Mage Confusion (Book 1)

by Virginia G. McMorrow

  “Alex, play nice.” Jules stirred from his comfortable spot at Elena's feet. “It all makes sense, but how should we spread the rumor? Who can we trust to see word gets to Firemage Ravess?”

  “I think we can find a way for him to hear the rumor.” I leaned forward, chin cupped in my hand. “But once he does, I'd like a closer look at Ravess. I think I can rattle him on my own, without revealing my mage talent.”

  “How?”

  When I didn't answer right away, Anders pulled me back toward his knees. “What are you planning?”

  “I'm not sure yet.”

  He poked his head around to stare at me, sea-gray eyes wide with suspicion. “Liar. Spit it out.”

  “I'll tell you when it's clear in my head. But I know he can't hurt me.”

  “You don't know that, Alex. He tried to have me murdered,” Elena said hotly, obviously trying to discourage whatever was in my head.

  “You don't know for certain it was him.”

  A hard look came into her eyes. “Yes, I do.”

  “Good. Knowing will make it even more satisfying to bring him down. But still, Elena, understand he can't hurt me, and won't hurt me. Not yet, because he's arrogant. I'm nothing to him.”

  “I still don't see why you have to expose yourself.”

  “I have a legitimate reason for needing a closer look at him.” Caught off guard, Elena backed off, staring at me without comprehension. “Don't you see? If he issues Mage Challenge, I'm the one he'll fight. He doesn't know that, but I do. I need to see what I'm up against. While I'm close enough to breathe down his neck, I'll rattle him with hints of the Crownmage.”

  As I quieted, out of breath and rattled myself, Anders massaged my neck, easing the knotted muscles to blessed relief. “I'm going with you.”

  “To Ardenna, yes. To confront Ravess, no.” Braced for an argument, I grabbed his hands where they rested on my neck. “We'll discuss this later.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “All right.”

  I rolled my eyes in disgust at his too easy acquiescence.

  Elena started to laugh, though she still eyed me with a fair amount of anxiety. “I'm leaving in the morning if you'd like to travel with me,” she offered, glancing over my head to trade a look with Anders.

  Another kiss landed with delicacy on my head. “Your choice, Alex.”

  I turned to Jules, who'd kept quiet for much of the night's conversation. “Can you ask Lauryn to cover my lessons for a few days?”

  “Yes, of course. Tell me what she should teach them.”

  “She's done it before. Lauryn knows what to do.”

  Green eyes studied me a moment, perplexed. “Every time you disappeared for a few days?” When I nodded, he complained, “Why is it my wife knows so much more than me?”

  “Because I trust Lauryn so much more than I trust you.” I grinned to soften my words. “Elena, I don't want to be seen with you when we get closer to the city,” I said, noting she was still eying Anders. What were they so worried about?

  Snatching her cloak from the disheveled pile of books it rested upon, Elena nodded to Jules, and started to get up. “If you’re ashamed to be seen in my company, then I’ll be sure to keep my distance.”

  “Idiot.” I tugged at her trouser knees. “Ravess doesn't need to know you've been talking to me recently. I'd rather—” Impatient, I shoved Elena back in the direction of the armchair. “Will you sit down? My neck hurts looking up at you.”

  Puzzled, Elena sank back into the armchair with a graceful movement.

  “Listen.” I turned to look at Anders. “You, too. I do have a plan, and you're not going to like it, but if I must fight him, I want him caught off guard the day of the Mage Challenge when I show up.”

  Anders traded another inscrutable look with Elena and joined me on the floor opposite Jules.

  I took a very deep breath and faced Elena. “The day you threw Ravess from the throne room, I met him in the hall.” Her expression grew blank. “I was there. I knew what happened.”

  “Why were you there without telling me?”

  I toyed with my toes, amazed at how cold they felt. “Because I wanted to give you another chance. You'd angered me.” Finding courage, I met Elena’s dark gaze and shrugged, trying to act unconcerned, trying to convince myself she couldn't see through my act. “I had to see for myself whether you really needed my help.”

