Forever: A Friends Novel

by Monica Murphy

  Want you back. That jerk doesn’t even deserve you. You’re too good for him and don’t you forget it.

  It’s weird, but my inner voice sounds suspiciously just like my mom. Maybe because she said something very similar to me when we first split up. She was trying to make me feel better, but…

  Yeah. Her words didn’t really help.

  “Yes, you can help it.” Livvy slaps my hand away from the hem of my tight-fitting black dress, making me yelp. I don’t even remember buying this dress, so I have no idea where it came from. “You’re skinny with legs that are a mile long. I swear you look hot. Stop acting like a weenie and own it.”

  Ugh. I hate it when Livvy’s logical.

  “I’m owning it tonight too.” She tilts her chin, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “Ryan’s going to regret making me so mad.”

  She’s also hell bent on proving to Ryan that she doesn’t need him. I guess they got into a yelling match in her front yard. She didn’t even care if their neighbors saw, and she told me all about it when she got to my house.

  “But then I looked across the street and there he was, standing in his front yard with his mouth hanging open. I’m surprised he wasn’t recording it on his phone. Dustin saw everything,” she announced just before flopping backward on my bed. I’m shocked she’s so worried over what her ex-best friend—and occasional former hookup—thinks about her relationship with Ryan. “I haven’t talked to him in what feels like forever, and the first time I see him, he gets to watch me argue with my boyfriend. Talk about humiliating.”

  She’s been quiet ever since, silently stewing over what happened. I just hope they don’t get into yet another argument tonight. What she needs is a little distance from Ryan.

  “Do you think Dustin is here?” Livvy asks as we enter Cannon’s house. The place is small, which means it’s crowded inside and the music is so loud I can hardly hear myself think, let alone hear what Livvy is saying to me.

  “Who knows?” And who cares? Livvy shouldn’t. But she’s scanning the room, trying to be subtle but failing miserably.

  And I know she’s not looking for her boyfriend either.

  “If you spot him or Brianne, tell me.” She turns to face me. “I want to talk to him.”

  “Why?” When she says nothing I slowly shake my head. “Talking to Dustin while you’re in an argument with Ryan is like playing with fire, Liv. Someone’s gonna get burned.” Probably her, but I don’t say that. She’s a big girl. She can figure this stuff out on her own.

  “But I need to explain to him what happened.” She grabs my arm and gives it a squeeze. “It’s embarrassing, knowing he watched us arguing. He heard Ryan say such awful things to me. I don’t want him to think we’re always like that.”

  “Who cares what he thinks about you and your relationship with Ryan?” I pull my arm out of her grip. “You should care more about Ryan and what he’s thinking right now.”

  Livvy rolls her eyes and resumes her scan of the room once more. “I have nothing to say to him. Not until he apologizes to me first.”

  She’s being ridiculous. “What exactly did he say to make you so mad?” I’m opening myself up to a minimum two-hour conversation here, but I’m too curious to stop myself.

  “He called me a moody bitch.” Livvy turns to look at me, her mouth formed into a thin line. “He’s supposed to love me, not call me names. Right? Or am I expecting too much?”

  Valid point, but I know how Livvy works. “So did you call him anything?”

  “I said he was a rude prick.” Livvy crosses her arms and sniffs, her lips curled downward in clear distaste.

  Ah. And there it is. They sling insults at each other, and the angrier they get, the worse the insults are. I’ve seen it happen a few times lately. At first everything seemed perfect between them. I thought they were total couple goals.

  But after Halloween, something switched. They’ve been getting on each other’s nerves a lot quicker. She nags him and he picks on her. I’m tired of it and I’m not even the one in the relationship.

  “Hey.” I grab her hand and tug her close so I can whisper in her ear. “Forget Ryan. Forget Dustin. Let loose and have some fun. Just…don’t let your boy problems ruin everything tonight.”

  Livvy pulls away, her eyes wide. “If you want me to let loose, you have to let loose too. I know you’re still down in the dumps. We should both get our drink on tonight.”

  “We can’t get too out of control,” I warn her, unable to help myself. I’m like her mother and she’s my wayward daughter.

  She laughs. “We won’t. I promise.”

  Uh huh.

