Deja Vu

by Guerin Zand

  “Hello, Guerin.”

  “Um, hello?” I didn’t know what else to say as I scrambled to put on my shorts. Something didn’t feel right about this situation, and I’m not talking about the fact that I was naked, although that did add to the strangeness. “Do I know you?”

  “Well, yes and no. We’ve never met before, but I am one of those you know as the Guides.”

  “Am I dreaming?”

  “No, you are quite awake.”

  I reached out and touched this strange woman on her shoulder and quickly drew my hand back. “But you’re real?”

  “That’s sort of a subjective question, isn’t it?”

  “To be honest, I’m not sure. I kind of like to think of reality as sort of a constant and not actually up to interpretation. If it isn’t, then I’m not really sure of anything.” I scratched my head hoping somehow that would help. “Do you have a name?”

  “You can call me Gwen.”

  Gwen reminded me a bit of a middle-aged school teacher or something. Not overly attractive, but not bad. Normally, I mean, if this was just one of my fantasies or dreams, I would have come up with a hotter and more scantily dressed female to occupy my attention. Something was not quite right here on Hell.

  “Ok, Gwen. I thought that you Guides were from another universe and/or reality. If that’s true, how is it you are here on this planet?”

  “I don’t think you’re going to like the answer, Guerin.”

  “I’m sure I’m not, but you might as well tell me.”

  “Well, it depends on what your definition of here is.”

  “Ok, I’ll bite. What the hell does that mean?”

  “My here is not the same as your here basically. Our two distinct heres are, to put it simply, overlapping. From my perspective, you are here where I am, and from your point of view I am here where you are.”

  “Well, I’m confused.”

  “Then you can imagine how confused I was when you appeared laying naked in my here.”

  “I guess you’ve got a point there, I think? But how come you appear to be human? I assume you’re not human, are you?”

  “No, I’m not human. I appear in your reality, you’re here, in a form that is familiar. I think it is your mind’s way of dealing with the contradiction in reality.”

  “So, then how is it that you recognized me? I mean, don’t I appear to you differently as well?”

  “You really do have a lot of questions, don’t you, Guerin?”

  “Duh! That sort of happens when people dick around with my reality.”

  “Ok, I guess I can understand that.” She appeared to shrug her shoulders as she said that, but if what she was telling me was true, then did she? “I am familiar with this situation and I understand it. So, to me, you appear as you would to anyone else in you’re here.”

  That really made no sense to me, but I learned a long time ago to ignore the truly weird shit. “Whatever. So, you say you are familiar with this situation as you call it?”

  “Yes. Thousands of years ago, in terms of what you call time, we worked with one of those you know as the Bree to establish a connection between our realities. At first the communication was very crude. A process of exchanging simple thoughts similar to the dreams the Taeserin refer to as naissarance. After many attempts, the person in your reality was able to open this bridge, or overlap, between the two realities. He was actually even able to cross over into our reality and explore our universe beyond this point of overlap.”

  “And, what happened to this person?” I was wondering, no, I was pretty sure that this person Gwen was talking about was actually the old master of Hell.

  “He had to return to your universe. While he had been able to manifest himself in our reality, the effects on his well being, both physically and mentally, were quite damaging. Since then, we have not had such direct contact with your reality until you appeared.”

  “But I didn’t do anything, I swear. I was just out for a swim and then you appeared.”

  “I can see that you are still confused.”

  I was going to say duh, but I don’t like having to repeat myself. I also didn’t think I was confused. I mean, to be confused you had to have something you understood to be confused about, didn't you? “Well then, would you mind un-confusing me?”

  “I’m not sure that’s possible.” Yes, even people in a different reality couldn’t help themselves. They just had to insult me. “But I’ll try.” It was obvious that arrogance was a multi-versal character trait at this point. “This overlap, or bridge, is not a physical entity. It can’t be since our two realities are physically incompatible. It is more an overlap of consciousness to put it in simple terms.” I did mention the whole arrogance thing, didn’t I? “While it is not physical, it does have a physical location in both of our universes. Although, what we consider a location is as different from what you consider a location, as what we consider as time compared to your idea of time. Is that even more confusing?”

  “Not at all. Your shit is totally different from our shit. I get it.” I was being sarcastic, but if what Gwen just said was true, maybe I wasn’t? “Please continue.”

  “Ok. So this overlap still exists after all this time from your perspective. I’m not sure that it can be undone. Anyway, we are aware of this overlap and we monitor it, as I was doing when you appeared. You, it seems, stumbled upon this overlap by chance, hence your confusion.”

  “Well, let’s just set my confusion aside for a moment. In my experience, shit like this seems to happen to me a lot, so I don’t think it was chance that caused me to stumble on this overlap. It was no more chance then it was chance that you Guides reached out to me through my dreams to get me to go to Taes. It was bad enough when I thought the entire universe was conspiring against me, but now to find out there are multiple universes looking to have me amuse them, well, that’s a bit much, even for me. But none of that explains how, on this day, this overlap shit happens when I’ve been coming to this same spot for days without anything weird like this occurring. Can you explain that?”

