Noble Pursuits

by Chautona Havig

  His incredulous expression prompted her to do an exaggerated imitation of him. “‘Grace, we need to talk.’ You sounded like my father, when I did something wrong. I expected to hear that I was on restriction.”

  He started to protest but suddenly saw himself with a serious expression and heard the words with fresh ears. He groaned. “Oh, Grace…”

  With a flourish, she handed him his omelet, a fresh muffin, and a glass of orange juice. He watched as she washed the pans and the baking bowls, and wiped down the stove. Once she cleaned the tiny kitchen, Grace settled into her chair with a hot cup of coffee, a quarter of the omelet, and her muffin.

  He glanced at his watch. This had taken too long. He had appointments to keep and a project that needed to be finished before he left. “I have to go. Can we continue this discussion over dinner? I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

  “I don’t know.”

  The answer hit him in the gut. Staring at her in disappointed disbelief, he scrambled to find a response. “Well—”

  “Nolan, it’s not you,” she explained. “I want to say I’ll go, and I want to be excited about it. I want to think about what it could mean and enjoy it, but the fact is, I don’t know. I thought I knew yesterday, but—” She struggled to explain without making him feel worse than he did. “Well, I just realized that I really do have to choose between two different relationships.”

  “Between what?”

  She tried again. “I have to choose between my current relationship with the Lord and—”

  “I don’t want to come between you and the Lord; I want to share you with Him, not take you away from Him!”

  Cocking her head, she waited for him to finish and then continued. “—my relationship with Jesus as it is now, and how it will be later. It can’t be the same. One isn’t better than the other, but I—” With a deep breath, she shared part of her heart that no person had ever seen. “Over the years, I’ve made Jesus the equivalent of my husband. When I was seventeen, I was fascinated by the Catholic idea of nuns marrying Jesus as they took their vows, and I realized that every Christian does that. It was a beautiful thing to me.”

  Seeing that Nolan wasn’t following her train of thought, she tried again. “A year or two later I realized that I could rely on Jesus just as a wife does on a husband. I could go to Him for the emotional support that wives seem to glean from their relationships. I could trust Him to be my protector and defender. Basically, I have a relationship with Jesus that means a change—not a bad one, but a definite one—if I allow another man into my life, and I have to really pray about whether or not I’m ready to do that now.”

  Stunned by the realization that her reception of his… interest… wasn’t the given he’d assumed, Nolan stood. “Well, will you call me if you decide that dinner is something we can do?”

  “I’ll call you either way. Thanks for understanding.”

  Nolan shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t thank me, because I don’t understand. You, Craig, Paige, Melanie—you’ve all talked about how you have spent your entire life preparing to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. You’ve been practicing this for years. You’re the ‘wife’ of Jesus, the mother of every child you meet, and you’re definitely a homemaker. You have everything you’ve ever wanted. You don’t need a man. You don’t need me. I just don’t understand why—” He paused. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll wait for your call.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “Mike, she’s not interested. I thought she would be but—” Nolan sat semi-speechless in Mike’s office.

  “Are you sure about that? It sounds to me, from what you’ve described, like she’s making sure she’s ready for a new step in her life.”

  “What if she’s not?”

  Disgusted, Mike glared at him. “Then you wouldn’t want her to go against her conscience or her heart just to pacify you, I would hope!”

  “Ouch. You’re right. I was just so sure—”

  “That’s your problem, Nolan. You’ve always been very sure of yourself, but this time you have to lay it on the line and step back and wait.”

  A new realization dawned. “I am incredibly arrogant. I’m so used to being pursued by women that I don’t know what to do when the one I want isn’t sure she wants me.”

  “You’ll live. You would never believe the kick in the gut I had when Traci turned down my first proposal.”

  “Traci did what!”

  “She told me that she might be damaged goods, but she’d been repaired by the Master, and He considered her priceless. If I wanted her, I had to quit acting like I was doing her a huge favor by asking.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Amen.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “What do I wear, Mel? I haven’t been out to an elegant dinner since before Daddy died.

  Melanie stood before Grace’s closet, thoughtfully considering their options. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she reached for Grace’s best dress. “We know he likes you in this one. Wear it.”

  She examined the dress critically. “I remember him saying that. It took everything I had not to blush.”

  They talked as Grace got ready for her dinner with Nolan. She brushed her hair, flipping it in the style that suited her best. Remembering the possibility of candlelight at the restaurant, she spent a few minutes carefully applying the cosmetics that she wore sporadically. Grace shivered.

  “Are you cold?” Melanie’s voice held a trace of concern.

  “I’ve been cold for the last three months. It gets worse all the time. I’m losing hair too. Look at this.” She ran her fingers through her hair and brought out over a dozen strands.

  As she rubbed lotion into her hands, Melanie remembered the dark circles under Grace’s eyes lately. “You’ve been pretty tired lately too.”

  “That’s the truth. I wake up in the morning and wonder if I got any sleep!” Clipping on her mother’s earrings, Grace turned to Mel for final inspection.

  “Oh, Grace you look wonderful.” Melanie watched as Grace reached for her glasses. She didn’t need to wear them all the time but tended to wear them out of convenience.

