Just Love

by Prescott Lane

  Holding onto the ring, I take a deep breath. It’s not fair what happened, but I don’t have to let it consume me.

  “I will,” I promise. “And you can call and check on me.”

  She looks toward my dad, unconvinced. “It would make me feel better if Ainsley could . . .”

  “No,” I say, sharper than I should.

  Ainsley’s not talking to me right now, and I don’t want her to start out of obligation. I know she wouldn’t be able to deny my parents if they asked her to look in on me. Hell no, that’s not happening.

  “We’ll see you soon,” my dad says, giving my mom a nod. I know she doesn’t want to go. But she knows what I really need is for them to do just that, to allow me to start my life again on my own. So they both kiss and hug me, promising again to see me soon, then leave. The door closes behind them, and I turn to look at Sadie.

  Sadie and I spent a lot of time alone in this place. I realize it’s been a long time since I’ve been alone, really alone. In the hospital, a nurse or doctor was always close by. At my parents’ house, they hovered like a Black Hawk helicopter always on a mission. In the rehab center, I had my own room, but I was surrounded by other patients, staff. This is the first time in a long time that it’s just me.

  It’s up to me to take care of myself.

  If I ever want to take care of someone else, I have to be able to take care of myself. And I want that. I want to be able to take care of my parents as they age. I owe it to them. It’s what I’m supposed to do. And more than that, I want to be able to take care of Ainsley. I may not be able to walk beside her, but I can still carry her.

  I’m ready.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  I’m still here, waiting.

  A. Rose

  RHETT

  My first day back at home went well enough. My mom only called three times. Add that to the three texts she sent, and it’s less than I expected. I’m trying to be patient with them. If this chair has taught me anything, it’s patience. Everything seems to take longer than it used to. Maybe that’s by design, life forcing me to slow down and take a good, hard look at myself, at the pain I’ve caused, the people I’ve hurt.

  Brody’s on that list, but he seems to be over it. Have to say, it surprised the hell out of me when he knocked on my door at the rehab center, suspecting he was there to kick my ass after how I treated Ainsley. There was definitely some cursing, a brief lecture, but that wasn’t the main purpose of his visit. To put it simply, he just needed his buddy back.

  Running the vet clinic alone is exhausting. Things with Skye have been tense, and he just needed to get some of it off his chest. If I wasn’t already set to go back to Charleston for Ainsley, his visit would’ve sealed the deal. I’d have gone back for him. I’ll see him tomorrow at the clinic. I’m not working yet, but he wanted to go over the renovation stuff with me and make sure everything is covered. I’ll be going over around lunch time. Apparently, he has an hour window in the middle of the day where he doesn’t see patients. That was never the case when there was two of us, but I guess for his sanity, he had to do something.

  My plan tonight is to take Sadie out for a walk then try to crash early, yesterday’s drive and moving back now finally catching up with me. Holding Sadie’s leash, I wheel my chair through the sidewalks of Charleston. No longer can I walk her through the park. It’s not because my chair can’t go through grass. It can. I have to do a series of little wheelies, and managing those with Sadie isn’t the easiest thing in the world, so now we stick to sidewalks and search for little patches of grass.

  Gone are the poop bags that attach to her collar. I smile, remembering Ainsley concerned that Sadie was embarrassed carrying them. Since bending down isn’t an option, I carry a special scooper for our walks now. Guess I’m the one that gets to be embarrassed now.

  It’s pretty late out, so the streets aren’t crowded. It makes it easier to get around, but also, I’m still not quite used to the stares. You’d think in this day and age that people would know better than to stare, but they still do. I used to love catching a woman glancing my way. Now the look is usually sympathetic, not horny.

  Sadie sits down on the sidewalk. Good God, old age has made her lazy. More than once, I’ve had to put her on my lap and wheel her home. That’s always good for some stares, too.

  “Come on, girl,” I urge. She whimpers a little. “What’s wrong?”

  She just continues to sit, staring across the street. I look up to see what has her attention. A Rose Wedding Dress Designs. Now I know Sadie can’t read, but she’s starting to freak me out with how intuitive she is. I knew Ainsley opened a place, but I didn’t know exactly how close it was.

  I moved back knowing that I want her in my life, but having no plan on how to make that happen. It’s late and dark except for the streetlights, so I don’t expect that Ainsley’s inside. But I’m too curious not to take a peek. Plus, I don’t think I could get Sadie to go in any other direction.

  Crossing the street, my eyes fix on the dress in the front window. My mom showed me a picture of it, but seeing it behind the glass, my heart stops. They say it’s bad luck for the groom to see the wedding dress before the bride is walking down the aisle. I don’t think Ainsley’s and my luck could get any worse than it has.

  I stop, staring at the dress. I’ve seen her sketch her mother’s dress a thousand times, but never, never did it look like this. Strapless, it looks like the top is almost see-through lace, but it’s the bottom that captures my attention. It looks like a rose, the faintest pink color. So pale, you almost don’t notice it. Each flower looks as if it’s been lightly painted, etched ever so carefully with some words, but I can’t make it all out.