  “As I said, it is an overlap of consciousness. Obviously, the other times you were in the area there was not a consciousness in the area for yours to overlap.”

  “Oh, I get it. Why didn’t you just say that earlier? So, if I just walk away, you’ll go back to wherever it is you actually are?”

  “No. I would remain where I am. It is you that would move outside of the overlap. I thought you understood that I’m here in my reality, and not here in your reality as is the same for you.”

  “But I touched you, and you feel like you’re really here.”

  “That’s what happens when realities overlap. Do I need to repeat everything I explained earlier?”

  “No. I’m not stupid. You’ll just have to excuse me while I question everything since reality has suddenly become a fucking variable. It’s like that new math shit when I was a kid. Just give me a few minutes to get the proofs down in my head.” Ok, I was being an asshole, but can you blame me? The last thing I needed that day was some strange woman appearing and throwing my reality into question.

  “Well, as long as I have you here, Guerin.” There it was. I knew this sort of bullshit always had a few strings attached, and I’m not talking string theory. “We were going to try and contact you and ask you to return to Taes.”

  “Scirla already told me that. Would you mind telling me why you want me to return to Taes?”

  “I don’t know really, except it is the Taesrin who are requesting you return. We are just relaying the message to you. I guess someone has already done that via Scirla though, so I probably didn’t need to bring it up.”

  “Have you guys ever heard of email? It would be a lot less confusing, you know?”

  “I don’t understand?”

  “Well, I don’t feel so alone then. It seems confusion is infectious.” From the look on Gwen’s face I don’t think she got any of that. “I really don’t appreciate having this li
ttle reality trap sprung on me. It’s not like I haven’t enjoyed our time together here, Gwen, but if I’m going to go fucking batshit crazy, I’d prefer to do it in one reality at a time. So, can we not do this again, and would you mind staying away from my swimming hole?”

  “I thought you understood, Guerin, this was not of my doing any more than it was yours.”

  “Whatever, can you just stay away from wherever it is you are, from now on? I kind of liked this spot, and besides, I thought you said that this exchange had caused some damage to the one who opened this overlap. I would kind of like to avoid damage if I could.”

  “The damage was caused by him physically manifesting himself in our reality, not from the overlap. I don’t think this will cause you any harm.”

  “Oh, you don’t think it will. Well, in that case, what is there to worry about?” I started packing up my go bag. I had had about enough of this little side trip to the Twilight Zone. Fucking Hell!

  “You are a strange creature, Guerin Zand.”

  “I do try to please.” I gave Gwen a nice smile. “I don’t mean to be rude, Gwen, but my alcohol level is obviously dropping below what I consider acceptable, and I need to get back and replenish my reserves. Nice talking to you.” I waved as I turned and walked away. I didn’t bother to look back during the entire walk to the spaceport. I simply hoped that Gwen had returned to whatever version of my reality I wasn’t currently occupying.

  Chapter 3

  Just Another Day on Hell

  As soon as I got back to the spaceport, I instructed my lady friends to hide all evidence of these reality experiments left by their previous master. They were only to reveal the location of those records to me if and when I specifically requested access. They were not to allow access to that information to anyone other than myself under any circumstances. Although I may have had my share of issues with my current reality, the idea of multiple realities seemed to be a recipe for disaster. In my mind, those other realities really weren’t for me. The idea of there actually being multiple realities was just another way to spell crazy if you asked me. I just could not deal with the idea of reality being fluid, variable, or even multiple choice. I had decided that whatever happened at the swimming hole really didn’t happen. It was a simple hallucination that could have been caused by one of many things. Perhaps there was some toxic gas drifting over the area? Maybe an exotic bug bite, or maybe even one of the long ago promised LSD flashbacks? It didn’t matter. I had decided to commit to just one reality. Well, at least as long as I could.

  I didn’t want to give up my favorite swimming hole just because of that one incident, but I also couldn’t get it out of my mind. From then on, I’d have one of the ladies accompany me to my daily swim as sort of a reality check. I also started to wear a bathing suit. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that aliens from another reality were just another bunch of pervs. These prophylactic measures seemed to have worked since I never saw Gwen again during that stay on Hell.

  For the most part, I fell into a regular daily routine. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be stuck on hell. My daughter had said a month, but a month had come and gone. I would get up in the morning and have breakfast with the ladies. We’d work on their personalities and then I’d spend a few hours with a viewer searching through the facility’s research data. After that, I’d have lunch and then go for my daily swim. I’d return from my swim, take a nap, and then it was dinner time with the ladies. And finally, we’d all sit around and watch some videos while I’d have a few drinks before going to bed. It might sound boring to all of you, but for me, I was starting to like boring. I had zero responsibilities, and if I needed anything, all I had to do was ask.