  Elena sat motionless, pale face elegant and composed in the shadows cast by the crackling fire, waiting for the hurtful words she'd grown to expect from me.

  “Anyway,” I went on, grateful for the fingers Anders entangled with mine, “Ravess nearly knocked me over in a deserted corridor.”

  Orphan child.

  “He recognized me, threatened me with fire, called me…” I faltered, unwilling to say it aloud, staring off into the fireplace, remembering the flames that traveled down the fortress walls, seeking me. Anders squeezed my fingers, encouraging me to explain. “He called me orphan child. Nothing hateful about that, it's a true fact I've lived with all my life, though now—”

  Elena knelt beside me before I could react. “I know about your father, Alex. I'm so sorry.”

  “It doesn't matter.”

  Lords of the sea, what a lie. Sernyn Keltie abandoned me, and it mattered. It mattered very much.

  I continued, keeping my voice steady, “It didn't matter then either except Ravess kept taunting me. He said something else.” I met Elena's troubled gaze for one brief moment and then looked away again.

  “What did he say to you?” she whispered, shaking my arm. “Alex. Tell me.”

  Without his words, I didn't have a plan. “He said you pitied me. Always had. That you kept me around because you thought my talent might be useful, even though it hadn't reappeared.”

  “You don't believe that? If you do, you've no one to blame but yourself,” she scolded, scarlet blossoming on her cheeks. “Tell me the truth.”

  The truth? “I didn't want to believe it.”

  “But you did. Damn you, Alex, you did, didn't you?”

  I caught hold of Elena’s sleeve as she started to get up and held her down on her knees until her eyes were level with mine. “Yes, I did because I was still angry and vulnerable. When I thought about it, you idiot, I didn't believe it one bit.” As some of the challenge faded from her eyes, I added with a crooked grin, “Ask Rosanna what hurtful words I screamed at her when I was feeling angry and vulnerable. You'll feel better, believe me.”

  Elena pushed free of my restraining hand and sat back in the chair again. “You're enough to drive us all to distraction. Poor Anders.”

  “Thank goodness someone understands my plight.”

  I elbowed the traitor in the stomach with a sharp jab. “Now listen.” Jules had a peculiar expression in his eyes. “You, too.” When he nodded, I tapped his boot heel. “What's the matter with you?”

  “Sometimes I feel I haven't the slightest notion who you are.”

  “You don't.”

  “That's a relief. I thought I was going mad.”

  Anders yanked a strand of my hair. “I just had a nasty suspicious thought. If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, you're absolutely out of your mind. It's too dangerous.”

  “Don't spoil my fun.”

  “Fun?”

  Elena waved a hand to catch our bickering attention. “Would one of you mind very much telling me what it is you're both thinking about?”

  “Alex plans to use what Ravess implied about you to convince him he's right. You pity Alex and she's disillusioned with you and—”

  Elena lifted a hand to stop his torrent of words. “Why?”

  “To catch him off guard when she represents you in the Mage Challenge,” Jules answered in a somber tone.

  “Elena, listen to me. I'm going to need all the help I can get. If it means making him doubtful the day of the confrontation, than yes, that's my purpose.”

  “I don't want you near him. He's dangerous.”
/>
  “So am I.”

  “And so am I.” Anders exchanged a glance with her. “I won't be far.”

  “That's the only way I'll agree to this.” Elena grabbed her cloak again and pushed herself upright. “Understand?”

  “Quite, your majesty.”

  With a stern glare that might have been effective if she hadn't yawned, Elena dragged Jules to his feet. “Come along.”

  “Yes, your Majesty.” With a weary grin, Jules ducked the pillow she sent flying at his head.

  “No one listens to me anymore.”

  “No one ever did,” I said in farewell as Elena slammed the cottage door.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “I really wish you'd reconsider.” Elena studied me from the corner of her eye, likely thinking I wasn’t aware of her observation.

  Guiding my horse back toward the center of the road, I flicked the end of the reins in her direction. “I'm not afraid of him.”