  A knock on the door threw the women into a ridiculous fit of giggles. “You get the door, Grace; I’ll wash these. They’re filthy. You must not have washed them after you baked last.”

  As Grace welcomed Nolan into the house, Melanie took the glasses into the bathroom. While washing them, she tried pushing one of the lenses to see if it would pop out, but it held fast. With a sigh, she dried the glasses and took them with her. Spying the glass case that Grace kept next to the television, Melanie inserted the glasses and made a show of putting them in Grace’s purse.

  “In case you need them. I need to go. The baby probably is getting hungry. You guys have fun.”

  An awkward silence pressed like a wedge as they drove toward one of Rockland’s finest restaurants. After several miles of watching cars pass on the freeway, her sense of the ludicrous took over, and she began laughing. Nolan eyed her with a trace of amusement. “Care to enlighten me, or is this a private joke?”

  “It’s us. You and me sitting here in total silence, as if we were strangers or something.”

  Once again, her forthrightness managed to break an awkward moment. Nolan thought for a few seconds and then began talking. He told Grace about growing up with his parents in Rockland. “You know Burke and Finch?”

  “The financial offices down on Roosevelt?”

  “My father and his best friend. Mike’s last name is Finch. Actually, Mike and Traci came to visit me because I told them about you.”

  “They came to Brunswick because you talked about me?”

  “I guess they took my seriousness seriously.” Nolan continued his story. He spoke of being too focused and busy in school to make much time for girls and college years avoiding the typical college scene. When he spoke of the loss of his parents, Nolan’s voice broke.

  She watched him struggle to fight back tears and laid h
er hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I know how it hurts. I’m so sorry.”

  He smiled down at her through the tears he refused to let fall. “I know you do. Unlike most people who say that, I know you know exactly what I mean.”

  He continued his story. He spoke of the lonely years as he established and built his business. “I don’t want to sound conceited, Grace, but I ran from women. I ran hard, and I ran fast. Women literally threw themselves at me. At first, I didn’t know if it was me, the money I have accumulated, or my parent’s money and their position in Rockland society. Combined with my inheritance, I am pretty well fixed, and in Rockland, that fact wasn’t easy to hide.”

  Grace laughed. “And your SUV, Stickley furniture, and original artwork didn’t hurt!”

  “Right. I guess. I’ve never thought of it like that. It was my dad’s office furniture. I loved it, so I kept it. Anyway, I—I just left things as they were, but I became lonely. It was a different loneliness than I had dealt with before. I wanted things that I didn’t have, or rather someone that I didn’t have.”

  Again, it was something he knew she did understand when she said, “The right someone.”

  “I started looking around, but I wanted someone like Mom, and most of the women I knew were more like movie stars than real people, or at least it seemed like they tried to be.”

  Grace nodded. She understood the idea but couldn’t relate. “Must have been awkward.”

  “It was. That’s when I started my ‘order form.’ I started with Christian. I slowly added things as they came to mind. I remember the day that I added loves children. I had just come out of this horrible business lunch. The woman was awful. I made the unforgivable mistake of calling her miss, and that showed her true colors. She became almost venomous. As I walked away from her, there was this little girl blowing out birthday candles on a cake, and I wanted nothing more than to be the man sitting next to her. He was obviously a very proud and happy father. I wanted that.”

  She was a little surprised. They’d had deep and lasting conversations before now, but this was different. They’d discussed politics, the Bible, and favorite music, games, and movies. When it came to talking about himself, Nolan was a typical brief man. She knew that if they didn’t cut to the chase, they’d have to continue their conversation in public.

  “So, exactly where are you taking this? I’m interested in your story, really, but you seem to be leading up to something. Can we talk about that before we get to the restaurant?”

  He chuckled. “That is what I like so much about you. You don’t play games.” Nolan didn’t know what he was going to tell her and his brain froze. He wanted to say so much, but most of his thoughts seemed too premature.

  Knowing she waited for a reply, Nolan decided just to be frank. “Ok, if you can get to the point, so can I. You intrigue me. You appear to be everything I’ve looked for and prayed for in a wife. I want to know if you’re interested in—well… “

  “Please tell me that this isn’t a proposal.” Her tone implied that she knew it wasn’t.

  “Well, not yet. I want to get to know you better. I want to spend time with you just talking, doing things, sharing things.”

  “You want a girlfriend?”

  The word rankled, feeling much too casual for his tastes. “Well… I want more than a girlfriend.”

  “Oh, you want a fiancée without a proposal, perhaps?”

  “Grace!” Her chuckles made him smile. As ornery as she was, her lighthearted banter definitely made the conversation easier. Taking a deep breath, he tried again.

  “I want an understanding. I want to get to know you. I want to have the understanding that if you are who I think you are, and if I am who I hope I can be to you, that in a month or two, or four, or six, I can ask you to be my wife. I’m going to warn you, I won’t want a long engagement.”

  “I’ve never understood the reason for long engagements. They—” Her voice held a trace of amusement.

  “You haven’t answered the question.”

  Grace laughed outright. “You haven’t asked one. You’ve told me what you want, but I didn’t hear any question in there.”

