by Karen Lynn
“Because it is! You’ve been through a lot of trauma. All the crap with Logan, and now you have Jake and the baby to get used to. It takes time to adjust after a baby. Lots of women have the blues after giving birth. And with everything you’ve been through, I’m not surprised.” Alicia didn’t want to bring up postpartum depression fearing she’d upset Kristen even more.
Kristen was quiet again, trying to register Alicia’s words. None of that had occurred to her. Then again, her mental state hadn’t been quite up to par lately. Unwilling to deal with any of it, her mind wondered. “I don’t think he knows.”
“What? Oh, you mean Jake!” Alicia shook her head. “Just don't let him control you, Kristen. That was your big...” She stopped.
“You mean how I screwed up with Logan?” A shiver fizzled through her at the sound of his name. Stop it Kristen.
“Well, yeah. Hey, I'm back in class. Stay strong, everything will get back on track. Talk tomorrow.”
Kristen wasn’t listening, the unexpected image of Logan wouldn’t leave her alone. I wonder what he’s doing? For a minute she felt bad for him and wanted to kick herself for it.
Jake grabbed her by the waist when she walked in. “I love you baby.” He kissed her face, then moved to her lips, squeezing her tight against him.
She clung to him, returning the passion. “I know,” she whispered, nipping his neck.
“I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm really psyched about tomorrow. I need to know you're with me. We're gonna make this work, I promise.”
“I am. I'm trying to get over it. Really.” She felt a rush of love for him that made her head spin. They stood clinging to each other for a moment, then he scooped her up in his arms to carry her to the bed.
CHAPTER 14
THURSDAY WEEK 12
LOGAN
Gina was asleep when he began dressing. Morning crept through the sheer curtains, the faint sound of seagulls echoing in his head. It didn't take him long. Without looking back, he stepped into the sunlight. His head was the clearest it had been in ages. Not wanting to give himself a chance to change his mind, he ran to the car and sped off.
The condo filled him with new found peace as soon as he entered it. Without aim or motive, he walked from room to room, then sank down on the bed. A few hours of sleep wouldn't hurt.
KRISTEN
After a long visit with Alex, Jake dropped Kristen off at the motel and set out to meet Franky and Henry. With nothing to do but wait, she began unpacking more of her things. The urge to look through the photo album came over her—more to look for some of her dad than Logan. Rushing to find it, she became frantic, pulling out item after item of clothing and tossing them onto the bed. It wasn't in any of her duffle bags. When she sat back to focus on the day they packed, it hit her. I can't believe this! How could I leave it behind? After a few conflicted minutes, she made a decision. As soon as she stepped onto the street, the warm sun beat down on her skin, scorching it. Sunblock would be a great idea, but she couldn’t turn back, she didn’t have a minute to spare.
She parked in the guest parking at the far end of the indoor parking garage. It was still daylight, yet an unwelcome darkness and desolation hung over the area. This time she would overlook the creepiness, just get it over with as fast as possible, without dwelling on it. She ran past Logan's usual spot.
Vacant, great—now all I have to do is get in and out before he returns.
The key clicked, opening the bottom lock. Moving on to the second, she found it unlocked.
That’s strange. Wouldn’t he lock both? He is always so paranoid about his possessions.
With her hand locked on the doorknob, she hesitated. Last chance to change your mind. The voice in her head wouldn’t let up. Maybe I should leave, forget about the photos. But I really need that gun and Jake would never agree if I told him, he hates guns. I don’t like them either, but it’s mine. What if we need it—what if Logan or any other those goons go after us? I just won’t let Jake find out. In and out quickly. It’ll be fine.
Her heartbeat was so ferocious, it was hard to hear over it, hard to tell if there were any sounds coming from inside the apartment. And so dark. If it weren’t for sunlight streaming in through the sliding glass door in the living room, it would be pitch black.
Why am I freaking out? I still live here!
