by Karen Lynn
A sudden feeling that he was sinking, getting smaller and smaller, came over him. He stared blankly into the darkness slowly descending around him. Without warning, he gave in to his despair. Surrendering to his fury, he buried his face in his hands, his body trembling as he struggled to keep from weeping.
LOGAN
Logan wandered the beach aimlessly from the time he left the apartment. Hours possibly. He never checked the time, didn't really care. A desperate urgency, a surge of overpowering nervous energy, made it impossible to stay still. Every few minutes he checked his phone to see if Kristen contacted him. Nothing. The answer was plain to see; she didn't need him.
Needing a release, he contemplated calling Gina, but couldn't bring himself to do it. The moon had risen in the sky, full and bright. When he approached the row of nightclubs, the temptation became unbearable.
Should I devise a plan, figure out what to do with Kristen and her boyfriend who refuses to disappear, or drown myself in liquor, find someone to satisfy my needs instead?
Checking to make sure he had some cash, he entered the first club. Its familiarity gave him a short lived sense of comfort.
Someone will find me necessary for their existence, at least for a few hours.
10:00 p.m. Wiping out the memory of his last encounter in this particular venue, he strode to the bar. This time he'd be more careful. No men, just one woman. It was safer that way. He scanned the dark bar. A handful of customers were spread out. Then he noticed the blonde watching him from the corner. His patience had worn thin.
Fuck waiting for her to make the first move. She wants me. I can tell.
Squinting into the darkness, he moved up next to her. Cute enough, petite, just enough innocence left in her face to entice me. Yeah, she’ll do just fine.
“What's your name?” he breathed, his face close to hers. The aroma of her perfume was intoxicating. Not overpowering—just enough.
“Lilith,” she whispered, turning her innocent blue eyes expectantly up to his.
“Nice.” He took in some air, his attention falling to her large breasts straining against her tight t-shirt. “Let's take a walk.”
He took her hand, she succumbed, holding on. When they reached the area in the rear of the club lined with black leather couches, he pulled her down on his lap and immediately smothered her lips with his. The faint vibrations of his phone rattled in his pocket. Grabbing a handful of her long hair in his fists, he held her face firmly to his, ignoring the phone.
KRISTEN
It came out of the blue. At first Kristen had time in between each stabbing cramp to breath. In a frenzy, she continued speed dialing Logan. No answer. She let out a horrific wail. The pain increased, fast and furious, slamming against her stomach. Whose idea was it to time them anyway? There was no way, her brain was mush, plus she was way too petrified and feeble to even give it a shot.
The Doctor said two more weeks until my due date, didn’t she? It has to be false labor. Or does my baby have his own stubborn itinerary? Like mother, like son.
The intensifying contractions continued battling her insides.
Breathe, breathe. WHERE THE HELL IS HE? Don’t panic! Think, think! The hell with him, I have to get Alicia!
At last, Alicia picked up. She was on her way home, about ten minutes out and would be right over. Kristen collapsed back on the bed, jammed the pillow between her knees and surrendered to the endless stream of tears and excruciating pain.
How will I ever find the strength to make it to the door to let Alicia in?
* * *
“Can you reach her husband?” The intake woman at Coral Beach Medical Center watched Alicia nervously shifting her weight back and forth. Thrown off by the question, Alicia eyes flashed to Kristen, huddled in the wheelchair, hyperventilating in between loud groans and moans.
“We don't know! Please, just get her in there, forget about him!” Alicia cried out.
The intake woman frowned. Several minutes later, an attendant wheeled Kristen to a maternity ward examining room.
“Where is he?” Kristen sobbed while Alicia helped her undress.
“Don't worry about him now, sweetie. Please, just calm down.”
They performed all of the examinations and drew more blood. The baby didn't appear distressed, but she hadn’t dilated enough, and the contractions needed to be more frequent. Since she was considered high risk, they wanted her to stay at least overnight. They moved her to the private room Logan reserved for her. Totally depressed and miserable, Kristen was beyond consolation and couldn't stop crying.
