Curses!
Page 26
Elly smiled at the roach and then turned to frown at me. “That’s not a thing, but a who. Jimmy Cockroach. Marriage broker to the stars. If he doesn’t find you suitable to marry Beauty,” ever the drama fairy, Elly hesitated for a second before continuing, “we’re screwed.”
“A roach decides my fate?” I gave a bitter laugh. “You’ve gotta be fucking with me.”
Jimmy glared at me as if he’d overheard our heated exchange. Elly bowed low. “My apologies, Jimmy. Jean-Michel’s a bit nervous, as you can imagine. Meeting Beauty has been a dream of his for a very long time.”
Now she got my name right?
“He did it wrong,” Beauty repeated. “Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.”
“What’s she babbling about?” I asked the roach.
He heaved a long sigh. “There are rules, my boy. Undeniable rules when it comes to arranging a union.” His voice grew higher as he warmed to the topic. “In Beauty’s tale consistency is key. And you failed to follow the script. There will be no marriage.”
With that decree, the little bastard jumped from the bookcase and disappeared into a hole in the wall. Beauty stopped whining and settled back against her pillow. In a few seconds a soft snore escaped her lips.
“What the hell was that?” I spun to confront Elly.
She frowned. “Shame on you, Johnny. You broke the poor girl’s heart. Now she’ll never marry you, and you’ll turn back into a toad.”
“Frog,” I reminded her. “But that’s not what’s important here. What the hell happened? What could I have possibly done wrong? I didn’t say a word to the chit.”
Elly shook her head, sending her glittery silver hair bouncing in all directions. “It’s not what you said; it’s what you didn’t do.”
“Fine.” I released a harsh breath. “Tell me what I didn’t do, and I’ll do it.”
“Too late.” The roach reappeared, this time wearing a greatcoat. “In Beauty’s fable, her prince arrives and is stunned by her beauty, so much so that he drops to his knees.” He shook his head. “You didn’t. Hence you are not her prince. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have another applicant coming at three.”
“This is ridiculous.” I glared at the roach. “The king gave me his blessing last night. Beauty and I will wed in ten days. With or without your approval.”
“Good luck with that.” The roach snorted.
“Hey—”
“Good day, sir.” He spun on his Kenneth Cole heel.
“Wait!” Elly yelled loud enough to wake the dead. The helmet-wearing Beauty let out another volley of snores. “Johnny will get it right. Just give him another chance.”
Jimmy checked the small watch on one of his six legs and frowned. “Fine. He has two minutes. Go!”
I shook my head. “I’m not dropping to my knees. Not for you or any man.” I winced. That had sounded much better in my head. “You and your lazy princess can bite me.” I nodded to Elly. “We’re outta here.”
I started to walk away, but inside I was seething. Beauty was the girl-child from the pond. I was almost positive of it. She had the same blond hair; the same grape-colored eyes, and she smelled a little like wet dog. How many princesses could there be like that?
I couldn’t just walk away. Not after I finally located my wayward princess. But I’d never bend, literally, to her will. I was the Frog Prince, damn it.
Thwack!
Elly’s wand smashed into the back of my knee, and I dropped to the floor in pain. Manly tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them away. “What the hell did you do that for?” I yelled at the fairy godmother innocently picking lint from her dress.
“Do what, dear?” She batted her eyelashes.
I glared at her; a volley of curse words charged up my throat. But before I could utter a single one of them, a loud choked gasp filled the room.
My eyes flew to Beauty, who’d awoken in time to see me drop to my knees. Her lollipop eyes grew as big as stars. “You ... ,” she whispered, her voice tart as if she’d swallowed a lemon.
“I ... ah ...”
Jimmy Cockroach interrupted my rambling. He nodded and smiled. “To the happy couple!”
KENSINGTON BOOKS are published by
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Copyright © 2012 by J. A. Kazimer
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ISBN: 978-0-7582-7812-8