Blessings From the Father

by Michelle Larks

  “I agree.” Carson nodded after he swallowed his last bite of tacos. “So are you done shopping yet?”

  “I have one more gift to get and that’s yours. I haven’t quite run across your gift yet,” Mariah told him.

  “You don’t have to go to any trouble you know. I’m an easy kind of guy.”

  “I know. I just don’t know what to get you. It’s one of those situations where when I see it I’ll know it’s for you. Know what I mean?”

  The young waitress returned to the table. “Can I get you anything else?” she asked politely with a smile on her face.

  Mariah returned her smile and shook her head.

  “We’re good for now,” Carson replied.

  “Then I’ll bring the check shortly. Let me know if you need anything else.” She left the table.

  “Now let’s see, where we were? Oh, I remember, I guess I know what you mean,” Carson agreed.

  “I am not a shopper by nature, but I do enjoy Christmas shopping. It’s something about the music, and smiles on children’s faces, that puts me in the spirit. That along with the birth of Christ,” she added quickly.

  “I understand; same here. Say, I noticed you don’t have any lights or decorations around your house. Do you want me to stop by and put some up for you tomorrow?”

  “Sure. I meant to ask you earlier, but got caught up on working with William on the proposal for the city of Hammond. Growing up in the projects, there’s only so much you could do on the outside of the house. Granny and I always put up a tree and decorated the living room. I noticed the lights on your parents’ house on Thanksgiving Day.”

  “Yeah, I guess having children makes a difference. When I was growing up, we always put up our tree on Thanksgiving night or the Thanksgiving weekend. So I’ve gotten into the habit of doing it then.”

  “I hear you, traditions are nice. So is Christmas your favorite holiday?” she asked him.

  “It is. What is yours?”

  “Thanksgiving,” Mariah answered promptly. “I love the foods, even preparing some of them.” She wrinkled her nose. “My favorite hot holiday is the Fourth of July. The temperature for Memorial Day can be cool. I love warm weather, and unless it rains, the Fourth is always nice. Sonni, Rocki, and I would go downtown to the lake sometime to see the fireworks.”

  The waitress brought the check to the table and set the leather folder containing the check in front of Carson. “Enjoy your evening, and happy holidays.”

  “Thank you,” Carson replied. He took his wallet out of his jacket pocket and pulled out his American Express card. He checked the figures and added a nice tip to the total.

  After his card was processed, he told Mariah, “I hate to rush you, but I have an early appointment in the morning. So I need to get you home.”

  “I understand,” Mariah replied. She stood up and put on her coat. Soon the two left the restaurant and were at Mariah’s house in no time.

  Carson walked her to the door and opened it. Mariah disengaged the burglar alarm.

  Carson brought Mariah’s shopping bags inside the house. “I will be glad when you move next door. Sometime I worry about you being in this house alone. It’s a big house,” he commented as his eyes scanned around the room.

  “If it wasn’t for the alarm system, I would be worried too. I’m fine.”

  “That you are,” Carson agreed in a husky voice. “I’d better be getting on my way.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

  “See you tomorrow,” Mariah said emotionally. “Carson, I just want to say that I appreciate all you have done for me. You’ve enriched my life. I feel like I’m a better person for having known you. Thank you.”

  “I love doing things for you,” Carson began. “You are a phenomenal woman. I feel the same way; my life seems complete. We’ll see where this thing goes. So far, my lovely, you’re batting a thousand.”

  Mariah hugged him. When they parted, she pointed to the door and said, “Go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Pleasant dreams,” Carson said as he walked to the door.

  “Back at you.”

  Mariah smiled to herself as she locked the door. She walked to the window and watched Carson as he pulled away from the curb. Then she walked to her bedroom. She knelt down, closed her eyes, raised her hands, and said, “Father, Carson is a good man. Thank you for bringing him into my life. Forgive me for my sins today. Continue to guide me, and help me to hear your voice clearly. Today was a good day, Father. I rejoice and I am glad. God, bless and take care of Granny, Sonni, Rocki, and Sasha. Lord, also bless Carson, and his family. Amen.”

