Nashville SEAL: Jameson: Nashville SEALs

by Sharon Hamilton

  Lizzie and Kendra laughed.

  The answer wasn’t something he could make out.

  “They make these monsters sort of variation on Barbies, except this one is a zombie. See the bloodshot eyes and dark circles under there?” Lizzie was having a ball with his shock.

  “And the green face. My mother would have burned this thing after sticking pins in it and decapitating it,” Jameson said, handing the doll back to Charlotte. Lizzie was frowning. “Sorry, Charlotte honey, but I gotta say that’s one ugly woman.”

  Charlotte leaned back and did a stare-down. “She’s supposed to be creepy, silly. Don’t you know anything?”

  Lizzie giggled.

  “How old did you say she was?” he asked her.

  “Only three, going on eighteen.”

  “That’s a fact,” he said, nodding to the top of Charlotte’s head.

  Kendra brought them both a sweet tea with lots of ice. Jameson was grateful for the distraction. Charlotte wiggled her way off his lap and onto the floor, yanking her sequined cape behind her. In the process, her crown fell off, but she left it alone.

  Jameson leaned over to Lizzie. “She’s beautiful, darlin’. But shouldn’t she be playing with princess dolls and such, not green monsters?”

  “Who never die. I can see you didn’t like mystery as a kid.”

  “No, ma’am. I can’t sleep if I watch one of those vampire movies. Talk about creepy; now that’s creepy.”

  Lizzie leaned against him, wrapping her left arm under his and squeezing herself into him. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he was messing around with his guitar, thinking about his care-free single life, getting ready to take a quick nap before heading over to the club. Now, everything had changed. He felt ill-equipped to care for a daughter or a wife. Being on the road performing wasn’t for a married man who wanted to stay married. He hadn’t known anyone who’d been able to do it successfully.

  Twenty-four hours ago, he was not thinking of anything permanent, certainly not marriage and raising a family. It was still something he wasn’t sure he was ready to do.

  “So you’re taking off tonight then?” he asked her, while still focused on Charlotte.

  “Don’t worry, Jameson. You don’t owe me anything. I set out to do what I intended to do. You’ve met her. Now the ball is in your court. We’ll be fine, either way.”

  He wasn’t sure what he should say. He was used to being confident, assured. He was used to going at his pace, which was easy and slow, until some beautiful and exciting creature with ten times the need he did would drag him into an exciting liaison and love the night away. And then it would start all over the next day.

  But for the first time, he didn’t know what to say or what to do. If he left right now, Charlotte would never remember him. But he’d forever feel like a heel, and although he and Lizzie weren’t married, every woman he slept with would make him feel like a cheater. And it wasn’t Lizzie alone he’d be cheating on. It would be Charlotte, as well.

  Suddenly, his idyllic life didn’t seem so idyllic any longer. He had important decisions to make, decisions that would affect two other people’s lives. There was no question that Charlotte was his daughter, but was he ready to be her father?

  Chapter 11

  ‡

  With the gig at Halfway to Heaven over, Reed brought in the girl group he’d bumped Thomas for. Jameson had heard nothing from the A&R guy or the producer who had initially expressed interest in his new song. He began writing a couple of other songs and considered going down to visit Lizzie, but was waiting to hear about a possible week-long gig in California, close enough to San Diego that he could hang out with the SEALs. He rented a tiny efficiency apartment in Nashville while he waited. He called Lizzie every day.

  The California trip finally fell through.

  “Fuck it, Jameson. We should just go there and check things out. Spend a couple of weeks in the sun, get out of this rain, see how it goes, and then come back. If something breaks, you can always come right back.”

  It hadn’t taken much for Thomas to convince him, so they arranged the trip. Jameson called Kyle, who was excited to hear from him and offered a place to stay, cautioning him to stay away from the bachelor SEALs.

  Thomas was handed a gig that was too good to pass up. He’d be touring in the Pacific Northwest for a whole month. Jameson was happy for his old friend. He decided to ask Lizzie to go with him.

  “No, Jameson. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “And why not?”

  “Charlotte has her routine here. She’s in preschool. She doesn’t know you.”

  “Well, how the hell’s she supposed to get to know me if I never see her? I’m not moving to North Carolina.”

  “Well, I’m not moving to Nashville or San Diego.”

  “Let’s just take a trial run, a trip out there, and we can explore the area together. Have you ever been?”

  “Never.”

  “Perfect, neither have I. Kyle made arrangements for us to stay at his place, and Coop offered his motorhome rigged up down at the beach. We could stay there, if you like. Right on the beach, Lizzie! Charlotte could play in the water. We could take nice walks. We’d have lots of privacy.”

  Lizzie’s laughter was full of possibility, he thought. After several more coaxings, she relented.

  They started off on a Saturday, stopping twice to overnight. Charlotte took to calling Jameson JJ, which suited him just fine.

  Coop’s motorhome down at the beach wasn’t exactly posh accommodations, but it was rigged with a killer stereo system. He’d been told to keep his hands off of the other equipment and to leave the locked metal boxes untampered with. Jameson figured the medic had some secret stuff he didn’t want to share.

