The Saver

by Edeet Ravel

  So David called, and I had to tell him I have two other jobs. He said in his tough voice, “I see that I didn’t explain the job to you clearly. You need to be in the building at least six waking hours a day. This isn’t a hotel, it’s a job.”

  I was beyond stressed. I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’ll quit one of the jobs. I just have to give a week’s notice, is that OK?”

  There was a pause, and finally he said, “All right. By the way, what’s the story with the police coming again?”

  He said it like it was my fault. I said, “Mrs. Coleville gets nervous easily.”

  He said, “Well, it’s your responsibility to keep order in the building, Fern. If you’re not up to it, I’ll have to let you go.”

  I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when he said that. I said, “I’ll make sure she doesn’t call the police again.” But how can I control that lunatic?

  I don’t know what to do, Xanoth. I’m totally freaking out. David is one complaint away from firing me, and Mrs. Coleville’s for sure going to find something to complain about. It’s her hobby.

  If I lose this place, I’ll have to spend half of what I earn on rent, and I’ll end up exactly like Mom, in a dead-end job and a dead-end life.

  I can’t quit the restaurant. It’s where I get almost all my food, plus $300 a week. And I can’t quit the hotel. I need the money, and it’s the first time I’ve had any friends. I have a week to figure out what to do. Maybe a miracle will happen.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Thursday

  March 20

  Hi Xanoth,

  I was just getting ready for bed when I heard something going on in the hall, so I went out to see what it was. Mrs. Coleville was on the stairs in this quilted robe having a huge fight with Victor. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying to him. What a racist! I don’t even think it’s legal to say things like that.

  From what I could tell, Victor lent Markus some CDs, and Mrs. Coleville thought it was a trick to get into their apartment and rob them. Victor tried to laugh it off, but when she started with her racism, he got mad, and told her she was an ugly old bitch.

  So then she wanted to call the police again. I freaked out. I said, “You can’t call the police just because you don’t like someone. And if you do, I’ll tell them you’re the one causing the disturbance.”

  That really infuriated her, and she started calling me a whore who spends the entire day at a brothel (good thing Karl couldn’t hear her). She said she looked up the number I was calling from, and she found out “what kind of establishment” I worked at.

  That was when Adorée showed up, wondering what was going on. Mrs. Coleville began spluttering, “And her, her! This entire building is swarming with floozies.” Floozies! I never even heard that word, but I got the general drift. “Every day she entertains a male visitor!”

  Adorée was really mad. She said, “Shut your face or I’ll kick you down the stairs.”

  I was beyond stressed. I was supposed to keep everyone quiet, and instead it just kept getting worse.

  Finally Markus simply handed Victor back the CDs. Victor went upstairs, and Adorée and Mrs. Coleville fumed at each other.

  I said, “Why don’t we all go back to bed?”

  Mrs. Coleville turned on her most bullying voice and said to me, “I’ll tell the landlord what you did tonight.” Whatever that was.

  I said, “We’re really doing our best for you, Mrs. Coleville,” but she could smell the fear on me and it made her meaner. She said, “We’ll see what the landlord has to say tomorrow. It’s time we had a decent superintendent in this building.”

  I completely broke down when she said that, which of course was exactly what she wanted. I ran back to my apartment and turned on the shower so no one would hear me crying.

  She wants to destroy my life, Xanoth. What am I going to do?

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Friday

  March 21

  Hi Xanoth,

  I was late for work today, and so tired I could barely lift the sheets off the beds.

  Then at the restaurant I kept dropping things, and twice I started crying. I told them I had a cold, in case they noticed my red eyes. And I left exactly at midnight, even though there were still some dishes. Probably they’ll fire me too.

  I thought I could do it, Xanoth. I thought I could be a janitor and have two other jobs and that it would all work out, and I wouldn’t end up with Mom’s life.

  But I was wrong.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Saturday

  March 22

  Hi Xanoth,

  I was a wreck today. I slept in and didn’t do the building at all. What’s the point? I’m going to lose this job anyhow.

  No sign of Mrs. Coleville. Who knows what she’s up to.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Sunday

  March 23

  Hi Xanoth,

  David just called. He said, “I hear there’s been more trouble, Fern. I can’t keep dealing with this.”

  I told him there was nothing I could do about Mrs. Coleville because she was determined to make trouble. I told him she didn’t want any black people in the building.

  David sighed. He said, “I’m not saying she’s entirely reliable. But I don’t have grounds to ask her to leave, which means you have to find a way to keep her quiet.”

  So I told him how she wanted to call the police again and I stopped her.

  David was quiet for a few seconds. Then he said, “All right, I’ll have a talk with her.”

  I hate that my whole life is hanging by a thread. The thread of Mrs. Coleville, the thread of David, the thread of the hotel and restaurant not closing, the thread of Victor looking after Beauty, the thread of not going crazy.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Monday

  March 24

  Hi Xanoth,

  Jack’s here! Mom’s brother!

