One (Bar Dance)

by Joy, Dani

  “Does Bray?”

  I shrugged as best as I could with his hands against my neck. “I only told Adam and Angie. I don’t know if they told anyone else.”

  He stood me up and walked me towards the couch. He sat down and pulled me against him so that I was straddling his lap. He wiped what tears he could off my face. “Let’s break this down and look at it realistically.”

  I was so worked up I had given myself the hiccups. I took a deep breath and held it.

  “You looked at patients files after you had been to a memorial of one of your favorites. Correct?”

  I nodded and released my breath wiping my own face.

  “That is not illegal or immoral. You printing out the information probably wasn’t the smartest thing and verges on immoral,” He really looked at me, “But hardly even worth a wrist slap by the hospital.”

  “Oh.” I bit my lips. “I gave them to Adam.”

  “You gave a list of names to Adam for him to check on. You wanted to make sure some of your old patients were okay.”

  “He told you he couldn’t do anything about it, right?”

  “He actually did kind of say that.” I thought about it for a minute. “What about the flash drive?”

  “Hide it. Destroy it? Doesn’t really matter. You didn’t do anything with it.”

  Now I was just feeling stupid.

  Not a little bit. A lot.

  “So now we are going to talk about the really important stuff.”

  My only thought was, oh no. “I kind of over reacted.”

  It was his turn to nod his head. “You just told me to leave you. Why?”

  I looked in his eyes. I had hurt him deeply. Again.

  “Temporary insanity? Because I am stupid and irrational?” This was not fixing it. I bit both my lips again.

  “Do you want me to leave because...”

  I didn’t give him time to say anything else. “No. I don’t want you to leave. Did I mention that I’m stupid?”

  “Terra. I swear to God if you say that again I’m going to tan your ass.” He huffed out a breath.

  “Okay, I’m acting stupid. I’ve been scared out of my mind since I did it.” One tear leaked out. “I know what I did was wrong. I do. But I had to do something.”

  “I get that but why all the secrecy. If you and I are really going to try to make something out of this, you need to share with me? Why didn’t you.”

  “I told Angie that I was afraid that you would try to do something about it and get fired. She told me to keep my mouth shut. So I did.”

  “She living here with you and me?”

  Now I knew that I was not only stupid, I was cosmically stupid. “No.”

  “She get to make choices for you and me? What we do about important stuff?”

  I really hated when I make wrong choices. I hated it more when it is pointed out to me. I hated it the most when I have to admit that I did it all wrong. “No.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I had my head against his chest but I sat up straight as I said those words. It was lame but it was all that I had right at the moment.

  He pulled me back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I put my head to his neck and let the tears just run out of my eyes. “How can someone who has it so together get in such a mess?”

  “That’s where you are really wrong. I don’t have anything together. I am a mess.” I sniffed.

  “Yeah, I can tell. It’s running into my shirt collar.”

  I sniffed and rubbed my hand under my nose. “I really am sorry Rand. I don’t know how to do this.” I whispered to him.

  He rubbed my back and spoke quietly to me. “I don’t know how either.” He lifted my face up. “Let’s make a deal.”

  I nodded slightly.

  “Let’s learn together?”

  He said it as a question but I decided to take it as a statement.

  “Deal.”

  He stood me up. “Good. Now finish feeding me. I’m starved.”

  “That, I do know how to do.” So I did. Somehow I hadn’t ruined everything. Including us. Maybe we could learn together.

  I’d heard of weirder things happening. Like men doing their own laundry.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I made sure that I took my lunch with Rand every day. Unfortunately, it is kind of an unwritten rule that while you are at the hospital you don’t discuss what you are doing at the hospital. So I had no clue what was going on with him. He also had no clue what was happening with me. Which was nothing out of the ordinary. After my melt down over the weekend it was quite nice to not be looking at everything with fear in the back of my mind.

  I would also send him a text on my way to school so that he knew that I was thinking of him.

  Every night when I got home he was waiting for me. Usually lounging on the couch in front of the TV. Surprisingly, watching some kind of baseball game every night. How he found that many games first off surprised me. Secondly how he found that many games interesting was beyond me. I found the whole thing odd. It didn’t really matter to me because I was usually asleep, cuddled up to Rand, within minutes of plopping myself on the couch to watch the game with him.

  Rand would come with me in the mornings to Bray’s studio on the weekends. If he found it boring he didn’t show it. Well at least not much. Angie would sometimes come in. I think it had more to do with entertaining Rand than watching Bray and I work together.

  Bray did have one amusing thing that he did. My stomach would growl and he would immediately stop. Pull out his wallet and hand Rand money. Rand would kiss me and somehow, somewhere find food for the three or four of us.

  This morning I woke up with Rand curled up behind me. He leg between mine and arm around my middle holding tight. Not an unusual position for me to wake up in but Rand holding me tight was unusual. He was normally quite relaxed. I was always the first to wake up so I wasn’t quite ready when he spoke quietly in my ear.

  “Been waiting for you to open those eyes of yours.”

  I started giggling quietly and looked at the clock. It was barely seven in the morning. The sun was up and peeking around my heavy drapes.

