by Karen Lynn
“But it is morning.” she murmured, then closed her eyes, mesmerized by the peaceful rhythm of his breathing.
LOGAN
On the floor all night long, he only changed positions to vomit. Finally, he was able to move without screaming, without wishing he were dead. The excruciating pain wouldn’t release him as it radiated through every inch of his body. His head throbbed, an atomic bomb about to detonate. But the worst part—his brain, the dark thoughts—he had to obliterate them. Once again he'd fucked up. When he was supposed to do everything in his power to convince her to stay, he'd driven her even farther away. How could he tell Nick he'd almost killed her?
Clean up my act? No way, being wasted is the only way to survive.
His bitter cackle took him by surprise, possibly the only sound similar to a laugh that he would hear come out of his mouth for a long time to come. The depression wasn't going anywhere. This time he'd fucked up so bad he couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror.
If I don’t talk to her, tell her how sorry I am, that I forgive her, I’ll explode!
The image of her face, of what he did to her, kept flashing through his mind. It was killing him. He had to know if she was all right.
A text would be much safer and the only thing he had the nerve to do.
Krissy please call me. I'm sorry. I hate myself. I need to hear your voice.
Contacting her didn’t help; the fear of more rejection was overwhelming. He had to do something to silence the screaming in his head.
KRISTEN
I don't know who I am anymore. That reflection in the mirror, that face, it’s not mine! I don’t recognize it! What is going on? That man…I would’ve died for him once. How could he want to kill me? And now Jake’s going to blame me. Why the hell did I have to go back there?
The dark thoughts haunted her, refusing to disappear. The guilt—it was going to be hard to live with.
Lucky for her the bruises on her neck were almost invisible, her eyes no longer bloodshot, and she could now swallow without screaming, even though it still burned like hell. Lucky for her Jake wasn't home when she got back and knew nothing about her insane decision, or the gun she had carefully hidden away in her duffle bag. Lucky for her she was still alive, even if it was only to hold her baby in her arms.
Yes, she was nothing if not lucky.
Until that moment she hadn't wondered with suspicion where Jake had been until 1:00 a.m. Until that moment, she hadn't cringed from the memory of the mingled scents of perfume and liquor saturating him. He was still asleep. It must've been quite a night for him.
Time to see her baby. She called Alicia to go with her. They needed to talk. Alicia told her she might have a place for them. After taking more vitamin C and honey for her throat, she checked her phone.
How could Logan have the nerve to text me? This time instead of feeling that unbearable tingling in her stomach when she read it, revulsion made her skin crawl.
* * *
“What are you talking about, Kris?” Alicia, stunned by the revelation, gaped at her like the insane woman that she was. Kristen was beginning to accept it.
“He's poison! When are you going to understand that? After he puts you in a coma? Or worse?” She shivered, unable to put the terrifying images in her mind into words
They pulled into the hospital parking lot. Why do I still get so agitated whenever anyone challenges how I handle my twisted relationship with Logan?
Kristen turned to her. “The funny thing is I do. I know he's poison. I've known it for years. I just couldn’t do anything about it.” And he sure as hell never helped. Her fingers subconsciously touched her throat.
Alicia exhaled long and hard. For a few minutes she sat flabbergasted into silence, the only sound in the car, the chime indicating the door was ajar. They both jumped, startled by the loud shrieking of Kristen's phone interrupting the stillness. The look in Kristen's eyes alerted Alicia immediately.
“Talk to him! Get it over with.” More angry over the situation than upset, Alicia stormed out of the car, slamming the door behind her.
“What do you want, Logan?” The burning sensation searing her throat made it painful to get the hoarse words out. Unable to look at Alicia, she buried her face in her hands. Silence. Just his troubled breathing. “Well?”
The coldness in her heart, made her shiver.
“I wasn't going to kill you, Krissy, you just wouldn't stop screaming, I just needed you to listen! Please, please, I need you to believe me, I couldn't...” he whimpered.
