Bermuda Nights - The Boxed Set

by Sikes, Ophelia

  Kayla’s mouth was open in shock. “But you would never do something like that!”

  I grinned. “You think you know me so well, don’t you? Funny how people change, how people keep secrets.”

  I turned to Sven. “You know how musicians can be. Money just slipped through his fingers. So, he keeps losing money, we keep fighting, and finally he storms off to this ship. He figures it’s a way to stay clear of me for a few months.”

  My eyes twinkled and I glanced at Kayla. “But I get to missing him. So then I talk you into coming out on the cruise. I figure I’ll have Evan trapped for a solid week.”

  Kayla’s eyes were as round as poker chips. “Amanda!”

  I chuckled. “I knew if I could get my body against his that I’d turn him around. And sure enough, I did.”

  Sven’s face wavered between disbelief and relief. “Then what the hell was all of that about the hotel on Bermuda about? Why would he want you off the ship?”

  I turned to Evan. “Evan, sweetie, why don’t you tell them why we used to fight. Why don’t you explain why you gave up on me and took off on this cruise.”

  His face was pale. He could see where I was going with this. I knew he was desperately searching for another way out.

  But there was none.

  His voice was a rasp. “Amanda, no –”

  I grinned, turning back to Sven. “One of Evan’s good buddies died of a heroin overdose a few years back. It affected him deeply. So when he found out I was a user, he was furious. Tried to get me to stop. Dragged me to meetings. And finally he stormed out completely. Left Boston and said I was on my own.”

  Kayla stared at me as if my eyes had turned into cubes of glowing ultraviolet. “Amanda, but how about Tanya?”

  I laughed. “C’mon, Tanya was years ago, and besides, she didn’t know what she was doing! I smoke the stuff. Perfectly safe. It’s like grass, just with a stronger kick.” I nudged my head toward Evan. “But he didn’t see it that way.”

  His voice was a groan. “Amanda, you can’t –”

  I turned back to Sven. “So you see his problem. He wanted to fit in with you guys and to make a good impression. Sure, he pretended to want to do heroin. He didn’t want you to think he was some loser dweeb.”

  I shrugged. “But when I came on board? And it looked like I would realize you had a large stash of high quality heroin? You bet he tried to get me off the ship as soon as possible.” My eyes glowed. “Especially when it appears you have China available. I’ve dreamed about trying that stuff.”

  I reached forward and plucked the syringe from Sven’s fingers.

  Kayla made a choking noise. “Amanda, I can’t believe this is you!”

  I arched an eyebrow at her. “With all the lies and hiding you’ve done over the years? I’d think you’d be used to this by now.”

  She sputtered. “But not from you!”

  I grinned. “Just goes to show how good I am at it.”

  I held my left arm out to Sven. “Will you do the honors?”

  His eyes lit up with approval, and he grabbed the rubber tie from the counter.

  Evan’s voice was hoarse. “Amanda – don’t do it. Please.”

  Sven’s gaze danced. “Guess you were right, Amanda. Seems your lover has a thing about you and H.”

  I shrugged, winking at him. “Not everyone appreciates it the way we do.”

  He finished his tourniquet around my upper arm and stepped back. His grin was wide. “Well, then, enjoy. I always like being the one to bring the first taste of China White to a fan.”

  Time stilled.

  I could hear each of Evan’s ragged, indrawn breaths. I felt the vibration of each beat of my heart. The shimmering tip of the syringe raised in my hand, swung sideways, and then gently laid against the soft, pale-blue bulge of my vein. I could almost see the depleted red blood cells drifting and swirling as they headed back toward my heart.

  In a moment they would swim in a new type of broth.

  I raised my eyes to meet Evan’s. I could see the anguish in them, the desperate wish that there was something – anything – he could say to make me stop. But if he revealed the truth, we were both dead.

  I knew this was the only way.

  His lips formed the words, and I felt them expand and shimmer throughout my entire soul.

  I love you.

  The needle pierced my skin, and I pushed in the plunger.

  Book 3: The Soulless Abyss

  Chapter 1

  Do not leave me in this abyss,

  where I cannot find you!

  Oh, God! it is unutterable!

  I cannot live without my life!

  I cannot live without my soul!

  -- Emily Brontë

  Sven undid the tourniquet on my arm with a flourish. I watched the plunger slowly, methodically press down, as the China White heroin left its crystalline cocoon and embarked on its journey into my blood stream. My heart hammered against my ribs, and I knew only one thing for certain.

  If I didn’t make it through this, both Evan and I would be dead.

  The plunger reached the bottom.

  I withdrew the syringe from my arm and Sven took that from me, stepping back with a smile. I barely registered his movements. It was Evan’s green eyes I held onto as a life-line, that I focused on as I –

  Wham.