  “Grace, are you interested in trying to build a relationship that could lead to marriage?”

  Her silence unnerved him. He’d assumed that this meant she was ready to move into a different relationship. He wasn’t sure if she’d changed her mind, wasn’t interested, if she didn’t know, or if there was some other reason that he hadn’t considered. He was hesitant to push her. What if she said no? For the first time, the realization of how much that answer would hurt him came over him.

  “I don’t know. Why me?” Nolan was surprised. He’d prepared himself for the prospect that she might not know, but he’d assumed that it would be because she liked her life the way it was after all, or for some similar reason. He never expected her to doubt his interest in her. “Why not you? I brought a printout of my ‘order form.’ It’s in my jacket pocket. Pull it out, will you?”

  Grace fumbled, digging into his pocket. Her discomfort was evident in every movement. “Ok…. Got it.”

  “Read it to me and tell me which request you don’t fill.” Nolan was sure that once she saw how perfectly she fitted the bill, her doubts would dissolve.

  “Christian, feminine—loves being a woman, strong, modest, a sense of humor, loves children, a best friend, an attractive personality…”

  “Which one doesn’t personify you? I added the last two after meeting you, I think when I was trying to get to know Paige, but I’m not sure. The rest I came up with before I moved here.”

  She shook her head. “If I say that none of them fit me, I sound like I’m fishing for compliments. If I say they all do, I sound arrogant.”

  “Grace, what can I do? What can I say to make you believe me?”

  Feeling like a heel, she asked one last question. “When your doubts are over, will you promise to tell me?”

  “Doubts about what?” He truly couldn’t fathom what she meant.

  “Whether I’m the right kind of woman for you. I can’t help but wonder if I’m just the first woman that didn’t run after you, and you decided to settle for that.”

  His heart constricted. Strong Grace doubted herself. “My doubts are focused on my fear that you will not find me the man that you are looking for. I’ve pretty much made up my mind. I just want to know you better. It’s selfish of me, but I think if we can just spend more time together, maybe you’ll decide…”

  She stopped him. “Nolan, let’s eat. I’m famished.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Taking a deep breath, Grace knocked on Aunt Fran’s door. The irritable “go away” was the closest anyone ever came to receiving a ‘”welcome” from the irascible old woman. She forced the door open with as cheerful of a “Hello, Aunt Fran” as she could muster.

  “Oh, it’s you again. Honestly, if you’d just get a job, you wouldn’t have so much time to waste annoying the aged.”

  “You’re feeling chipper today,” Grace retorted.

  “What do you want?”

  “Well, I have some interesting news, and I wanted you to hear it from me.”

  Steel gray eyes met Grace’s across the coffee table. “If you tell me you’re pregnant—”

  “Aunt Fran! That’s just inappropriate. You know me better than that.”

  “Well, you know with your rolls, the chances of any man wanting—”

  Grace stood. She knew this had been a bad idea but not coming would have been worse. “I’ll go. It’s obvious that you’re more concerned with being crude, crass, and a curmudgeon than the normally loving and caring aunt that we all know and love, so I’ll come back when you have had a nap.”

  She turned to leave but Fran’s voice stopped her. “Sit down and cease with the alliteration.”

  Slowly, Grace turned and met her aunt’s eyes. “Not until I know you’re done insulting my character.”

  Shock filled Fran’s face followed
by laughter. “Deal. Why are you here?”

  With a barely suppressed air of resignation, Grace returned to her seat and took another deep breath. “Nolan has expressed interest in forming a relationship.”

  “Girl, honestly. This is why you’re pushing forty—”

  “I’m thirty-two, Aunt Fran.”

  Without a pause, Fran continued. “—and still haven’t had a serious relationship. Do you hear yourself? ‘Nolan has expressed interest in forming a relationship.’ The guy wants you in every moral and carnal way imaginable.” A hard look on Grace’s face kept Fran talking before Grace could interrupt or leave. “—and furthermore, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as he is willing to make an honest woman of you in the middle of it all.”

  “He’s expressed a goal of marriage, if that’s what you’re talking about.”

  “Grace! Listen to yourself! Where is the interest? Where is your passion? Are you settling for the first man to come along? Granted,” Fran continued with a gleam in her eye, “he’s a wealthy, good-looking one from an impeccable family, but still, if you are just not into him, don’t do this.”

  A blush stole slowly up her neck and spread across her face. “At first I wasn’t sure, but when I was, I let him know, and then we talked about it. Unless there is something major that we’ve missed, marriage is a given.”

  “You’re a fool,” Fran whispered.

  Surprised by her aunt’s change of tone, Grace glanced up at her curiously. “I don’t understand.”

  “He’ll break your heart. It might not be soon but someday—every man does. You can’t trust them. I thought you had more sense but considering your rigorous brainwashing experience.”

  “Aunt Fran…” Grace began warningly.

  “I can’t believe you don’t see it. Even my brother hurt your mother.”

  “Anyway, I wanted you to know. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else, and you know how Brunswick is.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “Oh, Verily, she was awful. Not that I didn’t expect it. That’s just Aunt Fran for you but—”