“It's all his fault, and now, now, I can't even... reach him,” she spurted out between shudders.
Alicia felt helpless. Desperate to get Kristen to stop crying, she massaged her shoulders, hugged her, held her hands, offered encouraging words. Nothing worked. It was almost midnight. With a weary sigh, she collapsed onto a chair, preparing for the long night ahead.
MONDAY
LOGAN
He stumbled into the apartment around 2 a.m., his head and body on fire, the evening a dull, distorted memory. Only the automatic lock on the door was fastened, which was odd. She always barricaded herself inside, especially when she was alone. The place was pitch black, the darkness made it difficult to avoid tripping. Something lay on the floor in front of him. Trying to maneuver unsuccessfully around it, he toppled over, catching his balance just before hitting the floor.
“Shit!” Why the fuck didn't she leave a light on? She always does, she hates the dark. I’m not thrilled about it now either. She must be sleeping, probably didn't even notice I was gone. A sudden dizzy spell hit him, but he succeeded in staying on his feet. He staggered to the shadowy image of the couch, tumbling onto it. The room spiraled wildly around him, turning it into a wild roller coaster ride. He always hated roller coasters. Closing his eyes, he fought back the powerful urge to puke.
His phone beeped again—somewhere in his pocket. The damn thing never stopped. The constant vibration and noise wouldn't allow him to drift into a deep sleep. After yanking it out of his pocket, he squinted at the screen. It slowly came into view. Tons of missed calls from Kristen and Coral Beach Medical Center. A sudden stab of fear hit his gut. Bolting upright, he ignored the onslaught of nausea to concentrate on the voicemails. It was useless. He was too disoriented and wound up.
“Kristen!” he called out, hoping she'd answer.
Maybe she was back by now. Back from where so late?
His voice echoed through the empty apartment.
With a loud moan, he wobbled to the bedroom, collapsing on the empty bed, his hands blindly stretching out before him. She definitely wasn't there; he didn't have to be sober for that to sink in. He could feel clothes strewn around, the bed sheets and blanket tangled in a pile, hanging limply off the side. With no choice left, he switched on the lamp and peered around. The closet door wide open, a couple of unzipped overnight bags stacked next to it —too strange!
Now his curiosity piqued. Something had definitely happened. His nerves were on edge. He had to focus. Trying to build up his strength and pull himself together, he rushed to the bathroom and doused his face with cold water. His pulse still raced. Hopefully he could remember how to get to the hospital. Feeling for his keys, he searched for the phone. Did he drop it? It took longer than he wanted to find it, but eventually he stumbled back out to the elevator.
* * *
She still hadn't progressed to active labor. With no energy left, her eyes kept shutting, but every time she drifted off a sharp contraction jolted her awake again.
Five stressful hours with no end in sight. Alicia continued nodding off in the chair, jerking awake every time a nurse arrived or the intercom blasted. When she heard someone approaching, she sprang up, shocked to see Logan bounding through the door.
Ignoring Alicia, he flopped down on the bed next to Kristen. It took a few seconds before he caught his breath. But he was still flushed from the overload of liquor in his system and runn
ing up the stairs.
“Kristen? What happened?” He took her hands, leaning in. Her eyes fluttered open fixing on his face, holding steady until it registered.
“Logan, where were you? Why weren't you there with me?” She moaned, her eyes huge and filled with pain.
“I'm sorry, sweetie, really. Are you having the baby?”
Alicia snorted, twisting away from view. Even if she wanted to, there was no way she could hide the crippling hate she felt for him at that moment.
Logan continued to ignore her, concentrating on Kristen. “Hey, talk to me, I'm here now.” He gently pushed wet strands of hair out of her sweaty face.