  The one thing about boredom is it gives you a lot of time for the stupid stuff. I was totally over the whole onesie look so I started to assign the ladies the proper apparel based on the personalities they were working on. Ginger and Mary Ann were easy since I simply pointed them to the Gilligan’s Island video collection. My three angels, Sabrina, Kate, and Jill, initially took their fashion tips from the Charlie’s Angels videos, but I convinced them that they needed to update their fashion sense to match the current trends on Earth. I had no problems deciding on Jennifer’s attire. Sexy schoolmarm was how I saw her. I even suggested she watch a few porns to help with her clothing selection. Phoebe was into the whole nouveau hipster movement once again sweeping Earth. Now, Phoebe did make it look good, but seriously? Were we ever going to have a generation that was finally hipster free? Heather, who did a lot of the maintenance work, went for the blue-collar sort of mechanic look, while Mia really seemed to enjoy the tough cop characters she saw in many of the videos we watched. She designed her own uniform and adopted a bossy sort of personality. Mia made sure I kept to this regular routine of mine. She’d wake me in the morning and make sure I followed my schedule religiously. It should have bothered me, but she sort of reminded me of Katie when she was assigned as one of my guards in Gitmo. Now, as for Julie-bot, I left her in the onesie as a constant reminder that there were worse places in the universe than Hell.

  I have to say, overall, I was pretty happy with my life on Hell. I did miss my daughters, well at least Gamma, and, as I said before, it would have been nice if Alpha was with me. Having a dog to play with would have been a nice break from the constant interaction with the fembots. I was living off replicated food, so I was pretty much being forced into a vegan lifestyle. There were occasions when I considered using my 45 to do some hunting. Those squirrel-rabbits were starting to look like they might be tasty, but I couldn’t be sure if they’d be compatible with human needs. I stuck with the replicated cheeseburgers and steaks to be on the safe side. Sometimes, to relieve the boredom, I’d grab one of the girls and take a grav-shuttle for a bit of a spin. Unfortunately, there really wasn’t anything else on Hell worth an extended visit. I was never really into camping, and I was even less so after Roger had made us go through a few of the old Army Ranger courses back in the day. Still, if I was going to be on Hell for much longer it might be an option. I could have the girls manufacture any camping equipment I would need. They’d already made me a few folding lounge chairs for the swimming hole, and I could always bring one of them with me to do all of the really hard work.

  So, it was just another day on hell. I was relaxing in a lounge chair at the swimming hole. Maryann was my escort for the day and she was all dressed up in her short-shorts and one of those button-up blouses tied up at the waist to show off her midsection. In case a lot of you might not know it, Mary Ann was the originator of the Daisy Dukes look, not actually Daisy Duke. See, my stories are also educational. Anyways, I was laid back on my lounge chair with my eyes closed, just catching a few rays, while Mary Ann was fanning me with a frond. All of a sudden, some object came between me and the sun and cast a shadow over me. The last time that happened it was Gwen, so I refused to open my eyes.

  “Would you mind? You’re blocking my sun.”

  “Gee, Dad, I wouldn’t want to interrupt you with something as trivial as my arrival.”

  I opened my eyes, lowered my shades a bit, and there stood my daughter Maria. I reached for my Tom Collins and took a sip through the straw. “Whatever. Would you mind though?” I put my drink down, pushed my shades back up my nose, laid down, and closed my eyes again.

  “That’s all you have to say to me?” Of course, she stayed exactly where she was and was still blocking the sun.

  I removed my sunglasses this time and looked up a my daughter with a rather annoyed fatherly look. “Look, Maria. If you came all this way to simply annoy me, then consider it mission accomplished. I’m sure my helpers told you I was here and that I would be returning to the spaceport, but you just had to rush out here and ruin my mood. Couldn’t it have waited a while?”

  “You’re mood? You mean this little fucking Gilligan’s Island fantasy of yours?”

  “Please, daughter, would you mind watching your language around the help?”


  “Whatever, Dad! I guess I’ll just leave you two to whatever it is your doing. In case your interested, we landed the Ryvius at the spaceport. We’ll see you when you finish up here with whatever it is that’s so much more important than our return.”

  “That sounds good. I’ll see you later.”

  Maria turned and huffed off. So typical of her. The thought that my universe didn’t revolve around her must have come as quite a shock. So, they decided to come back. Was I supposed to thank the mutineers for that? And now that they were back, I guess I was supposed to just drop everything and run off to greet them? I didn’t think so. To be totally honest, Hell wasn’t that bad. It was quiet there and no one bothered me with any of their bullshit. The girls kept everything running and never needed my help. I knew as soon as I returned to the spaceport all of that would change, so I decided to finish my drink and soak up some more rays first.

  Mary Ann and I made our way back to the spaceport a few hours later. The Ryvius was parked out by the main complex at the spaceport where my residence was. I wasn’t going to be able to ignore them as I passed by. The first member of the crew to come running out to greet me was Alpha. She came charging toward me a leaped up into my arms.

  “Alpha, I missed you.” I gave her a big hug as she licked my face clean, and then I put her down. I approached the ramp at the back of the starship and walked onboard. A few of the crew members greeted me as I walked past them and I simply ignored them as I made my way to the galley. I entered the galley, went to the food stasis unit, and grabbed some supplies. I started to work on the table when Gamma came in. She came up to me with her hands outstretched waiting for me to lift her up.