  “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.” It was morning and morning when you first wake up there is always the call of nature to pay attention to.

  When I walked out of the bathroom Rand was right there. “Go start coffee. I’ll be right down.”

  That was a disappointment. I was hoping for some one on one time. That must have shown on my face.

  “We’ll get around to that before we go to the studio.”

  What he said made me blush but it also made me smile. I gave him a quick kiss before me smiled back at me. “We’ll definitely get around to that.”

  I threw on my robe and went to make coffee. When he wandered down to the kitchen he had on a pair of old running shorts and not much more. I had two cups poured and he sat down near me at the kitchen bar. “Did you see the memo that came out about preferred hospice changes?”

  “I saw it but didn’t really read it. We had three new admits yesterday.” I shrugged.

  “Well I probably got a different one than you did. Three doctors associated with Morning Grove were apparently arrested. We can’t take or fill any scripts that were written by them.”

  I knew that my mouth was open. My eyes shot to him. “Really?”

  “Really. Talk was that six nurses were also taken in for questioning. Obviously talk was quick and quiet but,” He smiled widely, “Nothing about the hospital. Somebody I know can now breathe easy.”

  I threw my arms around his neck giving him a huge hug. I pulled back grinning. I was so excited that I was nearly dancing in the chair. I finally settled with a fist pump in the air with a, “Yeah!”

  Rand chuckled at my excitement. “So you want to go for a run or a shower with me.”

  I should probably say yes to the run but a shower with him sounded like a lot more fun. I had found out he could be very creat
ive with a scrunch and body wash in a way that I liked. A lot.

  The sound of his phone ringing on the coffee table kept me from answering. A phone call at seven thirty on a Saturday wasn’t as bad as middle of the night call. But close since he normally slept in and anyone who knew him knew that. He answered with a, “Hey.” Which meant that he was close to whoever was on the line. I would have listened in, unashamed, but my phone started ringing. It was in my bag that was sitting right next to me on the counter. I barely got to it before it ran to voice mail due to the black hole that always appears in purses and bags for keys and phones.

  I also answered with a, “Hey.” It was Bray.

  “Hey.” He answered back. “Can you be here by ten, ten thirty at the latest?”

  I did quick mental aerobics of a shower with Rand and then an actual shower for us and came up with a number. “Yeah. Why?”

  “A friend of mine in going to come in and I want you to hear a couple songs with her. She only has today until two. I would really like you to hear her.”

  I did another mental list of shower time. If we were quick and kept it to the shower we could be there by nine or nine thirty. “Do you need me earlier?”

  “If you could that would be great.”

  How could I resist the excitement in his voice at that? “I’ll try for nine but it will probably be nine thirty. I haven’t eaten or showered yet.”

  “I’ll let you go. Get a move on girl.”

  “Bye.” I said on a smile as I disconnected. Rand was walking towards me with his phone out.

  “Adam.” He said as he held it out towards me.

  “Hey.” I answered again.

  “No blowback towards you at all. I just talked to my friend. You did good Terra. Great in fact.”

  “Thanks Adam.”

  “By the way, the papers that you gave me seem to have made it in to a shredder. I think that they look like confetti personally.”

  My smile widened. “Confetti is for a celebration. Sounds appropriate to me.”

  “Yep. That it is.” He hung up with that and a chuckle.

  Rand was putting the coffee pot back in the machine as I sat his phone next to mine. “Bray wants me at the studio earlier. He has a friend there he wants me to hear.” I figured he already knew what Adam was going to say to me.

  “Okay. How much earlier?”

  “Nine, nine thirty.”

  He looked at the clock on the microwave. You couldn’t trust the one on the coffee pot. It seemed to set itself or reset itself as the case may be. Especially if you set the timer. “Looks like take away breakfast.” He said with a heated look at me.

  I grabbed my cup and sashayed up the stairs as best that I could in an old ratty robe and bare feet. I must not have needed to because Rand was hot on my heels.

  He was also hot in the shower. And on the bed.

  We made it by nine forty five still eating take away breakfast sandwiches as we walked in the studio.

  Chapter Seventeen

  One of the instructors that worked for Bray was at the reception desk when we walked in. It think his name was Greg or Gary. Maybe Guy? I couldn’t remember so I just waved as we walked through. He was quietly strumming his guitar and barely paid us any attention any way. As I walked in the studio my drink decided to run out and I made that annoying slurping sound that only a straw can make in an empty cup. I would have preferred coffee but Styrofoam coffee is disgusting. I refused to drink it.

  I blushed. Bray didn’t have a friend there today. He had three. One woman and two men. I stopped cold. “Sorry.” I said.

  Bray smiled at me as did the others. Rand just laughed from behind me. “Best entrance ever babe.”

  I glared at him as he walked around me. He found a chair and sipped at his cup.

  Bray had his guitar on his lap. “Terra, this is Alice.” He pointed to the woman who held a violin in her lap. “Tony.” He pointed to the man with the cello next to her. “And Mike.” He pointed to a man who stood near an electronic keyboard but not behind it.”