“I can't Logan, it hurts,” Kristen whimpered, squeezing his hand with such force, he grimaced. At every renewed contraction she gripped harder, easing up as it subsided. Alicia grinned for the first time in hours at the sight of his face reddening in pain.
“Holy shit, Kristen, you're gonna break my hand! Where's the doctor?” he yelled, panicking.
Alicia smirked and didn't respond. She rolled her eyes when he broke out of Kristen’s grasp and fled down the hall to the nurses' station. “He should've been taking care of you. Now he's freaking out,” she mumbled horrified and enraged. Kristen’s red, swollen eyes begged for her help.
“I don't get it? How long is she gonna be suffering like this? Can't you just take it out?” Logan rambled on, trailing a nurse back into the room.
“Calm down, Mr. Holder. You're not helping by overreacting. This is perfectly normal. Labor can go on for hours.”
What the hell? How can she be so calm?
On the nurse’s heels, Logan stopped short when she lifted the blanket from Kristen’s trembling body. “Let's check how dilated you are now, honey. Hopefully we can start an epidural soon.”
“What's that?” Logan sprang over to them. He clutched Kristen’s arm, his eyes crazed.
“Mr. Holder, please! I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't relax! I have to examine your wife. Why don't you wait outside?”
Logan sighed deeply, retreating.
“No! I need him here!” Kristen burst out.
Alicia's head popped up, a stunned expression covering her face. “Kristen, I'm here with you!”
“Miss, please. I need some space here to do my job!”
Alicia backed off. For a second her eyes met Logan's. They both smirked, turning away.
He was the first to break the icy silence. “You can leave if you want now. I'm here with her.”
Alicia glared at him, her eyes blazing. “Fuck off! Where were you five hours ago?”
“Who the fuck are you? You just met her!”
“She's ready,” the nurse called out.
Whatever color was left in Logan's face faded the minute he jerked his head around. “What does that mean?”
“It means that we're going to start the epidural she requested to relieve some pain. But when it’s time to push, you will have to help her.” The nurse raised her eyebrows, grinning when Logan’s jaw dropped. Alicia leered at him, wishing he would hurry up and faint, before she lost control and knocked him out.
“You better sit down, Mr. Holder. You still have a long way to go. It could take hours.”
Logan complied, collapsing onto a chair. For a second his body went limp. Then the panic set in. Holy shit! I’m having a baby!
JAKE
Franky paced back and forth, a disturbed look covering his face. He cast his eyes down at Jake, taking in his sorry condition. He looked like crap, the severity of the hangover obvious. They had one hour to fix the situation and get to the gallery for the opening. It was a good thing Jake had forgotten to lock the door, enabling him to enter when no one answered, otherwise they would really be in trouble.
“Jake, man, come on! You gotta snap outta it. Jump in the shower and clean yourself up before I do it for you!”
Jake shoved his greasy hair out of his face and let out a loud groan. Every bone in his body ached, his head a time bomb on the verge of detonation. After lifting himself up with his arms, he staggered to his feet, about to topple over. Franky sprang forward, catching him in time.
“What the fuck happened to you? Must be real bad shit! I've never seen you this hungover. Want some pain killers?”
“Yeah, that'd be great.” Jake rubbed his throbbing temples, sinking back onto the couch when Franky released him. Realizing he was naked, he flushed, grabbed a shirt from the pile strewn across the floor and covered himself.
Franky returned with some pills and water, which Jake downed eagerly before stumbling off to the bathroom.
The excruciating pain in Jake’s head gradually subsided. After his second cup of black coffee, he was functional enough to get dressed while Franky sorted through the paintings he wanted to showcase. As he began focusing he dialed Kristen one more time. Still no answer, her voicemail was full. For a second it derailed him. But strangely enough, as his nervousness increased so did his willpower.
He had to push her out of his mind for a bit. There was nothing he could do from there anyway. He'd call Ruby as soon as he had a break. The bad vibes that had been bombarding him all day, the fear that she was suffering and in trouble, had to be put on hold for the next few hours.
