The Dark Lord Cecil

by Wade Adrian

  “There is a hostile army pressing our eastern borders. Our less than hospitable neighbors. What do you know of this?”

  “That it is… unfortunate. Nothing more.” He sounded like a goofball, he was sure of it…

  Gomer didn’t seem to notice. “You expect us to believe that a tower filled with walking skeletons that arrived out of the blue is a mere coincidence?”

  Egerton scoffed. “We serve no country. We serve only the Dark Lord.”

  “And whom does he serve?”

  “Only his own ambition.”

  “Well that certainly puts my mind at ease.” Gomer shook his head. “Ally to our enemies or not, you can’t expect us to ignore so large a threat that has cropped up in our backyard.”

  Murry nodded. “When you put it like that, I see what you mean. I’m sure the home owners association is going to be pissed.”

  Lady Aldora ignored him. “What you do or do not do is of no concern to us. You’ve seen our numbers. Know that they grow by the hour. The Dark Lord has graciously given you his word that he won’t trouble you this day. I suggest you take him up on the offer of departing in friendship rather than push the matter until we no longer see a reason to be friendly.”

  Gomer crossed his arms. “If you would convince us of peaceful intentions, then I suggest you show them. As I said, we already have one unruly neighbor to the east. Send forces to protect our border, your skeletal friends, so that the lives of our much more fragile and irreplaceable people need not be lost.”

  Oh, that was a capital idea. Cecil liked the sound of it. He could fix all of this with nothing more than a token gesture of goodwill.

  “Ha!” Egerton’s sudden laughter almost made Cecil jump. “Your domestic matters are of no concern to us. We have no reason to seek peace with an inferior force. Your own words betray you. You fear our limitless legions even as you bear the knowledge of your own weakness.”

  No. No no no…

  Lady Aldora nodded. “You have the best offer you’re going to get, General. Walk away while you still can. Consider it mercy.”

  Gomer scowled. “So be it.” He waved to his followers and turned for the door before glancing back over his shoulder. “You’ve still got a lot to learn about diplomacy, girl.”

  “The larger army is the more diplomatic one.” Her smile was devoid of mirth.

  “Tch.” Gomer stormed out the door. His people had to run to catch up.

  16

  “What the hell was that?” Cecil leapt to his feet. The crown fell off his head and landed on the throne with a thud.

  “Diplomacy.” Lady Aldora shrugged.

  “It looked more like chicanery!”

  Murray turned back into the room, he’d been watching them depart. “Chic-what?”

  Egerton cut his eyes back and forth before nodding. “I do believe the lord is correct.”

  Lady Aldora scowled. “What happened to sitting quietly?”

  Cecil stood as tall as he could. “I figured I’d keep us from starting a pointless fight.”

  “Bloodshed is the fastest and surest way to let them see what we are capable of.”

  “Which is what, exactly?” He crossed his arms. “I’m not keen on fighting anyone. In case you forgot, I’m not a dictator. Those are my people. Your people, too.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a child. You have the power to take this kingdom for yourself if you want to.”

  “Turns our I don’t want to. Haven’t the foggiest idea what I’d do with it if I had it. I asked you to come so you could smooth things over, not poke wasps nests with a stick!”

  Her expression faded to neutrality for a moment. She turned her eyes to him and took a step closer. “Of course. My apologies, my lord.” Her features drew down into a frown as she bowed her head. It probably wasn’t coincidence how much the gesture drew attention to the low neckline of her gown. “I beg your forgiveness.”

  She was trying to distract him. And it was working. He knew what she was doing, and it was still working.

  So unfair.

  His stomach growling was unexpected. He shook his head a few times before looking around and finding Egerton. “Are the kitchens in working order yet?”

  “I believe so, sir.” Egerton nodded.

  “Good. Let’s go then. I don’t know my way around this place.” Any excuse to escape before things got worse. Before she talked him into letting things get worse.

  Maybe later, when there were less eyes, he could just climb out a window or something.

  “What the hell was that?” The lieutenant kept his voice low as the company rode back out between the skeletal army lining the road.