  A. Rose.

  My rose.

  It’s perfect, safe behind the glass. If only Ainsley were as untouched as that dress. If only I hadn’t ripped her to shreds the way I did. My throat starts to tighten up on me, the angry words I said to her, all the hurt I caused, still burn in my throat, deep in my soul. The guilt sits in my belly like a rock. I hurt her so deeply. I hurt her more than I’m hurt.

  The worst part—it was all lies. I hurt her to get her to leave. I yelled and cursed and threw things to force her out. I wanted her to give up on me. It took months and months for her to finally let go. Each day was torture. Every day, I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to hold her close, but I believed she’d have a better life without me.

  Deep down, there’s still a part of me that believes that. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake it, but I’m determined to use that part of me to make me love her that much more. That’s the only way I’ll ever get her back.

  Love her more.

  Let her love me.

  Love is the answer.

  “Surprise! Welcome back!” the entire office staff screams out in unison as I roll through the front door of the vet clinic.

  I should’ve known Brody was up to something when he suggested I leave Sadie at the condo. He knows she hates loud noises, always hiding during thunderstorms. I made my parents swear they wouldn’t make a big party out of my return, but I never made Brody make the same promise. I’ve never been hugged by so many people in my life. Everyone from the vet tech to the guy who delivers our mail is here.

  The crowd parts when Brenda heads toward me. Her eyes ripple with tears, and it’s all I can do not to let mine do the same. She’s the lifeblood of our office, the heart. She doesn’t say a word as her arms go around my neck. After that, I swear there’s not a dry eye in the house. I even see Brody wipe away a tear. Life is funny. Often, we move through it without realizing just how much we’re loved. Sucks that it takes something like this for us to realize that.

  “Enough of this,” Brenda says. “I ordered cake!”

  Everyone’s tears are washed away by the promise of a little sugar. Without realizing it, my eyes search the crowd.

  “Ainsley’s not here,” I hear a familiar female voice say.

  Turning my
head, I find Skye walking toward me. Her face doesn’t look nearly as welcoming as everyone else’s. Brody warned me that things between them were rocky. He told me Skye was different now, and I guess I just assumed that was him blaming her instead of taking his share of the responsibility for their problems. But seeing her in person, I know exactly what he means.

  “I didn’t expect she would be,” I say, reaching out for her. “It’s good to see you.”

  She doesn’t hug me. In fact, she doesn’t move one inch closer to me. “I’m glad you’re doing better,” she says with a politeness that’s more go fuck yourself than sincere.

  “I’m sorry I missed your wedding,” I say then shake my head. “Ruined your wedding.”

  She laughs sarcastically. “That’s what you apologize for? You’re sorry I didn’t get to wear a fancy dress and toast with champagne?”

  “That was just my warmup apology,” I say, grinning, trying to make her ease up.

  “Whatever,” she snaps, turning away, then smacks right into Brody, who takes one look at us and knows something is wrong. Holding my eyes, he places his hand on her shoulders, whispering something in her ear.

  I see her shoulders tremble a little, and Brody pulls her into his arms. He flashes me a small smile to let me know she’s okay. I’m beginning to realize the people closest to me each handled my accident in different ways. Some cried a lot. Some worked a lot. Some disappeared. Some soldiered on. And some, like Skye, just got pissed.

  Some people wrap themselves in their sadness, wearing it like a blanket. Skye wears her anger like an armor. She didn’t want to hurt. Maybe she couldn’t hurt, too busy dealing with everyone else’s pain to deal with her own.

  “Skye’s mad at you,” Brody says, grinning at me.

  “Think I got that,” I say.

  “She’s been taking it out on me for a long time,” he jokes, and she playfully smacks his shoulder, pulling slightly away from him. He looks down at her, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “Skye,” I say, “why don’t we go talk alone somewhere?”

  “The office?” Brody suggests.

  When she takes a step in that direction, I follow her. She doesn’t hold the doors open for me. She doesn’t look back to make sure I’m all right. It’s kind of refreshing. We make our way to the office, and I’m amazed at how much cleaning up and clearing out Brody has done. There was no way I could’ve moved my chair around in here before, but now there’s plenty of room.

  Skye leans up against his desk, her arms across her chest. “I’m on Ainsley’s side.”

  “There are sides now?”

  Her eyes narrow. “Yes, and Brody may think everything can go back to the way it was, but . . .”

  “It can’t.”

  “No, it cannot,” she says, articulating every syllable. “You crushed them. You crushed the two people I love the most in this world besides my parents.”

  “I know.”

  “No, you don’t,” she barks. “You weren’t here. You wouldn’t see us. Brody has done nothing but work, trying to keep things exactly the same for when you came back. And Ainsley . . .”

  “What about A. Rose?”

  “I’m just barely starting to be able to recognize her again,” she says. “She’s been a shell of herself. So don’t tell me you know. Because you have no fucking idea.”