  Anders snorted on the far side of Elena. “I've found there are few things Alex fears. Her talent was one, until I managed to persuade her otherwise.”

  “Bridges are another.” Elena slanted me another sidelong glance.

  “I'm not afraid of bridges.”

  “We're only a short distance from Jendlan Falls.” Elena cocked her head to the side, glossy black hair catching the sunlight. “We could take a side trip, and you could show us the truth.”

  “I don't need to prove anything to either of you. I'm not afraid of bridges.”

  “You just don't like them, is that it?” Anders peered around Elena's slender form. “You did admit that the day we took the children to Jendlan Falls and I suggested we have the lesson on the bridge.”

  “The day you forced me to let you join us.” I leaned over to make sure he heard me, raising my voice for emphasis.

  “The day you decided to make fun of me.” Anders wagged a gloved finger across the head of Elena's mount, which started to grow uneasy as our voices rose.

  “Ah, children,” Elena interrupted. “You're starting to alarm my horse.” Turning innocent blue eyes back to Anders, she kept her face neutral. I knew better. “Then Alex did explain her fear?”

  “All she admitted was she didn't like bridges.”

  “She's terrified of them.”

  “I am not!” I lowered my voice as Elena's captain turned his head.

  Elena laughed suddenly in a rich, warm voice, hinting at old memories. “I spent my summers in Port Alain with the Barlows. At least once each and every summer, Jules and I would sneak up to the falls and lay as flat as possible along the bridge to hide from Alex and Khrista.”

  “Not very kind,” Anders said in mild disapproval, “considering Alex wouldn't come get you even if she knew you were there.”

  Elena chuckled again, tugging her wool cloak closer to her body as the wind picked up.

  The golden opportunity fell right into my lap. How could I resist? Besides, she deserved it. And it did fit in with my plan. I took a deep breath before saying, “And you wonder why I believed what Firemage Ravess said about you.”

  Elena pulled back on the reins, bringing her horse to a complete halt and setting the rest of the column behind us into various stages of disarray. Challenge flared in her dark blue eyes.

  “You're losing your sense of humor.” I edged my horse closer to hers, aware of Anders' alert stance.

  “You'll forgive me if I find your sense of humor a little difficult at times.”

  I didn't back down a whit from the challenge in her eyes. “Your reaction might imply a guilty conscience.”

  Elena's features were stony as she flicked the reins, urging her horse ahead, leaving me side by side with Anders.

  “Don't dare say one word.”

  “I wouldn't dream of it,” he lied. “Besides, I don't fancy sleeping on the cold, hard floor.”

  Elena didn't speak to either of us for the rest of the day or evening, preferring to have her meal alone when we stopped for the night at the inn just south of Tucker's Meadow. I didn't pursue her, and Anders didn't question me. I was weary and thoughtful and wanted nothing but dreamless sleep. But the moment my eyes closed against the lumpy pillow loud knocking jolted me awake.

  “Vengeance, pure and simple,” Anders grumbled. “If you hadn't upset Elena, we'd be able to get a decent night's sleep.” He groped for a lamp and struggled into his tunic and trousers, tossing my clothes over the bed at me.

  “Open the door before she wakes the entire inn.” I pulled the tunic over my head and sat up in bed.

  Elena was immediately apologetic at Anders' scowl.

  “I'm not angry at you, Elena. Come in. It's that damned idiot in my bed.”

  “Romantic and loving,” I muttered, tucking the blankets around my waist to keep out the chill, “just the way I like them.”

  Elena edged over the doorstep and made her way into the small room, one eye on Anders, who leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest.

  I patted the edge of the disheveled bed. “Sit.”

  As Anders waved her down, Elena settled at the opposite end, furthest from me. “I couldn't sleep.” Elena darted another look of apology at Anders. Not at me.

  “Would you rather I leave?” he asked.

  “No. I—” She shook her head. “No. Damn it, Alex, why must you be so beastly difficult? You say things in a light-hearted manner, but I know you better. You hide your pain in banter. And you should know, if you don’t already, this is one heartache which has no place between us.”