With quick, cat-like steps, she ventured into the bedroom. A couple of months back she removed the .22 caliber from the safe when Logan was out somewhere. Now all she had to do was remember where she hid it. Frustration overcame the fear. She frowned, scanning the area, desperate to jar her memory. I think it’s under the bed. I hid it when he came home unexpectedly that day! Down on her hands and knees, she searched around, feeling blindly for anything out of the ordinary. Then she touched it. With slow precision, she tightened her fingers around it, pulling it out. For some strange reason the mere sight of it sent chills through her spine.
I should forget it, push it back under, leave. Flustered, she stared at it, turning it around in her hand, unable to determine if the safety was on, or what to do either way.
A sudden clanking sound. She froze, looking around. Probably just an open window rattling the blinds. She shoved the gun in her bag. There was no time to waste. Back to the living room for the photo album. Why isn't it on the bookcase? A strange sensation came over her. I have to get out of here Fast! On one knee, she anxiously reached under the couch, where everything seemed to end up. Her thoughts drifted to the baby. Did I remember to put his beanie back on before I left today? Why am I so absentminded lately? Where the hell is the album?
The front door cracked open, but she didn't hear it. She didn't feel his presence until she rose to her feet. Paralyzed by fear, she couldn’t feel her legs.
“What are you doing here, Krissy?”
Her legs wouldn’t move. He took her arm, turning her around to him. There was no distance between them. Their bodies pulsated into each other.
“Logan. What are you doing here?” she gasped, trying to move back. The couch blocked her. Not blinking, she stared up at him.
A burst of laughter. “I live here. You?” He stood firmly against her. Beads of sweat were building on his chest, exciting him as he wondered whether or not she felt the heat. “Well, what are you looking for?”
Gulping, she searched for the words. “Uh, my stuff…” Taking deep breaths, in and out didn't work. She shook uncontrollably.
“Your stuff? Under there? Why aren't you looking in the bedroom?” His eyebrows shot up quizzically.
“I dropped something,” She couldn't breathe. This was another big mistake. She could feel it.
Jake is going to kill us if he finds out.
“I'm not gonna bite. Why are you so scared?” His clear blue eyes penetrated her.
“I'm not scared; I just need to get my things.”
“Sure that's all you want?” His eyes narrowed.
A faint, unintelligible sound came out. She peered up at him.
“What made you think I wouldn't be here?” A devious grin spread across his face. He would bet his life she was there for him.
“I didn't… I just wanted my stuff...” Her mind went blank.
“Hmm, then, let's look together.” His fingers laced her wrist. With a gentle tug he started to pull her forward, disregarding her grimace. Out of pure instinct, she stood rigid, holding back. He pulled harder, forcing her forward. Desperate, she glanced back at her bag on the floor.
“Logan, I don't wanna go in there!” She rooted herself to the ground, grabbing onto a chair.
He wasn't listening and she wasn’t a match for his strength as he dragged her along to the bedroom. She dug her heels into the ground, reaching out for any heavy objects that could possibly anchor her but was stopped by the cold metal headboard cramming into her back, blocking her in. He teased her, let her think she could escape the inevitable by clinging to it, until he tired of the game and flung her backwards onto the bed. He climbed up
after her, his excitement building from the look of terror in her eyes. Like a trapped animal, she inched slowly back, creating as much distance between them as possible. There was nowhere left to go.
“We need to talk. That's all, Krissy, I don't want to hurt you…” That's all she heard. There was a huge difference in her mind between I'm not going to hurt you and I don't want to hurt you. What did he mean? A crippling fear swelled in her chest.
“What do you want to talk about, Logan?”
“You don't know?” His pulse raced, he couldn’t waste any time. “First off, I want to know why you're here. Second, where's your boyfriend?”
“I wanted the photo album, I didn't expect you to be here...”
“Obviously. But you always were a little sneak, weren't you? So where is he? Downstairs?”
Should I lie and say he’s waiting for me?
The uncertainty visible in her eyes, the heart palpitations worsening, her difficulty breathing. He savored the moment, thrilled by the surge of power he felt over her.