  “Hey.” I gave a small wave. They all appeared to be a little older than me but not much older than Bray.

  “Hey”. They all answered back.

  “They are giving me a couple hours.” Bray stood up and walked to his board turning a few buttons.

  I slid my empty cup in my bag since there wasn’t a garbage can in the room and dropped it by Rand. I walked back to the center of the room. Bray sat back down. “I have two songs that I want you hear.”

  I just nodded. I had loved everything that he had played for me so far.

  “Alice.” Was all that he said and she started playing her violin. Tony joined in quietly with her. Mike joined in shortly after even more quietly.

  After my dad had left my mom I found her one day quietly crying on the back porch. She was listening to a song by Kathy Mattea called, ‘Where’ve You Been?’. It was one of those songs that you only listen to when you really need to cry. The only reason that I remember it was my mom had looked up at me and said. “I want a love like this song sings about.”

  I found it so heart wrenching that I had never forgot it. This song had the same quality.

  I was nearly in tears when they quit playing. Bray said quietly. “Want to hear it with words?”

  I shook my head no but yet said, “Yes.”

  He held out a sheet of paper that I knew had just the words on it. I took it as if it was a bomb and would go off any second.

  “Alice.” He said and she started playing again. Bray sang and I was in tears by the end. The song title was One. It was of two people who were only whole when they were with each other. It was melancholy, yet poignant at the same time.

  Bray knew that he had me when he finished and then smiled at me. “Angie explained that you couldn’t hear the music when you read the words.”

  I nodded as I wiped off my face. He not only had me. I had to own this song.

  I put my hands over my mouth with fingers against my nose and the outside of my eyes. I took a couple of deep breaths. Finally I had my emotions under control again. I pulled the sheet of words out from under my arm that I had pinned it against my body with. “This one may take me more time to get. I think that I may cry every time I go through it.”

  “Let you in on a secret kiddo.” He smiled at me. “If everyone wasn’t here I would be crying just like you.”

  That made me laugh. “Big strong Frasier man crying. That I would like to see.”

  Just he and I ran through it three times before I felt comfortable with it. Just Alice joined us the next time. The time after that everybody was involved. Rand had left the room. He had looked a little misty eyed to me. He had claimed that he need to get another coffee. I was thinking that we needed to stop on the way home and pick up a couple bottles of wine. This was going to be one of those days where a bottle of tequila may fix it but wine was better suited.

  We were on our third pass through with all of us when I stopped singing. I waved my hands to stop everyone. I walked to Alice and looked at her music. It had no words. Tony’s was no better. I walked to Bray and his did. I pointed. “Here Alice needs to be stronger. Here Tony does. Here everyone needs to back off. I need to own this part of it. I can’t do it as it is.”

  He made a marks where I had pointed. He sat his guitar down and walked over to the other two and made marks.

  “What about me?” Mike asked.

  “Stay consistent with where you have been for right now. So far you feel right.”

  He beamed at that.

  I rolled my eyes at him which he did the drum sound on his keyboard of ‘Nailed That One’. I rolled my eyes again.

  Bray sat back down. “Alice.”

  Twice more through Alice sat her violin in her lap. “That recorded?”

  Bray nodded to say yes.

  “Platinum.” Was what she said.

  Bray nodded again. He gave her a look that I didn’t understand but made her laugh out loud.
r />   “Next one.” Bray started but stopped when he heard my stomach rumble and Angie walked in.

  She came over and gave me a hug. “Food’s in the foyer.” She said to the room in general.

  Everyone shuffled out but she held me back. “You like the first one?”

  “No.” I smiled at her. “It made me cry.”

  She giggled. “Wait for the next one.” She winked at me then linked our arms together. “It will knock your socks off.”

  “I doubt it. I think they’re drenched with tears. It may be impossible to pull them off.” I sniffed with a giggle as we walked out of the room.

  **

  Lunch was trays of sandwiches and miscellaneous salads. Bottled drinks and soft cookies were on another table. As social gatherings seem to do two groups formed. Three musicians and Bray, Angie and me. Rand walked back in so he joined the two of us. I didn’t speak their lingo so I didn’t even try to go to the other group. They probably wouldn’t understand mine so they stayed away as well. It wasn’t like a stand off by any means. Just two separate groups. Comfortable in their own way. Bray made time between the two. His staff came and went. Mostly they went their own way with a sandwich in their hands.

  A good number of students went through, surprising me. I mentioned that to Rand. He shrugged at me. “I have no clue.” Was his answer.”

  Angie gave me almost the same shoulder shrug. “All I know is that his home is nicer than yours and mine combined. I think that he does well with what he does. Really well if you get my meaning.”

  That was saying a lot. Mine was nice. Angie’s was better than nice. It wasn’t any of my business so I put it out of my mind.

  I was the first one back in the studio with Rand at my side. He gave me a kiss that was meant to be done alone. Which I thought that we were, until he broke away and I looked around the room. Bray and Angie were cuddled close watching us with smiles on their faces. That alone made me blush. Then I looked around and saw the other three trying to look busy but still watching us. I planted my face in Rand’s chest.

  “Get out.” I whispered to his t-shirt.