  Gomer was still trying to decide for himself. “I’m not certain. Clearly they have no fear of us.”

  The Dark Lord had just… sat there. He hadn’t given them more than a passing thought, and all his talk of clemency hid the real truth that anyone with Gomer’s years of training and experience could see: The man didn’t even see them as a big enough threat to teach them a lesson. It would be a waste of a few of his own forces to utterly destroy Gomer’s, and he knew it. “Smug bastard. At least Aldora was willing to humor us.”

  The company picked up speed as they went. Everyone would be quite happy to be away from these… things.

  “What do we tell the king, sir?”

  “That we have another problem. With luck, it’s a problem that will ignore us if we ignore it. At least for now.” But of course no reasonable soldier would plan in such a fashion. “We’ll post lookouts to report in if they try to mobilize.” Not that they needed competent eyes on this. Once a force that large and outlandish started to move the entire country would know before the day was out. He shook his head. “I can’t see this ending well, but at least we have breathing room.”

  The scouts ducked low, hiding at the first sign of the thundering noise that rolled past them in the wake of the company of cavalry. They kept still as they watched and waited, hidden in the underbrush of an outcropping of trees. Their dark red and ruddy brown uniforms were not ideal for hiding, but the brass wouldn’t hear of green ones. Not with neighbors wearing the color proudly.

  “What the hell was that?” Ani shaded her eyes.

  “I’d swear that was General Gomer. I’ve heard about that mustache.” Tim pushed a few leaves aside.

  Mat had the maps spread out on the ground. “Gomer, eh? This must be big, then.” They were rather far afield. Their line was still well east of here, but they’d gotten turned around in the night. Strangely, the tower they were trying to use as a landmark wasn’t on any of the maps. A thing like that should be writ large. Tim’s opinion of the previous scouts had declined a few notches.

  “Well yeah, look at all those horses.”

  “Umm…” Ani stood up after the last of the horses had passed. “So… is the hunger getting to me, or am I seeing skeletons?”

  Tim glanced the way she was pointing. “Well, I’m sure a host that size won whatever battle it fought, but why would they bother to strip the flesh… oh, I see.”

  Mat glanced up from his maps. “Skeletons? Really? How many we are talking about here?”

  Ani tilted her head a bit. “Oh, a few thousand.”

  “What?” Mat hopped to his feet, scattering the maps. “I didn’t think they were capable of that sort of genocide. That would certainly be something to report… umm. Wait… what?”

  Skeletons… just standing around in the fields.

  Tim nodded. “Yeah. Skeletons.”

  Ani squinted. “They don’t seem to be doing much. Just… standing there.”

  Tim rubbed at his dirty chin. “As odd as that is, isn’t it also kind of odd that Gomer just came from there?”

  Ani frowned. “You don’t suppose he did something to make those appear?”

  “Do I think he’s capable of raising the dead? I’d think not, but there’s some striking evidence here.”

  Mat nodded. “Those are something to report.”
/>
  “Absolutely.”

  “Eek!”

  Mat and Tim turned to find Ani covering her mouth.

  There was a standing skeleton only a few yards away, just beyond their hiding place. It didn’t seem interested in them, really. At least, it hadn’t been. It glanced at them now.

  Tim’s hand gripped the hilt of his sword… for all the good it would do.

  He was a little surprised when the skeleton made no hostile moves whatsoever. It looked right at them and pointed at the tower.

  “Huh.”

  Ani slowly let her hands drop. “Is that… an invitation?”

  Mat shook his head. “I don’t think I want anything they’re serving for breakfast.”

  Tim let go of his sword as he stepped out of their hiding place. The skeleton’s empty eye sockets followed him, its hand still pointing at the tower. He glanced that way. A few other skeletons had noticed them now. They pointed as well. “Strange.”

  Ani scoffed… from her hiding place. “Gee, you think?”

  “They didn’t kill Gomer. They let three hundred horsemen roll right out of here. I’m not getting a hostile vibe from them. Maybe they want to talk.”

  “Well I don’t want to talk to them.” Ani hissed.

