by S. J. West
When I saw him trying to strangle you, I almost lost all control. I pulled him off you and tossed him to the ground like the trash he was. I picked you up and told you to run. I never expected you to say ‘no’ to my request. I knew then just how stubborn you were. A part of me liked it and a part of me felt flabbergasted by your refusal to get out of a potentially threatening situation. You finally phased and brought Malcolm back to deal with Baal while I got you out of harm’s way. When Joshua pointed out your injury to me, I felt like an idiot. I should have noticed the bruises on your neck, but being in your presence again after so many years made everything seem surreal.
The first time you said ‘Hi’ to me in Rafe’s office I was finally able to regain my senses. You were real, not a dream. And you were with me. I didn’t want to let you go, but when Jess brought up the fact that things needed to be discussed with your parents first, I knew she was right. I had waited so long to be with you. I didn’t want to screw things up with your parents when we were so close to our goal. It would have made all of our mutual torment meaningless.
Later, after you talked with your parents about us, you knew exactly where to find me, on the beach by Jess and Mason’s beach house. After I told you that you shouldn’t be there, I heard you start to cry, and I couldn’t stop myself from going to you. When I brought you into my arms, the simple act of holding you felt like Heaven on Earth. I knew for a fact then that there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. So I did the one thing you weren’t strong enough to do for yourself. I took you back home. I was glad your father was there on the porch that night. I didn’t want to leave you alone, and I knew Brand would take care of you after I left.
I went back to my Memphis home and found Jess and Mason waiting there for me in my kitchen. Jess was sitting in one of the chairs at the kitchen island absently turning her cup of coffee on its granite surface, and Mason was standing across from her nursing his own cup of coffee in his hands.
When they saw me, they both said, “Sit down.”
Without question, I sat down beside Jess and waited for them to speak.
“Brand and Lilly have decided to give you a chance to prove you can act like a gentleman around Caylin,” Jess told me.
“And how exactly do they want me to prove that?” I asked as Mason poured me a cup of coffee and set it down in front of me on the kitchen island.
“They’ve invited us all over to their house in Lakewood for dinner tomorrow night. They want to get to know you a little better before they give you their blessing to start dating their daughter.”
“You should know,” Mason added, “that both Jess and Malcolm fought for you. They convinced Lilly and Brand to give you this chance. Well, Lilly didn’t seem as against it as Brand. He’s the one who opposed it the most.”
“Thank you,” I told Jess, feeling grateful for her support but also feeling ashamed that I needed her to fight for me so hard.
“You’re my friend, Aiden,” Jess said, placing a comforting hand on my back. “And I always fight for my friends.”
“Do either of you have any advice for me?” I asked. “Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do at this dinner?”
“Just be yourself,” Mason recommended. “Let them get to know the real you.”
“And the real you is great by the way,” Jess told me with a smile and wink. I saw her eyes look at my hair with a tinge of worry. “But do something with that hair. It looks like sex hair with all those natural waves and curls. Slick it back or something. And make sure you shave and wear clothes that aren’t too sexy.”
“I can do that,” I said, feeling a nervous knot develop in my stomach from all of Jess’ suggestions. I didn’t realize my normal appearance wasn’t good enough to survive your parents’ scrutiny. I started to doubt I would make it through an entire dinner.
As you know, I almost didn’t make it through that meal.
I badgered Jess into going over to your house early that evening. It might have only been a minute early, but I couldn’t wait any longer.
“How do I look?” I asked Jess before I phased us to your house. I had taken her advice and gelled back my hair, shaved, and wore a simple black V-neck sweater and slacks.
Jess looked me up and down then sighed heavily.
“You look like a parents’ worst nightmare about to date their teenage daughter,” she said truthfully. “But also someone who is trying to make a good first impression. I think that will count for something, Aiden. Just remember to be yourself. They’ll learn to love you after they see how much you care for Caylin.”
When we got to your house and I saw you again, I instantly felt two emotions I had never felt before, shy and uncertain. All I wanted to do was stare at you, but with your parents and everyone else watching us, I knew all I could allow myself was a quick glance at what you were wearing. You were so beautiful that night, Caylin. I instantly wanted to go to you and take you in my arms, but I knew that would have to wait until later.
I was grateful to Brand for allowing us a few minutes alone together before the dinner started. When you took my hand and escorted me to the couch in your living room, I wasn’t sure what I would say. Strangely enough, your own nervousness made me less so. You looked so adorably confused and anxious, and I knew I didn’t want you to be either of those things around me.
Finally, you found your words and asked, “How are you?”
I grinned at you and replied, “I’m fine. How are you?”
“Nervous,” you admitted holding your free hand against your stomach as if the action would calm you.
“Why are you nervous?” I asked.
“Because…” You began to say but then seemed to lose your words again. You shrugged and shook your head as if you didn’t know what else to say.