  I looked away, distressed at the open grief in her eyes. Tucking my legs under me, I sat back against the headboard. I looked up to find Anders watching; waiting for my response as he balanced one leg on the edge of the bed.

  “You're partially right. I wanted to unsettle you.”

  Elena's dark blue eyes widened at my admission. “Why?”

  “Two reasons. The first and most obvious, if you'd been reacting with your head and not your heart, was I wanted to give us a plausible reason for not traveling further with you. If word gets around you and I argued, then you can go off tomorrow on your own, leaving us free to follow.”

  “If I reacted with my head, it wouldn't have been very convincing.”

  “True.”

  “Does the second reason involve your desire to wander through the Marain vineyards unescorted?” When I shook my head, Elena grew suspicious again. “Then what?”

  I traced a design on the blankets, avoiding her eyes, until she covered my fretting fingers with her own, the Dunneal signet gleaming in the lamplight.

  “Was I very difficult growing up?” I met her troubled expression as she kept a firm grip on my hand.

  “You always kept yourself a little apart, as though you had no right to be with Jules and me, or didn't want to be,” she said, her words slow as she watched me. “Sometimes we couldn't read you. It always hurt us, Alex, because we tried so hard to stop you from thinking like that. If we didn't want to be with you, we wouldn't have. No one forced us.” She waited, but I stayed quiet. “And so many times, you'd say something like you said today on the road, hiding behind sarcasm or humor. We never knew how to take your doubts away. We loved you then, and we love you now, and you still can't accept it without questioning us.”

  I tried to turn away, but Elena's free hand caught my chin, forcing me to look at her. “Don't you see?” I took her hand away, not without gentleness, and wiped betraying wetness from my cheeks. “I never doubted you or Jules. I doubted me.”

  Orphan child.

  “I still doubt myself. Maybe that's why it was easier to blame you for forcing me to try my talent on Jules. Easier to blame you for holding back on your affection and attention if I didn't do what you wanted. But you never did that, not even in jest. I don't know,” I whispered, shaking my head as though to clear my thoughts under her silent scrutiny. “If I hold myself back or put the blame elsewhere, then you or Jules or Rosanna can still toss me aside and it won't hurt
as much. It won't matter because I don't really belong with you, with any of you.”

  “Alex.” Elena gripped my shoulders as I wept, surprising both of us. “Whatever your father's reasons for leaving you in Port Alain has nothing to do with the rest of us.”

  “He's nothing to do with this.”

  “He's everything to do with this.” Elena studied me with a critical eye. “Finding him after all these years, knowing he's alive, has rattled the few brains you have in your head and ripped your heart wide open.”

  “Elena—”

  “He may not have been part of your life for twenty-five years, but we have, Alex. All of us, and now Anders, and we're the ones who count. The only ones. Stop second guessing us and trust us for once in your life.” Uncertain, Elena glanced over at Anders for support.

  Cool sea-gray eyes lightened as he smiled in reassurance. “You're doing fine without my help.”

  “Idiot.” I tugged a pillow from behind my back and tossed it at his head.

  Elena finally laughed as the tension eased. “You've no right to call him an idiot, not with the way you think.”

  “Why don't you slam the door on your way out so anyone listening will really believe you're angry at me?”

  “It's obvious you can't take criticism with grace.” Elena sat back, leaning against the bedpost, appraising my mood.

  “I don't enjoy being called names.”

  “But you enjoy calling others names.”

  “That's different.”

  Elena's laugh was far more relaxed as she stretched forward and grabbed my shoulders again. “You're all right?” When I nodded, she hugged me tight. “Be careful and don't get hurt.”

  “I wouldn't dare.”

  Elena disentangled herself from me and stopped in front of Anders, who surprised her by wrapping his arms around her slender shoulders. She returned his embrace with equal affection and headed for the door.

  “Don't forget to slam the door.” When she rolled her eyes at Anders, I said her name aloud.

  “What now, Alex?”

  “Thanks.”

  Her features softened as she nodded once, and then left, slamming the door so hard the window rattled.