  Livvy squeezes my hand. “Forget Ryan. Forget Dustin. Forget Tuttle. Boys suck.”

  I nod and release her hand. “Totally. Boys do suck.”

  Maybe if I say it loud enough, I’ll believe it. Because yes, Tuttle really does suck.

  But then again, he doesn’t. Not at all. He’s damaged and emotionally stunted, yet he’s also smart and sweet and quick to react and…

  I miss him. I want him. If he walked into this house right now and demanded I talk to him, I would. I so would. I wouldn’t even hesitate.

  Which is stupid. I know this. I’m a logical person. My feelings for Tuttle are illogical and confusing. Does that mean those feelings are love?

  I’m not sure.

  Distance helps in the healing. Somewhat. The longer I go without dealing with Tuttle, the better it’ll get. Maybe I’ll even forget all about him someday.

  Doubtful. But hey, a girl can dream.

  “Oh God, is that Dustin over there?” Livvy stands on her tiptoes, trying to see over the crowd.

  I slap her shoulder, making her yelp. “Stop looking for him! What did we just say?”

  Her gaze meets mine. “Boys suck?” she asks weakly.

  “Yes.” I nod firmly. “They do. Forget him. Let’s go.” I hook my arm into hers and steer her through the crowd. “Let’s go find the keg. Cannon told me it’s in the backyard.”

  Livvy is smiling and waving at every guy we pass and I want to slap her hand down. It’s like she turns on the flirt even harder when she’s mad at Ryan. Just so she can prove to herself she’s still got it.

  “Please don’t tell me Ryan’s in the backyard.” Is she pulling me into a trap or what?

  “I have no idea where he’s at.” I’ve seen that innocent look on her face before.

  “Really?” That one word drips with sarcasm. I can hear it. And I don’t believe her. She probably knows exactly where Ryan’s at.

  And if they’re near each other, she’ll want to start another fight. Or even worse…

  She’ll go in search of Dustin, mess around with him yet again, and really start a fight. A big one. One that would most likely result in a breakup.

  Yeah. Not going to happen on my watch. Livvy is a happy drunk. She has a beer or two and she’s in a good mood. That’s what she should stick to. I’ll maybe have one beer, then I should stick with soda or water for the rest of the night.

  Drowning my sorrows in booze won’t help. They run too deep.

  Just as we approach the kitchen I pull away from Livvy. “I need to go find the bathroom. I’ll meet you in the backyard?”

  She nods. “Don’t ditch me.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “As if I would.” I watch her walk away and then head down a short hall to find the bathroom. It’s occupied, of course, but after only a minute a girl and guy I don’t recognize walk out. The girl’s face is bright red. The guy has a smirk on his face and waggles his eyebrows at me as he passes by.

  Gross.

  I use the bathroom quickly, wash my hands and am about to make my way to the kitchen when I hear someone from behind me say my name.

  “Amanda.”

  I freeze at the sound of the familiar voice, and dread slithers down my spine. I knew I’d run into him. I always do. Though he’d been avoiding me as of late, I had a feeling he might talk to me if he saw me here tonight.

&
nbsp; Slowly I turn to find Eli Bennett standing in front of me. Just turned fifteen years old, an adorable freshman and the star quarterback of the junior varsity team, he is Jordan Tuttle 2.0 in the making. “Eli.” My voice is weak and I clear my throat. “Hey.”

  “What’s goin’?” He leans in and kisses my cheek so quick I’m left startled when he shifts away from me. The boy has nerve. “Didn’t think you and Liv would show up tonight.”

  “What makes you say that?” I’m frowning. I can’t help it. Who’s he talking about us with?

  “Ryan.”

  Oh, right. Duh. His big brother.

  Eli shakes his longish golden brown hair out of his eyes. “He told me he and Livvy got in a huge-ass fight.”

  “They argued,” I agree, not wanting to say more. He’ll run and tell Ryan if I gossip about him. Besides, I would never do that to Livvy.

  “Those two should just end it.” He makes a face. “My brother has all kinds of hot girls lined up who want him, so it’s not like he’s hurting.”

  “Eli.” I’m chastising him like I’m his mama, but I can’t help it. He shouldn’t talk like this to me considering how close I am to Livvy.