  The suddenness of it staggered me. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but not this, not this rush of sensation and richness. It was like that night on the beach with Evan. Moonlight streaming, jasmine in the air, a warm breeze coming off the water, and nothing else in the world mattered. A choir of angels sang for us alone. His hands were massaging me …

  My mouth fell open, and a soft sigh escaped my lips.

  An agonized shadow blanketed Evan’s gaze, and he strained against his restraints. His voice was hoarse. “You’ve done your due diligence, Sven. You’ve got your proof that we’re not narcs. Now let me go.”

  Sven’s eyes twinkled, but he nodded at Hank. Hank pulled a switchblade out of his back pocket and hewed at a rope for a moment, working through the thick coil with patience. It was only a heartbeat before both bonds were cut.

  Evan crossed the distance between us in two steps, drawing me hard into his arms. He drew my head against his chest, his mouth against my ear. “Jesus Christ, Amanda. What have you done?”

  Sven’s voice held merriment. “Just safe business practice, Evan. I’m sure you’ll understand. And your girl there will appreciate this elevation of her lifestyle. I doubt she’ll go back to just smoking black tar after this!”

  I was in heaven. No, heaven was too quiet, too staid. I was in a land of vibrancy, somewhere with Egyptian twirling dancers, pewter pitchers of mead, and curvaceous singers thundering the music of the spheres. The power of it thrilled through every cell in my body. I was one with the song. I was suffocated with joy, infused with passion, and nothing else could matter in the world.

  Evan’s arms stayed wrapped around me, and he raised his head to look at the others. “I’m taking her back to her room.” He turned his gaze to Kayla. “Could we have some time alone?”

  Her grin grew wide, and she chuckled. “Absolutely! You two love birds take all the time you need. I’ll just stay with the guys.” Her eyes twinkled. “We’ll find something to keep ourselves occupied.”

  Evan’s arm curved around my waist as he guided me to the door, then through it.

  The night sky was stunning. Fine diamonds had been spread against an ebony velvet backdrop. As I watched they throbbed, expanded, and twirled. And the air! The freshest tropically-laced salt smell I could imagine. I groaned at the beauty of it.

  Evan’s groan was more of heartbreak. “Oh, Amanda.”

  I smiled fondly and snuggled against him as he escorted me down the stairs and across the deck. He was an amazing man, to be so concerned about me. But surely he could see the state of bliss I was in! He should be joyous for me. He should know just how far from mortal feelings I w
as – how the world drowned me in its comfort.

  We were stepping in the elevator, and the whoosh of us lowering was transcendent. I could feel every motion of our bodies in space. This is what it meant to be connected to the universe. I could not imagine a more perfect state.

  We were at my door, he was digging out my key card, and then he was gently laying me in bed. I looked up at him, nearly lost in that gaze of his. I already felt immersed in the afterglow of the most amazing sexual experience ever. I wondered if my brain would simply explode into a thousand crystalline pieces when we made love in this state.

  I put my hand up to his neck, pulling those luscious, firm lips down to me.

  He put his hand firmly but gently over mine, and his head did not budge. His voice was soft, hoarse.

  “No.”

  I smiled. Surely he didn’t really mean it. Nothing could be wrong. The world was ours. It was just the way it should be. It was a daydream wrapped in a cozy weekend by a warm fire. Mix that in with a campfire on a secluded beach, and the sensation of his tongue easing down the side of my neck …

  I twined my fingers into his hair and pulled again. “I want you.”

  He groaned, coming down onto one knee at my side. “Oh, Amanda, I know that you do. Jesus Christ, I should have forced you off the ship in Bermuda. I should have prevented you from coming into the theater that first night. I knew the dangers, I knew what it could all lead to, that –”

  I shushed him. “Weren’t you the one who said we can’t unwind all the past decisions we made, or use a time machine to go back and redo them? We are where we are now, and we can only change what we do going forward.” My smile grew. “And I know what I want to do.”

  He drew both of my hands into his own. “I’ll get you through this, Amanda.”

  I laughed. “I don’t want to get through this, Evan! I want to relish it. Savor it. It’s like Christmas morning and my birthday and Valentine’s Day all bundled into a giant blanket and constricting me in its joy. It’s like … I can’t even describe what it’s like. It’s beyond words.”

  I lay back against the pillow, soaking in the sensation with every cell of my body. It was like those times in college, at Jeff’s frat parties, where he would hoist me over his head like a weight bar, showing off his strength. I’d be floating on air, above it all, the roar of the drunken mob echoing in my ears.

  Nothing had mattered.

  I turned my eyes to Evan. “Have you ever tried this stuff?”

  His answer was short. “No.”

  I giggled. “Of course you haven’t. You’re an undercover cop.”

  A flinch shadowed his face, and he twined his fingers into mine. “Amanda, I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but that needs to be private. Between us.”

  I stroked his fingers with my own. “You worry, Evan. But you don’t need to. The world is an amazing place. I can see the energy all around me. Everything will be all right. Nothing matters at all.”