The deprivation of oxygen began to take effect. No, I cannot faint, it will leave me completely helpless, I have to beg.
“Logan, I have to go to the hospital to see the baby. Please, let me leave.”
It was a feeble attempt, and from the flash of anger in his eyes, the wrong one.
He draped his arm around her shoulders, yanking her to him, applying pressure. “I want to know what we can do to fix this, fix us, to make iNt work—like before. This is all about that damn baby, if it wasn't for him, we'd still be together.”
The powerful scent of his cologne caught her attention.
Is he expecting someone? What are they going to do to me?
She scanned the room nervously. “Are you alone?”
“Why? What did you have in mind” That familiar, hungry look clouded his eyes.
“Nothing! I was just wondering; you're dressed up—”
“—I can change that really fast, just watch me.” He started unbuttoning his shirt. This isn't how I had it worked out it in my mind, but obviously it's what she needs, and I’m always willing. Ripping his shirt off, he tossed it aside. His fingers fumbled with his pants, removing them hastily.
“No! We can't do this again, Logan, stop!”
Fighting him would make it worse, but it she had to do whatever it took. She slipped to the other end of the bed, toppling to the floor. With a terrified yelp, she wobbled to her feet, darting frantically out of the room. He rushed after her, lunging at her right leg, clutching it as she tumbled to the ground. With a quick swoop, he was on top of her, pinning her arms down.
“Don't run from me, Kristen! It really pisses me off! Especially when I'm trying to be nice to you!”
She wiggled around under him, desperate to break free.
“Stop fighting me! I just wanna talk to you!”
It’s useless to struggle. I have to be smart, for Alex. I will not die here today. With her eyes glued to his face, she lay rigid, waiting to see what his next move would be.
“That's better. If you promise to be good, I'll let you up.” Those yellow-green eyes stared up at him, taking his breath away. Good! My helpless prey is surrendering. He watched her chest heaving up and down, her hair cascading in wavy bunches across her flushed face. “I guess that means yes. Excellent.”
With his hands wrenched around her wrists, he lifted her up, snapping her body to his. She gasped, the air crushed from her lungs. Back in the bedroom, he kicked the door shut, propelling her to the bed once again. This time, he hovered over her, his arms entrapping her.
“You know too many dangerous secrets about me, and now I can't trust you anymore.”
What should I do with her? It is baffling.
“I don't know if I should kill you or fuck you!” Without warning, he burst into delirious laughter.
Tears stung her eyes, her mouth dropped open. She wanted to scream, but only a tiny squeak emerged. It proved too much for him. Gripping the back of her head, he forced it to his. In an instant his lips clamped hers in a vengeful kiss as his tongue throbbed deeper in her mouth.
I will not respond to him! Not this time! Her brain instructed her to bite down as hard as she could on anything he stuck in her, but her body refused to obey.
His face burned with desire when he broke away and stared down at her.
“I hate you, you bastard!” Her hoarse cries only provoked him further. Letting out a loud moan, his hands flew to her shorts. Before another gasp escaped her lips, he’d ripped them open, yanked them off and tossed them across the room. In an instant his fingers returned to her panties, slipping inside, quickly tearing them from her body. With a triumphant grin, he slid inside her, pounding into her with escalating ferocity.
This can’t be happening; it has to be a horrific nightmare. The loud cry, the feeling of suffocation when he collapsed on top of her, told her it was very real. When he eventually rolled off of her, she burst up from the bed, lunged for her shorts and escaped into the bathroom.
“Krissy, where do you think you’re going so fast?” He held a palm to the bathroom door chuckling to himself.
On the other side of that door, she rushed to dress, her body steadfast against it. Jake's face flashed in her head, producing a fleeting euphoric sensation. She couldn’t feel her body, she was floating. With a vicious push, she had the door open and glared defiantly at him.
“Move away, Logan. I'm leaving!” To her surprise, he complied, allowing her to pass without objection.