  Mariah showered and put on her bedclothes. She opened the Daily Devotional and read the message for today, along with the Biblical verses.

  She sighed audibly as she caught sight of the journals on her nightstand. Mariah took a deep breath. Her hand shook slightly as she picked up volume 1. She opened it and read the first entry.

  My name is Harold Wayne Ellison. I was born on August 23 in Gainesville, Florida. I never knew my mother or father. My earliest memories are being in a large room full of cots. I was raised in an orphanage. I never found a trace of my parents. Perhaps they perished together, and that’s how I ended up where I did. Maybe my ma was an unwed mother. Those were questions that I never got an answer to. I always worked, even as child. We had chores at the orphanage, and from the time a child could walk, they were put to work. I don’t remember anyone explaining to me about having any goals. In my heart I knew that one day, I would grow up and leave that place. Me and the other kids were farmed out like slaves for lack of a better term to help people in the area. The orphanage got the money and it seemed like all we kids got is a heap of misery. Some of the homes were nice and some not so nice. Most of the time, we worked for white families. I saw the differences in how Whites and Blacks lived. We were called Negroes back then. I knew that I wanted better for myself and that’s what I strived for my entire life: better. On many levels I attained my goals, but others I failed miserably.

  Mariah was mesmerized after she read that entry. She quickly closed the book. She knew if she continued reading she would be up the rest of the night, and that wouldn’t do for the career woman that she was. She glanced at the clock on the mantle and saw that it was nearly ten o’clock. She hadn’t talked to Sonyell all evening, nor had her friend returned the text message Mariah had sent her earlier. Mariah hoped Michael’s homecoming celebration was a joyous one. Still she was bothered that Sonyell hadn’t called.

  Mariah clutched the cell phone in her hand. Then she decided not to call to Sonyell. She and Michael had many issues to work out. Knowing Sonyell as Mariah did, she assumed that’s what the couple was doing at that minute.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Michael nuzzled against Sonyell’s chest. “Baby, I am so glad to be home,” he said. Michael’s voice was slightly slurred. The two were sitting on the sofa in her house. Sasha had finally gone to bed. The young girl was ecstatic that her parents were finally together. It was her fervent hope that she would have a mommy and daddy who lived in the same household.

  The odor of liquor on Michael’s breath turned Sonyell’s stomach. She firmly pushed him away. “You know this is not a good start, don’t you?” she asked Michael, barely masking the disgust she felt from her voice.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Michael looked at her puzzled. He pulled her toward him again.

  “I mean you aren’t supposed to be drinking are you?” Sonyell scooted away from him.

  “Remember, I’m not on parole. I am a free man, so I can darn well do as I please.” Michael shot Sonyell a look that begged her not to nag him. His voice was even as he said, “I haven’t been outside for a long time. So what if I had a few drinks with my friends? It’s not a big deal; it’s not like I’m drunk or anything.”

  “You’re not setting a good example for Sasha. I rarely drink around her. You have to remember that you’re a parent now and what you do aro
und our daughter influences her.” Sonyell’s lips were tight as she glowered at him.

  “Okay, I messed up,” Michael replied in a petulant tone, as he raised his hands. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow and tell her that I was celebrating being out of the joint. I’ll explain this isn’t an everyday thing.” He stroked Sonyell’s hair.

  “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.” Sonyell moistened her lips. “Uh, Michael, you can spend the night here, but you can’t sleep in my bed. Once again, I don’t think it sets a good example for Sasha. It’s not like we’re married.” She peered at Michael with a nervous look on her face.

  “Woman, are you crazy or something?” Michael’s voice rose. He eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief. “Do you know how long it’s been since I been with you?”

  Sonyell put her finger across her lips, and shook her head warningly. “Keep your voice down. Sasha is asleep. I don’t want her to wake up and hear us arguing. I know it’s been a long time. I don’t even know that I want to have sex with you. I’m still thinking about it.”