  The first two days they were there, several of the SEAL team came by for a timed run, then a swim, and a workout on the beach. Jameson watched them, wondering what kind of a man it took to become one of those elite warriors.

  Lizzie was quiet as he studied the SEALs and then finally asked him what he thought of them.

  “You know, I’ve never been this long from playing clubs before. Funny how, when you throw yourself out into the real world where the drink isn’t flowing and the lights aren’t on your face, your perspective changes.”

  They were sitting side by side, toes pushed into the sand.

  “Could you do something like that?”

  “Maybe. Been thinking about it.”

  He felt her stiffen. Even placing his arm around her shoulder didn’t help.

  They didn’t talk much during the next two days. Like two ships passing in the night, he’d watch her chatting with the other wives and girlfriends at a couple of get-togethers. The SEALs valued their partying, but rarely with outsiders. Jameson knew they were beginning to consider him part of the family, and it made him proud they thought so highly of him.

  Kyle invited him to swim and run with them the next morning at dawn, and Jameson said he’d be game to try. “Not much of a swimmer, but I used to run in high school.”

  “Swimming is no problem. Everything you need to know you can learn or we can teach you. You spend a few weeks with us, working out with us, and then we take you up to INDOC. You take the oath, and you’re in.”

  “Whoa! In? As in the Navy?”

  “Sure as shit we can nail you a guaranteed SEAL tryout, if you’re not too chicken.”

  “Nah, I never wanted to be in the military. I’m a singer, a songwriter.”

  “And how’s that working out for you? Where are the calls, Jameson? You got a hit record? Anyone offering to pay you a huge advance?”

  “No. But—”

  “Navy’ll give you a signing bonus, Jameson. There’s life insurance for Lizzie and the kid. If something happens to you, her college is paid for.”

  How the hell did I get from hanging out with these guys to thinking about life insurance and free college in the event of my demise?

  “Kyle, this is a fuckin’ va
cation.”

  “Life is a vacation, my friend. Think about it. We’ll meet you at your front door at zero-six-hundred.”

  On the way home from the party, he decided he and Lizzie needed to talk. It was obvious something was bothering her.

  “I’m going to go for a run and swim early tomorrow morning. Kyle invited me.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. Charlotte was asleep in her car seat behind her.

  After an awkward pause, she asked him the question he didn’t have an answer to. “Why, Jameson? Are you thinking you want to try out for the Teams?”

  “Been thinking about it.”

  “What about your singing career?”

  “What career? I could always go back to that. But let’s be honest, I’m not getting any calls, Lizzie.”

  “Well, for one thing, you’re not back in Nashville. I wouldn’t say San Diego is exactly a mecca for record producing. And where are the venues? You’re not even playing anywhere.”

  “I’m just thinking about it. We’re just working out together tomorrow, is all. Nothing to be concerned about.”

  She watched him with that critical eye, even though she was facing straight ahead, lights from street signs flashing over her pretty face.

  “Well, I’ve made a decision, too. I’m going home.”

  He pulled over and swung around to the right so he could face her. “But why? Aren’t you having a good time here? Don’t you love the weather, all the new friends we’re making?”

  “While you’re off talking to the SEALs, you mean? Jameson, you haven’t been here, mentally here, the whole time.”

  “Yes, I have, honey.”

  “No. I’m not buying that crap. I thought at first you came out here to have a little vacation with me and Charlotte, but no, you came out here to meet with them. Charlotte and I are an afterthought.” She stared at the floor. “I just realized the SEALs would always come first. That’s the way they operate, and I think that’s why you love those guys so much. It’s a boy’s club. Running around, doing all this exciting stuff like jumping out of airplanes and blowing up stuff, all the specialized training, playing with all the cool equipment and tools.”

  “Geez, Lizzie, how can you say that?”

  “I’ve watched them, Jameson. Big boy scouts who never grew up.”

  “Who have each other’s backs. Look at what they do, Lizzie.”

  “Just like in Nashville, your music comes first. Happy to be living the single life, different bars, different women every night—”

  “That’s not fair and you know it. I’m not sleeping around. Where did you get that idea?”

  “Well, you’re not here with us.”

  Jameson was fuming. He felt she had him tethered in guilt, and it didn’t fit well at all. “I’ve been here every f—darned night and day practically, and you want more? What do you expect? You gonna suck the marrow out of my bones, too? Will that make it so you have enough of me?”

  He’d mortally wounded her. He could tell she wouldn’t be bouncing back anytime soon. This was way bigger than a small misunderstanding. Their irritation toward each other had been brewing for the last two days. She’d stopped initiating advances toward him in bed. It had been three days since they’d made love. No, this wasn’t working out. What did she expect of him?

  Now the idea of jumping out of airplanes seemed perfectly logical. He wanted to do it, just because he could.

  He turned back onto the two-lane highway and then down the gravel road to the inlet and the little fishing village. Coop’s ‘Babemobile,’ as the rest of the team called it, had seen better days. And with the tall SEAL living in it for two years before his marriage, Jameson sure hoped none of the medic’s sexploits came back to haunt him. Lizzie was going through a very tender time. He was afraid to ask her anything for fear she’d snap his head off.