  I know what I did. I know how bad I hurt them all, but knowing it and having it staring you down are two different things. “A wedding should be one the happiest times in your life. Instead, you and Brody got married under this umbrella of tragedy. I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”

  “Hell! How could we be happy? While you were in such pain! It’s impossible.” She unfolds her arms, glaring at me. “You will never understand.”

  “Skye, I wish I knew what to say to you. I was in bad shape after the accident. I didn’t want Ainsley to see me like that. I didn’t want her to spend her life taking care of me. I’m sure you know it was a really bad time for me. I was in a dark place. I can’t explain it.”

  “It was a bad time for all of us,” she says.

  I realize in that moment that Skye doesn’t need me to apologize. She needs something very different from me.

  “Thank you, Skye.”

  The angry shell she wears so proudly cracks, and she sinks down into Brody’s chair.

  “You’ve been taking care of both of them for me,” I say.

  She starts to cry softly. “We were supposed to be a team. Me, you. Remember? All those years ago, Brody thought we were helping him with Ainsley, but you and I, we both knew we were holding them both together when their parents died. Me and you! We got them through that together.”

  Inching closer to her, I nod and understand. She’s been doing this all on her own, keeping Brody and Ainsley okay. In that moment, I realize Skye is another person I left. I abandoned her.

  “Didn’t realize I meant so much to you,” I joke.

  She breaks into a full-on smile then points her finger at me. “I’m still on Ainsley’s side.”

  “I know, I know,” I say, placing my hand on top of hers. She takes my other hand. “I am sorry for leaving you alone with this. I’m here now. I’m staying.” She nods, a little forgiveness settling into her soul. Grinning at her, I say, “So I hear you want to have a baby?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  AINSLEY

  My eyes flutter open, a vision of white greeting me. My head shoots up from my makeshift pillow.

  I fell asleep sewing a wedding dress. Dear God, I hope I didn’t drool on it or get makeup on it. A tiny rap on my door turns my attention that way. I see Skye shaking her head at me through the window. Oh crap, we were supposed to meet for a movie night.

  I get up, unlocking the store door for her. “Sorry, I’m being buried alive in organza.”

  She looks around, her eyes holding a judgment I’m not used to seeing from her. “When’s the last time you left the store?”

  I guess the takeout cartons in the garbage can are a dead giveaway. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, those clothes look like you slept in them.”

  “Well, you did just catch me napping.”

  “Ainsley,” she says. “Are you avoiding going home?”

  “Now why would I be doing that?” I ask.

  Playing stupid does not agree with me. We both know why I’m avoiding the condo.

  “I saw Rhett the other day,” she says. “Brody had a welcome back party for him at the office. I went on my lunch break.”

  “I know. Brody left me some message about it.”

  “Which I guess you didn’t respond to.”

  “Nope.”

  She exhales. “I told Rhett I’m on your side.”

  “You don’t need to do that,” I say. “I don’t expect you and Brody to not be friends with Rhett. I just can’t.”

  “Good,” she says. “Because Rhett and Brody are having a guy’s night.”

  “It’s been a while,” I say, as my gut violently jerks, like I’ve got the worst food poisoning in the world. The last time they hung out together, Rhett got hurt. “Let’s hope they’re not drinking this time.”

  Skye steps back slightly. “Do you blame Brody for that night? For what happened?”

  Shaking my head, I say, “No, of course not.”

  “I know you aren’t happy about his return, but I think it’s going to be good for Brody. Rhett’s going to be taking over some afternoons at the clinic so Brody can have some time off. It will be good for Brody to have his friend and partner back.”

  “I hope so, for Brody’s sake.”

  Letting out another deep breath, she says, “I think we need some ground rules now that Rhett’s back.”

  “I don’t need rules.”

  “Well, as your best friend, I do,” she says. “Do you want me not to even mention his name? Or is it okay for me to talk about him?”

  “I think denying his existence is best,” I say.

/>   “Okay, Rhett Bennett is officially removed from our topics of conversation.”

  “Perfect,” I say.

  “Good,” she says, a big smile on her face. “Because I have news! Brody and I have decided to go ahead . . .”

  “And get married again!”

  “Not exactly,” she says. “We’re going to have a big party, more like the reception would have been.”

  “I think that’s great. Will you wear the dress I made for you?”

  She nods. “I’d like to have some wedding pictures. Everything was so crazy when we actually got married, we didn’t bother. So this time, I’ll wear the dress. He’ll wear the tux, and we’ll get to celebrate with everyone we love.”

  I’m sure that includes Rhett, but I’m not about to rain on her parade. “When?”

  “Hopefully, in a month or so,” she says. “Now let’s get you out of here and grab some snacks for movie night.”

  “Is snacks code for wine?”

  “Not tonight,” she says.

  I’ve never known Skye to turn down wine. Beer, sure, but not wine. Taking her by the elbow, I ask, “What have you done with Skye?” She simply smiles. “Oh my God, are you pregnant?”

  “Shh!”

  “So you are pregnant?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I was supposed to start today, and I haven’t. It’s probably stress.”

  “Well, let’s get a test and find out!”

  “I’m like twelve hours late,” she says. “I don’t want to get my hopes up.”