  He showed up at noon yesterday, just as I was leaving for work. He was all emotional, hugging me and so on. He said I look like Mom, and he was all teary. He has hair to his shoulders. On some guys long hair looks derelict but it looks OK on Jack.

  I was a bit detached at first. I mean, I don’t know him, and when someone’s gushing, it’s like they’re doing the work for both of you. And like if you get into it you’re being pulled into their reality instead of staying in yours.

  So I was nice but I didn’t feel too much. I told him I had to go to work, and right away he started saying he’ll find somewhere to stay. I said he could stay here.

  So he unrolled a sleeping bag and said he’ll sleep on the floor next to the kitchen table. I told him he could have the bed. He reminded me of Mom, how she never wanted to be in the way, and how she used to apologize for the air she was breathing, practically.

  He said, “I’ve learned to accept the gifts that are offered to me.” It’s like he has to explain what he does with philosophy.

  “You can eat whatever’s in the fridge,” I said. I don’t know if he brought a lot of money with him. I told him there was pita in the freezer that he could heat up in the oven and have with eggplant dip. I forgot to tell him I don’t pay for electricity. I can tell he’d worry about that.

  He thanked me about a million times and said I had a heart of gold blah blah. He said he hadn’t slept in a bed in seven days.

  Beauty was hiding under the bureau. I said, “Don’t be surprised if a cat suddenly appears. It’s Beauty. Whatever you do, don’t let her out.”

  He said, “I look forward to making her acquaintance.” Annoying, but he was trying to be friendly.

  I was running late, so I left the key on the dresser and Jack took off his shoes and lay down on the bed. He was looking at me with this happy embarrassing smile, like I was some ship that’s rescuing him from a desert island he’s been trapped on for twenty years. He’s going to take
some getting used to.

  At work I kept remembering that he was in my room, and I hoped he was OK and that no one would see him, especially Mrs. Coleville.

  The restaurant wasn’t too busy, which meant I didn’t have to stay late to finish the pots. Also I got good loot – a ton of rice and falafel. Falafel they only serve fresh, so unless Amir wants what’s left over, I get to take it. They already figured out not to throw anything out without asking me first.

  I got home from work at one. Jack opened the door as soon as he heard me trying the doorknob. Either he’s a very light sleeper, or he was awake. Beauty was on the bed, purring away.

  I told Jack I had to do the garbage, and right away he put on his jacket and gloves and came out to help me, which I was ready to love him for right there and then. It was cold and windy as usual, and there’s still a ton of snow.

  I liked how when we finished dragging the bags, Jack picked up some clean snow with his leather gloves and rubbed his hands together to clean the gloves. A lot of guys don’t think about things like that.

  I was too tired to talk, so I gave Jack the extra pillow and Mom’s quilt to put under his sleeping bag and I had a quick shower and crashed. I told Jack he could shower and it wouldn’t wake me. I could tell he hadn’t showered or touched anything.

  He said no, no, he’d shower in the morning and I should go to sleep and not worry about him. Before I shut the light he said, “The most important thing in life is to search your heart and find the right path.” He’s reading a book about the right path. Whatever.

  Right now it’s 9:40 and he’s gone out to get coffee at the dépanneur. He’s one of those people who has to have coffee in the morning. He had a shower first, though it was exactly three seconds long. I have to tell him the hot water’s free. He probably won’t take a long shower anyhow, so as not to hog the bathroom.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Tuesday

  March 25

  Hi Xanoth,

  Jack bought danishes and bagels for breakfast. We ate together at the table.

  He told me about the prison he was at, Rockwood. He was in minimum security, which at Rockwood means you live in cabins that you share with five other people. Jack says Rockwood was a turning point for him. Apart from getting on the right path, he learned computers and first aid and started taking care of his health.

  He said that for many years he carried guilt because of the couple on the farm who used to lock Mom in a closet. He was the older one, but there wasn’t anything he could do, and it made him bitter, so he drank and did stupid things. But now he knows that guilt and anger eat away at you, and you have to do good to overcome them.

  Jack looks a lot like Mom. He moves the way she did and he has a lot of the same expressions. He’s really sad he didn’t get to see her before she died.

  Tuesday (or Wednesday, actually) 3 a.m.

  I’m really creeped out, Xanoth. I’m a pretty deep sleeper, but I guess your mind wakes you up if something weird is going on.

  It’s Jack. He talks in his sleep. He said in this really loud, clear voice, “I’m fixing the hard drive,” and “How many megabytes would you say that is?” and “It could be a virus.”

  It’s beyond scary. It’s like is it him or isn’t it? I almost woke him up and made him go find a hostel or a shelter or something. I mean what do I really know about him? What if he’s a serial killer?

  I can’t even be sure he’s really Jack. In murder mysteries you get that all the time. You think someone is one person but they’re really someone else. Maybe this guy in my room killed Jack and now he’s pretending to be Jack in order to worm his way into my life. Like Jack was hitchhiking and this guy learned all about where he was going and then he killed him and took his money and now he’s come to get mine.