  Mat stepped out into the open, his hands stuffing maps back into the satchel at his side. “I say we report back. This is big. He’ll want to know.”

  Tim approached the skeleton. “Good morning, my good fellow.”

  It stared at him. Its jaw slid open.

  Tim waited politely for it to speak…

  Its jaw snapped shut again. It pointed at him, then at the tower. With both hands.

  Ani finally emerged from the underbrush. “Oh look, it thinks you’re a simpleton, too.”

  Tim gave the skeleton a smile and a nod. “I see. A proper invitation. Jolly good.”

  Mat laid a hand on Tim’s arm. “We report back. He’ll want to know about this, and he’ll decide what to do from here.”

  Tim sighed. “Fair enough, I suppose. We’ll catch up. If we’re not back when you get done reporting in, you’ll probably find us right here.”

  “Wait, what?”

  Tim started up the road. “You’re right, this is worth reporting. But what’s inside is going to be worth reporting, too. Come along Ani, let the man get moving. We’re only holding him up.”

  She gave Mat a shrug and ran to follow Tim.

  Mat shook his head as he watched them go. “If you guys are skeletons when I get back, I’m going to tell you I told you so!”

  The skeleton turned its attention to him, its jaw falling open once more as it pointed at the tower.

  “Oh shut up.” Mat shook his head and took out his compass. East. Best he could do for now. He’d find his people, or at least the border, then his people.

  Cecil could smell the kitchens long before he could see the door leading to them. He followed his nose once they were close enough. It wasn’t long before he could follow his ears instead. Bonnie was… singing?

  Sticking his head in the door, he found the place humming. All of the ovens and stoves were running, skeletons where running this way and that carrying things and even preparing ingredients.

  He blinked at the scene. He hadn’t given the skeletons that much credit. He’d assumed they weren’t good for much but digging and hitting things. Then again, that was their resume as presented by Murray. He really hadn’t considered it much either.

  Cecil watched as one carefully cut up a potato and slid the bits into a pan where they immediately began to sear, he was suddenly curious just what they were truly capable of.

  “Ah, good.” Egerton nodded as he wandered in past Cecil. “I see everything is in order.”

  Bonnie wiped her hands on her apron, gave a few short instructions to a skeleton standing just beside her who took over her task, and wandered over. A wide smile bloomed on her face. “It is indeed. They’re quite handy, if not the fastest learners. A little one on one time for each and they pick it up rather well, though.”

  Egerton stood taller as he looked around. He seemed almost… prideful. “But of course. Those beyond our tower walls might think them fools, but they’ll learn their mistake soon enough.”

  Cecil had thought as much, too. He felt kind of bad about it now.

  Bonnie was still smiling, though. “I don’t know about that. What I know is breakfast will be ready momentarily, as is my charge.”

  Lady Aldora frowned around the room as she walked past Cecil. “Impressive as this is, I do hope we will be dining elsewhere?”

  Egerton pointed off to his left. “There is an adjoining chamber prepared for feasting. It’s… a work in progress, but it should serve.”

  “Good.” Lady Aldora turned and left again.

  Bonnie seemed unshaken. “Any special requests? We have a little bit of time. I might be able to get some tea going or something.”

  Cecil nodded. “Sounds delightful, thank you.” He turned, but paused and looked back over his shoulder. “Will you be dining with us?”

  Egerton choked on nothing. “My lord, that is hardly proper.”

  Bonnie nodded and pointed at Egerton. “What he said.”

  Cecil shrugged. “I’m not a lord. Leastwise I wasn’t one two days ago. There are only three living people here that aren’t locking themselves up in the library. I figured we could all eat together. I don’t see a reason to make you eat by yourself. It seems rude.”

  Bonnie’s smile cracked slightly. “I don’t believe Lady Aldora will agree.”

  Egerton nodded vigorously. “Undoubtedly.”

  Cecil frowned a bit. They weren’t wrong. And yet… some of the shine had worn off. He didn’t like the idea of being so easily manipulated. “She isn’t in charge here, is she?”