  But hell, so was he. He didn’t want to just be a sperm donor. He wanted to be a father Charlotte would look up to, a real hero. Because right now, Jameson didn’t think he deserved anything, or any part of a forever.

  “So when are you going home?” he finally drummed up the courage to ask.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “I see. And when did you decide this?”

  “Just now.”

  Chapter 12

  ‡

  Lizzie began saying her farewell without tears, which was what she told herself she wanted. She held her package of sunshine. Charlotte warmed her heart, which was otherwise in terrible shape. She wouldn’t say it was broken; the word she wanted to pick was disappointed. Lizzie told herself that’s all it was, braced for any hint she wasn’t firm with her decision, that living for three years by herself with her little bundle of joy had taught her she could do it for however long it needed to be.

  But it hadn’t changed Jameson’s plans, she sadly had to admit. He wasn’t going to become a SEAL for her and for Charlotte; in fact, they weren’t even part of the equation. He was doing it for himself. And if she hitched her star to that wagon, perhaps the same thing would happen as when her parents suddenly had been gone. She could be a young widow; bringing him into Charlotte’s life only to have to explain if he were killed in this dangerous lifestyle he wanted to adopt. She felt while she’d matured, as a mother and guardian for Charlotte, it would take time for Jameson to do the same, and how could he if he was gone all the time? What kind of a life would that be for them all?

  Over and over again, Lizzie told herself it was for Charlotte’s welfare and not her own that she was doing this. It wasn’t fair to the youngster to have a man in her life, her daddy, who had priorities elsewhere. When the time came, she’d meet and fall in love with someone who could give her his whole heart. Until then, it was only prolonging the agony to try repairing something that perhaps wasn’t really there in the first place. All the duct tape and barbed wire in the world could not patch that puppy. It was like nailing a ghost to the wall, putting back a feather with glue; or trying to tether a guardian angel, like the ones she loved to read about in her romance novels, with some golden string. Although, on a day like today, with the sky threatening to burst forth, she could do with a fairy godmother.

  And then she smelled the golden-haired, blue-eyed angel in her arms, and all was right with the world again.

  “You don’t have to do this, Liz.” Jameson wrapped her in his arms, and she stiffened. “Relax. Just let me hold you.”

  Those had been the words he’d said to her, what was it? Four, five nights ago? And she’d let him do it then and look what happened. So she pushed away from him, even though the timbre of his voice and the scent of him plucked at her heart. This would be the last time. After today, it would start to become easier, and each day thereafter, all these memories would fade.

  “Jameson, I hope you find what you need. I hope you find your calling. I really do. Whether it’s music or running around getting shot or worse, whatever it is you want, I hope you find it and it works for you.”

  “Liz—”

  His hand was coming toward her face, and she veered away. “Don’t. Let’s just leave it where it is.”

  “But I don’t understand why we can’t give it a little more time.”

  “See, that’s the problem, Jameson. It was too soon. I worried about this, and I never should have come. I thought I was stronger than this.”

  “You’re being very strong now, but you don’t have to be.”

  “Do you understand that I love Charlotte too much to bring someone into her life who isn’t sure what he wants? Where he stands in relation to his future? To us?”

  “If you want to get married, I’ll do that.”

  “Why? What difference would that make? Is marriage some kind of magic pill you take, and voila! Everything is wonderful all of a sudden? Get married and then go off and get yourself killed, leaving us behind?”

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “You can’t guarantee that, and you know it.”

  “No, honestly, I can’
t. So you want me to stay in Nashville and pursue my music? That what you’re saying?”

  “No, Nashville wouldn’t work, either. If I stayed by to support and watch that happen, it would only hold up until the next pretty girl forces herself into your dressing room. How long before an avid fan shows up at my doorstep saying she’s pregnant with your baby? You really think I want any possibility of that happening?”

  “I have no say in the matter, then?”

  “If it wasn’t for Charlotte, we could duke it out, hash out all the details, and maybe come to some conclusion, but this is about her, and for God’s sake, I don’t understand why you can’t comprehend that.”

  Her flight was to, of all places, Charlotte, en route to Nashville, where her friend had offered her a couple of days to heal and talk through her pain and confusion. She really needed her best friend now more than ever. The flight was now being announced over the loudspeaker.

  “I still have to go through security, and they’re boarding my flight. Jameson, you follow your heart, your dreams. I hope you get there. I really do. And I’ll follow mine, okay? Do this for me. Find yourself. Find someone who has the luxury of being able to wander the world with you, a great adventure, to be sure. But I’m not that person. I live in North Carolina, and I have a life I’ve made with Charlotte and the support system of my friends. And she’s gonna be happy. Already is a happy little blessing. A little part of you, the only part of you I can have right now. The only part of you I can safely have.” Her voice trailed off. She had to work to keep the waver out of it.

  She wouldn’t look at him. He’d put his palm on her shoulder and squeezed.

  With her eyes still downturned, she added, “In time, I will be, too. I promise. Now go.” She pushed him away without making eye contact, re-hoisted Charlotte on her hip, pulled out her boarding passes, and turned in the opposite direction, without glancing back.