  “What? It’s true.” He smiles, his green eyes sparkling. He’s gorgeous and he knows it, but I am so not interested. We had that stupid moment in Tuttle’s bathroom, but it never amounted to much and I’m glad. I’m not necessarily proud of that moment, to be honest. Eli is way too young for me. “They’re all lining up for me too, you know.”

  I glance around, seeing no girls nearby. “Huh. Is this line you speak of imaginary?”

  He starts to laugh. “You never fall for anything I say, do you?”

  “No.” I smile. “I don’t.”

  His laughter slowly dies. “I like you, Amanda. Too damn bad you don’t feel the same way.”

  A sigh escapes me and I take a step closer. There’s something sweet about Eli. One minute he’s a complete horn dog saying the worst things and then the next he’s like a vulnerable little boy seeking approval. “Eli, I’m too old for you. Go pick on someone your own age.”

  He makes a face. “The freshman girls suck. I’ve dated all the ones I was interested in and they went nowhere. Gone through a few sophomores too.”

  “Then tackle a junior,” I suggest, patting him on the shoulder. “I’m sure you can find someone who might be interested in you.”

  “I’m not interested in anyone else.” He shakes his head, sounding frustrated. “Just you.”

  “Didn’t we already talk about this?” I don’t understand his fascination with me. I thought it was a fleeting thing. I also thought he was terrified of Tuttle and that’s why he left me alone, but maybe not.

  Or maybe the entire football team knows—of course they know—that Tuttle and I are no longer together and Eli is making another attempt.

  Seriously, I wish he’d direct his attention toward someone else.

  “You haven’t even given me a chance.”

  Now I step away from him. “Actually, I did. Remember? The night you told me I was fine as hell?” Talk about embarrassing. That entire night is a blur to me, and Eli almost ruined everything. Well, he sort of did ruin everything. I appreciate his enthusiasm, but…

  “You are fine as hell,” he says, his earnest voice interrupting my thoughts. He lets his gaze roam over me, lingering on my legs, which are on full display in the too-short dress. “Tuttle was a total dumbass to let you go.”

  Anger starts to simmer in my belly and I take another step back. What’s with everyone slinging insults Jordan’s way? I’m the only one allowed to do that. “Gotta go, Eli. Talk to you later.”

  “Aw, don’t go away mad! Come on, Amanda!” he calls as I hurry away from him.

  I don’t turn around, don’t acknowledge what he’s saying. It’s pointless. He’ll just keep talking, trying to wear me down and I’m not interested. I’ll give the kid points for determination, though.

  I head to the kitchen in search of something else to drink besides beer when I spot our host Cannon looking like a giant while he sits alone at the tiny table by the window. There is so much going on around him, and his expression is so…

  Sad.

  He’s having a huge party at his house yet he’s sitting alone so I decide to go sit with him.

  “Hey, Cannon.”

  He glances up and smiles briefly at me, but his blue eyes are still dim. “Hey, Amanda. I didn’t think you’d show up.”

  “I told you I would.” What he didn’t believe me? I know he was in a bad mood during our car ride, but I hoped the party would cheer him up. Looks like that didn’t work. “And here I am.” I nod toward the empty chair across from his. “Can I join you?”

  Cannon’s expression switches from sad to pleased in an instant. “Yeah, sure. You want something to drink. A beer? If that’s not your thing, I might have some vodka stashed in the cabinet above the fridge.” He starts to stand, but I wave my hands at him, shaking my head.

  “I don’t think I want any beer.” My stomach churns just thinking about it. Why am I suddenly so nervous?

  “Ah, come on Amanda. Loosen up.” He points at the empty chair across from him. “Sit down. Let me get you a drink.”

  “Fine. Okay.” I flash him a smile as I sit and he offers a weak one in return. This is a boy who used to be a total player. Now he’s sitting around looking like someone kicked his puppy. Maybe I do need a beer to deal with this. “I think I’ll take you up on that beer.”

  “Awesome. Hey, Bennett!” Cannon practically roars, making me flinch.

  Of course, Eli Bennett materializes out of nowhere. I’d rather avoid both Bennett brothers tonight, but I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.