I leaned in towards you because I wanted to make sure you heard what I said next clearly. I wanted to make sure you understood exactly what I wanted from our relationship.
“I don’t want you to be nervous around me, Caylin. And you should know, I will never judge you. I will never expect you to act a certain way around me except to be yourself. And I will always remain by your side for as long as you’ll have me. There’s nothing you could do, nothing you could say that would make me ever think less of you. I want to become one of the people in your life that you will always feel comfortable to be with. Honestly, between the two of us, I’m the only one who has any reason to feel nervous.”
“Why?” You asked.
I looked down at our hands, which were still joined together. Even that small contact was like a dream come true for me.
“Because you’re in complete control here, Caylin,” I admitted. “Any happiness I might find in this life is completely in your hands.”
I looked up into your eyes because I wasn’t sure how you would react to such a confession.
“If you ever decide that I’m not the man you want to be with…”
“Stop,” you said, interrupting the sincere offer I was about to make. “Don’t even finish that sentence because it isn’t necessary.”
“But I want you to know…”
“Stop,” you told me even more insistently. “Aiden…Aiden, you’re all I’ve been able to think about for the last three years of my life. There hasn’t been a day, an hour, even a minute that’s gone by since I first saw you at Chandler’s concert when I haven’t thought about you. So please, don’t sit there and think that I would ever want anyone else but you because that’s not even a remote possibility.”
“You don’t know everything about me, Caylin,” I warned, knowing I would have to tell you about my past misdeeds and dreading it.
“Whatever you did in your past is in the past as far as I am concerned,” you told me. “If you feel like you need to tell me what you did, I will listen. But know this… no matter what you say to me, it will not change how I feel about you.”
“I hope you’re right,” I replied, but knew some of my sins would come back to haunt me.
“I hope it doesn’t because I will tell you one day. I have to. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”
“Then tell me when you feel like you need to unburden yourself,” you said. “But understand that it will only be for your benefit. I don’t need to know. Nothing you could possibly say will change how I feel about you. And, Aiden, I’ve lived around Watchers all my life. I know the good and the bad to being one.”
I nodded because I understood that fact.
“I thought you might have already figured out what I let myself become,” I said. “But, I still need to tell you everything. I don’t feel like it’s fair to you if I don’t.”
“And like I said, do it when you feel like the time is right. I will listen. But, it won’t change my feelings.”
I tried to smile but it didn’t quite come out right. “I hope not.”
Then your dad called us in to eat dinner.
I joked that I was about to enter into an interrogation by your family. I wish I had known what they really planned for me.
When I cut into my steak that evening and watched as the blood practically spilled out of it, I felt sick to my stomach. Not because of the sight of the blood, but because I knew your father had cooked it and wondered if this was a subtle reminder that he knew about all the people I had killed during my life.
“Don’t you like steak?” You asked me innocently.
I looked up at you hoping I didn’t look as worried as I felt.
“I like mine cooked a little bit more,” I told you.
“Oh, sorry, that’s my fault,” Malcolm said to me. “I told Brand you might like it a little…bloody.”
To be honest, of all the people at that table that night, I thought Malcolm would be the one person on my side, but the look on his face told me otherwise.
I hid my true thoughts and worries as I said, “I like my steaks well done actually.”
Brand stood from his seat and took my plate back into the kitchen to prepare me another one.
Malik and your mother tried to diffuse the situation by changing the subject to my work with the Watcher Agency. When I mentioned Andre Greco and me taking turns watching Baal’s movements, Malcolm asked if I had visited any of the friends I used to have in Venice. The question was obviously meant to insinuate that I had female friends there, and it was an obvious reminder to me of my sex addiction. I didn’t understand why Malcolm was asking me such a question. He, more than anyone else, knew I had refrained from having sex since the day you made your phone call to me.
After I told him I hadn’t visited those particular friends in a long time, he actually had the gall to question my truthfulness. Your Aunt Tara attempted to change the subject, and I was finally able to tell you about my plans to attend Yale with you.
“Ahh, college,” Malcolm said, “a place filled with a plethora of intelligent and impressionable young women ripe for the picking. Wonderful hunting grounds back in the day.”
I couldn’t believe Malcolm just said such a thing in front of you. I wanted to strangle him where he sat but tried to keep my temper in check.
“I’ll only be interested in one young lady,” I told him.
“And you imagine the other few hundred young women there will just ignore someone who looks like you?” Malcolm scoffed.
“I really don’t care if they know I exist or not,” I replied tersely, quickly losing my patience with him. “I won’t be there for them.”
“There was a time, not so long ago, that you would have cared.”
“But I don’t now.”
Malcolm snorted derisively as if he didn’t believe me. “Guess we’ll see.”
“I give you my word the way I behaved in the past is not the way I behave now or will ever again,” I said, wanting everyone at the table that night to understand I wasn’t who I used to be. “The past is behind me. I’m only looking towards the future that’s in front of me. I thought you of all people would understand that, Malcolm.”