  Evan’s voice was a low growl. “I know you feel nothing matters. This is how lives are destroyed.” His gaze shadowed. “This is how people die.”

  Evan glanced back at the door, then stood and grabbed the Mardi Gras beads hanging on the side of Kayla’s bed. He strode to the door, opened it, and hung them on the outside handle. Then he reclosed the door and locked it with a solid snap.

  He looked over at the clock as he regained his position at my side. “It’s two in the morning. We’re going to ride this out, Amanda. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  He took my hands in his again, and waves of love added to my euphoria, to my feeling that everything was perfectly right in the world. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want to make love. Nothing mattered at all. Only this feeling.

  * * *

  The clock showed ten a.m. and a gnarled feeling twisted in my stomach. I winced, and Evan brushed a hand along my face. His voice was low. “How are you doing, baby?”

  The gnarl clawed its way higher, snaking along my intestines, and the blissful feeling of peace shimmered and faded, much like a morning fog slowly burns away as the sun rises. My voice was tight. “I’m not sure. I feel … odd. Is this withdrawal?”

  He gave a short shake of the head, his eyes shadowed. “Your body needs to become addicted before it becomes racked by the true horrors of withdrawal, and, thank God, you aren’t there yet. That’s a curse I wouldn’t wish on any person. The pain is so intense that the only thing you can think of is to score more H, to make it stop. It’s not even about the high any more, as much as it is about avoiding the soul-searing agony of withdrawal.”

  The twisting sensation within me grew, expanded, as if something very wrong was infecting every inch of my body. Panic infused me.

  My voice shook. “So what is it?”

  He twined his fingers into mine. “Sven thought you were an experienced heroin taker. He gave you a fairly strong dose, and his stuff is of high quality. It’s like someone new to alcohol drinking a whole bottle of Bacardi instead of trying one shot. They aren’t an alcoholic yet – but their body is still overwhelmed with the new chemicals and doesn’t handle it well.”

  I wrapped my arms around myself as the shivers intensified. “So it’s like a massive, ruthless hangover?”

  His voice was low. “Be thankful that’s all you’re going to have. It doesn’t take long to get addicted to this stuff – and when you do, it is a sheer living hell if you ever pause, even for a day. It’s not just bad. It’s not just the worst thing you can imagine. It’s far more agonizing than that. It’s as if your entire body is experiencing seizures, and boiling heat, but also freezing cold, and you know your heart is about to stop. You would do anything – absolutely anything – to get more heroin to make the pain go away.”

  My stomach clenched hard and I twined my fingers into his. “I thought you never did heroin?”

  He shook his head. “Thank God, I never took that first step. But you were right, up in the room with Sven and the others. I had a good friend of mine on the force. Vice squad. He went undercover with a gang out in Roxbury and he did what they warn you never to do. He did heroin to get them to accept him. And when he made it through that first time, he figured, hey, I can handle this. So a few weeks later he did it again.”

  His gaze shadowed. “It happens quickly. You think you’re in control. And then, suddenly, it’s got you by the throat and nothing else matters. Your job, your family, your wife, your kids, all of it is garbage under your feet while you do anything it takes to get that next dose into you. You’re not even seeking the high. You’re just racing desperately in front of the withdrawal, trying to keep it from catching up with you.”

  My arms had begun shivering, and I wrapped them tightly around my chest. “What happened to him?”

  His lips pressed together. “His wife had left him and taken the kids. He’d been fired, and his body looked like he’d come down with the plague. He robbed a liquor store in Southie to get his next hit, and he bought from someone who didn’t have high quality standards. His blood stream was hit by three different toxins. He was in pain for two agonizing days before he finally died.”

  The trembling worked up to my shoulders. “Evan, I’m so sorry.”

  He brushed the hair from my face. “Amanda, just swear to me that you will never, ever, touch this stuff again. We have one more day. Less than twenty-four hours before we are safely in Boston and you are off this ship. I’ll contact my team on shore. They’ll keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t have any other effects.” His look firmed. “I swear, no matter what it takes, I’ll watch over you until then.”

  My stomach did a somersault. “I think I –”

  I vaulted from the bed, raced for the bathroom, and had barely gotten my head over the toilet before I retched. It felt as if my very stomach lining were being turned inside-out and dragged up my esophagus. Evan held my hair back from my face, wiping my face with a wet washcloth, and drawing me close when I was finally
done.

  I moaned against him. “I never want to feel like this again.”

  He pulled me in. “This is nothing, babe. This is a walk in the park. And I’ll do whatever it takes so you never have to find out just how much worse it gets.”

  Chapter 2

  Knock Knock.

  I groaned. My entire body ached, from the tiniest toenail to the edges of my ears. Parts of me hurt that I didn’t even know existed.

  Evan pulled the blanket up over my shoulders and held me with his gaze. “You stay quiet and pretend you’re sleeping. I’ll take care of this.”