“No, you could and you almost did, Logan. Why didn't you just let me leave? I can't believe I ever trusted you. I must be a freaking idiot.”
“Don't say that, you know I love you! You know I always loved you. I just lost it, the thought of not having you, I lost it. I'm sorry, you don't understand—I thought you loved me!”
Hang up, get it over with, never, ever speak to him again! Alicia is right.
Tears stung her eyes. “Logan. You know I do, I hate myself for it. But, I can't take it anymore, we can't be together. We've hurt each other way too many times. It's a miracle that it took this long for you to do this to me.” She began to weep, violent tremors wracking her body.
My baby is alone, waiting for me, and I’m sitting here crying, regretful that the man who almost killed me is hurting! What kind of woman have I become?
She dropped her head deeper into her arms, wanting to vanish.
Alicia tapped on the window, apparently tired of waiting in the steamy garage. “Let's go!”
Kristen hid under the false security of her hair, peeking out at her. Alicia pulled the door open, plopping down beside her and touched her arm gently. The misery etched in Kristen's face was heartbreaking. She sighed and leaned back.
Kristen sniffled. “I have to go, Logan. I’ll try to forgive you someday.” She heard Alicia’s disgusted groan. “But it's over…for good this time. I have a family now. I'm with a man who won't hurt me like you do.”
Timid and weak, but a start. Alicia's eyes widened with interest.
The dead silence at the other end of the phone prompted Kristen to turn to Alicia for reassurance. With a slow nod and an embrace, she gave her the courage she needed.
There was nothing left to say. Her hands shook as she clicked the end call button. Alicia hugged her close, kissing her hair softly. Kristen clung to her until the weeping eventually subsided.
“Let's go to my baby,” she whispered, brushing hair out of her face.
JAKE
When Jake finally woke up he was alone. Jerking upright, he called out to her. Where is she? Anxious, he checked his phone. No messages. He bounced out of bed, in a hurry to shower and dress, keeping his phone nearby in case she called. She didn't. Then he remembered how late he got home, how wasted he was. I can’t handle another argument. Not now. The warning played over and over in his head. He called her anyway.
“Where are you?” He continued getting ready to leave.
“At the hospital with the baby. We're leaving now.”
She didn't sound mad, just breathless. The blare of the intercom in the background distracted him.
Okay, it is the hospital.
“Who's we? Why didn't you wake me?”
“How could I? You were out cold. I'm with Alicia.”
He breathed a sigh of relief, trying to analyze the tone of her voice. “You should've tried at least... I'm sorry about last night. We were celebrating the deal. It's gonna be amazing!” A pause. “How's my boy?” He couldn't stop smiling at the idea. His boy!
“He's great. Maybe later you can come back with me.”
It never ceased to amaze him how the sweet quality of her voice always had a soothing effect, fueling him with renewed energy.
She blocked out everything else he said, too mentally exhausted to fight. “He can't leave until Sunday night or Monday now. They want to be sure.”
“That sucks! It's a fucking racket to make more money!” He raised
his voice, overcome with grief. Then it dawned on him and his eyes saddened.
She wasn’t talking about last night, but something told him she hadn’t forgotten, and it wasn’t over.
As soon as Alicia returned from the bathroom, Kristen couldn’t take the anxiety provoked by speaking to Jake any longer and hung up. Added to the mental anguish from Logan’s actions, now she had to worry about a confrontation with Jake. But that battle would have to wait.
I’ll ask him who he screwed last night in person. The knots in her stomach were wound too tightly to even consider anything else.
When Alicia mentioned her new job, Kristen realized she’d made the right decision taking it shortly after Jake’s arrival. Unfortunately, the likelihood of the nanny job for Alex with money tight, was slim.
They were parked in front of Alicia’s building.
“Cheer up, Kris. I still have to tell you about my aunt’s guest house. I’m sure she’ll rent it to you guys for a really reasonable rent. I’ll text you the details.” With a quick kiss, she turned and ran into her building.
Perhaps the situation wouldn’t be that bleak after all. Filled with hope, Kristen’s face lit up, her eyes following her. Just as suddenly the happiness faded.
