love and in believing that such a love is returned. Lord Barker was a cruel and conniving man, who used that love against you in the most despicable of ways. I will not have you say that you are culpable, Charlotte. It is simply not true.” Theodora pressed Charlotte’s hand tightly for a moment, her smile growing a little watery, before getting to her feet and going to sit back down in her chair. “Oh, and Lord Astor does not blame you for it either.”
“He—he doesn’t?” Charlotte repeated, her head spinning with assorted thoughts.
“No,” Theodora replied calmly. “He doesn’t. In fact, I heard him say something to his brother about running the man out of town.”
Awash with relief, Charlotte drew in three long breaths, her entire being relaxing as she realised Lord Barker might no longer be a threat.
“So I suppose you will come to the picnic this afternoon after all,” Theodora continued quietly, lifting one eyebrow and giving Charlotte a small smile. “I know Lord Astor very much wishes to see you.”
Charlotte’s forehead creased with a ripple of anger. “Theodora, I do not wish to see him. After all, I cannot forget what he did—or rather, what he did not do. That hurt has not dissipated.”
Theodora’s expression grew sympathetic. “Lord Astor made something of a mistake there, Charlotte, and well he knows it. The shame on his face as I railed at him for turning from you was unmistakable!”
“You—you railed at him?” Charlotte whispered, her eyes widening. “You spoke harshly to the Marquess?”
Theodora laughed and got to her feet. “Of course I did!” she exclaimed, her eyes dancing. “You were treated badly, and I told him so. I think he wants to apologise to you, Charlotte. He realises what he did and how wrong he was. He is pained by it, afraid that you might turn from him for good. Lord Astor cares for you a great deal.” She tilted her head and looked at Charlotte carefully. “Do you think you might be able to forgive him? I am sure he will explain all to you as to why he behaved in such a way.”
Charlotte swallowed the lump in her throat, her anger fading, replaced entirely by confusion.
“I don’t know what to think,” she replied honestly. “But yes, I will come to the picnic, Theodora.”
Theodora clapped her hands together in delight. “Wonderful!” she exclaimed, heading towards the door of the drawing room. “Hurry then! We must change before the carriage arrives for us. They will be expecting us both, you see.”
Charlotte did not even have time to protest, for her sister quit the room almost at once, leaving the door open so that Charlotte might follow. However, Charlotte took a few quiet minutes to think about all that had been revealed.
Was Theodora right in telling her that she had nothing to do with Lord Barker’s behaviour? That was why she had dressed so dowdily, why she had tied up her hair in such a strict manner. It was as though, in doing so, she could prevent other gentlemen from using her improperly—as though it was her responsibility to protect herself in that way.
Her heart still clung to Lord Astor, even though he had treated her poorly, and she could not easily deny that it held him in a great deal of affection. Oh, how she had berated herself for such a feeling! She had thought him cruel, comparing him to Lord Barker—but Lord Barker had never once apologised for what he had done, and if what Theodora said was true, then Lord Astor wanted to do precisely that. Charlotte found that she wanted to know of his actions and why he had turned from her in such a way. The pain over his lack of aid hurt her still, and Charlotte could not say whether forgiveness would come easily.
And yet, she knew he held his own pain over his former love, betrayal, and loss.
It was a pain she could well understand. The hurts of the past did not easily let go. She still bore the scars of what Lord Barker had done, just as he did over Miss Douglas. That, at least, she could understand, for she had let the bruises she still carried affect what she thought of Lord Markham—and she had been very much proven wrong on that account.
Was Lord Astor not the cruel, unaffectionate man she had thought? Had his behaviour towards her been a mistake in his judgement? And, if that was the case, would he truly beg for her forgiveness? Did he really want to continue their acquaintance, as Theodora had said?
Hurrying up to her room, Charlotte rang the bell for her maid and began to look through her dresses, wondering what she would wear. There were her normal, dull dresses, which she was drawn to almost at once. They were her protection, her armour against the gentlemen who surrounded her. Lord Astor would not look at her twice if she wore such a thing…or would he?