Building anxious momentum, she pulled on her shoes, grabbed her bag and headed to the door. As soon as her fingers touched the doorknob, she felt his fingers tearing into her shoulders, forcing her backwards against him. Her screams pierced the silence until he snuffed them out with his palm. He dragged her deeper inside the apartment. Back in the bedroom, he tossed her onto the bed.
“What did I tell you about leaving me again, huh?”
Tears burst from her eyes, soaking her face. She struggled to push her muffled words out from under his hand when a surge of energy shot through her. She twisted and pulled, her fingers clawing at his face and neck.
“Stop fighting me, Krissy, you’re not leaving me again!” he panted, his hand lifting from her mouth to restrain her.
In a state of hysteria, her nails dug deeper into his skin, searching for his eyes as she thrashed and screamed. When his hands seized her throat, she let out one horrified gasp before he tightened his grip, squeezing harder and harder. Unable to breathe, she felt the blood rising to her head as the room began to spin. Frantically, her eyes darted around trying to find something to hit him with. Nothing.
The muscles in his arms protruded in tension, he moved back far enough to escape her nails. His crazed eyes were blind to her desperate attempts to suck air into her lungs.
Then a bomb went off in his head. No, I have to stop, I can’t do this!
His body stiffened, his fingers lifting from her throat. Crawling backwards to the edge of the bed, he froze to gape at her before scrambling to his feet.
Kristen gasped, coughed, panted, taking urgent gulps of air into her lungs. With each renewed breath, her mind became clearer. She focused on him as he stood immobilized, a pathetic, confused expression on his face.
I have to move fast. There’s only one chance.
Struggling with every ounce of strength left in her body, she slid to the edge of the bed. She had to get close enough to make contact. Bracing herself, she raised her leg. With a powerful lurch forward, she drove her foot into his groin. He let out an anguished wail, doubled over, clutched his testicles, and sank to his knees.
In a state of shock, she stared at his face contorted in pain. She listened to his harsh breaths, unable to move. A scream rose inside of her, it’s startling intensity when it pierced the silence, knocking her back to her senses. It felt like a torch had been lit in her throat, her body was on fire, but at least she was alive. Springing from the bed, she swooped down for her bag,
ran as fast as she could and bolted out the door.
Don't look back, keep going!
She flew down the stairs. By the time she reached the garage, her body was drenched in sweat, the pain in her chest excruciating. Her legs were burning—she had to rest or she would pass out. Squinting into the distance, she searched for him. It was clear.
No! Keep going! By sheer force of will, her battered body came back to life. By the time she made it to the car she was suffocating. Fumbling with her keys, she inhaled deeply, over and over. Finally managing to unlock the door, she stumbled into the driver's seat, stared at her lifeless fingers. How could she drive? Her mind and body shut down, there were no more tears or screams, all her emotions had run dry. With no energy left, she rested her face on the steering wheel, surrendering to her powerlessness. Alex’s face entered her mind. And then it happened, an instant, pump of adrenaline.
The engine cranked, she reversed the car, screeching onto the street.
A weak breeze floated through the palm trees. They swayed gently against the evening sky. She was safe. Now she could finally allow the tears to fall. The next chapter would begin after all. She was going home to face Jake.
FRIDAY
JAKE
The night was a success and he was wasted. By some miracle, he made it back to the motel without being stopped or crashing. It was 1:00 a.m. He stumbled through the shadows until he stood next to the bed, listening to Kristen’s erratic breaths. Careful not to make a sound, he undressed while gazing down at her. He found her unusually restless, tossing and turning, moaning. Resisting the urge to comfort her, he padded with careful light steps to the bathroom to clean up, brush his teeth, possibly soften any lingering scent of liquor.
She rolled over and mumbled something when he climbed into bed. He could hardly see her eyes in the dark, but sensed they were wide open. It’s too late to argue. I’m way too drunk and exhausted.
“Go back to sleep, Kris. We can talk in the morning,” he gave her a gentle kiss on her cheek. I hope she can’t smell it. Laying down beside her, he drew her close, inhaling her sweet fragrance as he drifted into a deep sleep.