  “Why wouldn’t you want to make love to me? Is there another man you haven’t told me about?” Michael asked her. His eyes shone with hurt.

  “Of course not. Don’t be silly.” Sonyell twisted her lips. “Mike, you’ve spent so much time in jail that you don’t realize how hard it is to raise a child alone. Especially a female child. I try to live a decorous life because I don’t want Sasha to repeat the mistakes that I’ve made. I certainly don’t want her to become an unwed mother at an early age. What kind of signal am I giving her if I allow you to come and lay up in here?” She spoke patiently to Michael trying to explain her position.

  “I bet Mari has been influencing you,” Michael muttered harshly. “Didn’t you tell me she’s been celibate? Hon, our situation is not like Mari’s at all. I’m Sasha’s father. Seeing me here would be the most natural thing in the world.”

  Michael’s hand wandered to Sonyell’s thigh. She quickly pushed it away.

  Sonyell held up her left hand. “Hello? We are not married. Sasha and I go to church and I talk to her about waiting until marriage before she has sex. So how can I possibly have sex with you under these circumstances? I certainly wouldn’t be practicing what I preach, now would I?”

  Michael rubbed his chin. “I guess I kind of see what you mean, but, baby, I think you’re being unrealistic. Why wouldn’t you put her on the pill to stop her from getting pregnant? You know like I do that most teenagers are going to do ‘it.’ It’s simply a matter of time.”

  “Oh, Michael.” Sonyell shook her head dismally. “That would probably work if she hadn’t been taught different. I hear what you’re saying, but I want her life to mirror mine. I want her to wait to have sex. I’m hoping she’ll wait until marriage.”

  “I guess. . . .” Michael replied doubtfully. He looked down. Then he looked at Sonyell and his eyes brightened. “Are you saying that you want to get married? Heck, we can do that. I ain’t got a problem with it.” He took her hand in his.

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Sonyell said impatiently and snatched her hand away from his. “We certainly won’t be married anytime soon.” Her eyes narrowed. “I mean we’ve got to see how long you can stay out of prison before we make any long-term plans.”

  “Dang it, girl, I thought you wanted to marry me. Are you sure you’re not seeing another man? Where is all of this coming from?” Michael looked at Sonyell with a confused look on his face.

  “It’s coming from a single parent, like a good many African American women. I love you, Mike, and I have for a long time. But we haven’t spent enough time together, at least for extended period of time. You’ve been gone for a good portion of Sasha’s childhood. I think we need to take things slow and see if we’re the same people who fell in love with each other. You’ve got to step to me correctly.” Sonyell gently punched his arm. “And that means getting a job, spending time with me and your daughter, and no sex until I have a ring on it,” she stated resolutely.

  Michael looked at her with a panicked look on his face. He shook his head dumbfounded, and raised his hands. “I don’t know, Sonyell. This is not what I envisioned for my first night home. Shoot, I planned to rock your world. I mean, it’s been a long time for both of us. Hasn’t it?” He looked at her suspiciously.

  Sonyell bit her bottom lip apprehensively. “It has, but what if it hadn’t? I have been alone for a long time, going to school, raising our child. I’ve been there for you, too. I’ve come to visit you, put money on your account at least for your birthday. But today is a new day, Mike. I want you to be the man you promised me you would be before you started all that foolishness, a life of crime.”

  Michael studied Sonyell for a long while. “I can take many things, Sonni. I did my bid, I paid for my mistakes; as the man says, I paid my debt to society. But, I if I find out that you’ve been with another man then it’s over,” he informed Sonyell coldly.

  “Like you’ve been one hundred percent faithful over the years.” She sniffed, and waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t think I don’t know about other women visiting you over the years. What were they, your pen pals? But I felt secure knowing that I had your child and to me that made me better than them. I was one up on them. I’m not going to say I wasn’t tempted because I was. I was eighteen when you first went to prison. I’m twenty-nine now and you think I wasn’t tempted?”