  “What’s up, boss?” Eli asks, looking—and sounding—like an eager servant.

  Weird.

  “Get the lady a beer.” Cannon nods in my direction and when Eli spots me, he smirks. “And don’t say a word to her or I’ll kick your ass.”

  I can tell Eli knows that Cannon means business. The smirk disappears and he practically runs to the fridge, pulling out a Bud Light and running back over to deliver it to Cannon. “Here you go,” Eli says before he leaves, never once looking at me.

  Well. That was kind of nice.

  “What’s up with you two?” I ask.

  Cannon hands me the beer. “He’s a little punk who needed to be put in his place. So I did.”

  I pop open the can and take a sip. It’s nice and cold, better than the warm, foamy crap in the keg. I lucked out. “How?”

  “I kicked his ass.” He sends me a look when I start to giggle. “For real.”

  Clamping my lips shut, I nearly choke on the beer still in my mouth. I carefully set the can on the table and gape at Cannon. “What do you mean, you kicked his ass for real? Why?”

  “He said some not so nice things about a friend of mine.” Cannon shrugs those impossibly wide shoulders of his. They’re even wider than Jordan’s, and that’s saying a lot. “So I wanted to teach him a lesson.”

  “By kicking his ass.”

  “Eli’s a little fucker. Just like his brother.” Cannon sends me an apologetic look. “Sorry. I don’t mean to curse in front of you.”

  “I can handle it,” I say, taking another sip.

  “And I know your friend Livvy is dating Ryan and that Eli even tried to get in your panties at that last party Tuttle had. And then Tuttle got all pissed off and wanted to fuck him up over it.” The moment the words fall out of his mouth, he presses his lips together, his cheeks turning ruddy. “Sorry. That was rude of me. I should learn when to keep my mouth shut.”

  This is kind of funny. It’s like Cannon’s proving all those gentle giant stereotypes are real, though let’s not forget he kicked Eli’s ass. “You’re only speaking the truth,” I reassure him. “But yeah. The Bennett brothers are kind of awful sometimes.”

  “Kind of? They’re awful almost all the damn time.” Cannon shakes his head, looking piss
ed. “Eli called my—friend a slut. He was even spreading rumors that she’d suck anyone’s dick on the football team. All they had to do was ask her. And I know that’s not true.” He grimaces. “Damn, I keep saying the worst things in front of you.”

  “Cannon.” I reach out and touch the top of his hand, trying to reassure him. “It’s no big deal. Say what you gotta say. It sounds like you need to get this off your chest.”

  “I do. I really do.” He nods in agreement, downright vigorously. “She’s a nice girl. She might have a reputation around school, but I know her. We’ve talked. A lot. Most of the time, she frustrates me, but I think that’s because she doesn’t know how to take—kindness.” He makes a face. “That makes no sense. But maybe you know what I mean?”

  Whoever he’s talking about, she’s reminding me of someone. “I do know what you mean. And maybe she doesn’t know how to handle kindness because no one has been genuinely nice to her before?”

  “That’s what I’m thinking. I’m definitely nice to her. Maybe I’m too nice. I dunno.” He takes a deep breath. “I want to watch out for her. Protect her. But she won’t let me.”

  That is the sweetest thing ever. I take a huge swallow of my beer before I ask, “Who exactly are you talking about?”

  Cannon parts his lips, ready to give me an answer, when a shrill voice calls out his name.

  We both swivel our heads to see Em approaching the table with determined steps and fire blazing in her eyes. I swear she’s mad that she’s found Cannon and me sitting at the table together. Alone. With my hand still resting on top of his.

  Whoops. I snatch it back, not missing the way Em’s glaring at me. Almost like she’s…jealous?

  Okay. This is getting strange.

  “I don’t talk to you for a couple of hours and this is what you do? You go running to Amanda?” Em aims her angry fire on Cannon and he shrinks in his seat, like little Em is scaring the crap out of him. She rests her hands on her hips, the disappointment clear on her face. “So you’re a liar. Just like the rest of them.”

  “It’s not what you think—” he starts, but she cuts him off.

  “That’s what you all say.” Em laughs, but there’s no humor in the sound. No, her laughter is bitter. Angry.