Franky was right. He couldn’t waddle in gloom any longer or he would blow this opportunity.
He was hesitant to check his image in the mirror and even more unprepared for what he saw before him: hollow, bloodshot eyes framed by deep, purple circles.
I do look like shit—it matches how I feel.
Several days without more than four hours sleep—it figured. Too late for regrets. He raked his fingers through his hair in a failed effort to detangle it. This was as ready as he was going to be.
CHAPTER 11
TUESDAY, WEEK 10
LOGAN
At last, the dull ache in Logan’s neck and back had worn off after a long, uncomfortable night. He'd barely slept, crunched up on the narrow cot the hospital so graciously provided for him next to Kristen’s bed.
This is what I get for upgrading to a private room? What the hell would they have done if I hadn't? Dump me on the floor? His aggravation worsened the longer he obsessed over it.
They were examining her again. Then they were headed to the intensive care unit for babies. It was hard to believe, after eighteen grueling hours, they ended up delivering the baby by emergency cesarean section. They could have avoided all the unnecessary stress if they had cut it out a lot earlier. And he hadn't even been allowed in the room when it happened, not that he really wanted to be there. His body burned so much he couldn't even lift it out of the waiting room chair. Now they were supposed to get their first glimpse of him, straight from the incubator. The doctor never told him how long he'd be hooked up for, and of course, Kristen was too doped up to understand what happened.
It was taking forever. He decided to grab some coffee from the vending machine. When he returned, he was disgusted to see Alicia. He ignored her until a sudden recollection flashed in his mind.
“Hey do you have her stuff? Where's her phone?”
“Talk to her about that when she comes out. She gave it to me to hold. You weren't around, remember?”
“Give it to me.” He growled, lowering his head.
“No, Logan! You're not going to bully me. So back the fuck off!” Alicia glared at him while her survival instinct guided her to safety.
Logan gave her a dirty look, waving her off. The hate he felt for her blazed deep rooted and pure, but he also hated himself for not being home when the ordeal started. It would have saved him a lot of trouble. Now I have to deal with this obnoxious bitch! He took a deep breath, dismissing her from his mind.
They sat in uncomfortable silence for another thirty minutes until the nurse finally wheeled Kristen out. When she saw them, she attempted a smile, her disarrayed copper hair hiding most of her pale, exhausted face. Alicia bolted forward, hoping to beat Logan. Not wanting to give him any leeway, she took
Kristen’s hand in hers. Logan grunted, too beat up to compete and took his time approaching.
“They don't know how long they're keeping him yet.” Kristen couldn’t hide her sadness, her words meant more for Alicia’s ears than Logan’s. As the drugs wore off her anger toward Logan resurfaced and she glanced at him, unable to conceal the fury in her eyes. He gazed at her, his eyes fatigued.
At the entrance of the newborn intensive care unit, they were instructed to scrub up carefully, before they were escorted in.
Holding her breath in anticipation, a sudden chill spread through Kristen. She inched closer to the incubator and froze. Her tiny baby, hooked up to hundreds of needles and tubes, so helpless and fragile, his anguished wails echoing through the incubator walls, his little head hidden by a small blue beanie, his bright red face scrunched up in pain.
Kristen lost control the minute she laid her eyes on him, bursting into hysterical tears. She dropped her head weakly against the side of the incubator, plastering her palms to the glass. Alicia knelt down next to her, desperate to console her. Logan took slow, tentative steps forward, hoping to get a better view of the baby. Without warning, Kristen lifted her face up to him, holding out her hand. He sniffed and took it in his, clasping it tightly.
As hard as he tried to determine who the baby resembled, it was impossible under the circumstances—another indistinguishable, lobster faced creature, all twisted up and thrashing about. He sank down next to Kristen, kissing her hair, unable to comprehend why she was so broken up over it.