  Egerton somehow managed to look uncomfortable, despite being nothing more than a skeleton in an ill fitting jacket. It must have been his shifting feet and attempt to look at everything in the room that wasn’t Cecil. “Ahem, yes, well.” He held out a hand toward the dining room. “Shall we?”

  17

  The dining hall was clearly meant for functions larger than casual breakfasts. An old table stretched the length of the room… but it was a ruined heap of wooden scraps. A few newer tables had been added where bits of the old had been swept away.

  Lady Aldora was standing by the largest one, rearranging the chairs and flatware. She looked up when they entered. “It’s good we didn’t invite General Gomer to dine. This place is a disaster.”

  Egerton shrugged. “Afraid we have had larger concerns.”

  She gave the skeleton a level stare. “At this stage statesmanship should be your largest concern. It will be one whether you prepare for it or not.”

  “The lady is correct, of course.” The skeleton bowed before holding out a hand toward the table. “My lord?”

  Cecil had to step over a few broken bits of wood as he made his way over. Lady Aldora stood beside a chair on the side, just around the corner from the single seat at the head of the table. He hardly felt that was appropriate for him… but then he wasn’t used to being a lord.

  Rather than sitting in his seat, he stepped around and pulled out the chair for Lady Aldora. She seemed genuinely surprised, her eyebrows creeping up a bit before she sat down. He pushed her chair in before sitting in his own chair and unfolding the waiting napkin.

  Lady Aldora made a show of examining the flatware again. “I wasn’t sure what to expect. You seem to know some things, and yet you are completely ignorant of others.”

  Cecil shrugged. “My father is big on table manners. Says it’s all that separates us from the hogs. Well, that and wearing pants.”

  The corner of her mouth crept up a tad. “An astute observation.”

  Bonnie entered loaded down with plates and a basket. Murray was behind her, grumbling, one hand holding a platter while the other had a carafe and mugs. “Gomer and his goons are long gone, boss.”

  Egerton scof
fed. “For now.”

  Bonnie set about placing the various containers on a second smaller table. “We have fresh bread, hot water for tea, and several dishes prepared with the ingredients we brought in last night. I’m afraid that does mean we’re lacking in fresh meat, unfortunately.”

  Cecil nodded. “Understood, and thank you. Have a seat.”

  The suggestion wasn’t a new one, but he also didn’t want Lady Aldora assuming Bonnie had gotten it into her head to join them on her own. That would put the blame on her.

  Bonnie sat… at the second table.

  Well, close enough.

  Egerton and Murray sat at the first, Egerton to Cecil’s right, Lady Aldora to his left, and Murray sat way at the other end of the long table, opposite Cecil… and in reach of the second table where the food was waiting. He filled a cup with hot water and used the materials Bonnie had brought to make himself a cup of tea.

  Egerton watched him all the while. “What exactly are you doing, Muireach?”

  Murray glanced up from his cup, held in both bony hands. “It’s warm, and I like the smell.”

  “I wasn’t aware you could feel warmth or smell anything.”

  “I like to remember.” Murray shrugged. “You want some?”

  Egerton grumbled a little as he shook his head. “No, thank you.”

  Lady Aldora was doing a wonderful job of ignoring all of it. But it was a bit obvious as she didn’t look towards Bonnie once.

  Other skeletons filed in. While Cecil was apparently terrible at telling them apart, Bonnie seemed to know each. She gave them a nod and a few words and they set about distributing food to those who actually ate.

  There were a few blessedly quiet moments where leaving via a rope made of bedsheets didn’t cross Cecil’s mind once. The food was good, if a little odd. Breakfast was the sovereign realm of eggs and bacon and they had neither.

  Egerton’s polite streak ran out after a few minutes of waiting. He hadn’t eaten a thing, or even played at it. “So, I feel it would be wise to bring us up to speed on the political climate. My kingdom is gone. Even Muireach’s land of Aralone is long since forgotten. We would be of more use in planning efforts if we were better informed.” He’d spoken across the table directly to Lady Aldora. He knew Cecil was nearly as out of the loop as he was after his several hundred year nap.