“People don’t change overnight,” Malcolm retorted back, “least of all someone with a past like yours.”
Malcolm’s words hurt me more than I was willing to admit. If I was a failure in his eyes, then maybe I didn’t deserve to be with you yet.
“If I haven’t proven it to you by now,” I said to him, “I guess I never will.”
I stood from my seat to say my goodbyes, intent on leaving. You begged me not to, but it was only the fact that your father asked me to stay that actually kept me from going. When Brand explained that he asked Malcolm to test me, I actually felt relieved. I understood your father’s need to assess me and to know Malcolm had faith that I could pass their trial made me feel better. Though, I have to admit. I did appreciate your Aunt Tara hitting Malcolm for being so cruel. It made me feel like she was defending my honor.
During the meal when Mason jumped out of his seat, I wish I had known then what had actually made him do that. I also wish you had found my leg instead of his. For some reason, I never imagined you to be as aggressive as you were when it came to our physical contact with one another. In my mind, I always envisioned you as being rather demure and shying away from such things. I was happy to discover that you desired a more physical relationship, but it also worried me because I wasn’t sure how well I would be able to control myself around someone I loved with my entire being.
After you showed me your art studio in the boathouse, I knew you wanted me to kiss you. I could see it in your eyes. But I didn’t think it would be fair of me to do that without telling you at least part of my past first.
After Malcolm phased you over to Abby’s house that evening, I phased to the home I built us in Colorado. I always felt closer to you there because I could envision you in every room. Later that evening, Malcolm found me in the living room of our home. I was watching something on the TV but not really paying much attention to it. I kept replaying the best parts of the evening in my mind, remembering your smiles, small touches, and words.
“Sorry about earlier,” Malcolm told me, sitting down beside me on the couch.
I turned the volume on the TV down and looked over at him.
“No need to apologize,” I told him. “As I said, I understand why Brand asked you to do it.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t actually enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I know how hard you’ve worked to change your ways, Aiden. I just felt a need to come over here to make sure you understand that. And…Caylin truly does love you. Don’t break her heart.”
“I promise you I won’t.”
Malcolm stood. “Well, why don’t you send her a text or something? She was upset about leaving you earlier. It might make her sleep better if she hears from you.”
“Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll do that.”
I did text you to wish you sweet dreams and to remind you that we would be seeing each other the next day. The vessels would be taking you into their inner realm to see what your future had in store for you.
I tried to find something to do at work that day but couldn’t seem to get my mind off of you. Finally, I called Jess and told her about my dilemma.
“Well, come over to our house in Colorado,” she told me. “I have another one of your female admirers who would love some Aiden attention.”
Being with Jess, Mason and the kids that day was just what I needed to distract me. Then, when you showed up so unexpectedly, I thought I might be dreaming. I took it as a sign that I needed to tell you some of the pieces of my past. And I did. I gave you an overview of the things I had done but not in any great detail. It was a big step forward for me to admit to you the sins I had committed. And I needed to hear what you said to me afterwards. I needed to know that you felt the same way I did. When you told me that there could never be anyone else for you, I felt a selfish relief. I wanted you to feel that way about our love.
The moment you asked me to be your escort to the Valentine’s Day dance, I knew I needed to talk to Brand first. To b
e honest, I was a little nervous about asking for his permission to officially start dating you. I assumed he would probably say yes, but there was always a possibility he would say no.
I asked Malcolm to phase me over to your father’s office that afternoon. I knew he was teaching at Southwestern but didn’t have a clue where his office was on campus.
“Any tips you can give me on how to deal with Brand?” I asked Malcolm.
“Be yourself and be honest,” Malcolm said. “That’s all he wants from you. Caylin will always be his baby no matter how old she is. He will always look out for her best interest. Show him your sincerity in keeping her safe. As long as you do that, I don’t think you will have a problem.”
When I knocked on your father’s office door, he instantly asked me to come in. He didn’t look the least bit surprised to see me walk into his office, which seemed strange to me at the time. Surprisingly, your mother was there too.
“Hello, Aiden,” Lilly said, also not looking surprised by my presence.
“Hi, Lilly, Brand,” I said, closing the door behind me. I already felt nervous about asking your father permission to date you. Having both your parents present for the task felt a little overwhelming.
“I’ll be home waiting for you,” Lilly told Brand, giving him a light kiss on the lips. “I’m sure the two of you have a lot to discuss.”
“You’re welcome to stay if you want, Lilly,” I quickly told her, not wanting her to feel like I was rushing her out.
“That’s all right,” Lilly said with an understanding smile. “I should go home and see if I can help Tara with supper. I’ll see you later this evening, Aiden.”
Lilly phased back to your home, leaving Brand and me alone.
“I know why you’re here,” your father told me, retaking his seat behind his desk and holding a hand out, offering me the chair in front of it. “Malcolm called me to let me know you would be coming.”