Yes, he had seen her in her finery, with her hair styled beautifully, but he had also seen her in one of the darkest, drabbest dresses in her wardrobe, and had told her later that his attraction to her had been instant. Of course, she only had his word to go on as regards the truthfulness of that, but Charlotte was surprised to discover that she did not doubt him. After all, had she not felt the flurry of excitement in the pit of her belly when she’d first been introduced? There had been sparks in the air, a delicious tension that she’d not even wanted to acknowledge.
The maid came in and bobbed a quick curtsy before looking at Charlotte curiously. “Have you decided what you will wear, miss?” she asked, coming alongside Charlotte to look in the wardrobe. “Can I help you choose?”
“Something bright, I think,” Charlotte replied, despite the knot of anxiety settling in her stomach. “I am to go out on a picnic, and I do not think a sombre tone would do.”
Her maid smiled and moved forward, carefully pulling out a couple of dresses for Charlotte to consider.
“And then my hair,” Charlotte murmured, her fingers brushing the pale yellow of one dress. “I want to look my best.”
“Of course you will, miss,” the maid replied, laying out the chosen dress on the bed. “Come now, we must be quick. I hear Miss Theodora is quite excited by the whole event!”
“I have no doubt she is,” Charlotte replied, sitting down at her dressing table and beginning to brush out her hair as the maid finished setting out her clothes. “Unfortunately, I cannot say the same,” she whispered to herself, gazing at her reflection. She knew she was going to have to have some kind of discussion with Lord Astor, and the very thought was making her anxiety rise. It would require frankness and honesty, and Charlotte was not quite sure she would be able to listen to his words without breaking down in a whirlwind of emotion.
“You are going to look beautiful, miss,” the maid said encouragingly as she began to style Charlotte’s hair. “No gentleman will be able to take his eyes from you!”
Charlotte managed a smile, folding her hands in her lap and twisting her fingers together. At least after this afternoon, she would have some answers.
THIRTEEN
The moment Charlotte stepped into the carriage, she felt Lord Astor’s eyes on her but found, to her embarrassment, that she simply could not look back at him. Her eyes looked anywhere but at him. She was relieved that Theodora was able to carry on a conversation without requiring her input.
“And have you recovered from the incident at the ball, Miss Cadogan?”
Charlotte lifted her eyes to see Lord Markham looking at her with a great deal of concern in his expression. “I have, I thank you,” she replied softly, aware that Lord Astor had cleared his throat at the question. “My sister tells me you were concerned on my behalf. I thank you for your consideration.”
“Not in the least,” Lord Markham replied, a look of relief on his face. “You were in a great deal of distress
, and I was only sorry I could not be of more aid.”
Heat rippled into Charlotte’s cheeks as she grew aware of the slight tension that filled the carriage.
Lord Markham’s behaviour had been the exact opposite of his brother’s. “I thank you,” she murmured quietly. “My sister tells me that I need not worry about Lord Barker any longer, that you have managed to run him out of town.” Her cheeks burned as she finally glanced at Lord Astor, aware of the wretchedness of his expression. “I thank you both very much for whatever it is you have done. I thought I would have to remain indoors until I was sure he was gone from Bath.”
“He is gone,” Lord Astor muttered darkly, turning his head to look out of the carriage window. “I have made sure of it.”
There was a pause.
“Might I ask what you did to get him to leave?” Theodora asked, inciting a thrill of surprise in Charlotte’s frame. It was something of a personal question, but then again, Theodora had always spoken her mind.
“We reminded him of his debts,” Lord Astor replied after only a moment’s hesitation.
“More than that,” Lord Markham interrupted, giving his brother a hard look. “My brother acquired some of his debts.”
“What?” Charlotte gasped, staring at Lord Astor in shock. “You acquired some?”
Lord Astor appeared frustrated that his brother had said so much, there was a tightness around his lips that had not been present before. “I acquired some because it was the easiest way to push Lord Barker from town,” he stated, as though such a thing were not of particular importance. “And it was not difficult to find those to whom he owed a substantial deal of money!”
“I—I do not know what to say,” Charlotte whispered, her throat clogging with tears at the shock of what he had done. “That is more than I could have ever expected.”