I can’t handle this right now!
Blinking her eyes to push away the image of the unusual glint in Alicia’s eyes when she kissed her, she propelled the car into the street. She still had Jake to contend with.
Jake took her in his arms as soon as she entered. “Are you mad about last night?” Needing to get it out in the open regardless of what it stirred up, he searched her eyes. There was something very curious about them. Holding her back a little, he dug deeper. “Are you okay? Your eyes are so red.”
Taken off guard, she fidgeted, unable to meet his gaze, “Yeah. Just tired.” Her shoulders and back were on fire. She cleared her throat. It still ached. Her voice choked up, exactly like the times she had laryngitis as a little girl.
She massaged her neck. He didn’t blink.
The tension thickened. He was having a hard time ignoring all the unanswered questions swirling through his mind as he continued to watch her. She sensed it.
“I think I'm coming down with something. I shouldn't have gone in the hot tub yesterday,” she blurted out, rushing away to the refrigerator for orange juice. Until she checked her image in the mirror, she couldn't get close enough for him to inspect her. It was too risky.
Jake's eyes narrowed. When she turned around, it startled her. He stood right behind her.
“When were you in the hot tub?”
How well I know that tone. Why am I suddenly in the hot seat? “When you were at your little party.” She wanted to yell, but her voice was too hoarse and sore. His tight scrutiny flared her up even more. “Why are you looking at me like that? I was here. I have the right to do what I want. You did! What was that perfume stink anyway? You think I didn't notice because you thought I was sleeping when you finally got home?”
“Wait a minute! I was at a business deal. What the hell are you accusing me of?” Unsettled, he moved closer.
She flinched, her hands instinctively shielding her throat. With a sudden flash of recognition in her eyes, she dropped her hands to the security of her lap.
He wasn't convinced. “What's going on? Something's up! What is it, Kristen? Why are you so jumpy? Why won't you look at me?” His tone remained harsh but concern clouded his eyes. When she tried to slide away from him he gripped her shoulders. “You talked to him yesterday, didn't you? Did you see him? Did he hurt you?”
“No! Are you crazy?”
The survival instinct took over. Taking a defiant stance, she pulled herself together. “I'm just extremely achy and hyper. How do I know why? I need to lay down.”
She glared at him, until he dropped his hands. He followed her to the bed, sitting next to her.
“Then rest.” He planted a kiss on her lips, stroked her hair. His eyes darkened for a second. I need to believe her. We can’t start this bullshit all over again. One of us has to give in to keep the peace.
Getting up, he called back to her, “We were in a gay bar in South Beach. That perfume stink you mentioned? That was Franky’s cologne.”
Kristen froze, speechless, then burst into uncontrollable laughter. With a huge, satisfied grin he strolled away. I won. This time.
He never noticed her burying her face in the pillow, struggling to stifle the coughing.
* * *
A few hours later Kristen’s restless stirring was followed by a vicious coughing fit. Jake dropped the laptop, rushing to her side. As he knelt beside her, she calmed down. Still asleep, she flopped to her side, taking in a long, harsh gulp of air that progressed into deep breathing. Then the moaning and muttering started. He concentrated, his ear close to her lips. Her words were garbled but it was evident she was trapped in a distressing nightmare. After a few minutes of thrashing around, her desperate pleas to stop became clearer.
Unable to think straight, Jake took up a frantic pace. Kristen settled down again. She needed the rest. They weren’t going to see Alex for a few hours. What would he do until then? How could he calm the storm raging in his soul? Not by sitting by idle and lame waiting for it to blow over. He wanted to pick up some stuff at the grocery store, something to soothe her throat. But first it was time to soothe his mind.
He was pretty sure his truck wouldn’t be recognized and a feeling in his gut told him Logan would eventually come outside. Until then, he’d stay parked by the sand across the street from the condo.
It was safe to walk along the beach while he waited. Scanning the area, he found a bench shaded by some palm trees. A random seagull swooped down next to him, then fluttered off again to circle over the sand.