  Michael looked like he’d been sucker-punched. “Those women came to see me years ago, before you got pregnant. I don’t know what to say. I know it’s been hard on you too. You pulled your weight and raised our daughter to be a beautiful young girl. The thought of you being with another man drives me crazy,” he said ominously.

  “Then don’t think about it,” Sonyell told him. Her voice rang with passion. “Think about where we go from here. Focus on finding a job and helping me take care of your daughter. I love you and I shiver just thinking about being with you, but I can’t. Not just yet.”

  Michael looked at Sonyell long and hard. He stood up; his high was gone. Suddenly he felt clearheaded. “Okay, I hear you and I will think about everything you’ve said. You’ve made your feelings clear. I’m going to go to my mom’s for tonight. Tell Sasha I’ll see her in the morning.” He grabbed his jacket and put it on.

  A tremor of guilt surged through Sonyell’s body. Her head knew she was doing the right thing, but her heart was another matter. She watched Michael zip up his jacket and followed him to the front door. “Where are you going? How will you get back to the city?” she asked him.

  “I’m a man, I’ll figure it out,” he grumbled. He opened the door. Then he turned to Sonyell, he pulled her into his arms, and kissed her with a passion that nearly made her swoon. “I love you, Sonni. I’ll think about all you said. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Tell my baby girl I love her.”

  Michael closed the door behind him. Sonyell was tempted to run after him and tell him to come back. But she was scared that if she did that Michael would never man up. She realized that she had given him an abundance of food for thought. She prayed he would be up to the task.

  She locked the door and returned to the sofa and sat down. She put her hands over her face. Lord, did I do the right thing? How come doing the right thing feels so wrong?

  Sonyell contemplated her actions. She was tempted to call Raquel. Of the three friends, Raquel had the most experience with men. In her head, Sonyell could see Raquel mocking her. She had always called Michael a loser. So Sonyell knew that Raquel would have little patience with her fears. She turned out the light in the living room, made a hasty retreat to her bedroom, and quickly called Mariah.

  “What’s up, girl? How was Michael’s homecoming celebration?” Mariah asked her friend after they exchanged hellos.

  “Miss Nedra prepared a feast. All of Michael’s relatives put in an appearance. Everything was going well until Shorty Man and GQ stopped by. They had liquor, Michael had a few drinks, and, needless to say, I wa
s not impressed.”

  “Did he stay at his mom’s house? Where is he now?” Mariah asked.

  “I made the mistake of bringing him home with me. I think I just wanted to show off a little with the house and my accomplishments and bring him into my world. The only thing he had on his mind was jumping my bones.”

  “And you’re surprised by that? You know he hasn’t had any in a long time,” Mariah teased Sonyell.

  “True enough, but I couldn’t do it. I thought the reason was because Sasha is in the house. And that was a big part of it. But, as I began explaining to him how I felt, I discovered I don’t want to make love again without a ring on it.”

  “Oh, my. I’m shocked,” Mariah exclaimed flabbergasted. “I mean that’s the route I’ve chosen and, girl, sometimes it’s so hard for me to be with Carson. All that manliness and virility around me, and I just can’t do the thing. It’s not easy. Thank God he understands my position. But, it’s different with you and Michael because you have a history and share a child.”

  “That’s pretty much what he said too, in his mission to try to convince me to give him some. But, I stood my ground. And he ended up leaving in a huff.” Sonyell rubbed her eyes.

  “You didn’t discuss it with him before he came home did you?” Mariah asked.

  “No, I didn’t. I wanted to but the timing was never right. Now, I wish I had.”

  “Well, give him time. Mikey loves him some Sonni. He’ll come around.”

  “Mari, I’m scared.” Sonyell gulped. Her body began shaking uncontrollably. She used her free arm and wrapped it around her body.

  “Scared of what?”

  “I’m scared Michael won’t be able to turn his life around. Then, I’m scared that he might be able to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She ran her hand nervously across her brow.

  “I think if you’re patient and give Michael time, he’ll come around. He isn’t a bad person. He fell in with the wrong crowd and made bad decisions. He’s paid the price, and I believe he’ll get it together.”