  I just checked inside the laundry bin in the bathroom. I made sure to shut the door first. The back-up money is still there.

  Tomorrow I’m going to ask Jack for proof. I’m going to think of a question only the real Jack would know.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Wednesday

  March 26

  Hi Xanoth,

  Jack isn’t an impostor. It’s easy to go a bit insane in the middle of the night.

  Anyhow, we had a long, long talk. We basically talked half the night.

  When I came home from the restaurant I was sort of crying because of all the stress I’ve been having. I was trying not to, but tears kept leaking out of me.

  Jack felt terrible when he saw I was crying. Of course he thought it was because of him, and that he should find another place to stay. He thought maybe he was reminding me too much of Mom, or maybe I didn’t like having my space invaded.

  I said, “No, no, it isn’t you. I’m just in this huge mess.”

  He was all worried when he heard I was in a mess. He probably thought I was involved in drugs or something. I think he was relieved when I explained the whole story of Mrs. Coleville and David and how I have to quit one of my jobs.

  Jack was impressed by all the jobs. He said, “You’re a jewel. I always knew it and your mom always knew it.”

  That got me crying again. He said, “I guess you miss her a lot.”

  I couldn’t take no one knowing the truth, so I told him how mean I was to her. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she was stuck with a fat ugly kid everyone hated, I began being a total bitch to her, just like everyone else.

  Jack said, “Felicity was proud of you. She told me you were funny and smart and that you looked after everything.”

  I was suspicious of that. I asked when she told him.

  He said she called him on his birthday, and he called her on hers, even when he was in Rockwood. He said she called when I was in school, because she was shy about talking when another person was listening.

  Well, that’s true. Mom even hated talking to me when anyone else could hear her, which is why she hardly said a word when we went to the IGA or Value Village. The worst thing for her was if the cashier asked her something, and there were other people standing in line. I answered for her half the time.

  I told Jack that the last thing I said to her was “Leave me alone, you stupid cow.” That’s what I said, Xanoth. I said “Leave me alone, you stupid cow.” Even though she was only reminding me to take my bus pass.

  So Jack took my hand in this really sappy way and said, “Fern, we have to forgive ourselves. We all make mistakes and we all get angry.”

  I said, “Mom never got angry.”

  He said, “Well, some people turn anger into sadness. It’s explained here in this book I’m reading. Do you want some cheese danishes?”

  I was exhausted, but I didn’t want to go to sleep so I said OK. Jack took out the danishes and put them on a plate, and while we were eating he said, “Felicity knew you were in a bad mood because of your personal hardship. She said you took over the cleaning when she was sick and you looked after her when she had her migraines. She wouldn’t want you to feel bad now. Her spirit wants you to be restful.”

  I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I didn’t say what I thought, which is that he can’t know how she felt when she was alive, and there’s no such thing as life after death.

  Then he said, “Now about your job problem. Let’s see if we can find a way out. Maybe I can take one of your jobs.”

  “You mean like doing the janitor work?”

  Jack shook his head. He said David hired me, not him, and he might not like him. But he said he could try taking one of the other jobs, if they’d agree to hire him. He said we could “pool our resources.”

  He was right about David. David might even do a search and find out that Jack was in prison. That would for sure be the end of the job for both of us.

  Well, Jack can’t replace me at the restaurant, because that’s where I get my main meal of the day. Also, it’s because they know me that they give me extra food to take home.

  But he could probably replace
me at the hotel during the week. I don’t think Karl would mind, as long as Jack does a good job. And I could still do weekends.

  Of course I have no idea if I can count on Jack. He might start drinking again, or he might vanish, or he might not be good at making beds. Or he could die of a heart attack, like Mom.

  I asked him what about his plans, but he said, “My plan was to find a job and a place to stay. And here they’ve both landed at my feet. The right spirit shows you the right path.”

  I said, “If you don’t mind living in one room.”

  He said, “This apartment has everything I could possibly need. A roof over my head, a shower, a kitchen, and your beautiful company.”

  I can’t remember everything we talked about. He said I gave Mom someone to love and look after, which is the most important thing in life. We were up until almost five.

  Basically this might be a solution, unless David decides that Jack can’t stay here. If it works, Beauty won’t have to be alone when Victor’s at the club.

  On the other hand, what about the bank deposits? I can’t ask Jack to give me his salary. Maybe he’ll agree to deposit what he makes into the account, and he can have his part back when I take it all out. Jack’s the type to agree to anything.

  Yours forever,

  Fern

  Thursday

  March 27

  Hi Xanoth,

  I found out some things about my father today. Ted.

  First, he didn’t know Mom was pregnant when he left the farm. He left because the evil people fired him. And the reason they fired him was that he was nice to Mom and tried to defend her.

  He liked to travel, and his plan was to go right around the globe. Jack said he was very athletic and he read a lot of science fiction and he liked to draw. He’d sit in a corner after supper with a sketch pad, and draw the imaginary things he read about.