Smart move. Get away before the trouble starts.
He chuckled to himself, but his good humor instantly soured.
Stretching out his long legs in front of him, he reflected on Kristen. How often had she relaxed on the same bench, taken advantage of the shade of the exact same palm trees? He grinned, lost in the memory of her dreamy eyes. An unusual tranquility seized him. Not wanting to miss her call, he double checked his phone. The volume was still set to high. Good. Now he could wait in peace. His eyes strayed to the building.
Everyone walks around here, don’t they? Why would they live by the ocean if they don’t enjoy it? Then again, he’s such an asshole, bet he hates the sand. Shit! What if he drives out instead? I should wait in the garage. Fuck! I don’t have the code and there has to be video surveillance. He grunted thinking back to the allegations of the surveillance camera in Bay Ridge and how he’d messed up big time.
He must've dozed off. The breeze changed direction, picking up intensity, the air cooling down. He glanced at his phone. No calls. It was 5 p.m. Damn it! If Logan walked by already, whether he saw me or not, I missed my chance! How the fuck could I fall asleep?
Giving up, he rose. They had to go see the baby and he didn't even go to the store yet.
Then he saw him—he was with a tall woman. Squinting into the waning sunlight, Jake struggled to focus. She looked familiar. Then it dawned on him.
The Latina from the club in New York City.
Shit! This messes up my plan. I wanted him alone. Maybe I should forget about it for now. Ray's face flashed through his mind. Then Kristen's.
No, I can’t back off now. Getting up, he exhaled and hid behind a bush.
They were arguing, heading along the sand. She rushed after him. Logan looked frustrated.
Fucking asshole! Your gonna pay for everything!
“Hey Logan!” Jake yelled out as Logan passed by. Stepping out ominously from behind the bush, he took long, deliberate strides towards him. At first glance Logan appeared confused. He removed his sunglasses, peering at him. As Jake moved closer, recognition and apprehension took over. Logan stiffened. With his legs spread and planted firmly in the sand, he glared defiantly at Jake. Through the corner of his eye, Jake
viewed Gina off in the distance.
They were face to face now. “What the fuck do you want?” Logan’s cheeks sizzled, hot and red.
“I told you, keep away from Kristen, but you couldn't leave her alone, could you?” An uncontrollable fury burned inside of Jake and he knew if he had a weapon it would've been all over. For both of them. His mind went blank, the scattering of people on the beach invisible to him.
At Logan's side now, Gina looked anxiously from one to the other. A grin passed over her face. “I remember you from that club.” Her chuckle sounded diabolical to Jake. She held onto Logan's arm. Logan grimaced, gave her a rough shove, knocking her off balance.
“Idiota! What the hell is wrong with you?” She screamed, but he didn’t pay attention.
“Fuck you. She came to me!” Logan smirked, stepping back just enough to create a comfortable distance between them. With mounting anxiety, he watched Jake's body inflate with rage, his eyes ablaze.
Gina hurled out venomous curse words in Spanish, shaking her hands at Logan. He snapped his head around to tell her to shut up. Without stopping to think Jake lunged forward, getting closer. One quick jerk of his muscular body was all it took. He drove his fist into Logan’s stomach, then immediately wrapped his forearm around his neck, pulling him in. With quick precision he landed two more powerful jabs into his gut, stepped back and exhaled long and hard.
Logan doubled over in pain, falling to his knees. Gina's frantic screams echoed in Jake’s head. Then the voices took over.
Finish him off. Do it!
Paralyzed, he stared down at Logan writhing on the sand. The indistinct sound of laughter and voices caught his attention. Children? He turned to look, and saw nothing.
Not today—get outta here!
This time the voice in his head didn’t register; he couldn’t stop, it felt too good. With one swift kick, he landed his foot in Logan’s face. Logan yelped in misery, his hands flying up to shield his face. With every agonized moan that came out of Logan’s mouth, the amazing rush Jake experienced heightened, the high almost frightening.